Kica Editor - Revision history

67.22.79.213 at 04:26, 12 May 2020

2020-05-12T04:26:23Z

67.22.79.213 at 04:23, 12 May 2020

2020-05-12T04:23:06Z

67.22.79.213 at 03:05, 10 May 2020

2020-05-10T03:05:57Z

67.22.79.213 at 03:03, 10 May 2020

2020-05-10T03:03:29Z

67.22.79.213 at 03:00, 10 May 2020

2020-05-10T03:00:19Z

Show changes

67.22.79.213 at 02:47, 10 May 2020

2020-05-10T02:47:56Z

67.22.79.213 at 20:08, 9 May 2020

2020-05-09T20:08:23Z

67.22.79.213 at 20:07, 9 May 2020

2020-05-09T20:07:20Z

67.22.79.213 at 19:53, 9 May 2020

2020-05-09T19:53:52Z

Irvingwash: Created page with "Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page"

2020-04-17T05:46:07Z

Created page with "Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page"

New page

Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page

@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 '''<br>Unedited Paragraph:'''
-The Best Day for Chocolate Caramel Lovers
+<br>The Best Day for Chocolate Caramel Lovers
-Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made by mankind, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate.
+<br>Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made by mankind, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate.
-The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the natives, originally from sugar beet juice.
+<br>The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the natives, originally from sugar beet juice.
-Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe and made slight changes to the mix, adding sugar.
+<br>Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe and made slight changes to the mix, adding sugar.
-Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company originally sold caramel, but once he started to make chocolate his main product, he mixed both sweets together to make chocolate caramel.
+<br>Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company originally sold caramel, but once he started to make chocolate his main product, he mixed both sweets together to make chocolate caramel.
-Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many and it became a sensation.
+<br>Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many and it became a sensation.
-There are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
+<br>There are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
-Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
+<br>Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
@@ Line 59: / Line 59: @@
 Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate. The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the settlers, originally from sugar beet juice. Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe, adding sugar for sweetness. Later, Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company, who originally sold caramel, began to produce chocolate as his main product and then mixed both sweets to make chocolate caramel. Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many, creating a sensation. Today, there are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
-Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
+<br>Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
 Edited by Kira Carson
@@ Line 75: / Line 75: @@
-Dalgona Coffee Craze
+<br>Dalgona Coffee Craze
-Dalgona coffee, which is a whipped coffee consisting of only instant coffee, sugar, and water, had stormed the internet these past few weeks.
+<br>Dalgona coffee, which is a whipped coffee consisting of only instant coffee, sugar, and water, had stormed the internet these past few weeks.
-With everyone staying home because of quarantine, many people are looking for new recipes and snacks.
+<br>With everyone staying home because of quarantine, many people are looking for new recipes and snacks.
-Made popular from popular streaming devices like YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, many had decided to try this new simple treat.
+<br>Made popular from popular streaming devices like YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, many had decided to try this new simple treat.
-How do you make it?
+<br>How do you make it?
-You need instant coffee (the kind that melts into water easily), sugar, and water.
+<br>You need instant coffee (the kind that melts into water easily), sugar, and water.
-Depending on how much you want to make, you need to have equal amounts of all three ingredients.
+<br>Depending on how much you want to make, you need to have equal amounts of all three ingredients.
-Then, whip by hand or by machine until the mixture turns creamy.
+<br>Then, whip by hand or by machine until the mixture turns creamy.
-Tada! You've made Dalgona coffee!
+<br>Tada! You've made Dalgona coffee!
-You can enjoy this whip over cold or warm milk!
+<br>You can enjoy this whip over cold or warm milk!
-Source: https://www.nytimes.com/article/whipped-coffee-recipe.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article
+<br>Source: https://www.nytimes.com/article/whipped-coffee-recipe.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article
@@ Line 200: / Line 200: @@
 Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems. To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household. The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died. To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.
-Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
+<br>Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
 Edited by Kira Carson
@@ Line 267: / Line 267: @@
 A parasite has been discovered called Henneguya salminicola which appears to not breathe. Researchers have found this animal to not need oxygen to live. The parasite is linked to a group of jellyfish called Myxozoa. This is the first discovered multicellular animal that doesn't have the necessary DNA which contains the genes of respiration. This makes sense, seeing as this parasite lives deep inside the muscle of underwater creatures, therefore making it hard to breathe. Research finds that the H. salminicola has actually evolved over time to lose its breathing along with many other things like its muscles and nerve cells, further confusing scientists.
-Source:https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html
+<br>Source:https://www.livescience.com/first-non-breathing-animal.html
 Edited by Kira Carson

@@ Line 2: / Line 2: @@
-From Student Writer Tenzing
+<br>Student Writer Tenzing
 '''<br>Unedited Paragraph:'''
@@ Line 62: / Line 62: @@
 Edited by Kira Carson
@@ Line 70: / Line 71: @@
-From Student Writer Chris
+<br>Student Writer Tenzing
 <br>'''Unedited Paragraph:'''
@@ Line 131: / Line 211: @@
-From Student Writer Chris
+Student Writer Chris
 <br>'''Unedited Paragraph:'''

@@ Line 151: / Line 151: @@
 News story intro: Scientists discover first known animal that doesn't breathe This is the first animal on Earth proven to have no mitochondrial genome and no way to breathe. When the parasitic blob known as Henneguya salminicola sinks its spores into the flesh of a tasty fish, it does not hold its breath. That's because H. salminicola is the only known animal on Earth that does not breathe.
-Intro sentence for summary: ''A parasite has been discovered called Henneguya salminicola which appears to not breathe.
+Intro sentence for summary: ''A parasite has been discovered called Henneguya salminicola which appears to not breathe.''
 ''
-Researchers found out about a animal which doesn't need oxygen to live.***
+<br>Researchers found out about a animal which doesn't need oxygen to live.***
      This sentence could have also worked great as an intro sentence! Let's change 'found' (past tense) to 'have found' (present perfect) because using this tense indicates something happened in the past but is still related to the present (like this is). Using the present perfect tense instead of the past tense usually works better for most news summaries because most of this news is still ongoing and anything that had happened is still related to the present moment. I changed some of the wording like 'a animal' to 'this animal' because it makes better sense with the new sentence above.

@@ Line 173: / Line 173: @@
 ''This makes sense, seeing as this parasite lives deep inside the muscle of underwater creatures, therefore making it hard to breathe.''
-Missing a concluding sentence. Don't forget to use the entire article. There were a few main points that you could have also touched on (genetic downsizing, a threat to fish). My suggestion:
+     Missing a concluding sentence. Don't forget to use the entire article. There were a few main points that you could have also touched on (genetic downsizing, a threat to fish). My suggestion:
 ''Research finds that the H. salminicola has actually evolved over time to lose its breathing along with many other things like its muscles and nerve cells, further confusing scientists.''

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:47, 10 May 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page		Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page
		+
		+
		+	From Student Writer Tenzing
		+	'''<br>Unedited Paragraph:'''
		+
		+	The Best Day for Chocolate Caramel Lovers
		+	Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made by mankind, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate.
		+	The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the natives, originally from sugar beet juice.
		+	Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe and made slight changes to the mix, adding sugar.
		+	Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company originally sold caramel, but once he started to make chocolate his main product, he mixed both sweets together to make chocolate caramel.
		+	Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many and it became a sensation.
		+	There are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
		+	Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
		+
		+
		+	'''Edits:'''
		+
		+	The Best Day for Chocolate Caramel Lovers***
		+
		+	Since there's no mention of how March 19th is Chocolate Caramel Day, this title doesn't make sense. Suggestions: How Chocolate Caramel Came to Be, March 19th is Chocolate Caramel Day, Chocolate and Caramel: The Perfect Mix, or The Perfect Pair: Chocolate and Caramel.
		+	The Perfect Pair: Chocolate and Caramel
		+
		+	Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made by mankind, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate.***
		+
		+	The area in bold is a very big statement to be made about such a lighthearted topic. I know your sentence is to reflect the first sentence from the article however, I suggest removing 'by mankind' to sound less serious.
		+	Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate.
		+
		+	The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the natives, originally from sugar beet juice.***
		+
		+	Good sentence but, read carefully. Caramel was made by the settlers, not the natives (at least not according to this article).
		+	The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the settlers, originally from sugar beet juice.
		+
		+	Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe and made slight changes to the mix, adding sugar.***
		+
		+	There are a lot of facts in this one sentence. I recommend cleaning it up by getting rid of some of the wordiness at the end.
		+	Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe, adding sugar for sweetness.
		+
		+	Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company originally sold caramel, but once he started to make chocolate his main product, he mixed both sweets together to make chocolate caramel.***
		+
		+	Omit 'together'. It's not a necessary word since you've already used 'mixed' to describe what's going on. With the words in bold, you can see how there is a lot of repetition. Let's try to remove some of that by using 'produce' instead of 'make'. We also need a transitioning word to tie in this sentence with the one above. I've used 'later'.
		+	Later, Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company, who originally sold caramel, began to produce chocolate as his main product and then mixed both sweets to make chocolate caramel.
		+
		+	Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many and it became a sensation.***
		+
		+	The area in bold repeats what is already told to the reader in the first part of the sentence. Changing it to ', creating a sensation' adds flow and feels like new information instead of repetition.
		+	Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many, creating a sensation.
		+
		+
		+	There are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!***
		+
		+	I've added a transitioning word (Today). Since this is also a historical account the use of 'Today' also helps to tie things together.
		+	Today, there are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
		+
		+
		+	'''Edited Paragraph:'''
		+
		+	The Perfect Pair: Chocolate and Caramel
		+
		+	Many think of chocolate caramel to be one of the greatest inventions ever made, as it is a mix of sweet caramel and smooth chocolate. The history and origins of this sweet delight date back to the 17th century when caramel was made by the settlers, originally from sugar beet juice. Chocolate was from Mesoamerica, and when European settlers drank the originally bitter treat, they eagerly brought it back to Europe, adding sugar for sweetness. Later, Mr. Hershey of the Hershey’s Candy Company, who originally sold caramel, began to produce chocolate as his main product and then mixed both sweets to make chocolate caramel. Mr. Hershey made this mix popular amongst many, creating a sensation. Today, there are several ways to celebrate this invention, and many include eating one!
		+	Source: https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/chocolate-caramel-day/
		+
		+	Edited by Kira Carson
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----

@@ Line 4: / Line 4: @@
-Unedited Paragraph:
+From Student Writer Chris
 Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000
@@ Line 11: / Line 12: @@
-Edits:
+'''Edits:'''
 Chris, you've had so much improvement on not plagiarizing. Good job! However, your summaries need to be 6 sentences and before your link, you should have 'Source:'. I've reminded you many times, stick to the format! For a refresher read again the beginning of this page: http://theworldforfreedom.com/Article_Tutorial
@@ Line 48: / Line 49: @@
-Edited Paragraph:
+'''Edited Paragraph:'''
 Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000
@@ Line 54: / Line 55: @@
 Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems. To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household. The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died. To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.
 Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
 Edited by Kira Carson

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:53, 9 May 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page		Editor Kira Carson's Portfolio Page
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	Unedited Paragraph:
		+
		+	Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000
		+
		+	Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever shortness of breath, and dry coughing and it can harm people over 60 and with medical/health problems. If you do not want to catch the coronavirus than it is best to stay indoors where you aren't around anyone except for your family. The coronavirus is a very serious virus in so many ways, at least 177 countries have at least more than 10 cases in that country. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and killed 18,000 people. For preventing the coronavirus we should wash our hands all the time for as long it takes to sing the alphabet, and we should not touch our face and also should not go outside often we should follow these rules strictly to be safe. https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
		+
		+
		+	Edits:
		+
		+	Chris, you've had so much improvement on not plagiarizing. Good job! However, your summaries need to be 6 sentences and before your link, you should have 'Source:'. I've reminded you many times, stick to the format! For a refresher read again the beginning of this page: http://theworldforfreedom.com/Article_Tutorial
		+
		+	Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000
		+
		+	Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever shortness of breath, and dry coughing and it can harm people over 60 and with medical/health problems.***
		+
		+	Sometimes sentences with lists, many commas, and multiples 'and's' can come off sounding weak. For a stronger sentence, I recommend removing the last 'and' and rephrasing with 'often'. Also, you're missing a comma after 'fever'.
		+	Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems.
		+
		+	If you do not want to catch the coronavirus than it is best to stay indoors where you aren't around anyone except for your family.***
		+
		+	This is a little wordy and too casual sounding. Note how the parts in bold I have shortened, making the sentence more specific and easier to read. I've changed 'family' to 'household' because 'family' is too broad and the reader may not know what you mean (which is family that you live with).
		+	To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household.
		+
		+	The coronavirus is a very serious virus in so many ways, at least 177 countries have at least more than 10 cases in that country.***
		+
		+	I can't find these facts in the article but, it's been updated a few times so, I'm going to assume that's why. Anyways, let's clean up the first part in bold. To sharpen your writing I suggest a synonym for 'very serious' or for 'so many' or both. This is because these are all descriptors that are used a lot in writing and if we can find one word to substitute two words it sounds more professional. Your comma should be a semicolon because either side of it is an independent clause. The last half of this sentence reads a little difficult because of the wordiness and repetition (in bold). Some of it is redundant and we can remove. See below:
		+	The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each.
		+
		+	In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and killed 18,000 people.***
		+
		+	The placement and verb 'killed' doesn't quite work here. It appears a word is missing too. You could put 'it's' before killed or change to '400,000 cases, killing 18,000 people." or:
		+	In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died.
		+
		+	For preventing the coronavirus we should wash our hands all the time for as long it takes to sing the alphabet, and we should not touch our face and also should not go outside often we should follow these rules strictly to be safe.***
		+
		+	Since you're missing a sentence let's break this up into two sentences. Let's include information on social distancing as well since it is also an important preventative which hasn't been mentioned in your summary. The parts in bold are areas that are unclear and need to be reworded. "should' and 'we should' is repeated many times as well and can be cut back.
		+	To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.
		+
		+	https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/***
		+
		+	Put 'Source:' before the link.
		+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
		+
		+
		+	Edited Paragraph:
		+
		+	Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Over 50,000
		+
		+	Covid-19 is a very deadly virus, which causes symptoms like fever, shortness of breath, and dry coughing, often harming people over 60 with medical/health problems. To avoid catching the coronavirus it is best to stay indoors away from people except those in your household. The coronavirus is a severe virus in numerous ways; currently, 177 countries have at least 10 cases each. In the whole world, there are about 400,000 cases and 18,000 people have died. To prevent the coronavirus we should wash our hands frequently to the length of time it takes to sing the alphabet and attempt to not touch our faces. We also must limit our outside outings, practice social distancing, and continue to follow these rules strictly to be safe.
		+	Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/health/covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-update/
		+
		+	Edited by Kira Carson