Pesh1 - Revision history

104.162.162.243 at 00:12, 21 August 2019

2019-08-21T00:12:46Z

104.162.162.243 at 00:12, 21 August 2019

2019-08-21T00:12:27Z

104.162.162.243 at 00:11, 21 August 2019

2019-08-21T00:11:49Z

104.162.162.243 at 23:19, 20 August 2019

2019-08-20T23:19:48Z

66.108.53.74 at 01:51, 20 August 2019

2019-08-20T01:51:22Z

24.103.88.142 at 20:21, 19 August 2019

2019-08-19T20:21:47Z

66.108.53.74 at 01:57, 19 August 2019

2019-08-19T01:57:56Z

66.108.53.74 at 00:28, 19 August 2019

2019-08-19T00:28:17Z

104.162.162.243 at 00:50, 15 August 2019

2019-08-15T00:50:47Z

66.108.53.74 at 00:18, 15 August 2019

2019-08-15T00:18:15Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:12, 21 August 2019
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	'''*"Sneezing Plants"*'''		'''*"Sneezing Plants"*'''
		+
	- Good title, though it should be in quotations.		- Good title, though it should be in quotations.

@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/8/15/sneezing-plants-may-be-spreading-pathogens-and-infecting-their-neighbors
-''***"Sneezing Plants"***'''
+'''***"Sneezing Plants"***'''
 - Good title, though it should be in quotations.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:11, 21 August 2019
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	- We can eliminate many unnecessary words by simplifying the sentence. Also, introducing "sneezing" sets up the paragraph, and you have a beautiful sentence that follow's your intro that works well here.		- We can eliminate many unnecessary words by simplifying the sentence. Also, introducing "sneezing" sets up the paragraph, and you have a beautiful sentence that follow's your intro that works well here.

−	'''*** This has been tragic for farmers, as their plant production	+	'''* This has been tragic for farmers, as their plant production decreases from the spread of disease.*'''

		+	- Good sentence! The conjunction "as" is needed to tie together the parenthetical. "Production" adds specificity. There is some nice imagery in this sentence.

		+	'''*A Virginia Tech research team performed an experiment where they injected wheat leaf rust disease on wheat plants, using water drops to imitate dew.*'''

		+	- Another good sentence; since the article provides specifics, use them! (this is not plagiarism!). The article before "wheat disease" is not needed, along with the conjunction "and" at the end of the sentence.

		+	'''* The scientists observed the plant's reaction to the simulated dew; the plant released kinetic energy, and the water drops were ejected from it's surface. *'''

		+	- Specify the researchers and disregard the pronoun; similarly with "plants". I used the semi-colon to assist the sentence and keep it from becoming a run-on. "Ejected" is more of a visual word than "jumping". The description at the end of the sentence was great in terms of the image you create-- keep doing things like that! I removed it to prevent a run-on.
		+
		+	'''* Their discovery of water-repelling properties could slow down the spread of germs while alleviating farmer's concerns.*'''
		+	-When you start the conclusion sentence with a conjunction, it masks the fact that the sentence is a conclusion. I included the description at the end to round out the sentence.
		+
		+
		+	*"Sneezing Plants"
		+
		+	Like humans, plants can transmit germs to other plants by "sneezing" on them. This has been tragic for farmers, as their plant production decreases from the spread of disease. A Virginia Tech research team performed an experiment where they injected wheat leaf rust disease on wheat plants, using water drops to imitate dew. The scientists observed the plant's reaction to the simulated dew; the plant released kinetic energy, and the water drops were ejected from it's surface. Their discovery of water-repelling properties could slow down the spread of germs while alleviating farmer's concerns.
		+
		+	https://www.dogonews.com/2019/8/15/sneezing-plants-may-be-spreading-pathogens-and-infecting-their-neighbors

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:19, 20 August 2019
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	Just as how people get sick when a sick person sneezes on them, plants seem to do the same thing. Plants can transmit germs to other plants by "sneezing" on them. It has been a tragedy for the farmers, their plants decreasing from the spread of a disease. A research team did an experiment where they injected the wheat leaf rust disease on some wheat plants and placed some water drops to imitate dew. They observed what happened after they put the water drops: the plant let out kinetic energy, resulting in the water drops jumping off the surface to another plant or carried by the wind. But, the team has discovered that if they changed the water-repelling properties, then it could slow down the spread of germs.		Just as how people get sick when a sick person sneezes on them, plants seem to do the same thing. Plants can transmit germs to other plants by "sneezing" on them. It has been a tragedy for the farmers, their plants decreasing from the spread of a disease. A research team did an experiment where they injected the wheat leaf rust disease on some wheat plants and placed some water drops to imitate dew. They observed what happened after they put the water drops: the plant let out kinetic energy, resulting in the water drops jumping off the surface to another plant or carried by the wind. But, the team has discovered that if they changed the water-repelling properties, then it could slow down the spread of germs.
	Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/8/15/sneezing-plants-may-be-spreading-pathogens-and-infecting-their-neighbors		Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/8/15/sneezing-plants-may-be-spreading-pathogens-and-infecting-their-neighbors
		+
		+	''*"Sneezing Plants"*'''
		+	- Good title, though it should be in quotations.
		+
		+	'''*Like humans, plants can transmit germs to other plants by "sneezing" on them.*'''
		+
		+	- We can eliminate many unnecessary words by simplifying the sentence. Also, introducing "sneezing" sets up the paragraph, and you have a beautiful sentence that follow's your intro that works well here.
		+
		+	'''*** This has been tragic for farmers, as their plant production
		+

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:51, 20 August 2019
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−	Pema's Article Summary	+	Pema's Article Summary Page
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		+	Sneezing Plants
		+	Just as how people get sick when a sick person sneezes on them, plants seem to do the same thing. Plants can transmit germs to other plants by "sneezing" on them. It has been a tragedy for the farmers, their plants decreasing from the spread of a disease. A research team did an experiment where they injected the wheat leaf rust disease on some wheat plants and placed some water drops to imitate dew. They observed what happened after they put the water drops: the plant let out kinetic energy, resulting in the water drops jumping off the surface to another plant or carried by the wind. But, the team has discovered that if they changed the water-repelling properties, then it could slow down the spread of germs.
		+	Source: https://www.dogonews.com/2019/8/15/sneezing-plants-may-be-spreading-pathogens-and-infecting-their-neighbors
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		+	Pema's Article Summary Page

	Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit For Human Life?		Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit For Human Life?

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:21, 19 August 2019
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	Source:https://www.popsci.com/radioactive-glowing-planets/		Source:https://www.popsci.com/radioactive-glowing-planets/

		+	'''*" Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit for Human Life?"*'''

		+	- Great title! Really pulls us in, tells us what the article will be about, sets the right tone. Only edit is "for"- this should be lowercase. For titles, prepositions, conjunctions and prepositions.
		+
		+	'''* Dwarf planets could be suitable to sustain human life, however there are many drawbacks to overcome before this could be a reality.*'''
		+
		+	- Stray away from "as well"! It is a frowned upon phrase, very colloquial. I used "however", an adverb, instead of a conjunction to join together the thoughts (adverbs are usually stronger for a sentence). I also included the additional phrase at the end to give clarity and round out the sentence.
		+
		+	'''*Some dwarf planets are the right temperature for water to remain in its liquid form. *'''
		+
		+	- "Are" is the verb to use, not "have" (planets are a certain temperature, they don't have one set temperature). "Remain in its liquid form" just helps for clarity.
		+
		+	'''*Taking an example from a coral species that reflects harmful UV- rays, similar to the ozone layer around Earth, scientists believed this could solve their problem.*'''
		+
		+	- This sentence needs to be explained a bit more. There also needs to be a smoother transition from the previous sentence because the two sentences seem unconnected.
		+
		+	'''*Unfortunately, the stars near dwarf planets can easily heat up the coldest surface and can destroy the ozone layer quickly.*'''
		+
		+	-Great sentence! Small changes; the adverb at the beginning of the sentence works better than a conjunction (also try not to start your sentence with a conjunction). I took out the semi-colon in exchange for a conjunction with keeps the flow going.
		+
		+	'''*Regardless of the benefits, scientists will not be able to tell if humans could actually survive on a dwarf planet.*'''
		+
		+	- Another good sentence, especially for your conclusion. The first part of your sentence did not sound as elevated as the rest of the article. "Can" represents present tense, so it must become "could". Well done!
		+
		+	*" Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit for Human Life?"
		+
		+	Dwarf planets could be suitable to sustain human life, however there are many drawbacks to overcome before this could be a reality. Some dwarf planets are the right temperature for water to remain in its liquid form. Taking an example from a coral species that reflects harmful UV-rays, similar to the ozone layer around Earth, scientists believed this could solve their problem. Unfortunately, the stars near dwarf planets can easily heat up the coldest surface and can destroy the ozone layer quickly. Regardless of the benefits, scientists will not be able to tell if humans could actually survive on a dwarf planet.
		+
		+	https://www.popsci.com/radioactive-glowing-planets/

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 Pema's Article Summary
   Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit For Human Life?
-There are ways dwarf planets could actually be suitable for humans there, but there are
+There are ways dwarf planets could actually be suitable for humans there, but there are drawbacks to it as well.  Some dwarf planets have the temperatures for water to be liquid. Scientists have discovered a coral that reflects harmful rays back, it's like our ozone layer on Earth. But, the stars nearby dwarf planets can easily heat up the coldest surfaces; they can destroy the ozone layer quickly. Even if people look at the benefits, we won't be able to tell if humans can actually survive on dwarf planets.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:28, 19 August 2019
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−	Pema's Article Summary ~~Page~~	+	Pema's Article Summary
		+
		+	Could Dwarf Planets Be Fit For Human Life?
		+	There are ways dwarf planets could actually be suitable for humans there, but there are

← Older revision	Revision as of 00:50, 15 August 2019
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	+	'''*"Humans are Causing Glaciers to Melt."*'''

	+	-You title puts the verb before the subject! The order must be switched.

	+	'''*The mighty glaciers are vital to maintaining sea levels.*'''
	+
	+	- Great first sentence! You can go even further with your imaginative description. "Vital" is more elevated and descriptive than "important", and "maintaining" supports the noun "sea levels".
	+
	+	'''* Scientists have been charting glaciers for years and discovered that they are melting at a faster rate than ever before. *'''
	+
	+	- "Charting" is more descriptive than "watching". "Have" is not necessary for the verb "discovered". Again, "melting glaciers" puts the verb before the subject. Also, your sentence is weaken by the adverb "quickly".
	+
	+	'''*Recent studies found that global warming has debilitated the winds, causing ocean water to spray the glaciers and melt them.*'''
	+
	+	- It is assumed that studies unveil some hidden information, so "found" fits better than "say", which does not assert the study as true. "Human-driven" is not needed because it is also assumed (I know the article uses that phrase, however I find it ties up the sentence. To each their own!). A comma has to separate "winds" and "causing" to show the parenthetical. "Spray" adds to the visual.
	+
	+	'''*Winds used to be stronger, but their patterns have evolved; humans are putting additional greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, changing how heat travels across the world.*'''
	+
	+	- Great sentence. You only need either "before" or "used"; the two together are redundant. The sentence that follows this one is a break from the natural flow you are building. Instead, the semi-colon helps join together the connected statements. I recommend to avoid vague words and replace them with a more visual one.
	+
	+	'''*If this continues, the world's temperature will keep rising-- but we never know what the future holds.*'''
	+
	+	- Some of the phrasing here is confusing. The dash helps show the sudden, hopefully shift.
	+
	+	*"Humans are Causing Glaciers to Melt."
	+
	+	The mighty glaciers are vital to maintaining sea levels. Scientists have been charting glaciers for years and discovered that they are melting at a faster rate than ever before. Recent studies found that global warming has debilitated the winds, causing ocean water to spray the glaciers and melt them. Winds used to be stronger, but their patterns have evolved; humans are putting additional greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, changing how heat travels across the world. If this continues, the world's temperature will keep rising-- but we never know what the future holds.
	+
	+	https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/2019/08/west-antarctic-glaciers-melting-human-influence/
	+

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:18, 15 August 2019
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		+	Pema's Article Summary Page
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	Pema's Article Summary Page		Pema's Article Summary Page