Vibr - Revision history

50.29.201.215 at 23:03, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T23:03:52Z

50.29.201.215 at 23:01, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T23:01:42Z

98.15.36.164 at 19:43, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T19:43:19Z

50.29.201.215 at 23:52, 15 April 2020

2020-04-15T23:52:29Z

98.15.36.164 at 22:49, 15 April 2020

2020-04-15T22:49:47Z

50.29.201.215 at 17:18, 14 April 2020

2020-04-14T17:18:25Z

50.29.201.215 at 16:28, 31 March 2020

2020-03-31T16:28:30Z

50.29.201.215 at 16:27, 31 March 2020

2020-03-31T16:27:41Z

50.29.201.215 at 16:27, 31 March 2020

2020-03-31T16:27:35Z

50.29.201.215 at 16:26, 31 March 2020

2020-03-31T16:26:41Z

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 For clarity, fluidity: '''That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.'''
 Try not to have any excess words in your summaries!
 *Edited by Hailey

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:01, 17 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:

	One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.		One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.
		+
		+	For fluidity, clarity: '''One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger.'''
		+	Make sure your sentences make sense in the grand scheme of things. For example, hunger in children is a problem that has not yet been solved. William is merely working to alleviate the problem--he did not eradicate it.
		+
		+	For fluidity: '''William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food.'''
		+
		+	For clarity, fluidity: '''That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.'''
		+
		+	Try not to have any excess words in your summaries!
		+	*Edited by Hailey

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:43, 17 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:

−	~~All people who enter the program don't become astronauts.~~ One ~~reason is there are many challenging parts to~~ the ~~astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. Another reason is over 12,000 people applied and currently only 48 are accepted. This~~ is ~~because many people show interest which is very strong in the US space program. Therefore, all people who enter the program don't become astronauts.~~	+	One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.
−
−	~~For fluidity, grammar: '''All of the people who enter the program don't necessarily become astronauts.'''~~
−
−	~~For grammar, clarity: '''One reason~~ for ~~this is because there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training that the candidates must successfully complete~~.~~'''~~
−
−	~~For fluidity: '''~~Another ~~reason~~ is ~~that there are over 12~~,000 ~~people who applied to this program,~~ and ~~only 48 who are accepted.'''~~
−
−	~~For clarity: '''This is because many people show interest in this very strong U.S. space program.'''~~
−
−	~~For fluidity: '''Therefore~~, ~~all of the people who enter the program don't become astronauts.'''~~
−
−	~~Fully Edited Summary:~~
−
−	~~'''All~~ of ~~the people who enter the program don't necessarily become astronauts~~. ~~One reason for this~~ is ~~because there are many challenging parts to~~ the ~~astronaut training~~ that ~~the candidates must successfully complete. Another reason is that there are over 12,000 people who applied~~ to ~~this program, and only 48 who are accepted. This is because~~ many ~~people show interest in this very strong U.S. space program. Therefore, all of the people who enter the program don't become astronauts~~.~~'''~~
−
−	~~Good work on this!~~
−	*Edited by Hailey

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:52, 15 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:

	All people who enter the program don't become astronauts. One reason is there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. Another reason is over 12,000 people applied and currently only 48 are accepted. This is because many people show interest which is very strong in the US space program. Therefore, all people who enter the program don't become astronauts.		All people who enter the program don't become astronauts. One reason is there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. Another reason is over 12,000 people applied and currently only 48 are accepted. This is because many people show interest which is very strong in the US space program. Therefore, all people who enter the program don't become astronauts.
		+
		+	For fluidity, grammar: '''All of the people who enter the program don't necessarily become astronauts.'''
		+
		+	For grammar, clarity: '''One reason for this is because there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training that the candidates must successfully complete.'''
		+
		+	For fluidity: '''Another reason is that there are over 12,000 people who applied to this program, and only 48 who are accepted.'''
		+
		+	For clarity: '''This is because many people show interest in this very strong U.S. space program.'''
		+
		+	For fluidity: '''Therefore, all of the people who enter the program don't become astronauts.'''
		+
		+	Fully Edited Summary:
		+
		+	'''All of the people who enter the program don't necessarily become astronauts. One reason for this is because there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training that the candidates must successfully complete. Another reason is that there are over 12,000 people who applied to this program, and only 48 who are accepted. This is because many people show interest in this very strong U.S. space program. Therefore, all of the people who enter the program don't become astronauts.'''
		+
		+	Good work on this!
		+	*Edited by Hailey

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:49, 15 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	~~Vibr's Writing Page~~

−		+	All people who enter the program don't become astronauts. One reason is there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. Another reason is over 12,000 people applied and currently only 48 are accepted. This is because many people show interest which is very strong in the US space program. Therefore, all people who enter the program don't become astronauts.
−	~~In order to avoid becoming infected by~~ the ~~COVID-19 virus you should wash your hands and shower because you never know if you have germs~~. ~~Another way how you can avoid becoming infected~~ is ~~by not traveling to different countries so you can stop spreading the COVID-19 virus.~~
−	~~Therefore, these~~ are ~~two ways you can avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus.~~
−
−	~~<br>For fluidity, clarity: '''In order~~ to ~~avoid being infected by~~ the ~~COVID-19 virus~~, ~~you should shower~~ and ~~wash your hands often. You never know if you have come into contact with~~ the ~~virus~~.~~'''~~
−
−	~~<br>For fluidity: '''~~Another ~~way to avoid infection~~ is ~~to avoid traveling to/from different countries that have COVID-19~~, ~~so you do not spread the virus further.'''~~
−
−	~~'''Therefore, these~~ are ~~two ways you can avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus~~.~~'''~~
−	~~Good!~~
−
−
−	~~Fully Edited Summary:~~
−	~~'''In order to avoid being infected by the COVID-19 virus, you should shower and wash your hands often. You never know if you have come into contact with the virus. Another way to avoid infection~~ is ~~to avoid traveling to/from different countries that have COVID-19, so you do not spread~~ the ~~virus further~~. Therefore, ~~these are two ways you can avoid becoming infected by~~ the ~~COVID-19 virus.''~~'
−
−	~~Good information! Just make sure you are not too "wordy"--it hinders the clarity of the summary~~.
−
−	*Edited by Hailey

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:18, 14 April 2020
Line 17:		Line 17:

	Good information! Just make sure you are not too "wordy"--it hinders the clarity of the summary.		Good information! Just make sure you are not too "wordy"--it hinders the clarity of the summary.
		+
		+	*Edited by Hailey

@@ Line 3: / Line 3: @@
 In order to avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus you should wash your hands and shower because you never know if you have germs. Another way how you can avoid becoming infected is by not traveling to different countries so you can stop spreading the COVID-19 virus.
-<br>'''Therefore, these are two ways you can avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus.
+Therefore, these are two ways you can avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus.
 <br>For fluidity, clarity: '''In order to avoid being infected by the COVID-19 virus, you should shower and wash your hands often. You never know if you have come into contact with the virus.'''

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 Vibr's Writing Page
-<br>Original Summary:
 In order to avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus you should wash your hands and shower because you never know if you have germs. Another way how you can avoid becoming infected is by not traveling to different countries so you can stop spreading the COVID-19 virus.
 <br>'''Therefore, these are two ways you can avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus.