Jach2 - Revision history

172.58.228.139 at 19:15, 1 February 2020

2020-02-01T19:15:23Z

98.14.161.12 at 04:29, 7 December 2019

2019-12-07T04:29:13Z

98.14.161.12 at 04:10, 23 November 2019

2019-11-23T04:10:21Z

98.14.161.12 at 04:08, 23 November 2019

2019-11-23T04:08:10Z

98.14.161.12 at 12:28, 19 October 2019

2019-10-19T12:28:18Z

104.162.162.243 at 21:05, 18 October 2019

2019-10-18T21:05:03Z

24.103.88.142 at 20:38, 15 October 2019

2019-10-15T20:38:08Z

24.103.88.142 at 20:29, 15 October 2019

2019-10-15T20:29:49Z

24.103.88.142 at 20:02, 15 October 2019

2019-10-15T20:02:36Z

24.103.88.142 at 18:39, 15 October 2019

2019-10-15T18:39:40Z

@@ Line 112: / Line 112: @@
 The Color Spectrum of Poop and Its Meanings
-Much information can be determined from the poop of babies. Poop color can be an indicator of a baby's health, depending on the chemicals activated, different colors are illustrated. Signs of unhealthy waste are the colors black, green, red, and white, in which all of them are associated with the misfunctioning of a baby's digestive system.
+Much information can be determined from the poop of babies. Poop color can be an indicator of a baby's health, depending on the chemicals activated, different colors are illustrated. Signs of unhealthy waste are the colors black, green, red, and white, in which all of them are associated with the misfunctioning of a baby's digestive system. A baby’s poop is considered to be healthy if it is neither hard nor soft, in which both extremes can be signs of constipation and diarrhea respectively. A healthy diet is required in order to ensure the healthiness of the baby.
 https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327218.php#poop-colors-and-causes

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:29, 7 December 2019
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		+	The Color Spectrum of Poop and Its Meanings
		+	Much information can be determined from the poop of babies. Poop color can be an indicator of a baby's health, depending on the chemicals activated, different colors are illustrated. Signs of unhealthy waste are the colors black, green, red, and white, in which all of them are associated with the misfunctioning of a baby's digestive system.
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		+	https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327218.php#poop-colors-and-causes

@@ Line 98: / Line 98: @@
 A Sandless Future Comes a Lifeless Future
-Sand, the second most-consumed resource in the world, is rapidly dwindling. Sand, except unusable desert sand, is the primary component of concrete, which serves as the main building block for most architectural structures. Massive urbanization forces the production of buildings and roads to be raised dramatically. As cities develop, there is a need for expansion: sand also contributes to creating raw land, especially in coastal areas. When large machine structures drudge the seafloor for more sand, ocean environments are damaged in the process. Sand-mining not only requires a long process, but also it results in high expenses and catalyzes trade competition for the necessity of resources. Thus, as sand-made materials gradually become obsolete, there will be a need for creative alternatives to solve the daunting problems.
+The second most-consumed resource in the world, sand, is rapidly dwindling, according to the scientists' studies. Sand, except unusable desert sand, is the primary component of concrete, which serves as the main building block for most architectural structures. Massive urbanization forces the production of buildings and roads to be raised dramatically. As cities develop, there is a need for expansion: sand also contributes to creating raw land, especially in coastal areas. When large machine structures drudge the seafloor for more sand, ocean environments are damaged in the process. Sand-mining not only requires a long process, but also it results in high expenses and catalyzes trade competition for the necessity of resources. Thus, as sand-made materials gradually become obsolete, there will be a need for creative alternatives to solve the daunting problems.
 Source: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20191108-why-the-world-is-running-out-of-sand?utm_source=pocket-newtab

@@ Line 96: / Line 96: @@
-A Survivor of Jailings in China Speaks About His Experience Inside.
+A Sandless Future Comes a Lifeless Future
-Since 2014, China has opened up a re-education center in Xinjiang to intern Uyghur Muslims. However,
+Sand, the second most-consumed resource in the world, is rapidly dwindling. Sand, except unusable desert sand, is the primary component of concrete, which serves as the main building block for most architectural structures. Massive urbanization forces the production of buildings and roads to be raised dramatically. As cities develop, there is a need for expansion: sand also contributes to creating raw land, especially in coastal areas. When large machine structures drudge the seafloor for more sand, ocean environments are damaged in the process. Sand-mining not only requires a long process, but also it results in high expenses and catalyzes trade competition for the necessity of resources. Thus, as sand-made materials gradually become obsolete, there will be a need for creative alternatives to solve the daunting problems.
-https://www.haaretz.com/world-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-a-million-people-are-jailed-at-china-s-gulags-i-escaped-here-s-what-goes-on-inside-1.7994216

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:28, 19 October 2019
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		+	A Survivor of Jailings in China Speaks About His Experience Inside.
		+
		+	Since 2014, China has opened up a re-education center in Xinjiang to intern Uyghur Muslims. However,
		+	https://www.haaretz.com/world-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-a-million-people-are-jailed-at-china-s-gulags-i-escaped-here-s-what-goes-on-inside-1.7994216

@@ Line 35: / Line 35: @@
 '''*** Adjustments must be made to the Saffir-Simpson Scale so we can prepare for the worst possible outcome.***'''
-- Wrap up the sentence and assert yourself!
+- Wrap up the paragraph and assert yourself!
 EDITED VERSION

@@ Line 8: / Line 8: @@
 '''*** "Hurricane Dorian Graduates to a Category 6 Rating"***'''
 - Your title is too similar to a sentence in the original text; "Dorian worthy of a category 6 rating". Change it up!
 '''*** The 1-5 Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale is no longer a reliable way to measure the destructive power of hurricanes.***'''
 - Just some edits with word choice to clarify the sentence. Try not to end the sentence with a verb- it weakens the sentence.
 '''***A hurricane with the highest rating of 5 produces winds that consistently blow at 157mph.***'''
 - Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity.
@@ Line 19: / Line 22: @@
 '''***The hurricane demolished the Bahamas and accumulated over $7 billion in damages, demanding a more accurate representation of projected catastrophes.***'''
 - Your parenthetical was not complete, or did not flow as well as it should have. Also, there is some unnecessary phrasing that makes the assertion less strong.
-'''***Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system in order to provide a more detailed depiction of the hurricane's power.***'''
+'''***Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system in order to provide a more detailed depiction of the hurricane's projected power.***'''
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← Older revision		Revision as of 20:29, 15 October 2019
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	- Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity.		- Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity.

−	- No edits for this sentence~~! Very good.~~ "Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit."	+	- No edits for this sentence "Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit." -Very good!
		+
		+	'''*The hurricane demolished the Bahamas and accumulated over $7 billion in damages, demanding a more accurate representation of projected catastrophes.*'''
		+	- Your parenthetical was not complete, or did not flow as well as it should have. Also, there is some unnecessary phrasing that makes the assertion less strong.
		+
		+	'''*Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system in order to provide a more detailed depiction of the hurricane's power.*'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:02, 15 October 2019
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	Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/eye-of-the-storm/hurricane-dorian-was-worthy-of-a-category-6-rating/		Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/eye-of-the-storm/hurricane-dorian-was-worthy-of-a-category-6-rating/

		+	'''* "Hurricane Dorian Graduates to a Category 6 Rating"*'''
		+	- Your title is too similar to a sentence in the original text; "Dorian worthy of a category 6 rating". Change it up!

		+	'''* The 1-5 Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale is no longer a reliable way to measure the destructive power of hurricanes.*'''
		+	- Just some edits with word choice to clarify the sentence. Try not to end the sentence with a verb- it weakens the sentence.
		+
		+	'''*A hurricane with the highest rating of 5 produces winds that consistently blow at 157mph.*'''
		+	- Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity.
		+
		+	- No edits for this sentence! Very good. "Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit."

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:39, 15 October 2019
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	Source: https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/10/us-china-trade-war-tariff-deal-doesnt-end-conflict/		Source: https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/10/us-china-trade-war-tariff-deal-doesnt-end-conflict/

		+	- Good title! Only edits concern capitalization; articles (a,an,the) and prepositions should NOT be capitalized.

		+	'''*The United States and China have recently agreed to a truce in the ongoing trade war.*'''

		+	- Good intro, "as of now" is too wordy to begin the sentence; instead, the adverb "recently" achieves more formally what you want to infer.

		+	'''* However, some believe that the short peace is not an effective method to solve the problem, and will instead delay the solution.*'''
		+
		+	- Another good sentence. However, by switching the conjunctions we can acknowledge the previous info instead of negating it.
		+
		+	- No edits for this sentence! : "Offering a tariff ceasefire could possibly "be viewed as a capitulation", exposing and displaying the weakness of the United States and the forced initiation of a temporary compromise." - great use of the quotation.
		+
		+	'''* The World Trade Organization suggests multilateral actions to tackle the issue, such as negotiating a policy or an agreement that would benefit both parties.*'''
		+
		+	- State the full name of the organization before you abbreviate it-- then, throughout the rest of the piece you can use the abbreviation. I cut out some unnecessary phrasing to consolidate the sentence. "Symbiotically" was a great word choice but was not fluid in the sentence. (Sometimes adverbs at the end of a sentence can weaken it)
		+
		+	''''*Trump has, in the past, rescinded from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and now continues to fight Asian countries by increasing tariffs.*'''
		+
		+	- Same edit as above with the TPP. Some of your articles are not needed, like the "the" before Asian. Also, since "continues" indicates present tense, the verb "increase" should be present, not past tense.
		+
		+	'''*Overall, China is expected to gain the most from this ceasefire, as it drives the US into a deadlock and depletes national pride. *'''
		+
		+	- Primary note is to cut away unnecessary wording; also, the conclusion should be its own sentence with reiterated, not new, information.
		+
		+	'''* The fledgling truce will be closely followed as a permanent solution is sought between the two great nations.*'''
		+
		+	- Your conclusion should have a note of finality and, like the intro, needs to be strong for the article to succeed. Really great article otherwise!
		+
		+	EDITED VERSION
		+
		+	* ""Can the U.S. Hit the Reset Button with China?"
		+
		+	The United States and China have recently agreed to a truce in the ongoing trade war. However, some believe that the short peace is not an effective method to solve the problem, and will instead delay the solution. Offering a tariff ceasefire could possibly "be viewed as a capitulation", exposing and displaying the weakness of the United States and the forced initiation of a temporary compromise. The World Trade Organization suggests multilateral actions to tackle the issue, such as negotiating a policy or an agreement that would benefit both parties. Trump has, in the past, rescinded from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and now continues to fight Asian countries by increasing tariffs. Overall, China is expected to gain the most from this ceasefire, as it drives the US into a deadlock and depletes national pride. The fledgling truce will be closely followed as a permanent solution is sought between the two great nations.
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		+
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