Thsh - Revision history

75.164.74.23 at 22:40, 25 June 2020

2020-06-25T22:40:00Z

67.243.174.110 at 16:44, 25 June 2020

2020-06-25T16:44:56Z

75.164.74.23 at 14:20, 24 June 2020

2020-06-24T14:20:17Z

67.243.174.110 at 19:41, 23 June 2020

2020-06-23T19:41:16Z

97.120.77.224 at 18:40, 23 June 2020

2020-06-23T18:40:37Z

67.243.174.110 at 18:06, 18 June 2020

2020-06-18T18:06:55Z

97.120.77.224 at 15:03, 17 June 2020

2020-06-17T15:03:26Z

67.243.174.110 at 13:24, 17 June 2020

2020-06-17T13:24:20Z

97.120.77.224 at 15:33, 16 June 2020

2020-06-16T15:33:43Z

67.243.174.110 at 16:14, 15 June 2020

2020-06-15T16:14:07Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:40, 25 June 2020
Line 1,061:		Line 1,061:
	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor

		+	----
		+
		+	The poem's stanzas tells that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin. In the text it states"When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him." This shows that the donkey fooled alot of people with the lion skin.


		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''

	The poem's stanzas tells that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin. In the text it states"When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him." This shows that the donkey fooled alot of people with the lion skin.		The poem's stanzas tells that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin. In the text it states"When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him." This shows that the donkey fooled alot of people with the lion skin.
		+
		+	'''Corrections:'''
		+
		+	The poem's stanzas tell the reader that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin.
		+
		+	***I added “tell the reader” as before the word “tell” didn’t properly fit in the sentence.
		+
		+
		+	In the text, it states "When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him."
		+
		+	***There needs to be two commas in the introductory statement before the quotation. One after the first clause “in the text” and another after “states” to help incorporate the quote into the paragraph.
		+
		+
		+	This shows that the donkey fooled a lot of people with the lion skin.
		+
		+	***The word “a lot” has a space between it.
		+
		+
		+	Great work! Just double-check your work for places where commas may be necessary.
		+
		+	'''Final Version:'''
		+
		+	The poem's stanzas tell the reader that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin. In the text, it states "When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him." This shows that the donkey fooled a lot of people with the lion skin.

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:44, 25 June 2020
Line 1,060:		Line 1,060:

	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	The poem's stanzas tells that the donkey tricked a lot of people with the lion skin. In the text it states"When the watchmen in the fields saw the donkey, they dared not go near him, taking him for a lion. So one day the hawker stopped in a village; and whilst he was getting his own breakfast cooked, he dressed the donkey in a lion's skin, and turned him loose in a barley-field. The watchmen in the field dared not go up to him." This shows that the donkey fooled alot of people with the lion skin.

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:20, 24 June 2020
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		+
		+	----


	Schippeitaro captured the Cat King because he waited until midnight a then he striked. In the text it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain. The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts.		Schippeitaro captured the Cat King because he waited until midnight a then he striked. In the text it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain. The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts.
	But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.At sunrise, the brave dog was taken back to his master, and from that time the mountain girls were safe, and every year a feast was held in memory of the young warrior and the dog Schippeitaro. This shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.		But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.At sunrise, the brave dog was taken back to his master, and from that time the mountain girls were safe, and every year a feast was held in memory of the young warrior and the dog Schippeitaro. This shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.
		+
		+
		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''
		+
		+	Schippeitaro captured the Cat King because he waited until midnight a then he striked. In the text it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain. The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts. But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.At sunrise, the brave dog was taken back to his master, and from that time the mountain girls were safe, and every year a feast was held in memory of the young warrior and the dog Schippeitaro. This shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.
		+
		+	'''Corrections:'''
		+
		+	Schippeitaro waited until midnight to capture the Cat King.
		+
		+	***I rephrased the sentence so it would be more active and less wordy.
		+
		+
		+	In the text, it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before...But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.”
		+
		+	***This quote is too long. Instead of taking a whole paragraph from the text, consider just doing one or two lines from it. Sometimes, less is more. I edited the quotation down to what was relevant to your answer. I added an ellipsis to skip parts of the quotation, to show that there are some parts I left out. I also added a comma in the introductory clause to correct the grammar.
		+
		+
		+	In conclusion, this evidence shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.
		+
		+	***I added a transitional phrase at the beginning of the sentence to strengthen the flow of your paragraph. I also added the word “evidence” for the sake of clarity.
		+
		+
		+	Great work! Remember to use shorter quotations, so the reader doesn’t get overwhelmed by the length of the quote.
		+
		+	'''Final Version:'''
		+
		+	Schippeitaro waited until midnight to capture the Cat King. In the text, it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before...But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” In conclusion, this evidence shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.
		+
		+	Edited by Hayley Taylor

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:41, 23 June 2020
Line 1,020:		Line 1,020:

	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	Schippeitaro captured the Cat King because he waited until midnight a then he striked. In the text it states "At midnight, when the full moon appeared above the top of the mountain, the cats again filled the chapel and shrieked and yelled and danced as before. But this time they had in their midst a huge black cat who seemed to be their king, and whom the young man guessed to be the Spirit of the Mountain. The monster looked eagerly about him, and his eyes sparkled with joy when he saw the cask. He bounded high into the air with delight and uttered cries of pleasure; then he drew near and undid the bolts.
		+	But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope. The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.At sunrise, the brave dog was taken back to his master, and from that time the mountain girls were safe, and every year a feast was held in memory of the young warrior and the dog Schippeitaro. This shows how Schippeitaro captured the cat king.

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:40, 23 June 2020
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−		+	----

		+	I think Johnny cake felt happy for winning against the others in running. In the text it states "On went Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two well-diggers who looked up from their work and called out: “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?" He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o!” “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that?” said they; and they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest. On ran Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two ditch-diggers who were digging a ditch. “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?” said they. He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that!” said they; and they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest." This shows that Johnny cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.
		+
		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''

	I think Johnny cake felt happy for winning against the others in running. In the text it states "On went Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two well-diggers who looked up from their work and called out: “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?" He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o!” “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that?” said they; and they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest. On ran Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two ditch-diggers who were digging a ditch. “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?” said they. He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that!” said they; and they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest." This shows that Johnny cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.		I think Johnny cake felt happy for winning against the others in running. In the text it states "On went Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two well-diggers who looked up from their work and called out: “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?" He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o!” “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that?” said they; and they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest. On ran Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two ditch-diggers who were digging a ditch. “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?” said they. He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that!” said they; and they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest." This shows that Johnny cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.
		+
		+	'''Corrections:'''
		+
		+	Johnny-cake felt happy about winning against the others in running.
		+
		+	***I added the hyphen in his name, and changed the preposition “for” to “about” so the grammar was correct.
		+
		+
		+	In the text, it states that "they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest.” He was happy that the others couldn’t keep up with him. Another reason he was glad to win is that he managed to out-run others as well, and rested afterward. According to the text, “they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest.”
		+
		+	***This quotation from the text is a bit too long. Some of the sentences don’t apply to your point. I broke it up into two separate pieces of evidence, and also wrote sentences proceeding or proceeding both of the quotes to describe why it connects to your answer. I also added a comma where it was necessary for the introductory clause.
		+
		+	In conclusion, this shows that Johnny-cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.
		+
		+	***I added a phrase at the beginning to help you transition into your conclusion. I also corrected the name by adding a hyphen.
		+
		+	Final Version:
		+
		+	Johnny-cake felt happy about winning against the others in running. In the text, it states that "they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest.” He was happy that the others couldn’t keep up with him. Another reason he was glad to win is that he managed to out-run others as well, and rested afterward. According to the text, “they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest.” In conclusion, this shows that Johnny-cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.
		+
		+	Good job! Make sure that you use evidence that relates to your answer and that it’s not too long so the reader doesn’t get overwhelmed.
		+
		+	Edited by Hayley Taylor

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:06, 18 June 2020
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	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	I think Johnny cake felt happy for winning against the others in running. In the text it states "On went Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two well-diggers who looked up from their work and called out: “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?" He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and I can outrun you too-o-o!” “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that?” said they; and they threw down their picks and ran after him, but couldn't catch up with him, and soon they had to sit down by the roadside to rest. On ran Johnny-cake, and by-and-by he came to two ditch-diggers who were digging a ditch. “Where ya going, Johnny-cake?” said they. He said: “I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and I can outrun you too-o-o! “Ya can, can ya? we'll see about that!” said they; and they threw down their spades, and ran after him too. But Johnny-cake soon outstripped them also, and seeing they could never catch him, they gave up the chase and sat down to rest." This shows that Johnny cake felt happy for beating the others in the race.

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:03, 17 June 2020
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		+	----

		+	Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried and brought a donkey on his shoulders. In the text it states "On the next Monday, Lazy Jack went once more, and hired himself to a cattle-keeper, who gave him a donkey for his trouble. Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize. Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Now she had never laughed in her life, and the doctors said she would never speak till somebody made her laugh. This young lady happened to be looking out of the window when Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness."This shows that Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders.
		+
		+
		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''

	Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried and brought a donkey on his shoulders. In the text it states "On the next Monday, Lazy Jack went once more, and hired himself to a cattle-keeper, who gave him a donkey for his trouble. Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize. Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Now she had never laughed in her life, and the doctors said she would never speak till somebody made her laugh. This young lady happened to be looking out of the window when Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness."This shows that Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders.		Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried and brought a donkey on his shoulders. In the text it states "On the next Monday, Lazy Jack went once more, and hired himself to a cattle-keeper, who gave him a donkey for his trouble. Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize. Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Now she had never laughed in her life, and the doctors said she would never speak till somebody made her laugh. This young lady happened to be looking out of the window when Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness."This shows that Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders.
		+
		+	'''Corrections:'''
		+
		+	Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders.
		+
		+	***I deleted “brought” because it is unnecessary, as the word “carried” has a similar meaning.
		+
		+
		+	In the text, it states "Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize.” This quote from the text proves that Jack carried a donkey on his shoulders. The reason he came rich because of it is because a girl saw him carrying the donkey and recovered her speech. According to the text, this was because “the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman.”
		+
		+	***I added a comma after the introductory phrase to correct the grammar. The quotation you used is also very long. So, I split the quotation apart and put a sentence after each one to help explain how it contributes to your answer. This way, the flow of your paragraph is better.
		+
		+
		+	In conclusion, Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders and made the rich man’s daughter recovered her ability to speak and hear.
		+
		+	***I added “in conclusion” so there would be a transition into your conclusion. I also elaborated more on why carrying a donkey on his shoulders made him rich, so it could be completely clear to the reader.
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Version:'''
		+
		+	Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders. In the text, it states "Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize.” This quote from the text proves that Jack carried a donkey on his shoulders. The reason he came rich because of it is because a girl saw him carrying the donkey and recovered her speech. According to the text, this was because “the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman.” In conclusion, Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders and made the rich man’s daughter recovered her ability to speak and hear.
		+
		+	Great work! I suggest splitting up your quotations into separate sentences to improve the flow of your paragraph.
		+
		+	Edited by Hayley Taylor

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:24, 17 June 2020
Line 951:		Line 951:

	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	Lazy Jack was able to become rich because he carried and brought a donkey on his shoulders. In the text it states "On the next Monday, Lazy Jack went once more, and hired himself to a cattle-keeper, who gave him a donkey for his trouble. Jack found it hard to hoist the donkey on his shoulders, but at last he did it, and began walking slowly home with his prize. Now it happened that in the course of his journey there lived a rich man with his only daughter, a beautiful girl, but deaf and dumb. Now she had never laughed in her life, and the doctors said she would never speak till somebody made her laugh. This young lady happened to be looking out of the window when Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing. Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness."This shows that Lazy Jack became rich because he carried a donkey on his shoulders.

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:33, 16 June 2020
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		+	----
		+	The mistake the frogs made was they lived very far away so they never heard from each other. In the text it states "Once upon a time in the country of Japan there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other; but, funnily enough, the idea came into both their heads at once that they should like to see a little of the world, and the frog who lived at Kioto wanted to visit Osaka, and the frog who lived at Osaka wished to go to Kioto, where the great Mikado had his palace. So one fine morning in the spring they both set out along the road that led from Kioto to Osaka, one from one end and the other from the other. The journey was more tiring than they expected, for they did not know much about travelling, and half way between the two towns there arose a mountain which had to be climbed. It took them a long time and a great many hops to reach the top." This evidence shows the mistake the frogs made. They lived too apart from each other.


		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''

	The mistake the frogs made was they lived very far away so they never heard from each other. In the text it states "Once upon a time in the country of Japan there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other; but, funnily enough, the idea came into both their heads at once that they should like to see a little of the world, and the frog who lived at Kioto wanted to visit Osaka, and the frog who lived at Osaka wished to go to Kioto, where the great Mikado had his palace. So one fine morning in the spring they both set out along the road that led from Kioto to Osaka, one from one end and the other from the other. The journey was more tiring than they expected, for they did not know much about travelling, and half way between the two towns there arose a mountain which had to be climbed. It took them a long time and a great many hops to reach the top." This evidence shows the mistake the frogs made. They lived too apart from each other.		The mistake the frogs made was they lived very far away so they never heard from each other. In the text it states "Once upon a time in the country of Japan there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other; but, funnily enough, the idea came into both their heads at once that they should like to see a little of the world, and the frog who lived at Kioto wanted to visit Osaka, and the frog who lived at Osaka wished to go to Kioto, where the great Mikado had his palace. So one fine morning in the spring they both set out along the road that led from Kioto to Osaka, one from one end and the other from the other. The journey was more tiring than they expected, for they did not know much about travelling, and half way between the two towns there arose a mountain which had to be climbed. It took them a long time and a great many hops to reach the top." This evidence shows the mistake the frogs made. They lived too apart from each other.
		+
		+	'''Corrections:'''
		+
		+	The mistake the frogs made was living far away from one another, making it hard to hear each other.
		+
		+	***I edited the grammar of the sentence.
		+
		+
		+	The text states "there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other.”
		+
		+	***This quote is too long. Try using only the parts of the text that directly apply to your explanation. I edited it down so it would be more concise. I also edited the grammar of the introductory clause.
		+
		+
		+	This evidence shows that the mistake the frogs made was living too far apart from each other.
		+
		+	***I combined the two sentences as I think that they connect to one another, placing them together improves the flow of information you are giving.
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Version:'''
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		+	The mistake the frogs made was living far away from one another, making it hard to hear each other. The text states "there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other.” This evidence shows that the mistake the frogs made was living too far apart from each other.
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		+	Good work! Make sure to use shorter quotations that apply to your answer.
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		+	Edited by Hayley Taylor

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	Edited by Hayley Taylor		Edited by Hayley Taylor
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		+	The mistake the frogs made was they lived very far away so they never heard from each other. In the text it states "Once upon a time in the country of Japan there lived two frogs, one of whom made his home in a ditch near the town of Osaka, on the sea coast, while the other dwelt in a clear little stream which ran through the city of Kioto. At such a great distance apart, they had never even heard of each other; but, funnily enough, the idea came into both their heads at once that they should like to see a little of the world, and the frog who lived at Kioto wanted to visit Osaka, and the frog who lived at Osaka wished to go to Kioto, where the great Mikado had his palace. So one fine morning in the spring they both set out along the road that led from Kioto to Osaka, one from one end and the other from the other. The journey was more tiring than they expected, for they did not know much about travelling, and half way between the two towns there arose a mountain which had to be climbed. It took them a long time and a great many hops to reach the top." This evidence shows the mistake the frogs made. They lived too apart from each other.