Grma - Revision history

98.14.113.217 at 21:25, 19 May 2020

2020-05-19T21:25:15Z

65.60.146.181 at 03:28, 12 May 2020

2020-05-12T03:28:08Z

98.14.113.217 at 18:44, 29 April 2020

2020-04-29T18:44:26Z

65.60.146.181 at 20:47, 26 April 2020

2020-04-26T20:47:07Z

65.60.146.181 at 00:52, 24 April 2020

2020-04-24T00:52:47Z

98.14.113.217 at 19:19, 23 April 2020

2020-04-23T19:19:19Z

Irvingwash at 00:54, 22 April 2020

2020-04-22T00:54:06Z

98.14.113.217 at 00:33, 21 April 2020

2020-04-21T00:33:31Z

98.14.113.217 at 20:18, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T20:18:00Z

65.60.146.181 at 01:09, 17 April 2020

2020-04-17T01:09:46Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:25, 19 May 2020
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		+	Ali baba was able to go inside the cave in many ways.
		+	One way is, Ali baba said the same words that the captain said to open the secret door.
		+	These are some ways how Ali baba got inside the cave.
		+

	The youngest mermaid is different from all the other five mermaids in many ways.		The youngest mermaid is different from all the other five mermaids in many ways.

@@ Line 4: / Line 4: @@
 These are some ways to explain how the youngest mermaid is different from the other 5 mermaids.
-  We can improve the earth in many ways.
+'''Edits:'''
   One way we can improve the earth is by only turning on the lights when we need them. By doing this  we can save electricity.
   Another way we can improve our planet is by looking for the book you need in the library before buying and then throwing it away after you are done using it.

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-Grma's Writing Page <br><br>
    We can improve the earth in many ways.
-  One way we can improve the earth is by only turning on the lights when we need them. By doing this we can save electricity.
+  One way we can improve the earth is by only turning on the lights when we need them. By doing this  we can save electricity.
   Another way we can improve our planet is by looking for the book you need in the library before buying and then throwing it away after you are done using it.
 These are some ways how we can save our planet.

@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
   Another way we can improve our planet is by looking for the book you need in the library before buying and then throwing it away after you are done using it.
 These are some ways how we can save our planet.
 The 50th anniversary of Earth Day.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:52, 24 April 2020
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	William Winslow made his accomplishment. His accomplishment was to feed kids who were hungry/starving. William's goal was to do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger.		William Winslow made his accomplishment. His accomplishment was to feed kids who were hungry/starving. William's goal was to do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger.
	One of his accomplishment's was helping the kids from almost dying of hunger. When William was in eighth grade he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. This is an accomplishment that William Winslow made.		One of his accomplishment's was helping the kids from almost dying of hunger. When William was in eighth grade he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. This is an accomplishment that William Winslow made.
		+
		+	'''Edits:'''
		+
		+	William Winslow made his accomplishment.
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice; William Winslow achieved his goals.
		+
		+	His accomplishment was to feed kids who were hungry/starving.
		+	<br> '''- In this type of writing, we should try not to use "/", and instead use a word in its place.'''
		+	<br> - Edited for punctuation and word choice; His major accomplishment was feeding kids who were hungry and starving.
		+
		+	William's goal was to do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger.
		+	<br> '''- My only note is to use "took" instead of "takes" so the whole sentence is in past tense.'''
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice; William's goal was to do whatever it took to end childhood hunger.
		+
		+	One of his accomplishment's was helping the kids from almost dying of hunger.
		+	<br> '''- We can adjust this sentence a bit so it does not sound too similar to the two sentences before it. A good way to do this is to introduce the fact that you state in the next sentence.'''
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice and grammar; In order to help these kids who were dying of hunger, he began collecting food and raising money.
		+
		+	When William was in eighth grade he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000.
		+	<br> '''- The only thing you need is a comma after "eighth grade". Nice job!'''
		+	<br> - When William was in eighth grade, he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000.
		+
		+	This is an accomplishment that William Winslow made.
		+	<br> '''- I think that this sentence can be more powerful if we included his specific goal that he accomplished.'''
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice; In conclusion, this is how William Winslow achieved his goal of feeding hungry children.
		+
		+	'''Nice work! One thing to work on for next time is to use specific language in your introduction and conclusion, and to make sure that the conclusion covers the main point in the paragraph. It does not need to be a long sentence, but should include the specific problem that was solved or the question that was answered.'''
		+
		+	'''Fully Edited Version:'''
		+
		+	William Winslow achieved his goals. His major accomplishment was feeding kids who were hungry and starving. William's goal was to do whatever it took to end childhood hunger. In order to help these kids who were dying of hunger, he began collecting food and raising money. When William was in eighth grade, he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. In conclusion, this is how William Winslow achieved his goal of feeding hungry children.
		+
		+	Edited by Grace Drake

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:19, 23 April 2020
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	Grma's Writing Page <br><br>		Grma's Writing Page <br><br>
		+
		+	We can improve the earth in many ways.
		+	One way we can improve the earth is by only turning on the lights when we need them. By doing this we can save electricity.
		+	Another way we can improve our planet is by looking for the book you need in the library before buying and then throwing it away after you are done using it.
		+	These are some ways how we can save our planet.
		+
	The 50th anniversary of Earth Day.		The 50th anniversary of Earth Day.

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:54, 22 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
−	Grma's Writing Page y	+	Grma's Writing Page <br><br>
	The 50th anniversary of Earth Day.		The 50th anniversary of Earth Day.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:18, 17 April 2020
Line 1:		Line 1:
	Grma's Writing Page		Grma's Writing Page
		+	William Winslow made his accomplishment. His accomplishment was to feed kids who were hungry/starving. William's goal was to do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger.
		+	One of his accomplishment's was helping the kids from almost dying of hunger. When William was in eighth grade he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. This is an accomplishment that William Winslow made.
		+
		+

	The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here. One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID -19. This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID -19.		The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here. One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID -19. This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID -19.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:09, 17 April 2020
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	The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here. One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID -19. This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID -19.		The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here. One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID -19. This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID -19.
		+
		+	'''Edits:'''
		+
		+	The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here.
		+	<br> - This sentence is a good opening! I am specifying "This year" at the beginning of the sentence so the reader knows that this is not something that usually happens. I am also changing "is" to "was", because it already happened so we use past tense.
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice; This year, a graduation ceremony held in Japan was different from typical graduations.
		+
		+	One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates.
		+	<br> - Great job! I am only changing "is" to "was" in the first half, and omitting the word "because". Here, it is not needed.
		+	<br> - Edited for grammar; One way it was different is, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates.
		+
		+	It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home.
		+	<br> - These sentences go together, so we can combine them.
		+	<br> - Edited for grammar; It was a virtual ceremony, so all the students watched it from their homes.
		+
		+	This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID-19.
		+	<br> - Great job!
		+
		+	This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID-19.
		+	<br> - We just need to put this sentence in past tense, so it matches the rest of them.
		+	<br> - Edited for word choice and grammar. This is how this graduation ceremony in Japan was different due to COVID-19.
		+
		+	'''Fully Edited Version:'''
		+
		+	This year, a graduation ceremony held in Japan was different from typical graduations. One way it was different is, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony, so all the students watched it from their homes. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID-19. This is how this graduation ceremony in Japan was different due to COVID-19.
		+
		+	Edited by Grace Drake