Jach - Revision history

72.226.18.163 at 13:21, 26 August 2020

2020-08-26T13:21:39Z

72.226.18.163 at 13:05, 17 August 2020

2020-08-17T13:05:12Z

72.226.18.163 at 12:37, 13 August 2020

2020-08-13T12:37:04Z

76.230.104.104 at 17:27, 11 August 2020

2020-08-11T17:27:32Z

76.230.104.104 at 14:51, 10 August 2020

2020-08-10T14:51:28Z

72.226.18.163 at 12:50, 10 August 2020

2020-08-10T12:50:10Z

72.226.18.163 at 12:42, 6 August 2020

2020-08-06T12:42:26Z

72.226.18.163 at 12:35, 5 August 2020

2020-08-05T12:35:46Z

76.230.104.104 at 15:20, 22 July 2020

2020-07-22T15:20:49Z

76.230.104.104 at 15:24, 21 July 2020

2020-07-21T15:24:39Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:21, 26 August 2020
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	The Observation and Conservation of Lions		The Observation and Conservation of Lions
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← Older revision		Revision as of 13:05, 17 August 2020
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	The Observation and Conservation of Lions		The Observation and Conservation of Lions
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	For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close		For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close

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 '''Original'''
 The Observation and Conservation of Lions
 For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:27, 11 August 2020
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		+	'''Original'''
		+
	The Observation and Conservation of Lions		The Observation and Conservation of Lions

	For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close		For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close
		+
		+	'''Edits'''
		+	<br>The Observation and Conservation of Lions<br />
		+	<br>***Good.<br />
		+	<br>For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path.<br />
		+	<br>***The phrasing of "took created complete genomes" is a bit confusing with the two conjugated verbs right next to each other. Because this phrasing is already pretty similar to that of the article, try either varying this sentence from the article's a bit more ''or'' keeping the same phrasing as the article and placing it in quotation marks.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: For the first time in history, "scientists created complete genomes of twenty individual lions" in order to study their evolutionary path.<br />
		+	<br>The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing.<br />
		+	<br>***You use the word "that" several times in this sentence. This word is often superfluous and can often clutter up a sentence; see if you can cut down your usage of it when the sentence doesn't need it to be grammatically correct or make sense. Also, the possessive apostrophe should be written as "cats'," not "cat's," because there are multiple cats possessing the "notorious behavior". <br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: The scientists managed to discover cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cats' notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, which resulted in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor preventing them from mixing.<br />
		+	<br>Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome.<br />
		+	<br>***Make "scientist" plural. Add a little more information about the Barbary lion (decapitalize "Lion") since it hasn't been mentioned in your summary yet, and the fact that it's extinct is a small detail that adds a lot of information. Change "who" to "which", since this is an animal, not a person.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: Scientists are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to the extinct Barbary lion, which had a diverse genome.<br />
		+	<br>Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally<br />
		+	<br>***Don't forget a period at the end of this sentence. Also, who is "they", and who is "allowing" the scientists to do this? Make sure to clarify these things to strengthen your sentence.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: Thus, by scientists endeavoring to collect genome information, we can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally.<br />
		+	<br>'''Final Edit'''<br />
		+	<br>***Good work. For the most part, focus on your word choice; sometimes when changing quotes from the article into your own words can result in a less-than-fluid sentence. Also, try to avoid repeating the same word multiple times in a sentence when avoidable, and keep an eye on your singular vs. plural usage.<br />
		+	<br>Edited paragraph:<br />
		+	<br>The Observation and Conservation of Lions<br />
		+	<br>For the first time in history, "scientists created complete genomes of twenty individual lions" in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cats' notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, which resulted in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor preventing them from mixing. Scientists are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to the extinct Barbary lion, which had a diverse genome. Thus, by scientists endeavoring to collect genome information, we can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally.<br />
		+	<br>Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close<br />
		+	<br>Edited by Natasha Vatalaro<br />

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-Centuries-old Inca offering discovered in scared lake
+<br>Centuries-old Inca offering discovered in scared lake<br />
+<br>***All significant words in a title should be capitalized. Also, "scared" is not the correct word here; you mean "sacred". Also, although you didn't provide a source, this title is identical to the title of the National Geographic article that I think is your source for this summary. Because you're paraphrasing here and not directly copying, you should change this title to be in your own words.<br />
-In Lake Titicaca, a scared place for the Andean Empire of Inca, archaeologists uncovered an andesite offering box, measuring about 14 by 10 by 6.5 inches. Sealed with a stone plug, the box contained a gold bracelet and a llama made from coral-hued shell. Not only that, archaeologists found similar offerings in other places that they presume were also sacred places to the Inca. According to the Spanish cleric, Alonso Ramos Gavilan, the Inca would sacrifice an animal or child and place their blood into the container; they would then lower the container into the water where the blood and water would mix, creating a blood cloud in the water. Although this source is not entirely reputable, it is definitely a possibility. As archaeologists continue to study the rest of the lake, they expect tot find more  artifacts to help understand the Incas.
+<br>Edited title: Ancient Inca Artifact Found in Lake<br />

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:50, 10 August 2020
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		+	The Observation and Conservation of Lions
		+
		+	For the first time in history, scientists took created complete genomes of twenty separate lions in order to study their evolutionary path. The scientists managed to discover that cave lions did not interbreed with other types of lions; this is contradictory to wild cat’s notorious behavior of interbreeding when given the chance, resulting in the scientists assuming that this is due to an unknown factor that prevented them from mixing. Scientist are considering introducing lions to West Africa since the native lions are genetically very similar to Barbary Lion, who had a diverse genome. Thus, by allowing scientists to collect genome information, they can potentially prevent lion loss and instead boost their population globally https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2020/05/african-lion-cave-lion-evolution-secrets-revealed/#close
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		+
		+	——————————
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	Centuries-old Inca offering discovered in scared lake		Centuries-old Inca offering discovered in scared lake

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:42, 6 August 2020
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	In Lake Titicaca, a scared place for the Andean Empire of Inca, archaeologists uncovered an andesite offering box, measuring about 14 by 10 by 6.5 inches. Sealed with a stone plug, the box contained a gold bracelet and a llama made from coral-hued shell. Not only that, archaeologists found similar offerings in other places that they presume were also sacred places to the Inca. According to the Spanish cleric, Alonso Ramos Gavilan, the Inca would sacrifice an animal or child and place their blood into the container; they would then lower the container into the water where the blood and water would mix, creating a blood cloud in the water. Although this source is not entirely reputable, it is definitely a possibility. As archaeologists continue to study the rest of the lake, they expect tot find more artifacts to help understand the Incas.		In Lake Titicaca, a scared place for the Andean Empire of Inca, archaeologists uncovered an andesite offering box, measuring about 14 by 10 by 6.5 inches. Sealed with a stone plug, the box contained a gold bracelet and a llama made from coral-hued shell. Not only that, archaeologists found similar offerings in other places that they presume were also sacred places to the Inca. According to the Spanish cleric, Alonso Ramos Gavilan, the Inca would sacrifice an animal or child and place their blood into the container; they would then lower the container into the water where the blood and water would mix, creating a blood cloud in the water. Although this source is not entirely reputable, it is definitely a possibility. As archaeologists continue to study the rest of the lake, they expect tot find more artifacts to help understand the Incas.
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← Older revision		Revision as of 12:35, 5 August 2020
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		+	Centuries-old Inca offering discovered in scared lake
		+
		+	In Lake Titicaca, a scared place for the Andean Empire of Inca, archaeologists uncovered an andesite offering box, measuring about 14 by 10 by 6.5 inches. Sealed with a stone plug, the box contained a gold bracelet and a llama made from coral-hued shell. Not only that, archaeologists found similar offerings in other places that they presume were also sacred places to the Inca. According to the Spanish cleric, Alonso Ramos Gavilan, the Inca would sacrifice an animal or child and place their blood into the container; they would then lower the container into the water where the blood and water would mix, creating a blood cloud in the water. Although this source is not entirely reputable, it is definitely a possibility. As archaeologists continue to study the rest of the lake, they expect tot find more artifacts to help understand the Incas.
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	——————————
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		+
		+

	'''Original'''		'''Original'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:20, 22 July 2020
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		+	'''Original'''
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	Free tourism in Italy		Free tourism in Italy

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	https://www.thelocal.de/20200626/will-sicilys-tourism-voucher-scheme-help-it-survive-the-summer		https://www.thelocal.de/20200626/will-sicilys-tourism-voucher-scheme-help-it-survive-the-summer

		+	'''Edits'''

		+	<br>Free tourism in Italy<br />
		+	<br>***Make sure to capitalize all significant words in a headline/title.<br />
		+	<br>Edited title: Free Tourism in Italy<br />
		+	<br>As the coronavirus pandemic calms down, Italy is restarting tourism and funding 1.5 billion euros to pay for tourists' expenses.<br />
		+	<br>***Grammatically this is good, but make sure to double-check your facts when citing from articles. The article states that 75 million euros will be used for tourists' expenses, which is being taken from a larger fund of 1.5 billion for the overall recovery of Sicily from the virus.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: As the coronavirus pandemic calms down, Italy is restarting tourism and funding 75 million euros to pay for tourists' expenses.<br />
		+	<br>This funding comes in as vouchers where if a tourist uses it, it grants free admission to a museum and tour guides.<br />
		+	<br>***Change the word "admission" to "access" so it better applies to both "museum" and "tour guides". Also, change "a museum" to the plural "museums", because these vouchers will be good for more than just one museum, according to the article. The relative pronoun "where" is technically fine here, but other prepositions or ways of structuring this sentence would be more fluid.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: This funding takes the form of vouchers, which, if a tourist uses one, will grant free access to museums and tour guides.<br />
		+	<br>However, this is not a long-term strategy and the government is trying to find one.<br />
		+	<br>***Good.<br />
		+	<br>Currently, the exact details of which companies will be helping, the ways to get the vouchers, and the amount of tourists that stand to benefit has not been revealed.<br />
		+	<br>***Change the verb "has" to the plural "have", because your subject is the plural noun "details". Change "amount" to "number", because the plural "tourists" can be quantified with an actual number.<br />
		+	<br>Edited sentence: Currently, the exact details of which companies will be helping, the ways to get the vouchers, and the number of tourists that stand to benefit have not been revealed.<br />
		+	<br>'''Final Edit'''<br />
		+	<br>***Overall, good work. You can continue to improve by keeping an eye on your word choice - does it match what the article states as fact? If you're using one verb or noun to apply to multiple nouns, is that verb/noun the best fit for both of the words it applies to? Also, make sure your relative pronouns and subject-verb agreements are correct. Finally, in the future, try to follow the introduction/four fact sentences/conclusion format with your paragraphs. This paragraph only has four sentences, as opposed to the desired six.<br />
		+	<br>Edited paragraph: <br />
		+	<br>Free Tourism in Italy<br />
		+	<br>As the coronavirus pandemic calms down, Italy is restarting tourism and funding 75 million euros to pay for tourists' expenses. This funding takes the form of vouchers, which, if a tourist uses one, will grant free access to museums and tour guides. However, this is not a long-term strategy and the government is trying to find one. Currently, the exact details of which companies will be helping, the ways to get the vouchers, and the number of tourists that stand to benefit have not been revealed.<br />
		+	<br>Source: https://www.thelocal.de/20200626/will-sicilys-tourism-voucher-scheme-help-it-survive-the-summer<br />
		+	<br>Edited by Natasha Vatalaro<br />

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+'''Original'''
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 https://www.thelocal.de/20180914/german-triathlete-banned-from-all-you-can-eat-sushi-restaurant-for-eating-too-much
+<br>Triathlete banned from sushi restaurant for eating too much<br />
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