Prda - Revision history

75.164.55.44 at 00:43, 4 June 2020

2020-06-04T00:43:35Z

66.65.27.56 at 21:06, 3 June 2020

2020-06-03T21:06:27Z

97.120.81.238 at 15:50, 30 May 2020

2020-05-30T15:50:02Z

66.65.18.28 at 14:11, 30 May 2020

2020-05-30T14:11:45Z

66.65.18.28 at 20:51, 29 May 2020

2020-05-29T20:51:13Z

24.52.23.36 at 00:17, 28 May 2020

2020-05-28T00:17:26Z

66.65.18.28 at 20:43, 27 May 2020

2020-05-27T20:43:39Z

97.120.68.133 at 03:16, 24 May 2020

2020-05-24T03:16:36Z

66.65.22.110 at 20:44, 22 May 2020

2020-05-22T20:44:47Z

97.120.68.133 at 16:29, 22 May 2020

2020-05-22T16:29:40Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:43, 4 June 2020
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	so this is why I think it was Amy.		so this is why I think it was Amy.

		+	----
		+	'''Original Version:'''

		+	Who stated that his or her life was hard and why? the person who said life was hard was Amy because the text it stated that "I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "the text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls, so this is why I think it was Amy.

		+	'''Corrections:'''

		+	Who stated that his or her life was hard and why?

		+	***Good!
		+
		+
		+	Amy was the one who said that life was hard.
		+
		+	***I reworded the sentence, as the phrasing sounded a bit jumbled. By starting off the sentence with “Amy” it more clearly states your answer. I also placed a period in the end, as it should be separated from the quote that is in the next sentence.
		+
		+
		+	The text stated that “‘I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,’ cried Amy.”
		+
		+	***I corrected the punctuation errors. When quoting something with dialogue, double quotation marks go on the outside of each end of the sentence, and single quotation marks go around the dialogue.
		+
		+
		+	The text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls.”
		+
		+	***This needed to be in a separate sentence. Also, I corrected the placement of quotation marks.
		+
		+
		+	In conclusion, Amy was the one who said that her life was hard.
		+
		+	***I reworded the sentence to strengthen the conclusion. I took out the personal pronouns to make it sound more objective as well.
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Version:'''
		+
		+	Who stated that his or her life was hard and why? Amy was the one who said that life was hard. The text stated that “‘I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,’ cried Amy.” The text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls.” In conclusion, Amy was the one who said that her life was hard.
		+
		+	Edited by Hayley Taylor
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	----

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-prda's writing page.                       How would you describe demi based  on the information in the story .
+prda's writing page.                                                       Who stated that his or her life was hard and why?
                                            I would describe Demi very quite, quint  boy and Demi  is bright and beautiful
                                            I know this because in the text it stated that "a quiet, quint boy" the text also

← Older revision	Revision as of 15:50, 30 May 2020
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−	+	----
	+	'''Original Version:'''
	+
	+	How would you describe demi based on the information in the story . I would describe Demi very quite, quint boy and Demi is bright and beautiful I know this because in the text it stated that "a quiet, quint boy" the text also stated that "he was usally bright and buitfull boy". This ecvidance means that demi is a very quite ,quant boy he also is a bright buitfull boy
	+
	+	'''Corrections:'''
	+
	+	How would one describe demi based on the information in the story?
	+
	+	***This needs to end in a question mark, and I changed the perspective to the third person to make it sound more objective.
	+
	+
	+	Demi can be described as a very quiet and quaint boy.
	+
	+	***I fixed the spelling of “quiet” and “quaint.” I also moved the explanation of him being “bright and beautiful to go before the next quotation, as it was a run-on sentence before.
	+
	+
	+	According to the text, he is a “quiet, quaint boy.”
	+
	+	***I edited the sentence so it would better introduce the quote and improve the grammar.
	+
	+
	+	Demi is also described as beautiful. The text states that “he was unusually bright and beautiful.”
	+
	+	***I broke up the sentences so it wouldn’t be a run-on sentence. There were multiple spelling errors in the quotation that I fixed. Also, the period is supposed to go inside the quotation mark at the end of the sentence.
	+
	+
	+	In conclusion, Demi is a quiet and bright boy according to the text.
	+
	+	***I corrected the spelling errors and edited the sentence so the grammar would be correct.
	+
	+
	+	Good work. I would suggest proofreading your paragraph for spelling errors after finishing your paragraph, and be careful of spacing issues when typing it out.
	+
	+	'''Final Version:'''
	+
	+	How would one describe demi based on the information in the story? Demi can be described as a very quiet and quaint boy. According to the text, he is a “quiet, quaint boy.” Demi is also described as beautiful. The text states that “he was unusually bright and beautiful.” In conclusion, Demi is a quiet and bright boy according to the text.
	+
	+	Edited by Hayley Taylor
	+
	+
	+	----

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-prda's writing page.                                                        Why might have Nat thought that the school he was in was a very nice school?
+prda's writing page.                       How would you describe demi based  on the information in the story .
-                                                                      Nat thought that it was a nice school because he was laughing and enjoying him self I know that
+                                          I would describe Demi very quite, quint  boy and Demi  is bright and beautiful
                                                                         because in the text it states that. "who lay laughing with all his might". I also know it because he
                                                                        even said it him self that it was a "nice school" I know that he said this because in the text it states

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:51, 29 May 2020
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−	prda's writing page.	+	prda's writing page. Why might have Nat thought that the school he was in was a very nice school?
		+	Nat thought that it was a nice school because he was laughing and enjoying him self I know that
		+	because in the text it states that. "who lay laughing with all his might". I also know it because he
		+	even said it him self that it was a "nice school" I know that he said this because in the text it states
		+	"What a very nice school this is!". This is how I know Why might have Nat thought that the
		+	school he was in was a very nice school? .
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
	When she meant that "YOU ARE RIGHT TEDDY" she meant that's she agreed with his idea or what he said to make it true I know this because in the text it states that "I agree with your idea teddy and I think its really smart. so I think what Mrs. Bhear truly means by "you are right teddy" is that he agree with teddy's idea or what he has to say.		When she meant that "YOU ARE RIGHT TEDDY" she meant that's she agreed with his idea or what he said to make it true I know this because in the text it states that "I agree with your idea teddy and I think its really smart. so I think what Mrs. Bhear truly means by "you are right teddy" is that he agree with teddy's idea or what he has to say.

← Older revision	Revision as of 00:17, 28 May 2020
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	+	----
	+	'''Original Version:'''

	+	When she meant that "YOU ARE RIGHT TEDDY" she meant that's she agreed with his idea or what he said to make it true I know this because in the text it states that "I agree with your idea teddy and I think its really smart. so I think what Mrs. Bhear truly means by "you are right teddy" is that he agree with teddy's idea or what he has to say.

	+	'''Corrections:'''
	+
	+	What Mrs. Bhaer meant by “you are right Teddy” is that she agreed with his idea.
	+
	+	***The original sentence was a run-on sentence, so I edited the grammar. I also added her name so it would be clear to the reader.
	+
	+
	+	The text states that “I agree with your idea teddy and I think it’s really smart.”
	+
	+	***The quotation was missing a period and quotation mark at the end of it, I also edited the grammar of the sentence. Lastly, I took out the use of the pronoun “I” so the paragraph would be written in the third person.
	+
	+
	+	In conclusion, she agreed with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
	+
	+	***I added a transition sentence to help strengthen the conclusion. Also, I capitalized the name Teddy.
	+
	+
	+	'''Final Version:'''
	+
	+	What Mrs. Bhaer meant by “you are right Teddy” is that she agreed with his idea. The text states that “I agree with your idea teddy and I think it’s really smart.” In conclusion, she agreed with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
	+
	+	Good work! Make sure to proofread your sentences for spelling and grammar errors.
	+
	+	Edited by Hayley Taylor
	+
	+
	+	----

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-prda's writing page.                                                           what in the story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person?
+prda's writing page.
                                                                                   I know that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person because she thinks of other's
                                                                                   and not her self like when she said "don't be afraid I will take care of you"

← Older revision	Revision as of 03:16, 24 May 2020
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−	+	----
	+	'''Original Version:'''

	+	what in the story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person? I know that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person because she thinks of other's and not her self like when she said "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and she is very polite like when . In the text it stated that " Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again and she said something merry". And the last reason is that she took care of that boy because in the text it stated that "“Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”

	+	'''Corrections:'''
	+
	+	What in the story shows that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person?
	+
	+	***The first letter of the sentence needs to be capitalized. Also, “thoughtful” is one word so I corrected this as well.
	+
	+
	+	Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person because she thinks of others and not herself.
	+
	+	***I took out the “I” used in this sentence to put the perspective into the third person. Also, “herself” and “thoughtful” is one word, not two. “Others” does not need to have an apostrophe, as it is not possessing something. I also separated this clause from the quotation, so it wouldn’t be a run-on sentence. Also, I did it so the phrasing would flow better.
	+
	+
	+	In the text, she says "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and acts very politely.
	+
	+	***I reworded the sentence to better introduce the quotation and to correct the grammar.
	+
	+
	+	She also states that “Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”
	+
	+	***I reworded the beginning of the sentence as it was a bit clunky and repetitive. Also, you need to put the period inside the quotation mark at the end of the sentence. You only need to use two quotes for evidence, and the following quote you used I thought was more applicable then the original, so I replaced it with the quote about “her eyes growing soft.”
	+
	+
	+	In conclusion, Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful character.
	+
	+	***To follow the assigned paragraph structure, you need a conclusion sentence, so I added one.
	+
	+
	+	'''Final Version:'''
	+
	+	What in the story shows that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person? Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person because she thinks of others and not herself. In the text, she says "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and acts very politely. She also states that “Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.” In conclusion, Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful character.
	+
	+	Great work! You did a good job explaining your answer. Make sure to proofread your work for spelling errors.
	+
	+	Edited by Hayley Taylor
	+
	+
	+	----

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:44, 22 May 2020
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−	prda's writing page.	+	prda's writing page. what in the story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person?
−		+	I know that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person because she thinks of other's
		+	and not her self like when she said "don't be afraid I will take care of you"
		+	and she is very polite like when . In the text it stated that " Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft
		+	again and she said something merry". And the last reason is that she took care of that boy
		+	because in the text it stated that "“Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”


		+

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:29, 22 May 2020
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	+	----
	+	'''Original Version:'''

	+	The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew,grew,and grew i know this because in the text it states that " The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again.""God grant it!" said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so. She took a little stick and propped up the green plant which had given her daughter such pleasure,so this is what that the sick girl, saw out her window.

	+	'''Corrections:'''
	+
	+	The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew.
	+
	+	***The first sentence was a run-on sentence, so I put a period after the word “grew.” Also, I deleted “grew, and grew” as it sounded repetitive.
	+
	+
	+	In the text, it states that "The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again. ‘God grant it!’ said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so.”
	+
	+	***I added a comma where one was missing in the introductory clause. I also corrected the quotation mark errors. I also deleted the next sentence, as the quote was a bit too long.
	+
	+
	+	In conclusion, the girl felt better when the pea grew.
	+
	+	***You need a conclusion sentence in order to follow the assigned paragraph structure.
	+
	+
	+	Good work! Remember to work on avoiding run-on sentences, and also to include a conclusion at the end of your paragraph.
	+
	+	'''Final Version:'''
	+
	+	The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew. In the text, it states that "The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again. ‘God grant it!’ said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so.” In conclusion, the girl felt better when the pea grew.
	+
	+	Edited by Hayley Taylor
	+
	+
	+
	+
	+
	+
	+	----