Rali - Revision history

76.230.104.104 at 16:30, 25 June 2020

2020-06-25T16:30:14Z

98.14.86.91 at 23:13, 24 June 2020

2020-06-24T23:13:22Z

76.230.104.104 at 15:05, 23 June 2020

2020-06-23T15:05:06Z

98.14.86.91 at 03:45, 23 June 2020

2020-06-23T03:45:01Z

76.230.104.104 at 16:22, 19 June 2020

2020-06-19T16:22:00Z

76.230.104.104 at 16:38, 18 June 2020

2020-06-18T16:38:36Z

98.14.86.91 at 02:16, 18 June 2020

2020-06-18T02:16:00Z

98.14.86.91 at 21:17, 17 June 2020

2020-06-17T21:17:35Z

76.230.104.104 at 15:56, 17 June 2020

2020-06-17T15:56:58Z

98.14.86.91 at 21:54, 16 June 2020

2020-06-16T21:54:06Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:30, 25 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
−	According to the stanzas, the donkey is good. The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, Clad in a lion's skin, Have fed on the barley green. But he brayed! And that moment he came to ruin.’” According to the article, “And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!” This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey is good.

		+	'''Original'''

		+	According to the stanzas, the donkey is good. The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, Clad in a lion's skin, Have fed on the barley green. But he brayed! And that moment he came to ruin.’” According to the article, “And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!” This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey is good.

		+	'''Edits'''

		+	<br>According to the stanzas, the donkey is good.<br />
		+	<br>***Good.<br />
		+	<br>The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, Clad in a lion's skin, Have fed on the barley green. But he brayed! And that moment he came to ruin.’”<br />
		+	<br>***Generally, when quoting a poem (which I assume this is, based on your usage of the word "stanzas"), you should separate the lines of the poem with forward slashes ( / ). This shows the reader where the line breaks of the poem are. I will included an example of what this should look like in my edited sentence, but it may not be entirely accurate to the line breaks in the specific text you are quoting.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, / Clad in a lion's skin, / Have fed on the barley green. / But he brayed! / And that moment he came to ruin.’”<br />
		+	<br>According to the article, “And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!”<br />
		+	<br>***The word "article" may not be applicable here, because the text you are quoting from isn't really an article; it's more of a poem, story, or narrative. Any of these words can be easily substituted for the word "article", and it will be more accurate.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: According to the story, "And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!"<br />
		+	<br>This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey is good.<br />
		+	<br>***This is grammatically correct, but it is fairly repetitive of your first sentence. Try to add some extra information to make it slightly different, so that you're still rephrasing and restating like you're supposed to without using exactly the same words.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey became good after he came to ruin.<br />
		+	<br>'''Final Edit'''<br />
		+	<br>***Good work! The main thing that you should keep in mind is that when you are writing about a text that is in a different format than usual, like poetry instead of fiction or fiction instead of articles, the terminology you use and the structure of your quoted text might also need to change to adapt to the new format. Also, make sure that when you are writing your conclusion sentence, you are rephrasing without directly repeating the same words and structure of your first sentence.<br />
		+	<br>Edited paragraph: According to the stanzas, the donkey is good. The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, / Clad in a lion's skin, / Have fed on the barley green. / But he brayed! / And that moment he came to ruin.’” According to the story, "And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!" This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey became good after he came to ruin.<br />
		+	<br>Edited by Natasha Vatalaro<br />


		+	----

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:13, 24 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+	According to the stanzas, the donkey is good. The text states, “‘Long might the donkey, Clad in a lion's skin, Have fed on the barley green. But he brayed! And that moment he came to ruin.’” According to the article, “And even while he was yet speaking the donkey became tame and good!” This shows that the stanzas tell us the donkey is good.
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:05, 23 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+
		+	'''Original'''
		+
	How the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth. The text states, “But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” According to the text, “The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.” This shows that the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.		How the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth. The text states, “But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” According to the text, “The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.” This shows that the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.
		+
		+	'''Edits'''
		+
		+	<br>How the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth.<br />
		+	<br>***When you respond to a question or prompt that uses question words like "how", you don't necessarily need to repeat them in your response. If you delete "how the" from this sentence, the meaning is identical and the fluidity is slightly smoother. Alternately, you could replace it with a different phrase that doesn't use a question word, like "the way that".<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: The way that Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth.<br />
		+	<br>The text states, “But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.”<br />
		+	<br>***Good.<br />
		+	<br>According to the text, “The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.”<br />
		+	<br>***Good.<br />
		+	<br>This shows that the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.<br />
		+	<br>***You can delete "the" in front of "Schippeitaro" because there is no article used for it in the quoted text.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: This shows that Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.<br />
		+	<br>'''Final Edit'''<br />
		+	<br>***Great job! Based on this paragraph, just focus on making sure that you are phrasing a response to the question/prompt in your first sentence, and not just repeating the phrasing of the original question/prompt and deleting the question mark. This means evaluating whether question words like "how" are really necessary in your answer, or if there is a different way you can phrase your response that would be more fluid.<br />
		+	<br>Edited paragraph: The way that Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth. The text states, “But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” According to the text, “The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.” This shows that Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.<br />
		+	<br>Edited by Natasha Vatalaro<br />
		+



		+	----

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:45, 23 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+	How the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King was by fastening him with his teeth. The text states, “But instead of finding the maiden, Schippeitaro’s teeth were fastened in HIM, and the youth ran up and captured the Cat King with rope.” According to the text, “The other cats were so astonished at the turn things had taken that they forgot to run away, and the young man and Schippeitaro between them captured several more before they thought of escaping.” This shows that the Schippeitaro caught the Cat King by fastening him with his teeth.
		+
		+
		+
		+

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
 How Johnny-cake felt about winning against others was very confident and determined that he would win against everyone he met. The text states, “ Johnny-cake stopped his race for the first time, and went a little closer, and called out in a very loud voice ‘I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o.’’” According to the text, “Johnny-cake came up close, and leaning towards the fox screamed out: I'VE OUTRUN AN OLD MAN, AND AN OLD WOMAN, AND A LITTLE BOY, AND TWO WELL-DIGGERS, AND TWO DITCH-DIGGERS, AND A BEAR, AND A WOLF, AND I CAN OUTRUN YOU TOO-O-O!’ ‘You can, can you?’ yelped the fox, and he snapped up the Johnny-cake in his sharp teeth in the twinkling of an eye.“ This shows that Johnny-cake felt very confident and determined that he would win against everyone but the fox was clever, tricked Johnny-cake to get closer to him, and caught Johnny-cake.
 ----

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
 How Johnny-cake felt about winning against others was very confident and determined that he would win against everyone he met. The text states, “ Johnny-cake stopped his race for the first time, and went a little closer, and called out in a very loud voice ‘I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o.’’” According to the text, “Johnny-cake came up close, and leaning towards the fox screamed out: I'VE OUTRUN AN OLD MAN, AND AN OLD WOMAN, AND A LITTLE BOY, AND TWO WELL-DIGGERS, AND TWO DITCH-DIGGERS, AND A BEAR, AND A WOLF, AND I CAN OUTRUN YOU TOO-O-O!’ ‘You can, can you?’ yelped the fox, and he snapped up the Johnny-cake in his sharp teeth in the twinkling of an eye.“ This shows that Johnny-cake felt very confident and determined that he would win against everyone but the fox was clever, tricked Johnny-cake to get closer to him, and caught Johnny-cake.
 Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man’s daughter. The text states, “Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing.” The text states, “Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness.” This shows that how Lazy Jack got rich was marrying the rich man’s daughter because Lazy Jack made the rich man’s daughter laugh.
 '''Original'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:16, 18 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+	How Johnny-cake felt about winning against others was very confident and determined that he would win against everyone he met. The text states, “ Johnny-cake stopped his race for the first time, and went a little closer, and called out in a very loud voice ‘I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, and a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o.’’” According to the text, “Johnny-cake came up close, and leaning towards the fox screamed out: I'VE OUTRUN AN OLD MAN, AND AN OLD WOMAN, AND A LITTLE BOY, AND TWO WELL-DIGGERS, AND TWO DITCH-DIGGERS, AND A BEAR, AND A WOLF, AND I CAN OUTRUN YOU TOO-O-O!’ ‘You can, can you?’ yelped the fox, and he snapped up the Johnny-cake in his sharp teeth in the twinkling of an eye.“ This shows that Johnny-cake felt very confident and determined that he would win against everyone but the fox was clever, tricked Johnny-cake to get closer to him, and caught Johnny-cake.
		+
		+
		+
		+
	Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man’s daughter. The text states, “Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing.” The text states, “Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness.” This shows that how Lazy Jack got rich was marrying the rich man’s daughter because Lazy Jack made the rich man’s daughter laugh.		Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man’s daughter. The text states, “Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing.” The text states, “Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness.” This shows that how Lazy Jack got rich was marrying the rich man’s daughter because Lazy Jack made the rich man’s daughter laugh.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:17, 17 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+	Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man’s daughter. The text states, “Jack was passing with the donkey on his shoulders, with the legs sticking up in the air, and the sight was so comical and strange that she burst out into a great fit of laughter, and immediately recovered her speech and hearing.” The text states, “Her father was overjoyed and fulfilled his promise by marrying her to Lazy Jack, who was thus made a rich gentleman. They lived in a large house, and Jack's mother lived with them in great happiness.” This shows that how Lazy Jack got rich was marrying the rich man’s daughter because Lazy Jack made the rich man’s daughter laugh.
		+
		+
		+

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:54, 16 June 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Rali's Writing page: <br><br>		Rali's Writing page: <br><br>
		+	What eventually happened to Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles was not telling the king the sky was falling. The text states, “So at last at first Turkey-lurkey went through the dark hole into the cave. He hadn't got far when “Hrumph,” Foxy-woxy grabbed Turkey-lurkey and threw him over his left shoulder. Then Goosey-poosey went in, and “Hrumph,” she was thrown beside Turkey-lurkey, both complaining. Then Ducky-daddles waddled down, and ‘Hrumph,’ grabbed Foxy-woxy, and Ducky-daddle was thrown alongside Turkey-lurkey and Goosey-poosey.” According to the article, “ But Foxy-woxy had made two grabs at Piggy-wiggy, and when the first grab only touched Piggy-wiggy, but didn't catch him, he called out to Henny-penny. So she turned tail and ran back home, so she never told the king the sky was a-falling.” This shows that Piggy-wiggy, Turkey-lurkey, Goosey-poosey, and Ducky-daddles never got to tell the king the sky was falling.
		+
		+
		+
		+

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''