Mimo editor - Revision history

73.177.7.207 at 18:42, 15 June 2018

2018-06-15T18:42:48Z

73.177.7.207 at 05:54, 14 June 2018

2018-06-14T05:54:58Z

73.177.7.207 at 13:54, 12 June 2018

2018-06-12T13:54:48Z

73.177.7.207 at 00:24, 12 June 2018

2018-06-12T00:24:03Z

73.177.7.207 at 19:08, 7 June 2018

2018-06-07T19:08:08Z

73.177.7.207 at 17:28, 6 June 2018

2018-06-06T17:28:32Z

73.177.7.207 at 22:00, 4 June 2018

2018-06-04T22:00:49Z

73.177.7.207 at 20:05, 31 May 2018

2018-05-31T20:05:24Z

73.177.7.207 at 17:19, 28 May 2018

2018-05-28T17:19:56Z

73.177.7.207 at 20:00, 24 May 2018

2018-05-24T20:00:11Z

← Older revision	Revision as of 18:42, 15 June 2018
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	+	The Science Behind Swimming after Eating
	+
	+	Urban Legends say that it's unsafe to eat after swimming.
	+
	+	However, science can prove it wrong.
	+
	+	By the time food is consumed, it takes about four hours to leave the stomach.
	+	***I changed "4" to "four." Remember that anything below the number ten should be spelled out. I removed "the" from the beginning, it just wasn't needed. Also, I changed "eaten" to "consumed." I thought it was a better word to use.; By the time the food is eaten, it takes about 4 hours to leave the stomach.
	+
	+	The chances of getting a stomach cramp are rare because muscle cramps are a totally different matter.
	+	***I changed the "is" verb to the plural "are." Since the verb is reflecting the amount of "chances," it should be "are." The same goes for the second "is" after "cramps." And the comma should be removed.; The chances of getting a stomach cramp is rare, because muscle cramps is a totally different matter.
	+
	+	The urban legend was created due to a food and drowning link.
	+	***I changed the pronoun "this" to the determiner "the." It seemed to fit better. I removed "mistakenly because of" and put in "due to." It was changed because it was already used in the sentence prior and it gives the sentence a little more flare. Also, I removed the hyphen between "food" and "drowning" and just used "and."; This urban legend was created mistakenly because of a food- drowning link.
	+
	+	Ever since then, parents tell children to wait until their food digests, but now science proved that after eating, it's fine to swim right after.
	+	***So, I changed "that incident" to "then" because there was never really an incident discussed. I removed the pronoun "their" since it can be assumed that parents are talking to their own children. I corrected the spelling of "proved" by added the "r." I removed the adverb "totally" because it is not needed. And I changed "right away" to "right after." I thought it was more direct.; Ever since that incident, parents tell their children to wait until their food digests, but now science poved that after eating, it's totally fine to swim right away.
	+
	+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-really-dangerous-to-swim-after-eating
	+
	+	Interesting topic and good title. Remember that when your noun or the main topic of the sentence (like "chances" or "cramps") is plural, you should use the verb "are." "Are" goes with plural nouns and "is" go with singular. Be sure to run your writings through Microsoft Word or use the free version of Grammarly. These tools can help catch mistakes that you and I wouldn't even catch.
	+
	+
	+	The Science Behind Swimming after Eating
	+
	+	Urban Legends say that it's unsafe to eat after swimming. However, science can prove it wrong. By the time food is consumed, it takes about four hours to leave the stomach. The chances of getting a stomach cramp are rare because muscle cramps are a totally different matter. The urban legend was created due to a food and drowning link. Ever since then, parents tell children to wait until their food digests, but now science proved that after eating, it's fine to swim right after.
	+
	+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-really-dangerous-to-swim-after-eating
	+

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:54, 14 June 2018
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		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+	Usain Bolt: The Fastest Human Alive
		+	***The title just needed more specificity and flare. Or it would have been fine with "The Fastest Human Alive."; Fastest Human Alive
		+
		+	Encyclopædia Britannica writer, Kara Rodgers, defines speed as "the rate where an object moves through time."
		+	***Amazing opening, however, since you are defining something, you'll need to state a source.; Speed is the rate where an object moves through time.
		+
		+	Usain Bolt, also known as the fastest man alive, set a world record in the 100-meter dash with 9.58 seconds.
		+	***I say the first part of this sentence should be swapped. Usain is his name and he is known by his nickname. Also, I added a hyphen between "100" and "meter."; The fastest man alive, also known as Usain Bolt, set a world record in the 100 meter dash with 9.58 seconds.
		+
		+	If calculated correctly, that's faster than the average traffic speed in some cities.
		+	***I assume that there is a or two missing word here that would make the sentence more understandable. I added "correctly" and "the." I removed "car" and added "speed" behind "traffic."; If calculated that's faster than average car traffic in some cities.
		+
		+	Because of his height and size, Usain can run a lot easier with the use of his long strides.
		+	***I thought the wording in this sentence could have been better. I removed "it makes" and added "can" behind "Usain." Another option instead of "can" would be "has the ability to."; Because of his height and size, it makes Usain run a lot easier with the use of his long strides.
		+
		+	With that in consideration, no other person has beaten his record at this moment.
		+	***It is possible that you could've had a stronger conclusion to really put a bow on what you said. I decided to omit "in conclusion" and use "with that in consideration" instead. I changed the verb form of "beat" to "beaten."; In conclusion, no other person has beat his record at this moment.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-fast-is-the-worlds-fastest-human
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+	Be sure to watch out for missing words. When words are missing, readers could have a difficult time reading what you wrote. Try to write stronger conclusions by reflecting on what you wrote earlier.
		+
		+
		+	Usain Bolt: The Fastest Human Alive
		+
		+	Encyclopædia Britannica writer, Kara Rodgers, defines speed as "the rate where an object moves through time." Usain Bolt, also known as the fastest man alive, set a world record in the 100-meter dash with 9.58 seconds. If calculated correctly, that's faster than the average traffic speed in some cities. Because of his height and size, Usain can run a lot easier with the use of his long strides. With that in consideration, no other person has beaten his record at this moment.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-fast-is-the-worlds-fastest-human
		+
		+
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	Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction		Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:54, 12 June 2018
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		+	-----
		+	Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction
		+	***I made this the title because of the original being a question. ;How do Species become Endangered?
		+
		+	In the world, there are over 7,000 species that are endangered.
		+	***There should be a space between the comma and "there." I corrected the spelling of "hat" to "that."; In the world,there are over 7,000 species hat are endangered.
		+
		+	The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) states that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70% over 10 years, then it's considered endangered.
		+	***I removed "from," I did see why it was used there. "States" is a little better to use than the common "says." I thought it was important to add the "over 10 years" detail. Time spans can be important, too.; From the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) says that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70%, then it's considered endangered.
		+
		+	One of the common reasons why the species are dying is due to humans interacting with nature.
		+	***I can say that humans aren't the sole reason for all species going extinct and that is the tone you set here. So, by saying "one of the common reasons," you establish that humans aren't the main reason why. I replaced "because of" to "due to" just to add a change in style.; The reason why these species are dying is because of humans interacting with nature.
		+
		+	The article explains that "Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities." This shows how the bulk of human activities harm not only the species but the environment they live, as well.
		+	***"For example, in the article, it states" seemed like a jumble of words that didn't get much accomplished. So, I replaced it with "The article explains that." This is a good quote to use to explain your statement from above, but I think you should possibly add another sentence to explain and expound on this quote.; For example, in the article, it states,"Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities."
		+
		+	The possible future will see most species extinction from human interaction, however, if humans choose to help nature through conservation efforts, then it will be one step closer to healing the planet.
		+	***I thought the article would have been much better if it ended on how people are using conservation to help wildlife. I believe that was an important part of the article to include here. To show that humans created this mess and some are trying to fix it.; Sooner or later, all species will die from human interaction, but if we choose to help nature, then nature will run its course and heal the planet.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-makes-a-species-endangered
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+	Try not to close on a quote. Always having the expounding sentence after the quote to explain your stance and why you used it. Remember to avoid questions in the title. I revised the title after I completed the revision of the body paragraph. I recommend that you create a title after your done writing. You can reflect back on what you wrote and create something from there. Unless you came up with something truly amazing.
		+
		+
		+	Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction
		+
		+	In the world, there are over 7,000 species that are endangered. The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) states that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70% over 10 years, then it's considered endangered. One of the common reasons why the species are dying is due to humans interacting with nature. The article explains that "Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities." This shows how the bulk of human activities harm not only the species but the environment they live, as well. The possible future will see most species extinction from human interaction, however, if humans choose to help nature through conservation efforts, then it will be one step closer to healing the planet.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-makes-a-species-endangered
		+
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	The Discoloration of Bananas		The Discoloration of Bananas

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:24, 12 June 2018
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		+	-----
		+	The Discoloration of Bananas
		+
		+	When grocery shopping, people buy green bananas and within days later, it changes to bright yellow.
		+	***Here, I changed the beginning to make it briefer. I made everything before the first comma three words from six words. I put "green" in front of "bananas." There really wasn't a "however" moment in the sentence for the word to be used.; When going to the grocery store, many people buy bananas that are green, however in a couple of days, it changes to bright yellow.
		+
		+	The color changes due to a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process in bananas, like most fruits.
		+	***I changed a lot here in this sentence. I completely removed "the reason why" at the beginning and started with "the color." I removed "bananas, like most fruits" from its original spot and moved it towards the end. I thought it was important to keep that information included.
		+	; The reason why the color changes is because bananas, like most fruits, react with a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process.
		+
		+	When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and sweeter.
		+	***The only problem I have with this sentence is the last word. "Tastier" is one of those words that writers really should not include because the rule is that something maybe tasty to you, but not to the readers. It is the little things that some look at. So, I substituted the word for what happens when a banana ripens more and more. It gets sweeter.; When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and tastier.
		+
		+	If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay, brown, and turn mushy in texture.
		+	***I changed the ending by removing "turn" from "brown" and put it with "mush." In this case, "brown" is used as a verb.; If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay and turn brown and even mushier.
		+
		+	So, when the banana begins to turn brown, that means the banana should be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.
		+	***I removed a removed a few words that seemed like the sentence could be fine without. I thought "begins" was a better verb than "starts" and I thought "should be" was better than "needs to be." "Should be" sounds like a recommendation.; So from now on, when the banana starts to turn brown, that means the banana needs to be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-bananas-turn-brown
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+	Be careful of words like "brown," it is a color that tends to be a verb (brown/browned/browning)."Tastier" is a word that you should try to avoid because the rule is that something maybe tasty to you, but not to the readers.
		+
		+
		+	The Discoloration of Bananas
		+
		+	When grocery shopping, people buy green bananas and within days later, it changes to bright yellow. The color changes due to a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process in bananas, like most fruits. When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and sweeter. If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay, brown, and turn mushy in texture. So, when the banana begins to turn brown, that means the banana should be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-bananas-turn-brown
		+
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	Serving Popcorn at Movies		Serving Popcorn at Movies

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:08, 7 June 2018
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		+	-----
		+	Serving Popcorn at Movies
		+
		+	Popcorn is an ideal snack when watching a movie.
		+
		+	When movies started to become popular in the United States, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced.
		+	***Here, I simply removed "however" because you were not giving a "nevertheless" statement that required it. Also, I added where movies and popcorn became popular. With the specifics, readers will not know where you are talking about.; However, when movies started to become popular, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced.
		+
		+	Popcorn is a type of corn, originally from Central America, which rose in popularity in the 1800s.
		+	***I removed "actual" because it is not needed. Just by saying its corn, it means that its actually corn. With that removal, I changed "an" to "a." I replaced "popular" with "rose in popularity." Its something different than "popular," which you already used in the sentence before.; Popcorn is an actual type of corn, originally from Central America, which became popular in the 1800s.
		+
		+	Making popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression.
		+	***"Making" is more suitable for this since they did not literally create it.; Creating popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression.
		+
		+	Popcorn is a must for moviegoers and they're thankful for those who introduced popcorn into theaters.
		+	***I had to remove "founders" because technically wasn't the "founders" the Central Americans? You have to be careful when wording sentences like that. Its similar to saying Christopher Colombus founded America when there were people already there. And "introduced" is a much more fitting verb that "applied."; Popcorn is a must and people are thankful for the founders who applied popcorn into theaters.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-movie-theaters-serve-popcorn
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+
		+	Serving Popcorn at Movies
		+
		+	Popcorn is an ideal snack when watching a movie. When movies started to become popular in the United States, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced. Popcorn is a type of corn, originally from Central America, which rose in popularity in the 1800s. Making popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression. Popcorn is a must for moviegoers and they're thankful for those who introduced popcorn into theaters.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-movie-theaters-serve-popcorn
		+

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← Older revision		Revision as of 17:28, 6 June 2018
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		+
		+	-----
		+
		+	How Pizza Came to America
		+	***I changed the title because the original was lacking. It did not do much for the summary. It could be considered misleading because it sounded like you were going to talk ablut how much pizza is made and consumed in the U.S. Also, in titles, do not capitalize "in" and other prepositions. And if you use a colon anywhere, make sure there is a space between the punctuation and the word to the right of it.; Most Popular Food In America:PIZZA
		+
		+	Pizza is a staple food item in America, but it wasn't created by Americans.
		+	***I changed "diet" to "food," because "diet" covers a group of food rather than just one particular food. "Founded" was not a good choice for this sentence. You can't "found" a food item like a country. I put "created" in its place because you can create food. Also, I removed the second "pizza" and put in "it." The second one seemed to throw off the sound of the sentence and was repetitive.; Pizza is a staple diet in America, but pizza wasn't founded by Americans.
		+
		+	It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created the pizza.
		+	***I changed "where" to "when." Try to match time with "when" and setting with "where." There is a missing article in front of "pizza." You can get away with it, but it seems like "the" was really needed.; It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created pizza.
		+
		+	However, the Italians introduced the food in America between 1880 and 1920.
		+	***I changed "pizza" to "food" just to break the repetition of the word. And I changed "during" to "between." Its what the article says and is a better fit than "during." When you say "during," it looks like you're talking about the time of the 1880s and 1920s and not the timespan of 1880s to the 1920s.; However, the Italians introduced the pizza in America during 1880 and 1920.
		+
		+	Italian immigrants made and sold pizzas from their homes and unlicensed venues.
		+	***The Italians who popularized pizz werent necessarily "Italian-American" at that moment. I found the wording to be awkward when reading. The context of the sentence was not clear due to missing words and word choice. Be sure to pay attention to the words you use. Earlier, you said the Greeks created pizza then here you say the Italians created it. "Create" should be used in the terms of making something new.; Italian-Americans that lived at that time created pizza and sold it unlicensed venues
		+
		+	Then, the first licensed pizzeria in New York, named G. Lombardi's, opened in 1905, which is still open today.
		+	***I had to reform this sentence. "Then" is a better transition than "until." The original word would have worked better if it was apart of the sentence before. I added an appositive by inserting "named G. Lombardi's" in the middle of the sentence. Be sure to spell out the name of states.; Until, the first licensed pizzeria in NY is G. Lombardi's, which is still open today.
		+
		+	Soon, pizzerias became popular in America and almost every corner had one.
		+	*** I removed "very." It's not needed. Also, I removed the second "pizzeria" to avoid being repetitive.; Soon, pizzerias became very popular in America and almost every corner had a pizzeria.
		+
		+	With America being the "land of opportunity," the Italians took advantage of it and gave us the delicious pizza.
		+	***This sentence seems like a very awkward ending to this summary. I fixed it up some to give it a conclusion tone.; America is the land of opportunity and the Italians took it and gave us the delicious and savory pizza.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s
		+	Edited by MIchael Morrow
		+
		+	Try to avoid using very. Pay attnetion the way you use words like "make" and "create." Do not capitalize prepositions and articles in title unless it is the first word in the title.
		+
		+
		+	How Pizza Came to America
		+	Pizza is a staple food item in America, but it wasn't created by Americans. It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created the pizza. However, the Italians introduced the food in America between 1880 and 1920. Italian immigrants made and sold pizzas from their homes and unlicensed venues. Then, the first licensed pizzeria in New York, named G. Lombardi's, opened in 1905, which is still open today. Soon, pizzerias became popular in America and almost every corner had one. With America being the "land of opportunity," the Italians took advantage of it and gave us the delicious pizza.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s
		+
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← Older revision		Revision as of 22:00, 4 June 2018
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		+	-----
		+
		+
		+	Friendly Neighborhood Spider
		+
		+	Spiders are always in our lives.
		+	***Since you use the broad term "lives," there is no need to say "houses." "Lives" cover exactly what you mean: life. Which, means they are everywhere.; Spiders are always in our lives and houses.
		+
		+	Scientists completed a visual survey in 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses.
		+	***You did not need both "some" and "scientists." "Some" indicates that there were multiple scientists working on the survey, you can just use the plural of "scientist" to the do job of "some." I changed a few words at the beginning like "completed" instead of "had" and "in" instead of "of." These small changes add more conciseness to the sentence.; Some scientists had a visual survey of 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses.
		+
		+	Every house has spiders and the most common are cobweb and cellar spiders.
		+
		+	People are normally afraid of spiders due to having multiple legs and most being venomous.
		+	***I thought these sentence could be restated in a better way. I was able to shorten the sentence and made the diction a little more strict. The original sentence had missing commas and seemed "messy."; People are always afraid and it is normal because spiders have lots of legs and most of them are venomous.
		+
		+	However, spiders usually prefer to avoid humans.
		+
		+	Spiders will always be in our houses, providing protection against other insects, so don't kill the next spider you encounter.
		+	***You can say more here. You can add one or two more sentences talking about how they provide protection against other insects. Give the readers that friendly neighbor feeling. I had to remove one of the "next." I opted for the first one because the phrase "next time" really is not needed.; Spiders will always be in our houses protecting from other insects, so next time, don't kill the next spider you encounter.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+	I liked the title, it is catchy and clever. Good job on knowing to use numbers when going over ten. Why say "one thousand" when you can say "1,000?" Beware of those small grammar piece where you say "some scientists." Both are plural so, only one is needed. Try to avoid repetition, as well. That goes for using the same word more than once in the same sentence, using the same word in one sentence then right in the next, or just over usnig the word or phrase too many times in a paragraph.
		+
		+
		+	Friendly Neighborhood Spider
		+
		+	Spiders are always in our lives. Scientists completed a visual survey in 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses. Every house has spiders and the most common are cobweb and cellar spiders. People are normally afraid of spiders due to having multiple legs and most being venomous. However, spiders usually prefer to avoid humans. Spiders will always be in our houses, providing protection against other insects, so don't kill the next spider you encounter.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders
		+
		+	-----
		+

	The Consequences of Zit Popping		The Consequences of Zit Popping

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:05, 31 May 2018
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		+
		+	The Consequences of Zit Popping
		+
		+	People love popping zits, however, it's unhealthy for the body. For example, by popping zits, you're popping a thin layer of skin, which covers the pus, and infectious bacterial can enter your body. Also, popping zits causes the skin to inflame then form into an acne scar. Fortunately, there are other ways to get rid of zits. Using benzoyl peroxide or anti-inflammatory creams will get rid of acne. So, be sure not to pop your pimples or they'll stay there forever.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/popping-pimples
		+

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← Older revision	Revision as of 17:19, 28 May 2018
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	+	-----
	+	Artificial Intelligence Helping to Create Music
	+	***The original title was bland and had nothing to it. suggest you form the title by looking at the article's title and after you completed the summary. The finished work will give you a good idea of what kind of title you want. The new title is more enticing than the original.; Artificial Music
	+
	+	A group of Facebook researchers created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it using different instruments.
	+	***I capitalized "a" at the beginning of the sentence. Multiple changes were made in the sentence like removing "small," "from," "it." Words being replaced and moved was also done. Be sure to remember to always capitalize the first word in the sentence. This revised sentence removes the wordiness of the original, so try to follow that path when writing.; a small group of researchers from Facebook created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it it with different instruments.
	+
	+	Lior Wolf, a co-author of a new study detailing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument.
	+	***Again, here, I tried to remove the wordiness and shorten the sentence. Long sentences are normally deal breakers for potential readers. I replaced "describing" with "detailing." The new word gives an official analytical tone to the study.; Lior Wolf, one of the co-authors of a new study describing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument.
	+
	+	Many people are using the AI system and their responses have been positive.
	+	***I suggest using either "system" or "program" behind "AI." I changed "are" to "have been" due to a word choice issue. I was working with the quote and just removed it all together. With both the sentence and the quote, it becomes redundant.; Many people are using the AI and their responses are positive, "The first convincing musical style transfer I've heard."
	+
	+	Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start utilizing the program and create music.
	+	***I removed "fool around" because it's not that professional. I replaced it with "utilizing the program" and replaced "make some" with "create." Always try to maintain the tone of professionalism when writing essays, summaries, and articles.
	+	; Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start to fool around with it and make some music.
	+
	+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/universal-music-translation-artificial-intelligence
	+	Edited by Michael Morrow
	+
	+	I highly recommend first typing the summaries into Microsoft Word first. It will catch the mistakes that the eye looked over. Also, read your work aloud, you can catch errors that way as well. One main thing you should work on is word choice. Once you begin to write more and more, you'll develop a sense for it. So, always question your writing. You should be thinking, "Is this the word I want to use?" And do not be afraid to add another sentence. This possibly could have used one more.
	+
	+
	+
	+	Artificial Intelligence Helping to Create Music
	+
	+	A group of Facebook researchers created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it using different instruments. Lior Wolf, a co-author of a new study detailing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument. Many people are using the AI system and their responses have been positive. Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start utilizing the program and create music.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:00, 24 May 2018
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		+	The NFL Bans Kneeling During the National Anthem
		+	***Be sure to keep questions away from the title. Also, "football" is too broad of a term to use when speaking on a specific issue. Kneeling is banned in the NFL not in college or high school football. So be more specific. The revised sentence is more specific and is straight to the point.; Kneeling Banned From Football?
		+
		+	Players kneeling as the national anthem plays has been a major controversy in the NFL.
		+	***The revised sentence sets a strong tone of what the article will be about. You need to say what is going on. "Kneeling" by itself is not sufficient when discussing this topic. The revision answers the questions about who is kneeling, does it matter, and when/where is it happening. Try to take advantage of complex sentences instead of simple ones like this.; Kneeling has been a huge controversy in the NFL.
		+
		+	This has led to the football league losing support from fans and money from sponsors.
		+	***Here, I wanted to go in-depth on what is happening. This revision shows what is lost. Like "money from sponsors" is much more detailed than just "money." Since the NFL name will be mentioned so many times, I strongly recommend using different names for the NFL to add variety and lose the repetition. So, I removed "NFL" in this sentence and put in "football league." You can use phrases like that, so you won't have to keep using the actual name of the company.;The NFL has been losing fans and money.
		+
		+	The NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem."
		+	***I added "NFL" before "commissioner" because it was never said what was he the commissioner of. So, always keep that in mind, especially if it is a title.; The commissioner Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem."
		+
		+	The NFL has concluded that if players or personnel disrespect the anthem, then they will be fined.
		+	***I changed "of" to "if." I changed the ending. It seemed to be more direct if you say that the person doing the disrespecting will be fined. To make this sentence less wordy, I removed "come to the conclusion" and added "concluded." This one word does the job of the previous four.; The NFL has come to the conclusion that of players or teams disrespect the anthem, then there will be a fine.
		+
		+	This process took the league months to find a solution.
		+	***Again, I removed "NFL" and replaced it with "the league." The words "in discussions" is not needed at all. I changed the word choice at the end of the sentence. From the summary and article, there was not a compromise, but a solution. Compromise means that both sides come to an agreement.; This process took the NFL months in discussions to find a compromise.
		+
		+	So, the players are not allowed to kneel during the anthem or there will be consequences.
		+	***"To sum this up" should be avoided, because it sounds too essay-ish. Articles are mainly proper. yet conversational. I put "so" in its place. I polished the first part of the sentence as well. Instead of saying "disrespect," close it by saying what they are not allowed to do.; To sum this up, the players cant disrespect the anthem or there will be consequences.
		+
		+	Source: http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/23582533/nfl-owners-approve-new-national-anthem-policy
		+	Edited by Michael Morrow
		+
		+	Very interesting article to choose from. And the article source is good as well. I recommend taking a sentence and writing it different ways and see which is the best. Also, try to work on word choice by looking at different synonyms of a word or going with the more simpler term. And remember to not have questions as your title.
		+
		+
		+	The NFL Bans Kneeling During the National Anthem
		+
		+	Players kneeling as the national anthem plays has been a major controversy in the NFL. This has led to the football league losing support from fans and money from sponsors. The NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem." The NFL has concluded that if players or personnel disrespect the anthem, then they will be fined. This process took the league months to find a solution. So, the players are not allowed to kneel during the anthem or there will be consequences.
		+
		+	Source: http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/23582533/nfl-owners-approve-new-national-anthem-policy
		+
		+
		+	-----

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