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https://www.washingtonpost.com/ | https://www.washingtonpost.com/ | ||
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| + | '''*** "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - Capitalize your title (only articles and conjunctions are not capitalized). Also, your source is incomplete; it just takes to the main website, not the exact article. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''*** Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - Always use the person's full name when first introducing them. Also, the comma is not needed before "Real Madrid". | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''*** After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - You already established the team he is on, so you don't need to reiterate that info. The adverb "usually" helps show the reader that the "soccer drought" was unexpected. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''***Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - This sentence and the one that follows it should be brought together to form a full, complete thought. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''***Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - Good use of the parenthetical! "Consider" must be in past tense because you are asserting that this opinion has changed from past to present. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''***All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - I used "Hazard" instead of the pronoun to give dynamic to the paragraph. When you only use the pronouns or only a person's name, your paragraph becomes stale. | ||
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| + | '''In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.***''' | ||
| + | |||
| + | - When using "between" there must be an indication between two things, not just one. I also took away a parenthetical to make the sentence clear and concise. | ||
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| + | EDITED VERSION | ||
| + | |||
| + | * "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid." | ||
| + | |||
| + | Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid. After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer. Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week. In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory. | ||
Revision as of 18:25, 8 October 2019
Article Summary Page
10/5/19
Hazard scores first goal for Real Madrid
The soccer player, Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team, Real Madrid. After transferring into the team Real Madrid, this spectacular soccer player and star, was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea’s best players. During the summer, he was moved to Real Madrid. Many people consider him one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn’t score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when he scored his first goal for Real Madrid this week. In a tough match between Granada, Real Madrid came out with a victory, and Hazard came out with his first big play with Real Madrid.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/
*** "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."***
- Capitalize your title (only articles and conjunctions are not capitalized). Also, your source is incomplete; it just takes to the main website, not the exact article.
*** Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid.***
- Always use the person's full name when first introducing them. Also, the comma is not needed before "Real Madrid".
*** After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought.***
- You already established the team he is on, so you don't need to reiterate that info. The adverb "usually" helps show the reader that the "soccer drought" was unexpected.
***Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer.***
- This sentence and the one that follows it should be brought together to form a full, complete thought.
***Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked.***
- Good use of the parenthetical! "Consider" must be in past tense because you are asserting that this opinion has changed from past to present.
***All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week.***
- I used "Hazard" instead of the pronoun to give dynamic to the paragraph. When you only use the pronouns or only a person's name, your paragraph becomes stale.
In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.***
- When using "between" there must be an indication between two things, not just one. I also took away a parenthetical to make the sentence clear and concise.
EDITED VERSION
- "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."
Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid. After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer. Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week. In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.
