Pala - Revision history

76.240.37.248 at 16:53, 12 June 2020

2020-06-12T16:53:42Z

76.240.37.248 at 16:53, 12 June 2020

2020-06-12T16:53:30Z

76.240.37.248 at 16:53, 12 June 2020

2020-06-12T16:53:18Z

76.240.37.248 at 16:52, 12 June 2020

2020-06-12T16:52:49Z

76.240.37.248 at 16:52, 12 June 2020

2020-06-12T16:52:32Z

67.243.165.88 at 22:01, 11 June 2020

2020-06-11T22:01:49Z

76.240.37.248 at 19:00, 11 June 2020

2020-06-11T19:00:16Z

76.240.37.248 at 18:59, 11 June 2020

2020-06-11T18:59:54Z

76.240.37.248 at 18:59, 11 June 2020

2020-06-11T18:59:30Z

76.240.37.248 at 18:59, 11 June 2020

2020-06-11T18:59:18Z

@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 Edits:
-<br> The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
+The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
     I took out your first sentence because it isn't necessary. Make sure to start your paragraph with your answer to the prompt's question, which is that you are stating that the boy made his family fair!

@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 Edits:
 <br> The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
     I took out your first sentence because it isn't necessary. Make sure to start your paragraph with your answer to the prompt's question, which is that you are stating that the boy made his family fair!

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:53, 12 June 2020
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	Edited paragraph:		Edited paragraph:
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	The four-year-old boy made his family fair. According to the story, "when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows that the boy made his family fair because he made the trough so his parents wouldn't get scolded for spilling when they got old.		The four-year-old boy made his family fair. According to the story, "when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows that the boy made his family fair because he made the trough so his parents wouldn't get scolded for spilling when they got old.

@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 Edits:
-The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
+<br> The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
     I took out your first sentence because it isn't necessary. Make sure to start your paragraph with your answer to the prompt's question, which is that you are stating that the boy made his family fair!

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:52, 12 June 2020
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		+	== Things to work on: ==
		+	<br> 1. '''Make sure your first sentence answers the question!''' In your paragraph, your ''second'' sentence actually answers the question, so I took out your first sentence because it isn't necessary.
		+	<br> 2. Make sure your last sentence '''explains why the quote proves your first sentence.''' Try using a sentence with '''because''' in it. See how I edited your last sentence below for an example!
		+	You've got this!

−	This is what I can describe about the four year old boy. The four year old boy made his family fair. According to the text," when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows what I can describe about the boy.	+	Original paragraph:
		+	This is what I can describe about the four year old boy. The four year old boy made his family fair. According to the text," when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows what I can describe about the boy.

		+	Edits:
		+	The four-year-old boy made his family fair.
		+	I took out your first sentence because it isn't necessary. Make sure to start your paragraph with your answer to the prompt's question, which is that you are stating that the boy made his family fair!

		+	According to the story, "when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded."
		+	Good job putting quotes around the whole passage that is your quote! Try changing up how you introduce the quote so you don't repeat the same words every paragraph. Some examples are "According to the story," "In ''The Old Grandfather and His Grandson,'''' or "In the text."

		+	This shows that the boy made his family fair because he made the trough so his parents wouldn't get scolded for spilling when they got old.
		+	Here is how I made your last sentence '''complete the E in RACE by explaining.'''

		+	Edited paragraph:
		+	The four-year-old boy made his family fair. According to the story, "when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows that the boy made his family fair because he made the trough so his parents wouldn't get scolded for spilling when they got old.

← Older revision	Revision as of 22:01, 11 June 2020
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	+	This is what I can describe about the four year old boy. The four year old boy made his family fair. According to the text," when the boy or anyone in their family would spill their food they would get scolded. Then the boy said that I am going to make a little trough, and the whole family cried happy tears, so when anyone spilled a little bit of anything they won't get scolded." This shows what I can describe about the boy.
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@@ Line 14: / Line 14: @@
 '''Comments:'''
-<br> 1. Make sure to use quotation marks at both '''the beginning''' and '''the end''' of the part from the story you copied. Here is an example: According to the text, the bird "sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat."
+<br> 1. Make sure to use quotation marks at both '''the beginning''' and '''the end''' of the part from the story you copied. <br>Here is an example: According to the text, the bird "sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat."
 <br> 2. "This" is a singular pronoun so make sure to use "shows" with an "s." You have done this in your previous paragraphs so make sure to proofread!

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 Original paragraph: This is what the bird did to the bad man. The bird set the feathers in his chest and throat. According to the text," the bird sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat. This show what the bird did to the bad man.
-'''Comments:
+'''Comments:'''
-'''<br> 1. Make sure to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of the part from the story you copied. Here is an example: According to the text, the bird "sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat."
+<br> 1. Make sure to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of the part from the story you copied. Here is an example: According to the text, the bird "sets his feathers on end round his chest and throat."
 <br> 2. "This" is a singular pronoun so make sure to use "shows" with an "s." You have done this in your previous paragraphs so make sure to proofread!