Kabe - Revision history

45.50.193.152 at 08:50, 28 June 2020

2020-06-28T08:50:09Z

100.37.4.71 at 23:20, 22 June 2020

2020-06-22T23:20:11Z

45.50.193.152 at 09:05, 5 June 2020

2020-06-05T09:05:42Z

100.37.4.71 at 20:40, 3 June 2020

2020-06-03T20:40:37Z

45.50.193.152 at 20:57, 23 May 2020

2020-05-23T20:57:47Z

100.37.4.71 at 21:12, 20 May 2020

2020-05-20T21:12:59Z

45.50.193.152 at 03:10, 7 May 2020

2020-05-07T03:10:53Z

100.37.4.71 at 21:08, 5 May 2020

2020-05-05T21:08:28Z

45.50.193.152 at 09:01, 29 April 2020

2020-04-29T09:01:21Z

100.37.4.71 at 23:10, 27 April 2020

2020-04-27T23:10:36Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 08:50, 28 June 2020
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		+	I think Johnny-cake feels proud and happy that he has beat a few people/animals in running.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: I think Johnny-cake feels proud and happy that he has beat a few people and animals in running.
		+	***Try not to use the / sign if you can use "and."

		+	<br>I feel this because when someone asked " 'Where ya going, Johnny-cake?' " he proudly said " 'I've outrun an' " nobody asked who he had outrun.
		+	***Delete this sentence because your next quote already explains your point. This sentence is unnecessary. Also, the spacing around the quotes are incorrect.

		+	<br>The text states, "He said: ' I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o!' "
		+	***Edited for spacing, quotation marks: The text states, "He said: 'I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o!'"
		+	***No need for the space between the ' and ".

		+	<br>This detail tells me Johnny-cake is proud to have out run a few people/animals.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and vocabulary: This detail tells me Johnny-cake is proud to have outrun a few people and animals.
		+	***"Outrun" is misspelled. Again, replace the / with "and."

		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	I think Johnny-cake feels proud and happy that he has beat a few people and animals in running. The text states, "He said: 'I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o!'" This detail tells me Johnny-cake is proud to have outrun a few people and animals.
		+
		+	***Overall, please work on your quotation mark spacing (especially between ' and ").
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+
		+	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome. The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there." This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.		According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome. The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there." This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:20, 22 June 2020
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	Kabe's Writing Page		Kabe's Writing Page
		+
		+	I think Johnny-cake feels proud and happy that he has beat a few people/animals in running. I feel this because when someone asked " 'Where ya going, Johnny-cake?' " he proudly said " 'I've outrun an' " nobody asked who he had outrun. The text states, "He said: ' I've outrun an old man, and an old woman, and a little boy, and two well-diggers, and two ditch-diggers, a bear, and a wolf, and I can outrun you too-o-o!' " This detail tells me Johnny-cake is proud to have out run a few people/animals.
		+
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	According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome. The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there." This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.		According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome. The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there." This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:05, 5 June 2020
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		+	According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome.
		+	***Edited for fluidity (combine sentence): According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome because she constantly asked about Rome.
		+	***You can combine these two sentences because the second sentence isn't that important. Try not to use an assertive tone like "If she wasn't..." You can just say that she was interested because she was asking about it.

		+	<br>The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there."
		+	***Edited for spacing and quotation mark: The text states, "'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there.'"
		+	***Correct the spacing around the first quotation mark. Add another apostrophe at the end since it's part of her words.

		+	<br>This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: This shows how interested she is in Rome.
		+	***Again, you don't need to explain that she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't interested. Just say that the quote shows how interested she is.

		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome because she constantly asked about Rome. The text states, "'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there.'" This shows how interested she is in Rome.
		+
		+
		+	***Overall, good job! Please work on your quotation mark spacing and avoid repeating information.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+
		+	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that. I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this. The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre." This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.		The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that. I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this. The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre." This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:40, 3 June 2020
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	Kabe's Writing Page		Kabe's Writing Page
		+
		+	According to the story, the young lady was very interested in Rome. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't ask about Rome. The text states, " 'I should like to see Rome,' she said; 'it must be a lovely city, or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there." This detail tells the young lady is interested in Rome because she wouldn't bring it up if she wasn't.
		+
		+
		+
		+

	The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that. I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this. The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre." This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.		The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that. I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this. The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre." This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:57, 23 May 2020
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		+	The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: The fern probably sang the song because it knew that the flax would end up like that.
		+	***Place "probably" in the beginning. Also, clarify what "end up like that" means.

		+	<br>I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, clarity, comma: The fern said, "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I think the fern had a clue.
		+	***Comma after "said." Don't need the "I think this because" in the beginning because you include it after the quote. Also, what does "some kind of up to this" mean?

		+	<br>The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre."
		+	***Edited for quotation marks: The text states, "'Well, this is quite wonderful,' said the flax. 'I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, "Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre."'"
		+	***When you're quoting within a quote, make sure to add another apostrophe ("'....'"). Also, when there is a quote within a quote within a quote ("snip, snap..."), add another pair of quotes around that.

		+	<br>This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.
		+	***Good!
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	The fern probably sang the song because it knew that the flax would end up like that. The fern said, "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I think the fern had a clue. The text states, "'Well, this is quite wonderful,' said the flax. 'I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, "Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre."'" This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.
		+
		+	***Overall, good job! Please focus on your quotation marks, and clarify some phrases (remember that the reader doesn't know the story you've read).
		+
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+
		+	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant. The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' " This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.		What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant. The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' " This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:12, 20 May 2020
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	Kabe's Writing Page		Kabe's Writing Page
		+
		+	The fern sang the song because it probably knew that the flax would end up like that. I think this because the fern said "We cannot expect to be happy always," so I am thinking the fern was some kind of up to this. The text states, "Well, this is quite wonderful," said the flax. "I could not have believed that I should be so favored by fortune. The fern was not wrong when it sang, 'Snip, snap, snurre, Basse lurre." This detail tells me that the fern probably planned what happened to the flax.
		+
		+
		+
		+

	What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant. The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' " This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.		What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant. The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' " This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:10, 7 May 2020
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		+	What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan.
		+	***Edited for grammar (tense): What made the man a wealthy merchant was a beautiful feather from a swan.
		+	***Since you're using the past tense for "made," use the past tense throughout.

		+	<br>This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: This feather touched his forehead and gave him enough luck to become a wealthy merchant.
		+	***Add "and" (you need to link the details). Replace "such luck" with "enough luck."

		+	<br>The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' "
		+	***Edited for spacing and quotation marks: The text states, "'The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which,' said the Sunshine, 'I shone.'"
		+	***Correct the spacing between quotation marks. Pay attention to how the first part of the quotation is also said by Sunshine, so you need double quotations as well. Also, I recommend using shorter quotes.

		+	<br>This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.
		+	***Edited for grammar (comma) and apostrophe: This detail tells me that a feather landed on a man's forehead, and he become so lucky he became wealthy.
		+	***This sentence is kind of repetitive. Add apostrophe to "man's." Add comma before "and" and add "he."


		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	What made the man a wealthy merchant was a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead and gave him enough luck to become a wealthy merchant. The text states, "'The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which,' said the Sunshine, 'I shone.'" This detail tells me that a feather landed on a man's forehead, and he become so lucky he became wealthy.
		+
		+	***Please pay attention to quotation marks and spacing.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins. These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before. The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.		When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins. These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before. The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:08, 5 May 2020
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	Kabe's Writing Page		Kabe's Writing Page
		+
		+	What made the man a wealthy merchant is a beautiful feather from a swan. This feather touched his forehead gave him such luck he became a wealthy merchant. The text states, " The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold—rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman's shield, on which," said the Sunshine, 'I shone.' " This detail tells me that a feather landed on a mans forehead and become so lucky he became wealthy.
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+

	When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins. These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before. The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.		When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins. These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before. The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.

← Older revision		Revision as of 09:01, 29 April 2020
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		+	When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins.
		+	***Edited for comma and vocabulary: When we sleep, our brain is cleansed of harmful proteins.
		+	***Comma after "sleep." Replace "cleaned up" with "cleansed." Replace "terrible" with "harmful."

		+	<br>These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: When you don't sleep, these proteins become more dangerous.
		+	***This sentence is a run-on sentence, you don't really need the "these proteins are bad" part.

		+	<br>The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day."
		+	***Edited for spacing: The text states, "The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day."
		+	***No space between the first quotation mark and the quote.

		+	<br>This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells.
		+	***Edited for vocabulary: This detail shows that the fluid in your body cleans harmful proteins in your brain cells.
		+	***Replace "tells that" with "shows that." Replace "terrible" with "harmful."

		+	<br> The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort."
		+	***Edited for quotation marks: The text also states, "'The process acts a bit like a dishwasher,' said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort."
		+	***No space between first quotation mark and the quote. Add a single quotation mark for the quote inside the quote.
		+
		+	<br>This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.
		+	***Edited for fluidity: This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.
		+	***No need for "and" in between "harmful" and "waste." "Waste" isn't an adjective.
		+
		+
		+	'''Final Edited Version:
		+	When we sleep, our brain is cleansed of harmful proteins. When you don't sleep, these proteins become more dangerous. The text states, "The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail shows that the fluid in your body cleans harmful proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, "'The process acts a bit like a dishwasher,' said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.
		+
		+	***Overall, please work on your quotation mark spacing and single quotation mark placement.
		+
		+	Edited by Ashley Leung
		+
		+
		+
		+	-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
	We can help improve the earth by buying less things than you might have before and reusing some garbage if you can. You can reuse something paper towel rolls or plastic bottles to something useful. The text states, " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. " This detail tells me that think if this garbage item or can if you can reuse this for something else. The text also states, " You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store. " This detail tells me that if you want to limite the things you buy you can check the library for a book you want to read.		We can help improve the earth by buying less things than you might have before and reusing some garbage if you can. You can reuse something paper towel rolls or plastic bottles to something useful. The text states, " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. " This detail tells me that think if this garbage item or can if you can reuse this for something else. The text also states, " You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store. " This detail tells me that if you want to limite the things you buy you can check the library for a book you want to read.

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:10, 27 April 2020
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	Kabe's Writing Page		Kabe's Writing Page
		+
		+	When we sleep our brain gets cleaned up from terrible proteins. These proteins are bad and when you don't sleep they are more dangerous then before. The text states, " The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." This detail tells that the fluid in your body cleans terrible proteins in your brain cells. The text also states, " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort." This detail tells me that the fluid cleans the harmful and waste proteins like a dishwasher cleans dishes.
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+

	We can help improve the earth by buying less things than you might have before and reusing some garbage if you can. You can reuse something paper towel rolls or plastic bottles to something useful. The text states, " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. " This detail tells me that think if this garbage item or can if you can reuse this for something else. The text also states, " You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store. " This detail tells me that if you want to limite the things you buy you can check the library for a book you want to read.		We can help improve the earth by buying less things than you might have before and reusing some garbage if you can. You can reuse something paper towel rolls or plastic bottles to something useful. The text states, " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. " This detail tells me that think if this garbage item or can if you can reuse this for something else. The text also states, " You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store. " This detail tells me that if you want to limite the things you buy you can check the library for a book you want to read.