Krth - Revision history

Irvingwash at 01:18, 22 April 2020

2020-04-22T01:18:24Z

Irvingwash: Reverted edits by Irvingwash (talk) to last revision by 68.174.185.83

2020-04-22T01:17:01Z

Reverted edits by Irvingwash (talk) to last revision by 68.174.185.83

Show changes

Irvingwash at 01:15, 22 April 2020

2020-04-22T01:15:02Z

Irvingwash: Reverted edits by 68.174.185.83 (talk) to last revision by 45.50.193.152

2020-04-22T01:00:59Z

Reverted edits by 68.174.185.83 (talk) to last revision by 45.50.193.152

68.174.185.83 at 17:15, 21 April 2020

2020-04-21T17:15:45Z

45.50.193.152 at 23:12, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T23:12:24Z

68.174.185.83 at 00:55, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T00:55:02Z

68.174.185.83 at 00:54, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T00:54:31Z

68.174.185.83 at 01:11, 16 April 2020

2020-04-16T01:11:01Z

45.50.193.152 at 07:07, 15 April 2020

2020-04-15T07:07:39Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:18, 22 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	~~Two ways Earth Day~~ is ~~being celebrated~~ is ~~instead~~ of ~~going~~ out in ~~person~~ and ~~trying~~ to ~~help~~ the ~~environment~~ by ~~planting trees and doing fun activities instead we are going~~ to ~~have a lifestream~~ for ~~earth day~~ I know this because in the text it states ~~“The free five-day event~~, which ~~will be live~~-~~streamed~~ to ~~viewers worldwide via~~ the ~~wedonthavetime~~.~~org website will culminate on April 25~~, ~~2020~~, with ~~a Climate Hackathon”~~. Another ~~reason why Earth Day~~ is ~~going~~ to ~~be celebrated~~ is that The ~~Earth day network Is partnered~~ with ~~we don’t have time~~ and ~~Exponentialroadmap~~ I know this because it also states in the text ~~“ The Earth Day Network~~, in ~~partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don~~'~~t Have Time~~ and ~~Exponentialroadmap has planned~~ the world~~'s largest digital climate conference”~~. ~~These are~~ the two ~~ways Earth Day~~ is ~~being celebrated~~.	+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	<br>I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.
		+	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
		+	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>This is how child world hunger ended.
		+	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
		+	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.
		+
		+	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:15, 22 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	<br>I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.
		+	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
		+	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>This is how child world hunger ended.
		+	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
		+	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.
		+
		+	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+	The two new events stated are that Japanese people found out a new way to make learning easy an online I know this because in the text it states” Zoom The Beginning of the virtual graduation ceremony”. The other event is Japan created robots so they can go in person to meet people by wearing a cap and gown for graduation and these robots names are “New me” I know this because in the text it states “ avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns”. These are the two new events stated in the story.
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	<br>I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.
		+	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
		+	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>This is how child world hunger ended.
		+	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
		+	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.
		+
		+	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.		Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:00, 22 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	~~Two ways Earth Day~~ is ~~being celebrated~~ is ~~instead~~ of ~~going out in person~~ and ~~trying~~ to help the ~~environment by planting trees~~ and ~~doing fun activities instead we are going~~ to ~~have a lifestream for earth day~~ I know this because in the text it states ~~“The free five-day event~~, ~~which will be live-streamed~~ to ~~viewers worldwide via~~ the ~~wedonthavetime.org website will culminate on April 25~~, ~~2020~~, with ~~a Climate Hackathon”~~. Another ~~reason why Earth Day~~ is ~~going~~ to ~~be celebrated~~ is that The ~~Earth day network Is partnered~~ with ~~we don’t have time~~ and ~~Exponentialroadmap~~ I know this because it also states in the text ~~“ The Earth Day Network~~, in ~~partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don~~'~~t Have Time~~ and ~~Exponentialroadmap has planned~~ the world~~'s largest digital climate conference”~~. ~~These are~~ the two ~~ways Earth Day~~ is ~~being celebrated~~.	+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	<br>I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.
		+	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
		+	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>This is how child world hunger ended.
		+	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
		+	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.
		+
		+	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:15, 21 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is ~~that by persuading shoppers to buy tons~~ of ~~tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states~~ in ~~the text “ has helped build four school gardens~~ to ~~give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which~~ the ~~brothers stock with food~~ and ~~toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.~~	+	Two ways Earth Day is being celebrated is instead of going out in person and trying to help the environment by planting trees and doing fun activities instead we are going to have a lifestream for earth day I know this because in the text it states “The free five-day event, which will be live-streamed to viewers worldwide via the wedonthavetime.org website will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon”. Another reason why Earth Day is going to be celebrated is that The Earth day network Is partnered with we don’t have time and Exponentialroadmap I know this because it also states in the text “ The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference”. These are the two ways Earth Day is being celebrated.
−
−
−	~~Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed~~ are ~~that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.~~
−	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to ~~help and donate~~ a ~~lot of food.~~
−	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
−
−	~~<br>~~I know this because in the text it states ~~“ he talked shoppers into buying food 1~~,~~400 pounds worth~~ to ~~send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”~~.
−	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, ~~"He talked shoppers into buying food 1~~,~~400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks~~ with ~~kids during spring break."~~
−	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
−
−	~~<br>~~Another ~~accomplishment William Winslow completed~~ is ~~that by persuading shoppers~~ to ~~buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.~~
−	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is ~~helping end world hunger, especially for children.~~
−	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The ~~end of world..."~~
−
−	~~<br>~~I know this because it also states in the text “ ~~has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries~~, ~~which the brothers stock~~ with ~~food and toiletries each Friday”.~~
−	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has ~~set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."~~
−	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the ~~quotation mark.~~
−
−	~~<br>This is how child world hunger ended.~~
−	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world ~~hunger lessened.~~
−	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
−
−
−	'''~~Final Edited Version:~~
−	~~One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food~~. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the ~~text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up~~ two ~~Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This~~ is ~~how world hunger lessened~~.
−
−	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
−
−	~~Edited by Ashley Leung~~

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:12, 17 April 2020
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	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.		Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.
		+
		+
		+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.
		+	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
		+	***This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.
		+
		+	<br>I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.
		+	***Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
		+	***"In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
		+	***Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."
		+
		+	<br>I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.
		+	***Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
		+	***Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.
		+
		+	<br>This is how child world hunger ended.
		+	***Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
		+	***Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.
		+
		+	***Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:55, 17 April 2020
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−	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.	+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:54, 17 April 2020
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−	~~The two new events stated~~ are that ~~Japanese people found out a new way to make learning easy an online~~ I know this because in the text it ~~states” Zoom The Beginning of the virtual graduation ceremony”~~. ~~The other event~~ is ~~Japan created robots so they can go in person~~ to ~~meet people by wearing a cap and gown~~ for ~~graduation and these robots names are “New me”~~ I know this because in the text ~~it states~~ “ ~~avatar robots~~, ~~dressed in graduation caps~~ and ~~gowns”~~. ~~These are the two new events stated in the story~~.	+	Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:11, 16 April 2020
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−	The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes. I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”. Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut. I know this because in the text it also states that ~~you need near perfect eyesight and~~ a ~~very good fit body. These are the~~ new ~~requirements~~ to ~~becoming an astronaut.~~	+	The two new events stated are that Japanese people found out a new way to make learning easy an online I know this because in the text it states” Zoom The Beginning of the virtual graduation ceremony”. The other event is Japan created robots so they can go in person to meet people by wearing a cap and gown for graduation and these robots names are “New me” I know this because in the text it states “ avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns”. These are the two new events stated in the story.
−
−
−	~~The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes.~~
−	***Edited for capitalization and fluidity: The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes.
−	***No need for capitalization of "requirements," "have," and "jet." Since you're talking about requirements set by NASA, you should clarify that this is for astronauts for NASA (since astronauts of other countries might have different requirements). No need to write "That NASA wants you to have," just directly say "the requirements are..." Since you're listing the requirements, no need to add "and you need to have..." (just connect it with "and"). "Master's degree" has an ~~apostrophe "s."~~
−
−	~~<br>~~I know this because in the text it states” ~~now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience~~ of ~~flying jet plane”.~~
−	***Edited for punctuation (quotation mark, comma, period): I know this because the ~~text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane~~."
−	***Comma and space before the first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark (before it). Instead of "in the text it states," write "the text states" to make it more concise.
−
−	~~<br>Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which~~ is ~~very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space~~ so ~~People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut.~~
−	***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), capitalization, fluidity: Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in ~~space.~~
−	***No need for "you need to ~~have" (too wordy). Comma before "which." You don't need the "so~~ people ~~won't get the knowledge to become~~ a ~~better astronaut" because it makes this a run-on sentence~~ and ~~the information isn't necessary. Add in "observing~~ and ~~reporting" to clarify the function of eyesight.~~
−
−	~~<br>~~I know this because in the text it ~~also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body.~~
−	***Edited for fluidity: I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body.
−	***"In the text it also states~~" → "the text states" (less wordy). "Very good fit body" → "A very fit body" (the meaning is the same~~, ~~you don't need "good").~~
−
−	~~<br>These are the new requirements to becoming an astronaut.~~
−	***Edited for grammar: These are the new requirements to become an astronaut.
−	***Only use -ing when you have "for" in ~~front of the verb. When you use "to," don't use "-ing."~~
−
−
−	~~'''Final Edited Version:'''~~
−	~~The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree~~ and experience flying jet airplanes. I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane." Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space. I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body. These are the new ~~requirements to become an astronaut.~~
−
−	***Hope you had a nice Spring Break! Please work on your capitalization, quotation marks, and change up the format of your sentences (don't need to stiffly follow a "the ~~text states~~.~~.." structure").~~
−
−	~~Edited by Ashley Leung~~

@@ Line 26: / Line 26: @@
 The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes. I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane." Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space. I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body. These are the new requirements to become an astronaut.
-***Please work on your capitalization, quotation marks, and change up the format of your sentences (don't need to stiffly follow a "the text states..." structure").
+***Hope you had a nice Spring Break! Please work on your capitalization, quotation marks, and change up the format of your sentences (don't need to stiffly follow a "the text states..." structure").
 Edited by Ashley Leung