Tezi - Revision history

76.240.37.248 at 17:07, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:07:19Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:07, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:07:03Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:06, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:06:33Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:06, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:06:06Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:04, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:04:53Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:04, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T17:04:30Z

76.240.37.248 at 16:58, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T16:58:33Z

209.150.52.152 at 02:19, 20 June 2020

2020-06-20T02:19:16Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:25, 3 June 2020

2020-06-03T17:25:53Z

76.240.37.248 at 17:19, 3 June 2020

2020-06-03T17:19:28Z

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 Tezi's Writing Page
 == Comments on ''A Little Princess''==
 <br> 1. '''Introduce your quotes with one of these phrases: "According to the story," "In ''A Little Princess,''" or "In the text,"'''
@@ Line 11: / Line 10: @@
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they do that is by spending time with each other. One evidence is," Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with her father before he leaves for India. Another way they show affection for each other is by Captain Crewe buys everything Sara needs and likes and more. Another evidence is," They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by Captain Crewe bought things she admired and what he admired so he bought her all the things she needs.
 == Edits: ==

@@ Line 12: / Line 12: @@
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they do that is by spending time with each other. One evidence is," Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with her father before he leaves for India. Another way they show affection for each other is by Captain Crewe buys everything Sara needs and likes and more. Another evidence is," They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by Captain Crewe bought things she admired and what he admired so he bought her all the things she needs.
-'''Edits''':
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other.
@@ Line 35: / Line 36: @@
     Your last sentence was pretty wordy, so I took out parts of it that were repetitive.
-'''Edited paragraph:'''
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they show their affection is by spending time with each other. According to the story, “Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India.” This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with him before he leaves for India. Another way Captain Crewe shows affection for Sara is by buying everything Sara needs and likes, and more. In A Little Princess, “They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven.” This proves that Captain Crewe shows his affection for Sara by buying things she admired and things he admired.

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 Good luck with your next paragraph. You've got this! If you have any questions, please type them for me here!
-'''Original''' paragraph: (see my edits in the "Edits" section below and the edited paragraph below that)
+'''Original''' paragraph:
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they do that is by spending time with each other. One evidence is," Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with her father before he leaves for India. Another way they show affection for each other is by Captain Crewe buys everything Sara needs and likes and more. Another evidence is," They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by Captain Crewe bought things she admired and what he admired so he bought her all the things she needs.
-Edits:
+'''Edits''':
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other.
@@ Line 35: / Line 35: @@
     Your last sentence was pretty wordy, so I took out parts of it that were repetitive.
-Edited paragraph:
+'''Edited paragraph:'''
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they show their affection is by spending time with each other. According to the story, “Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India.” This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with him before he leaves for India. Another way Captain Crewe shows affection for Sara is by buying everything Sara needs and likes, and more. In A Little Princess, “They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven.” This proves that Captain Crewe shows his affection for Sara by buying things she admired and things he admired.

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 Good luck with your next paragraph. You've got this! If you have any questions, please type them for me here!
-Original paragraph:
+'''Original''' paragraph: (see my edits in the "Edits" section below and the edited paragraph below that)
 Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they do that is by spending time with each other. One evidence is," Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with her father before he leaves for India. Another way they show affection for each other is by Captain Crewe buys everything Sara needs and likes and more. Another evidence is," They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by Captain Crewe bought things she admired and what he admired so he bought her all the things she needs.

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 Tezi's Writing Page
+== Comments on ''A Little Princess''==
 <br> 1. '''Introduce your quotes with one of these phrases: "According to the story," "In ''A Little Princess,''" or "In the text,"'''
 <br> 2. Great job choosing quotes!

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:19, 20 June 2020
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	Tezi's Writing Page		Tezi's Writing Page
−		+	Both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other. One way they do that is by spending time with each other. One evidence is," Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by spending time with each other because Sara loves her father and she wants to spend time with her father before he leaves for India. Another way they show affection for each other is by Captain Crewe buys everything Sara needs and likes and more. Another evidence is," They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven". This proves that both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other by Captain Crewe bought things she admired and what he admired so he bought her all the things she needs.

@@ Line 46: / Line 46: @@
 Comments:
-Hi Tezi! I'm Sarah, and I will be editing your paragraphs. Great start! Make sure that you don’t repeat the same words too much, and you can search a thesaurus for synonyms if that helps you. If the text says, “A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery,” ask yourself what this means. Can you think of any words to describe Demi based on the characteristics given in the text? Based on these characteristics, Demi seems mature and responsible for his age. Can you think of other ways to describe him? If you have any questions about writing or my edits, please type them out for me here. I am excited to see your next paragraph!
+Hi! I'm Sarah, and I will be editing your paragraphs. Great start! Make sure that you don’t repeat the same words too much, and you can search a thesaurus for synonyms if that helps you. If the text says, “A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery,” ask yourself what this means. Can you think of any words to describe Demi based on the characteristics given in the text? Based on these characteristics, Demi seems mature and responsible for his age. Can you think of other ways to describe him? If you have any questions about writing or my edits, please type them out for me here. I am excited to see your next paragraph!
 Edited by Sarah Kikel

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:19, 3 June 2020
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		+	Original paragraph:

		+	I would describe Demi as multiple things. Some of those things are he is an intelligent, loving, and caring boy. One evidence is," Demi was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care". This proves that Demi is an intelligent, loving, and caring boy by it says that he is one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care and that means that he shows that he is an intelligent, loving, and caring boy. I would also describe Demi as a serious, cheery, quaint, and a quiet boy. One evidence is," A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery". That proves that Demi is a serious, cheery, and a quiet boy by it says that he was quiet, quaint, serious, yet he was also a cheery boy.
		+
		+	Corrections:
		+
		+	*** I would describe Demi as having multiple characteristics.
		+
		+	“Things” is very general. Try to get more specific about what type of “thing” Demi has multiple of—characteristics (qualities or traits would also be good words to use here).
		+
		+	*** Some of his characteristics are being a smart and thoughtful boy.
		+
		+	Edited for word choice; Make sure to not repeat his characteristics from the quote into your own sentences, but try to find synonyms. I edited in "smart" as a synonym for "intelligent," and "thoughtful" as a synonym for "loving and caring."
		+
		+	*** According to the story, “Demi was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care.”
		+
		+	Right before your quote, try to use "According to the story" or "The text states" or "The story says."
		+
		+	*** This proves that Demi is smart and thoughtful, because he is intelligent, loving, and caring boy.
		+
		+	Edited for repetition; For this sentence, explain how the quote proves your claim about Demi's characteristics. How does the quote prove that Demi is smart and thoughtful? It shows that he is intelligent, loving, and caring boy.

		+	*** I would also describe Demi as a mature boy.

		+	Because your quote states that Demi is quiet, quaint, serious, and cheery, try to find a synonym or a few synonyms that mean a similar word, such as "mature."

		+	*** The text evidence states, “A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery.”

−	I would describe Demi as multiple ~~things~~. Some of ~~those things~~ are ~~he is an intelligent, loving,~~ and ~~caring~~ boy. ~~One evidence is~~,~~" Demi~~ was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care". This proves that Demi is ~~an intelligent~~, ~~loving, and caring boy by it says that~~ he is ~~one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care and that means that he shows that he is an~~ intelligent, loving, and caring boy. I would also describe Demi as a ~~serious, cheery, quaint, and a quiet~~ boy. ~~One~~ evidence is,~~" A~~ quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery". ~~That~~ proves that Demi is a ~~serious~~, ~~cheery~~, and a ~~quiet boy by it~~ says ~~that he was~~ quiet, quaint, serious, yet ~~he was also a~~ cheery ~~boy~~.	+	Good quote!
		+
		+	*** This proves that Demi is a mature, but happy boy.
		+
		+	Edited for repetition; Good job realizing that “quiet,” “quaint,” and “serious” are similar characteristics, while “cheery” is more different! But try to find synonyms!
		+
		+	Edited paragraph:
		+
		+	I would describe Demi as having multiple characteristics. Some of his characteristics are being a smart and thoughtful boy. According to the story, “Demi was one of the children who show plainly the effect of intelligent love and care.” This proves that Demi is smart and thoughtful, because he is intelligent, loving, and caring boy. I would also describe Demi as a mature boy. The text evidence states, “A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery.” This proves that Demi is a mature, but happy boy.
		+
		+	Comments:
		+
		+	Hi Tezi! I'm Sarah, and I will be editing your paragraphs. Great start! Make sure that you don’t repeat the same words too much, and you can search a thesaurus for synonyms if that helps you. If the text says, “A quiet, quaint boy was Demi, serious, yet cheery,” ask yourself what this means. Can you think of any words to describe Demi based on the characteristics given in the text? Based on these characteristics, Demi seems mature and responsible for his age. Can you think of other ways to describe him? If you have any questions about writing or my edits, please type them out for me here. I am excited to see your next paragraph!
		+
		+	Edited by Sarah Kikel