The Science Behind Swimming after Eating

Urban Legends say that it's unsafe to eat after swimming.

However, science can prove it wrong.

By the time food is consumed, it takes about four hours to leave the stomach.

      • I changed "4" to "four." Remember that anything below the number ten should be spelled out. I removed "the" from the beginning, it just wasn't needed. Also, I changed "eaten" to "consumed." I thought it was a better word to use.; By the time the food is eaten, it takes about 4 hours to leave the stomach.

The chances of getting a stomach cramp are rare because muscle cramps are a totally different matter.

      • I changed the "is" verb to the plural "are." Since the verb is reflecting the amount of "chances," it should be "are." The same goes for the second "is" after "cramps." And the comma should be removed.; The chances of getting a stomach cramp is rare, because muscle cramps is a totally different matter.

The urban legend was created due to a food and drowning link.

      • I changed the pronoun "this" to the determiner "the." It seemed to fit better. I removed "mistakenly because of" and put in "due to." It was changed because it was already used in the sentence prior and it gives the sentence a little more flare. Also, I removed the hyphen between "food" and "drowning" and just used "and."; This urban legend was created mistakenly because of a food- drowning link.

Ever since then, parents tell children to wait until their food digests, but now science proved that after eating, it's fine to swim right after.

      • So, I changed "that incident" to "then" because there was never really an incident discussed. I removed the pronoun "their" since it can be assumed that parents are talking to their own children. I corrected the spelling of "proved" by added the "r." I removed the adverb "totally" because it is not needed. And I changed "right away" to "right after." I thought it was more direct.; Ever since that incident, parents tell their children to wait until their food digests, but now science poved that after eating, it's totally fine to swim right away.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-really-dangerous-to-swim-after-eating

Interesting topic and good title. Remember that when your noun or the main topic of the sentence (like "chances" or "cramps") is plural, you should use the verb "are." "Are" goes with plural nouns and "is" go with singular. Be sure to run your writings through Microsoft Word or use the free version of Grammarly. These tools can help catch mistakes that you and I wouldn't even catch.


The Science Behind Swimming after Eating

Urban Legends say that it's unsafe to eat after swimming. However, science can prove it wrong. By the time food is consumed, it takes about four hours to leave the stomach. The chances of getting a stomach cramp are rare because muscle cramps are a totally different matter. The urban legend was created due to a food and drowning link. Ever since then, parents tell children to wait until their food digests, but now science proved that after eating, it's fine to swim right after.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/is-it-really-dangerous-to-swim-after-eating


Usain Bolt: The Fastest Human Alive

      • The title just needed more specificity and flare. Or it would have been fine with "The Fastest Human Alive."; Fastest Human Alive

Encyclopædia Britannica writer, Kara Rodgers, defines speed as "the rate where an object moves through time."

      • Amazing opening, however, since you are defining something, you'll need to state a source.; Speed is the rate where an object moves through time.

Usain Bolt, also known as the fastest man alive, set a world record in the 100-meter dash with 9.58 seconds.

      • I say the first part of this sentence should be swapped. Usain is his name and he is known by his nickname. Also, I added a hyphen between "100" and "meter."; The fastest man alive, also known as Usain Bolt, set a world record in the 100 meter dash with 9.58 seconds.

If calculated correctly, that's faster than the average traffic speed in some cities.

      • I assume that there is a or two missing word here that would make the sentence more understandable. I added "correctly" and "the." I removed "car" and added "speed" behind "traffic."; If calculated that's faster than average car traffic in some cities.

Because of his height and size, Usain can run a lot easier with the use of his long strides.

      • I thought the wording in this sentence could have been better. I removed "it makes" and added "can" behind "Usain." Another option instead of "can" would be "has the ability to."; Because of his height and size, it makes Usain run a lot easier with the use of his long strides.

With that in consideration, no other person has beaten his record at this moment.

      • It is possible that you could've had a stronger conclusion to really put a bow on what you said. I decided to omit "in conclusion" and use "with that in consideration" instead. I changed the verb form of "beat" to "beaten."; In conclusion, no other person has beat his record at this moment.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-fast-is-the-worlds-fastest-human Edited by Michael Morrow

Be sure to watch out for missing words. When words are missing, readers could have a difficult time reading what you wrote. Try to write stronger conclusions by reflecting on what you wrote earlier.


Usain Bolt: The Fastest Human Alive

Encyclopædia Britannica writer, Kara Rodgers, defines speed as "the rate where an object moves through time." Usain Bolt, also known as the fastest man alive, set a world record in the 100-meter dash with 9.58 seconds. If calculated correctly, that's faster than the average traffic speed in some cities. Because of his height and size, Usain can run a lot easier with the use of his long strides. With that in consideration, no other person has beaten his record at this moment.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-fast-is-the-worlds-fastest-human

Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction

      • I made this the title because of the original being a question. ; How do Species become Endangered?

In the world, there are over 7,000 species that are endangered.

      • There should be a space between the comma and "there." I corrected the spelling of "hat" to "that."; In the world,there are over 7,000 species hat are endangered.

The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) states that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70% over 10 years, then it's considered endangered.

      • I removed "from," I did see why it was used there. "States" is a little better to use than the common "says." I thought it was important to add the "over 10 years" detail. Time spans can be important, too.; From the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) says that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70%, then it's considered endangered.

One of the common reasons why the species are dying is due to humans interacting with nature.

      • I can say that humans aren't the sole reason for all species going extinct and that is the tone you set here. So, by saying "one of the common reasons," you establish that humans aren't the main reason why. I replaced "because of" to "due to" just to add a change in style.; The reason why these species are dying is because of humans interacting with nature.

The article explains that "Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities." This shows how the bulk of human activities harm not only the species but the environment they live, as well.

      • "For example, in the article, it states" seemed like a jumble of words that didn't get much accomplished. So, I replaced it with "The article explains that." This is a good quote to use to explain your statement from above, but I think you should possibly add another sentence to explain and expound on this quote.; For example, in the article, it states,"Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities."

The possible future will see most species extinction from human interaction, however, if humans choose to help nature through conservation efforts, then it will be one step closer to healing the planet.

      • I thought the article would have been much better if it ended on how people are using conservation to help wildlife. I believe that was an important part of the article to include here. To show that humans created this mess and some are trying to fix it.; Sooner or later, all species will die from human interaction, but if we choose to help nature, then nature will run its course and heal the planet.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-makes-a-species-endangered Edited by Michael Morrow

Try not to close on a quote. Always having the expounding sentence after the quote to explain your stance and why you used it. Remember to avoid questions in the title. I revised the title after I completed the revision of the body paragraph. I recommend that you create a title after your done writing. You can reflect back on what you wrote and create something from there. Unless you came up with something truly amazing.


Species Going Extinct Due to Human Interaction

In the world, there are over 7,000 species that are endangered. The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) states that if the species' population decreases 50 to 70% over 10 years, then it's considered endangered. One of the common reasons why the species are dying is due to humans interacting with nature. The article explains that "Loss of habitat, the introduction of a foreign species into the environment, hunting, pollution, disease, and loss of genetic variation are all causes of species decline and most often are a result of human activities." This shows how the bulk of human activities harm not only the species but the environment they live, as well. The possible future will see most species extinction from human interaction, however, if humans choose to help nature through conservation efforts, then it will be one step closer to healing the planet.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/what-makes-a-species-endangered

The Discoloration of Bananas

When grocery shopping, people buy green bananas and within days later, it changes to bright yellow.

      • Here, I changed the beginning to make it briefer. I made everything before the first comma three words from six words. I put "green" in front of "bananas." There really wasn't a "however" moment in the sentence for the word to be used.; When going to the grocery store, many people buy bananas that are green, however in a couple of days, it changes to bright yellow.

The color changes due to a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process in bananas, like most fruits.

      • I changed a lot here in this sentence. I completely removed "the reason why" at the beginning and started with "the color." I removed "bananas, like most fruits" from its original spot and moved it towards the end. I thought it was important to keep that information included.
The reason why the color changes is because bananas, like most fruits, react with a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process.

When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and sweeter.

      • The only problem I have with this sentence is the last word. "Tastier" is one of those words that writers really should not include because the rule is that something maybe tasty to you, but not to the readers. It is the little things that some look at. So, I substituted the word for what happens when a banana ripens more and more. It gets sweeter.; When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and tastier.

If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay, brown, and turn mushy in texture.

      • I changed the ending by removing "turn" from "brown" and put it with "mush." In this case, "brown" is used as a verb.; If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay and turn brown and even mushier.

So, when the banana begins to turn brown, that means the banana should be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.

      • I removed a removed a few words that seemed like the sentence could be fine without. I thought "begins" was a better verb than "starts" and I thought "should be" was better than "needs to be." "Should be" sounds like a recommendation.; So from now on, when the banana starts to turn brown, that means the banana needs to be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-bananas-turn-brown Edited by Michael Morrow

Be careful of words like "brown," it is a color that tends to be a verb (brown/browned/browning)."Tastier" is a word that you should try to avoid because the rule is that something maybe tasty to you, but not to the readers.

The Discoloration of Bananas

When grocery shopping, people buy green bananas and within days later, it changes to bright yellow. The color changes due to a hormone called ethylene, which helps the ripening process in bananas, like most fruits. When the fruit reacts with the ethylene, the banana's acid starts to break down which makes it mushier and sweeter. If not eaten, like most life cycles, the process of ethylene will cause the banana to decay, brown, and turn mushy in texture. So, when the banana begins to turn brown, that means the banana should be eaten before it rots and needs to be thrown away.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-bananas-turn-brown

Serving Popcorn at Movies

Popcorn is an ideal snack when watching a movie.

When movies started to become popular in the United States, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced.

      • Here, I simply removed "however" because you were not giving a "nevertheless" statement that required it. Also, I added where movies and popcorn became popular. With the specifics, readers will not know where you are talking about.; However, when movies started to become popular, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced.

Popcorn is a type of corn, originally from Central America, which rose in popularity in the 1800s.

      • I removed "actual" because it is not needed. Just by saying its corn, it means that its actually corn. With that removal, I changed "an" to "a." I replaced "popular" with "rose in popularity." Its something different than "popular," which you already used in the sentence before.; Popcorn is an actual type of corn, originally from Central America, which became popular in the 1800s.

Making popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression.

      • "Making" is more suitable for this since they did not literally create it.; Creating popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression.

Popcorn is a must for moviegoers and they're thankful for those who introduced popcorn into theaters.

      • I had to remove "founders" because technically wasn't the "founders" the Central Americans? You have to be careful when wording sentences like that. Its similar to saying Christopher Colombus founded America when there were people already there. And "introduced" is a much more fitting verb that "applied."; Popcorn is a must and people are thankful for the founders who applied popcorn into theaters.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-movie-theaters-serve-popcorn Edited by Michael Morrow


Serving Popcorn at Movies

Popcorn is an ideal snack when watching a movie. When movies started to become popular in the United States, theaters needed an economic boost, so popcorn was introduced. Popcorn is a type of corn, originally from Central America, which rose in popularity in the 1800s. Making popcorn is easy and cheap, so selling popcorn was a great idea for the theaters, especially during the Great Depression. Popcorn is a must for moviegoers and they're thankful for those who introduced popcorn into theaters.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-movie-theaters-serve-popcorn


How Pizza Came to America

      • I changed the title because the original was lacking. It did not do much for the summary. It could be considered misleading because it sounded like you were going to talk about how much pizza is made and consumed in the U.S. Also, in titles, do not capitalize "in" and other prepositions. And if you use a colon anywhere, make sure there is a space between the punctuation and the word to the right of it.; Most Popular Food In America:PIZZA

Pizza is a staple food item in America, but it wasn't created by Americans.

      • I changed "diet" to "food," because "diet" covers a group of food rather than just one particular food. "Founded" was not a good choice for this sentence. You can't "found" a food item like a country. I put "created" in its place because you can create food. Also, I removed the second "pizza" and put in "it." The second one seemed to throw off the sound of the sentence and was repetitive.; Pizza is a staple diet in America, but pizza wasn't founded by Americans.

It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created the pizza.

      • I changed "where" to "when." Try to match time with "when" and setting with "where." There is a missing article in front of "pizza." You can get away with it, but it seems like "the" was really needed.; It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created pizza.

However, the Italians introduced the food in America between 1880 and 1920.

      • I changed "pizza" to "food" just to break the repetition of the word. And I changed "during" to "between." Its what the article says and is a better fit than "during." When you say "during," it looks like you're talking about the time of the 1880s and 1920s and not the timespan of 1880s to the 1920s.; However, the Italians introduced the pizza in America during 1880 and 1920.

Italian immigrants made and sold pizzas from their homes and unlicensed venues.

      • The Italians who popularized pizz werent necessarily "Italian-American" at that moment. I found the wording to be awkward when reading. The context of the sentence was not clear due to missing words and word choice. Be sure to pay attention to the words you use. Earlier, you said the Greeks created pizza then here you say the Italians created it. "Create" should be used in the terms of making something new.; Italian-Americans that lived at that time created pizza and sold it unlicensed venues

Then, the first licensed pizzeria in New York, named G. Lombardi's, opened in 1905, which is still open today.

      • I had to reform this sentence. "Then" is a better transition than "until." The original word would have worked better if it was apart of the sentence before. I added an appositive by inserting "named G. Lombardi's" in the middle of the sentence. Be sure to spell out the name of states.; Until, the first licensed pizzeria in NY is G. Lombardi's, which is still open today.

Soon, pizzerias became popular in America and almost every corner had one.

      • I removed "very." It's not needed. Also, I removed the second "pizzeria" to avoid being repetitive.; Soon, pizzerias became very popular in America and almost every corner had a pizzeria.

With America being the "land of opportunity," the Italians took advantage of it and gave us the delicious pizza.

      • This sentence seems like a very awkward ending to this summary. I fixed it up some to give it a conclusion tone.; America is the land of opportunity and the Italians took it and gave us the delicious and savory pizza.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s Edited by MIchael Morrow

Try to avoid using very. Pay attnetion the way you use words like "make" and "create." Do not capitalize prepositions and articles in title unless it is the first word in the title.


How Pizza Came to America Pizza is a staple food item in America, but it wasn't created by Americans. It was as early as 600 BCE, where the Greeks created the pizza. However, the Italians introduced the food in America between 1880 and 1920. Italian immigrants made and sold pizzas from their homes and unlicensed venues. Then, the first licensed pizzeria in New York, named G. Lombardi's, opened in 1905, which is still open today. Soon, pizzerias became popular in America and almost every corner had one. With America being the "land of opportunity," the Italians took advantage of it and gave us the delicious pizza.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pizza-so-popular-in-the-u.s


Friendly Neighborhood Spider

Spiders are always in our lives.

      • Since you use the broad term "lives," there is no need to say "houses." "Lives" cover exactly what you mean: life. Which, means they are everywhere.; Spiders are always in our lives and houses.

Scientists completed a visual survey in 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses.

      • You did not need both "some" and "scientists." "Some" indicates that there were multiple scientists working on the survey, you can just use the plural of "scientist" to the do job of "some." I changed a few words at the beginning like "completed" instead of "had" and "in" instead of "of." These small changes add more conciseness to the sentence.; Some scientists had a visual survey of 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses.

Every house has spiders and the most common are cobweb and cellar spiders.

People are normally afraid of spiders due to having multiple legs and most being venomous.

      • I thought these sentence could be restated in a better way. I was able to shorten the sentence and made the diction a little more strict. The original sentence had missing commas and seemed "messy."; People are always afraid and it is normal because spiders have lots of legs and most of them are venomous.

However, spiders usually prefer to avoid humans.

Spiders will always be in our houses, providing protection against other insects, so don't kill the next spider you encounter.

      • You can say more here. You can add one or two more sentences talking about how they provide protection against other insects. Give the readers that friendly neighbor feeling. I had to remove one of the "next." I opted for the first one because the phrase "next time" really is not needed.; Spiders will always be in our houses protecting from other insects, so next time, don't kill the next spider you encounter.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders Edited by Michael Morrow

I liked the title, it is catchy and clever. Good job on knowing to use numbers when going over ten. Why say "one thousand" when you can say "1,000?" Beware of those small grammar piece where you say "some scientists." Both are plural so, only one is needed. Try to avoid repetition, as well. That goes for using the same word more than once in the same sentence, using the same word in one sentence then right in the next, or just over usnig the word or phrase too many times in a paragraph.


Friendly Neighborhood Spider

Spiders are always in our lives. Scientists completed a visual survey in 50 North Carolina homes to see which arachnids live in people's houses. Every house has spiders and the most common are cobweb and cellar spiders. People are normally afraid of spiders due to having multiple legs and most being venomous. However, spiders usually prefer to avoid humans. Spiders will always be in our houses, providing protection against other insects, so don't kill the next spider you encounter.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders

The Consequences of Zit Popping

      • The revised title gives a little more context on what the article will be about. The original title didn't do much for the article. And be sure to capitalize the words in the title.; Never pop zits

People love popping zits, however, it's unhealthy for the body.

      • I added a comma behind "however." Don't forget to add the usual comma behind adverbs like this one. I removed "very" because it is not needed. Try to refrain from using "very."; People love popping zits, however it's very unhealthy for the body.

For example, by popping zits, you're popping a thin layer of skin, which covers the pus, and infectious bacteria can enter your body.

      • I corrected “puss” to “pus.” Make sure you spell words correctly. “Puss” is too close to a vulgar word. So, be very sure to spell correctly. I changed “is over” to “cover.” This was a word choice decision.; For example, by popping zits, you're popping a thin layer of skin, which is over the puss, and infectious bacterial can enter your body.

Also, popping zits causes the skin to inflame then form into an acne scar.

      • Here, I reformed the sentence. It is shorter and straight to the point. “Inflamed skin” didn’t need to be repeated twice in the same sentence. And consider using more condensed language rather than the cliché phrase “a period of time.”; Also, when popping zits, the skin inflames and after a period of time, the inflamed skin turns into an acne scar.

Fortunately, there are other ways to get rid of zits.

Using benzoyl peroxide or anti-inflammatory creams will get rid of acne.

      • The main issue I have is “spot creams with higher concentration.” Higher concentration of what? I looked at the article and it gave no context. So, I went in and found another example of prevention. Most times, it is important to be as specific as possible.; Using benzoyl peroxide or spot creams with higher concentration will get rid of acne.

So, be sure not to pop your pimples or they'll stay there forever.

      • Be sure you know which “your” you are using. “You’re” means you are and that obviously does not match the context of this sentence. “From now on” and “now on” are cliché phrases, so be sure to stay away from those.; Now on, don't pop you're pimples or they'll stay there forever.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/popping-pimples Edited by Michael Morrow

The advice I will give is to work on work usage/word choice. Remember to capitalize all words in the title (Except articles, conjunctions, and prepositions). Pay close attention to spelling when writing. College professors would start to take points off after noticing multiple errors.


The Consequences of Zit Popping

People love popping zits, however, it's unhealthy for the body. For example, by popping zits, you're popping a thin layer of skin, which covers the pus, and infectious bacterial can enter your body. Also, popping zits causes the skin to inflame then form into an acne scar. Fortunately, there are other ways to get rid of zits. Using benzoyl peroxide or anti-inflammatory creams will get rid of acne. So, be sure not to pop your pimples or they'll stay there forever.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/popping-pimples


Artificial Intelligence Helping to Create Music

      • The original title was bland and had nothing to it. suggest you form the title by looking at the article's title and after you completed the summary. The finished work will give you a good idea of what kind of title you want. The new title is more enticing than the original.; Artificial Music

A group of Facebook researchers created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it using different instruments.

      • I capitalized "a" at the beginning of the sentence. Multiple changes were made in the sentence like removing "small," "from," "it." Words being replaced and moved was also done. Be sure to remember to always capitalize the first word in the sentence. This revised sentence removes the wordiness of the original, so try to follow that path when writing.; a small group of researchers from Facebook created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it it with different instruments.

Lior Wolf, a co-author of a new study detailing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument.

      • Again, here, I tried to remove the wordiness and shorten the sentence. Long sentences are normally deal breakers for potential readers. I replaced "describing" with "detailing." The new word gives an official analytical tone to the study.; Lior Wolf, one of the co-authors of a new study describing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument.

Many people are using the AI system and their responses have been positive.

      • I suggest using either "system" or "program" behind "AI." I changed "are" to "have been" due to a word choice issue. I was working with the quote and just removed it all together. With both the sentence and the quote, it becomes redundant.; Many people are using the AI and their responses are positive, "The first convincing musical style transfer I've heard."

Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start utilizing the program and create music.

      • I removed "fool around" because it's not that professional. I replaced it with "utilizing the program" and replaced "make some" with "create." Always try to maintain the tone of professionalism when writing essays, summaries, and articles.
Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start to fool around with it and make some music.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/universal-music-translation-artificial-intelligence Edited by Michael Morrow

I highly recommend first typing the summaries into Microsoft Word first. It will catch the mistakes that the eye looked over. Also, read your work aloud, you can catch errors that way as well. One main thing you should work on is word choice. Once you begin to write more and more, you'll develop a sense for it. So, always question your writing. You should be thinking, "Is this the word I want to use?" And do not be afraid to add another sentence. This possibly could have used one more.


Artificial Intelligence Helping to Create Music

A group of Facebook researchers created an AI system that listens to an audio file and recreates it using different instruments. Lior Wolf, a co-author of a new study detailing the work, said, "We want to mimic the human ability to hear music, and repeat it, either by whistling or playing an instrument. Many people are using the AI system and their responses have been positive. Now that this is becoming popular, artists can soon start utilizing the program and create music.


The NFL Bans Kneeling During the National Anthem

      • Be sure to keep questions away from the title. Also, "football" is too broad of a term to use when speaking on a specific issue. Kneeling is banned in the NFL not in college or high school football. So be more specific. The revised sentence is more specific and is straight to the point.; Kneeling Banned From Football?

Players kneeling as the national anthem plays has been a major controversy in the NFL.

      • The revised sentence sets a strong tone of what the article will be about. You need to say what is going on. "Kneeling" by itself is not sufficient when discussing this topic. The revision answers the questions about who is kneeling, does it matter, and when/where is it happening. Try to take advantage of complex sentences instead of simple ones like this.; Kneeling has been a huge controversy in the NFL.

This has led to the football league losing support from fans and money from sponsors.

      • Here, I wanted to go in-depth on what is happening. This revision shows what is lost. Like "money from sponsors" is much more detailed than just "money." Since the NFL name will be mentioned so many times, I strongly recommend using different names for the NFL to add variety and lose the repetition. So, I removed "NFL" in this sentence and put in "football league." You can use phrases like that, so you won't have to keep using the actual name of the company.;The NFL has been losing fans and money.

The NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem."

      • I added "NFL" before "commissioner" because it was never said what was he the commissioner of. So, always keep that in mind, especially if it is a title.; The commissioner Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem."

The NFL has concluded that if players or personnel disrespect the anthem, then they will be fined.

      • I changed "of" to "if." I changed the ending. It seemed to be more direct if you say that the person doing the disrespecting will be fined. To make this sentence less wordy, I removed "come to the conclusion" and added "concluded." This one word does the job of the previous four.; The NFL has come to the conclusion that of players or teams disrespect the anthem, then there will be a fine.

This process took the league months to find a solution.

      • Again, I removed "NFL" and replaced it with "the league." The words "in discussions" is not needed at all. I changed the word choice at the end of the sentence. From the summary and article, there was not a compromise, but a solution. Compromise means that both sides come to an agreement.; This process took the NFL months in discussions to find a compromise.

So, the players are not allowed to kneel during the anthem or there will be consequences.

      • "To sum this up" should be avoided, because it sounds too essay-ish. Articles are mainly proper. yet conversational. I put "so" in its place. I polished the first part of the sentence as well. Instead of saying "disrespect," close it by saying what they are not allowed to do.; To sum this up, the players cant disrespect the anthem or there will be consequences.

Source: http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/23582533/nfl-owners-approve-new-national-anthem-policy Edited by Michael Morrow

Very interesting article to choose from. And the article source is good as well. I recommend taking a sentence and writing it different ways and see which is the best. Also, try to work on word choice by looking at different synonyms of a word or going with the more simpler term. And remember to not have questions as your title.


The NFL Bans Kneeling During the National Anthem

Players kneeling as the national anthem plays has been a major controversy in the NFL. This has led to the football league losing support from fans and money from sponsors. The NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell said, "We want people to be respectful of the national anthem." The NFL has concluded that if players or personnel disrespect the anthem, then they will be fined. This process took the league months to find a solution. So, the players are not allowed to kneel during the anthem or there will be consequences.

Source: http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/23582533/nfl-owners-approve-new-national-anthem-policy



Get Out of Your Parent's Basement

Young adults are unable to find decent living spaces.

Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in debt after college.

      • I just removed "tons of" because it's not really needed. Normally a heavy amount is already implied when it comes to college debt.; Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in tons of debt after college.

However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra, where he is the Senior Vice President for Technology.

      • I think it would be helpful if we know what Ravi does too, to make the statement stronger.; However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra.

Katerra's purpose is to create buildings and spaces quickly and efficiently.

Naik said that "Katerra finished the construction of an entire first floor of a multi-unit residential building in just six hours"

      • Whenever you want to quote someone, be sure to use quotes. And I decided to use to original quote because it better fits the sentence than the paraphrased part.; Naik said that Katerra finished the construction of a first floor of a multi-unit building in six hours.

Katerra's revolutionary mission will change the construction business while helping young adults come out of their parents' homes and find a place of their own to call home.

      • This sentence was confusing to read, silently and aloud. It seemed like it could have been written to be two sentences but I revised it to add clarity and to give an overall conclusion to the piece.; Katerra is revolutionary and it will change the construction business and help young adults come out of their parents'

basements and live in their own place.

Source:http://www.digitalistmag.com/digital-supply-networks/2017/09/29/builder-gets-young-adults-out-of-your-basement-05383588 Edited by Michael Morrow


Get Out of Your Parent's Basement

Young adults are unable to find decent living spaces. Most living spaces are limited and very expensive for kids who are in debt after college. However, Ravi Naik has created a company called Katerra, where he is the Senior Vice President for Technology. Katerra's purpose is to create buildings and spaces quickly and efficiently. Naik said that "Katerra finished the construction of an entire first floor of a multi-unit residential building in just six hours." Katerra's revolutionary mission will change the construction business while helping young adults come out of their parents' homes and find a place of their own to call home.

Source:http://www.digitalistmag.com/digital-supply-networks/2017/09/29/builder-gets-young-adults-out-of-your-basement-05383588

Fight or Flight… or Frozen

      • I think this title is still a work in progress and a step in the right direction. The original had quotations and was kind of bland. It wouldn’t grab too many people’s attention. This revised title has a little more character, but can be better.;"Fight or Flight" and Freeze

“Fight” and “Flight” are the primitive responses in humans, however, “freeze” is another response that animals usually do.

      • I encased “fight,” “flight,” and “freeze” in quotations because the words can’t standalone while not using the intended meaning of the word. I changed “to” to “in” because the response is internal. A response can’t occur to a person but can occur within a person.; Fight and Flight are the primitive responses to humans, however freeze is another response that animals usually do.

Some humans "freeze" when they are in a threatening position, but this is involuntary.

      • The context of the sentence is confusing, it comes from the word choice I believe. Maybe you could find a different word besides “response” in the sentence. What do you mean by response? I thought “position” would be more suitable.; Some humans "freeze" when they are in a threatening response, but this is involuntary.

"Our primitive brain takes over and immobilizes us, " says Dr. Rachael Sharman, a psychologist.

      • You need to state where you got this quote from. Either the place or person would be fine. I went in and found the writer and some background on her.; "Our primitive brain takes over and immobilizes us. "

When that happens, humans are reported to have little or no memory from the trauma.

      • I just added a few words to help the sentence flow better.; When that happens, humans report to have little or no memory from the trauma.

This can only happen when the event is so shocking or overwhelming that the brain shuts down.

Basically, when it comes down to a dangerous situation, you can "fight and flight" or freeze.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/why-do-we-freeze-when-frightened Edited by Michael Morrow


Fight or Flight… or Frozen

“Fight” and “Flight” are the primitive responses in humans, however “freeze” is another response that animals usually do. Some humans "freeze" when they are in a threatening position, but this is involuntary. "Our primitive brain takes over and immobilizes us, " says Dr. Rachael Sharman, a psychologist. When that happens, humans are reported to have little or no memory from the trauma. This can only happen when the event is so shocking or overwhelming that the brain shuts down. Basically, when it comes down to a dangerous situation, you can "fight and flight" or freeze.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/why-do-we-freeze-when-frightened


CTE in Football

      • The title needs something more descriptive than "Football Disease." It doesn't tell the reader anything about what the passage is about. In fact, football disease could mean anything. That's why it is important to be specific and detailed. The new title "CTE in Football" gives a different light to the passage. The reader now knows what the passage will be talking about.; Football Disease


Football is a very dangerous sport that involves with uncountable injuries.

However, one serious injury can cause brain cell damage and death: Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, a degenerative brain disease that affects the brain over time.

      • I decided to combine these two sentences since they are both short and simple. The first sentence remained to same then a colon was added to reveal what this injury is and what it does.; However, one serious injury can cause brain cell damage and death. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy(CTE) is a degenerative brain disease that affects the brain over time.

Football players receive repetitive blows to the head causing dead brain cells.

      • I omitted "for example" because it seemed out of place in the sentence. The transition phrase didn't need to be there and the sentence as a whole did not need one.; For example, football players receive repetitive blows to the head causing dead brain cells.

Scientists said, "Of the 111 study subjects who'd played for the NFL, all but one had CTE."

      • I omitted "with hard evidence" from the sentence. It seemed silly to say. All there needs to be is just "Scientists say." We know they have the evidence. And what is supposed to be "hard" about the evidence? And would the audience reading this consider the evidence to be "hard?" Also, whenever you quote in the way you did, always put a comma after "said."
Scientists with hard evidence said " Of the 111 study subjects who'd played for the NFL, all but one had CTE."

When CTE accumulates the symptoms include: memory loss, dementia, confusion, depression, and behavioral problems.

Thus, people who have more concussions and head injuries will get this unfortunate disease.

Source: http://www.popsci.com/CTE-football-NFL-new-study Edited by Michael Morrow


CTE in Football

Football is a very dangerous sport that involves with uncountable injuries. However, one serious injury can cause brain cell damage and death: Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE, a degenerative brain disease that affects the brain over time. Football players receive repetitive blows to the head causing dead brain cells. Scientists said, "Of the 111 study subjects who'd played for the NFL, all but one had CTE." When CTE accumulates the symptoms include: memory loss, dementia, confusion, depression, and behavioral problems. Thus, people who have more concussions and head injuries will get this unfortunate disease.

Source: http://www.popsci.com/CTE-football-NFL-new-study



Nike Looks to Sell 3-D Shoes

      • It is advised to not have questions as a title. Something simple can be made from the material presented. You could use "Nike Looks to Sell 3D Shoes.";3-D Printed shoes for sale?

Nike has plans to create and mass-produce sneakers by using 3-D printers.

The printer, the Multi Jet Fusion 3D Printing Solution, can produce sneakers 10 times faster than regular productions at half the cost.

      • You're missing an article after the first comma. I put in "the" to help it.; The printer, Multi Jet Fusion 3D Printing Solution, can produce sneakers 10 times faster than regular productions at half the cost.

The Multi Jet Fusion 3D Printing Solution is the world's first production-ready 3-D printer.

There is not enough information regarding what Nike will 3-D print, but Nike will most likely use it for custom or on-demand items.

      • There was a wird missing between "information" and "what" so I added "regarding" to help the understanding.; There is not enough information what Nike will 3-D print, but Nike will most likely use it for custom or on-demand items.

There are other companies that are using the same printer like BMW and Johnson&Johnson.

Once Nike starts creating 3-D printed shoes, the trend of printed shoes will become popular.

Source:http://www.complex.com/sneakers/2016/05/hp-3-d-printer-jet-fusion-nike Edited by Michael Morrow


Nike Looks to Sell 3-D Shoes

Nike has plans to create and mass-produce sneakers by using 3-D printers. The printer, the Multi Jet Fusion 3D Printing Solution, can produce sneakers 10 times faster than regular productions at half the cost. The Multi Jet Fusion 3D Printing Solution is the world's first production-ready 3-D printer. There is not enough information regarding what Nike will 3-D print, but Nike will most likely use it for custom or on-demand items. There are other companies that are using the same printer like BMW and Johnson&Johnson. Once Nike starts creating 3-D printed shoes, the trend of printed shoes will become popular.

Source:http://www.complex.com/sneakers/2016/05/hp-3-d-printer-jet-fusion-nike


The Complex Diet of a Vegetarian/Vegan

      • I decided to focus on the facts given and base the title off of that. In the passage, you talk about all this info and it should be reflected in the title. And do not forget to capitalize every word in the title.; Are you a real or fake vegetarian/vegan?

When it comes to a vegan or vegetarian diet, many choose two different ways of eating, either the plant diet index(PDI), the healthful plant-based diet(hPDI), or the unhealthy plant-based diet(uPDI).

In Ambika Satija's case, a postdoctoral fellow at Harvard T. H. Chan School of Public Health, she created an experiment of people who have a PDI or an hPDI.

      • It would be beneficial to the passage if you include Satija's merit. Whenever it comes to research and scientific based work, it is very important to acknowledge a person's merit. It allows people to decide if the person is credible or not.; In Ambika Satija's case, she created an experiment of people who have a PDI or an hPDI.

From the data compiled from both diets, hPDI had a reduced risk of heart disease and attacks compared to PDI and uPDI.

      • I added words in the beginning to make a smoother transition. I removed the parenthesis from the sentence as they are not needed.; From the data of both diets,(hPDI) had a reduced risk of heart disease and attacks compared to (PDI) and (uPDI).

People who ate the hPDI diet digested more foods like whole grains, nuts, fruits, and vegetables, but less of sugar foods, potatoes, animal fat, and meat.

      • I tried to make the sentence more sensible. It was all most confusing to read and seemed like the writer forgot to add some words. I gave the sentence a solid introduction that properly leads into the main point.;hPDI ate more foods like whole grains, nuts, fruits, and vegetables, but less of sugar foods, potatoes, animal fat, and meat.

People shouldn't call themselves vegetarians or vegans when they eat junk foods like sugary beverages, french fries, and fake fried chicken.

      • I added an apostrophe in "cant" because contractions require one. There is not too much wrong with this sentence. However, I highly recommend not sounding so "judgy" when writing. So, I fixed in a way. But I recommend you consider a revision if the sentence of omitting it from the passage.; People cant call themselves vegetarians or vegans when those people eat junk foods like sugary beverages, french fries, and fake fried chicken.

Thus, individuals must choose wisely of what is eaten and drunken to sustain a healthy vegetarian/vegan diet.

      • In this situation, I don't think it's important to use "you" in the sentence. Especially, when you never acknowledged the "you" prior to the closing sentence besides the title. I revised it to make it sound less targeted and more general.
Thus, you must choose wisely of what you eat and drink to sustain a healthy vegetarian/vegan diet.

Source:http://www.popsci.com/vegetarian-vegan-not-always-healthy Edited by Michael Morrow

The Complex Diet of a Vegetarian/Vegan

When it comes to a vegan or vegetarian diet, many choose two different ways of eating, either the plant diet index(PDI), the healthful plant-based diet(hPDI), or the unhealthy plant-based diet(uPDI). In Ambika Satija's case, a postdoctoral fellow at Harvard T. H. Chan School of Public Health, she created an experiment of people who have a PDI or an hPDI. From the data compiled from both diets, hPDI had a reduced risk of heart disease and attacks compared to PDI and uPDI. People who ate the hPDI diet digested more foods like whole grains, nuts, fruits, and vegetables, but less of sugar foods, potatoes, animal fat, and meat. People shouldn't call themselves vegetarians or vegans when they eat junk foods like sugary beverages, french fries, and fake fried chicken. Thus, individuals must choose wisely of what is eaten and drunken to sustain a healthy vegetarian/vegan diet.

Source:http://www.popsci.com/vegetarian-vegan-not-always-healthy

Ravens: Terrifyingly Smart

      • I chose this title because I thought it would be okay to add both elements of the fact the the birds are smart while being scary. ; Ravens:One of the Smartest Animals


When it comes to thinking of ravens, many are either terrified or annoyed by these birds.

However, these "terrifying" birds are a lot smarter than we thought.

      • I made a small revision here, I removed "they were." I felt that these were just extra unnecessary words. You still have the same message as the original.; However, these "terrifying" birds are a lot smarter than we thought they were.

Ravens can solve puzzles, use animals to their disposal, and communicate with each other.

      • I made some corrections in this sentence: you used "there" instead of "their" and you used the wrong form of "dispose." In this case, you should be using "disposal" and not "disposable." I think this sentence needs help. Yiu could insert another sentence talking about how they do these things. Or you can add more detail in this sentence. What kind of puzzles? How do they use other animals? What ways do they communicate with each other that are different from other birds?; Ravens can solve puzzles, use animals to there disposable, and communicate with each other.

Two scientists at Lund University, in Sweden, examined the behavior of some ravens and found an incredible discovery.

      • I added two commas in the sentence to make an appositive. I changed "tested on" into "examined the behavior of" to give this piece a more scientific feel to it. PLus, it is not as simple as the original while not being over complicated.; Two scientists at Lund University in Sweden tested on some ravens and found an incredible discovery.

In the experiment, the ravens had the choice of a tiny food crumb or a tool, they would rather use the tool to open a container of more food.

      • I switched word choices in this sentence. Instead of "a choosing", I used "the choice." And to match I changed "and" to "or."; In the experiment, the ravens had a choosing of a tiny food crumb and a tool, they would rather use the tool to open a container of more food.

In conclusion, these ravens should not be feared but should be admired for their intelligence.

      • I changed the ending of the sentence to match the rest of the passage. This passage is geared towards their intelligence and not about respect. I think it is more about admiration than respect and if you think about, respect comes with admiration.; In conclusion, these ravens should not be feared but should receive respect from all humans.


Source:http://www.popsci.com/ravens-smart-plan-ahead Edited by Michael Morrow

Ravens: Terrifyingly Smart When it comes to thinking of ravens, many are either terrified or annoyed by these birds. However, these "terrifying" birds are a lot smarter than we thought. Ravens can solve puzzles, use animals to their disposal, and communicate with each other. Two scientists at Lund University, in Sweden, examined the behavior of some ravens and found an incredible discovery. In the experiment, the ravens had the choice of a tiny food crumb or a tool, they would rather use the tool to open a container of more food. In conclusion, these ravens should not be feared but should be admired for their intelligence.


Moon Express Coming Soon

Moon Express is hoping to be the first commercial company to land on the Moon and win the $20 million XPrize.

      • I omitted "a company" from the sentence because it's not needed. However, you can more detailed information in that space, if you want. Instead of saying "a company," you could say "a Silicon Valley company" or "a company ran by space entrepreneurs."; Moon Express, a company, is hoping to be the first commercial company to land on the Moon and win the $20 million XPrize.

Not only that, Moon Express also has plans for building a robotic outpost on the Moon by 2020.

Moon Express is assembling three different robots for three different missions: the first, "Lunar Scout" will launch this year and it will dispatch a small telescope and a laser range finder to achieve the prize of $20 million, the second, called "Lunar Outpost" will inspect the frozen water and minerals in and on the Moon, the third robot, "Harvest Moon", will extract samples of the Moon and will be used for scientific purposes.

Like many other experiences with space equipment, the price of materials is expensive so the company is hoping to receive federal funding for the project.

      • I changed some of the word choices in this sentence. The second half seemed like it was missing a word, so I revised it. Instead of saying "very high," I replaced it with "expensive" which is less cliche than the latter. If you know at least an estimate on the cost of the materials, you can add that. Plus, I removed "Moon Express" because there is no need to repeat it multiple times. Especially when it is the only company being mentioned.; Like many other experiences with space equipment, the price of creating is very high so Moon Express is hoping to receive federal funding for the project.

However, if Moon Express does not receive the necessary funding, then there will be cost overruns and delays.

      • I just wanted to rewrite the phrasing in this sentence. I changed the tone to give it a more urgent sound.; However, if Moon Express is not funded then there will be cost overruns and delays.

In conclusion, with help from others, Moon Express will achieve the goal of winning the XPrize competition and going into space.

      • Even though I revised the conclusion of this passage, I very much recommend you rewriting this closer sentence. Your sentence says something different than what is discussed above. You never mentioned other big businesses and never established how they will be well known. So, I think you should brain storm on a more cohesive conclusion.; In conclusion, big businesses are competing to go to space and the company Moon Express will achieve that goal and will be well known.

Source: http://www.popsci.com/moon-express-lunar-outpost Edited by Michael Morrow

Moon Express Coming Soon Moon Express is hoping to be the first commercial company to land on the Moon and win the $20 million XPrize. Not only that, Moon Express also has plans for building a robotic outpost on the Moon by 2020. Moon Express is assembling three different robots for three different missions: the first, "Lunar Scout" will launch this year and it will dispatch a small telescope and a laser range finder to achieve the prize of $20 million, the second, called "Lunar Outpost" will inspect the frozen water and minerals in and on the Moon, the third robot, “Harvest Moon", will extract samples of the Moon and will be used for scientific purposes. Like many other experiences with space equipment, the price of materials is expensive so the company is hoping to receive federal funding for the project. However, if Moon Express does not receive the necessary funding, then there will be cost overruns and delays. In conclusion, with help from others, Moon Express will achieve the goal of winning the XPrize competition and going into space.


Giving Happiness

Scientists recently studied that giving makes us happy.

Zurich scientists organized a 50-person experiment which tested patients and examined their happiness levels after acts of generosity.

      • With this sentence, I decided the reword and reorganize it. The original had a lot of unnecessary words that were taken out. I don’t think it was really important to say the experiment was conducted “at a lab.” Since scientists were involved with the study, it's already implied that the setting is in a lab or in that similar setting.; Scientists organized an experiment with 50 people at a lab in Zurich who tested the patients and examined their happiness levels after acts of generosity.

After each test, the patients’ brains would be examined with an MRI scan in which the scientists discovered that an area of the brain was triggered and would give a response to another part of the brain.

      • This is another revised sentence where I switched phrases in the sentence. I replaced the first “and” with “in which.” I did it to cut down on how many times “and” is being used and make the sentence much clearer.; After each test, the scientists would examine the test patients’ brains with an MRI scan and discovered that an area of the brain was triggered and gave a response to another part of the brain.

The scientists created a scenario where two distinct groups were either to spend money for others or to spend on themselves.

      • This was a good sentence, however I just made different word choices. The word “different” can be omitted or possibly replaced with “distinct” or “separate.”; The scientists created a scenario that two different groups were either to spend money for others or to spend on themselves.

The group that spent money on others was happier than the other group that only spent on themselves.

Therefore, spending money on others will make you happy and create a triggered response to different parts of the brain.

      • I recommend changing "thus" to "therefore" as the transition of your closing sentence. "Therefore" is normally a better closer than "thus" and signifies the end.; Thus, spending money on others will make you happy and create a triggered response to different parts of the brain.


Source:https://www.seeker.com/health/mind/happiness-from-being-generous-has-a-neural-basis-within-the-brain Edited by Michael Morrow

Giving Happiness Scientists recently studied that giving makes us happy. Zurich scientists organized a 50-person experiment which tested patients and examined their happiness levels after acts of generosity. After each test, the patients’ brains would be examined with an MRI scan in which the scientists discovered that an area of the brain was triggered and would give a response to another part of the brain. The scientists created a scenario where two distinct groups were either to spend money for others or to spend on themselves. The group that spent money on others was happier than the other group that only spent on themselves. Therefore, spending money on others will make you happy and create a triggered response to different parts of the brain.

Is Immortality Good or Bad?

      • I wanted to title more catchy while being straight to the point. That's what I came up with. I think on this subject topic, you can get very creative with the title.; Living Longer: Good or Bad?

We, as humans, have always wanted to live longer.

      • I added the commas and “as” to the sentence. This is a moment where you could use commas because if left as is, it wouldn't make since. Another suggestion is saying "As humans, we have always wanted to live longer."; We humans have always wanted to live longer.

With many ways to live longer and life expectancy already varies greatly, but we won’t become immortal.

      • I feel like this sentence was missing something to really connect the first and second half of the sentence. I tried adding to the first half of the sentence, but don't be afraid to go back into your source and see what changes you can make.; Life expectancy already varies greatly, but we won’t become immortal.


There are many ethical reasons that humans shouldn’t live longer than regular expectancy.

One concern is that if there is a method to live longer, not everyone can have the money to pay for either the procedure or medicine.

      • I just changed "way" to "method" to avoid being cliche.; One concern is that if there is a way to live longer, not everyone can have the money to pay for either the procedure or medicine.

Another example is, lifespan extension can change the way of political, social change, inheritance, and other important factors of life.

      • Instead of using "more" at the end if the sentence, I changed it to a more specific version of "more." Since these elements you list are important to life, you can address them as such.; Another example is, lifespan extension can change the way of political, social change, inheritance, and more.

In conclusion, if we are able to live longer, there will be many complications for humans all over the world.

      • I changed a few words in the sentence while still conveying the same message. So, you won't have to be repetitive, I omitted "ethical problems" and put in "complications." The new words broaden the view just beyond the ethics.; In conclusion, if we do live longer, there will be many ethical problems for humans all over the world.

Source:http://www.popsci.com/ethics-living-longer Edited by Michael Morrow

Is Immortality Good or Bad? We, as humans, have always wanted to live longer. With many ways to live longer and life expectancy already varies greatly, but we won’t become immortal. There are many ethical reasons that humans shouldn’t live longer than regular expectancy. One concern is that if there is a method to live longer, not everyone can have the money to pay for either the procedure or medicine. Another example is, lifespan extension can change the way of political, social change, inheritance, and other important factors of life. In conclusion, if we are able to live longer, there will be many complications for humans all over the world.

Engineering with Replicas to Save Dams

Michael Johnson, Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor, and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica.

      • Originally, I put "Michael Johnson" is enclosed in commas but didn't like the way it was shown. Normally in work like this, the person's name is first and their title is in commas.; Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor Michael Johnson and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica

Michael Johnson created this dam replica to examine one of two channels that run the width of the spillway to allow air into the water to prevent bubble formations that can damage the concrete spillway of the real dam.

These new channels, called aerators, cost $300 million to reconstruct and will be applied by November when the winter rains and snow come to increase the water's volume in the dam.

      • I just made a small change at the end. I switched the words around and removed some while keeping the same meaning.; These new channels, called aerators, cost $300 million to reconstruct and will be applied by November when the winter rains and snow come to increase the volume of the water in the dam.

The simulation of the 100-foot (30-meter) long replica, that took 40 days to build, begins with a crew member opening a large valve that sends water down a chute modeled after the spillway and crashing into blocks that disperse and send waves to a replica of the river.

      • I enclosed "that took 40 days to build" in commas. That was like side information or an appositive which always are separated in the sentence by commas. And I removed "it" at the end, it was not needed. ; The simulation of the 100-foot (30-meter) long replica that took 40 days to build begins with a crew member opening a large valve that sends water down a chute modeled after the spillway and crashing into blocks that disperse it and send it in waves to a replica of the river.

With the help of the simulation, hydrologists can calculate the velocity of the water and track down how much air is going into the water, which can lead to the complete testing of the aerators.

      • With this sentence, I just wanted to "polish" it. Change phrasing and words to make it more appealing. For example, I gave the transition some help.; With this simulation, hydrologists can calculate the velocity of the water and track down how much air is going into the water, which leads up to the complete testing of the aerators.

By utilizing this new type of technology, there will be fewer floods, evacuations, and less anxiety about the disastrous effects of inefficient dams.

      • The beginning of this sentence or the one before it can be changed. If you already used it once, there no need to use it twice. So, I found a replacement for this beginning transition. And I thought "inefficient" would be a better word than "faulty."; With this new type of technology, there will be fewer floods, evacuations, and less anxiety about the disastrous effects of faulty dams.

Sources: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/jun/26/engineers-use-replica-to-pinpoint-california-dam-r/ Edited by Michael Morrow

Engineering with Replicas to Save Dams Michael Johnson, Utah State University hydraulics engineering professor, and other engineers created the Oroville Dam replica. Michael Johnson created this dam replica to examine one of two channels that run the width of the spillway to allow air into the water to prevent bubble formations that can damage the concrete spillway of the real dam. These new channels, called aerators, cost $300 million to reconstruct and will be applied by November when the winter rains and snow come to increase the water's volume in the dam. The simulation of the 100-foot (30-meter) long replica, that took 40 days to build, begins with a crew member opening a large valve that sends water down a chute modeled after the spillway and crashing into blocks that disperse and send waves to a replica of the river. With the help of the simulation, hydrologists can calculate the velocity of the water and track down how much air is going into the water, which can lead to the complete testing of the aerators. By utilizing this new type of technology, there will be fewer floods, evacuations, and less anxiety about the disastrous effects of inefficient dams.



The Health Ranger Takes on the EPA

The ever-vigilant, health conscious Mike Adams, AKA the Health Ranger, has announced that he will single-handedly assure that the U.S.'s water supply will be tested for its contaminants.

      • I changed "pronounced" to "announced." "Pronounce" didn't fit with what you are trying to say; it means distinct or noticeable. I am sure "announce" will get the job done.; The ever-vigilant, health conscious Mike Adams, AKA the Health Ranger, has pronounced that he will single-handedly assure that the U.S.'s water supply will be tested for its contaminants.

Adams and his team have processed over six hundred water samples in the last year and in 2017, an additional 364 which have tested positive for heavy metals.

      • I think it would be beneficial if you acknowledge who his team associates are. Are they a team of scientists? I omitted the first comma because it was not needed.; Adams and his associates have processed over six hundred water samples in the last year, and in 2017, an additional 364 which have tested positive for heavy metals.

Such metals as copper, arsenic, lead, and aluminum, a light metal, have been found in the water samples violating the EPA's water quality limits.

      • I don't think you need the "heavy" in this sentence since it is still fresh in the readers' mind. I did a lot of butchering to this sentence, it had a lot going on. I shrunk it down and added that aluminum was a light metal. "with its possible neurotoxic detrimental effects" is a phrase you should keep, however, I am still figuring out how to work it in. If it is possible, can you form that phrase into a sentence?; Such heavy metals as copper, arsenic, and lead, along with aluminum, with its possible neurotoxic detrimental effects, have been found in the water samples violating the EPA's water quality limits.

Allegedly, the EPA routinely covers up such scientific evidence, refusing to tell the American people of the toxins in their drinking water.

During the testing, CWC Labs donated all of the lab time and materials for the water tests to be evaluated and the results to be produced to expose the U.S.'s toxic water supplies.

      • It would be better if you say "during the testing" rather than "in the testing." Or you could say "during the testing period." Could you explain what "CWC" is? The acronym is widely used by multiple organizations. At least, spelling out the acronym will help readers.
In the testing, CWC Labs donated all of the lab time and materials for the water tests to be evaluated and the results to be produced to expose the U.S.'s toxic water supplies.

On the Natural News website, Mike Adams has stated that "Natural News is willing to take over the nationwide testing of the water supply from the incompetent EPA... in terms of testing the national water supply." He continued with "I’m going to announce an offer to President Trump, explaining that we will test the entire national water supply and publish all the results for just $1 per year...handling up to 5,000 water samples per year for the American people."

      • To give more credibility to this statement, say what the site specializes in. Or if there is access to an article where you can find the writer and their position. So, I researched the article and found that Mike Adams, himself, wrote the article. You can say "On the Natural News website, Mike Adams has stated that...";The site, Natural News, has stated that "(it) is willing to take over the nationwide testing of the water supply from the incompetent EPA... in terms of testing the national water supply" continuing with " I’m going to announce an offer to President Trump, explaining that we will test the entire national water supply and publish all the results for just $1 per year...handling up to 5,000 water samples per year for the American people"


Sources: http://naturalsciencejournal.org/ICP-MS-Analysis-364-Municipal-Water-Samples.html Edited by Michael Morrow


The Health Ranger Takes on the EPA The ever-vigilant, health conscious Mike Adams, AKA the Health Ranger, has announced that he will single-handedly assure that the U.S.'s water supply will be tested for its contaminants. Adams and his team have processed over six hundred water samples in the last year and in 2017, an additional 364 which have tested positive for heavy metals. Such metals as copper, arsenic, lead, and aluminum, a light metal, have been found in the water samples violating the EPA's water quality limits. Allegedly, the EPA routinely covers up such scientific evidence, refusing to tell the American people of the toxins in their drinking water. During the testing, CWC Labs donated all of the lab time and materials for the water tests to be evaluated and the results to be produced to expose the U.S.'s toxic water supplies. On the Natural News website, Mike Adams has stated that "Natural News is willing to take over the nationwide testing of the water supply from the incompetent EPA... in terms of testing the national water supply." He continued with "I’m going to announce an offer to President Trump, explaining that we will test the entire national water supply and publish all the results for just $1 per year...handling up to 5,000 water samples per year for the American people."



Russia Threatens to Target American Jets

      • As straightforward as the title is, it's missing some specificity. It's just as simple as adding one word to fix it. I recommend mentioning the which country own's the jets. Who knows, a reader may mistake this title as saying that Russia is targeting the New York Jets.; Russia Threatens to Target Jets

Russia has threatened that any target operating above the Russian and Syrian airspace.

      • I changed one word in this sentence "territory." The word "airspace" is the more correct term to use when talking about this situation. Territory seems like more of a grounded word.; Russia has threatened that any target operating above the Russian and Syrian territory.

The Syrian Democratic Forces, or SDF, and American warplanes launched an attack to retake a town called Ja'Din.

      • I switched words around in the beginning of the sentence. It is better to introduce the whole name first, then follow it with the nickname or acronym. I recommend you say where Ja'Din is located. You could say, "...retake a town called Ja'Din located in (country here)."; The SDF (Syrian Democratic Forces) and American warplanes launched an attack to retake a town called Ja'Din.

After the attack concluded, a Syrian fighter jet launched airstrikes on SDF troops which led an American warplane to take it out.

      • This revised sentence is a little shorter than the original. The original did get a little wordy. And I added a transition between "troops" and "an American" and I polished the sentence some.; After the attack had stopped, a Syrian fighter jet launched airstrikes on SDF troops, so an American warplane was sent to take it out.

That was the first air-to-air engagement between the US and Russia(?) since 1999.

      • The only thing I want to pick out in the sentence is the need for a few words at the ending. So, this was the first engagement since 1999. But between who? You talk about the countries in this passage, so be more specific on who is engaged. This will also give the reader a reminder of who has issues with who.; That was the first air-to-air engagement since 1999.

In Moscow, Russian officials applied the necessary adjustments in the Syria war policy because of the shoot-down of a Syrian military aircraft by a US fighter.

      • I thought it would be a better fit to say "Russian officials" rather than just the "Russians." Or another substitute could be "the Russian government officials." I thought it would be beneficial to the passage if "necessary" was added. Or instead of using "changes" you could use "amendments" or "adjustments." Sometimes, try to avoid basic overused words. Try to find some different words that have the same meaning as the original word.; In Moscow, the Russians applied the changes in the Syria war policy because of the shoot-down of a Syrian military aircraft by a US fighter

In conclusion, the Russians will try to stay cautious with the Americans attacking ISIS.

      • This was a pretty good sentence, but I just added "will try" because the sentence is more of a future tense sentence. In conclusion, the Russians are trying to stay cautious with the Americans attacking ISIS.

Source: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/jun/19/russia-cuts-communications-us-syria-threatens-targ/ Edited by MichaelmMorrow

Russia Threatens to Target American Jets Russia has threatened that any target operating above the Russian and Syrian airspace. The Syrian Democratic Forces, or SDF, and American warplanes launched an attack to retake a town called Ja'Din. After the attack concluded, a Syrian fighter jet launched airstrikes on SDF troops which led an American warplane to take it out.That was the first air-to-air engagement between the US and Russia since 1999. In Moscow, Russian officials applied the necessary adjustments in the Syria war policy because of the shoot-down of a Syrian military aircraft by a US fighter. In conclusion, the Russians will try to stay cautious with the Americans attacking ISIS.


Amazon leads Whole Foods into the on-demand grocery system

      • I think this title could be shorter and simpler. Readers don't want to see an eye full of a title. You should use rhetoric to catch the readers attention without overdoing it. ; Amazon buying Whole Foods to help make an easier on-demand grocery system

Amazon announced the second generation of its Dash Wand, an Alexa-enabled home barcode scanner that can add your grocery items to your AmazonFresh cart.

The company's way to improve the Dash Wand was by announcing their $13.7 billion deal to buy the Whole Foods Grocery chain, which includes 461 stores across the US, Canada, and the UK.

      • I replaced "the way" with "the company's" because even though we know you're talking about Amazon, it is better to address the company while not trying to use words like "their."; The way to improve their Dash Wand was by announcing their $13.7 billion deal to buy Whole Foods Grocery chain, which includes 461 stores across the US, Canada, and the UK.

Whole Foods stores are accessible to many Americans because it is usually an hour's drive to the store, which makes Amazon's on-demand grocery delivery easier.

      • I omitted "way" at the end, "easier" is enough to get the point across.; Whole Foods stores are accessible to many Americans because it is usually an hour's drive to the store, which makes Amazon's on-demand grocery delivery way easier.

Amazon created this second-generation tool because interacting with the Alexa or Echo device can be as easy as saying "Honey, we need eggs."

      • I added a hyphen between "second" and "generation" because this is a compound adjective, which normally uses hyphens. I also added "tool" because it gives the item you are talking about distinction. In most cases, try to be as specific as you can.; Amazon created this second generation because interacting with the Alexa or Echo device can be as easy as saying "Honey, we need eggs."

The order will arrive to its destination in a matter of an hour or so, completely fresh, organic, and straight off the shelves of the nearest Whole Foods store.

      • Some readers may question where the order is going to. Like I said, being specific is important. I think you can take that part of the sentence work with it more. You could possibly say "The order will arrive at the customer's location."
The order will arrive in a matter of an hour or so, completely fresh, organic, and straight off the shelves of the nearest Whole Foods store.

With the new technology being created, buying groceries will be easier and faster.

      • I think this conclusion has a lot more potential to be much stronger. Even though "in conclusion" is a good transition to the closing sentence, it's not needed. I omitted "a lot" because it is not really needed however I do suggest replacing it with "much more." But I think it is fine without that phrase as well. After the word "faster", I deleted the rest of the sentence. You were able to make a strong enough point in the first part of it.; In conclusion, with the new technology being created, buying groceries will be a lot easier and faster way than going outside to retrieve those groceries.

Source:http://www.popsci.com/amazon-buys-whole-foods-dash-wand Edited by Michael Morrow

Amazon Leads Whole Foods Into the On-demand Grocery System Amazon announced the second generation of its Dash Wand, an Alexa-enabled home barcode scanner that can add your grocery items to your AmazonFresh cart. The company's way to improve the Dash Wand was by announcing their $13.7 billion deal to buy the Whole Foods Grocery chain, which includes 461 stores across the US, Canada, and the UK. Whole Foods stores are accessible to many Americans because it is usually an hour's drive to the store, which makes Amazon's on-demand grocery delivery easier. Amazon created this second-generation tool because interacting with the Alexa or Echo device can be as easy as saying "Honey, we need eggs." The order will arrive to its destination in a matter of an hour or so, completely fresh, organic, and straight off the shelves of the nearest Whole Foods store. With the new technology being created, buying groceries will be easier and faster.


An Egg a Day Keeps you Big in Many A Way

      • The title should be more enticing for the audience that you are trying to attract. And always capitalize each word, that is not a article or conjunction, in the title. Compared to the original title, the new, revised title does more for the summary. It mentions the main topic, the egg, and it says something about what the egg can do. Yes, the orginal title did that as well, however, when the reader sees the original, they may skip over. But when the new title is seen, it will attract their attention and almost force them to read what you have to say. So, here is a newer version of your title, "An Egg a Day Keeps you Big in Many A Way."; An egg a day, makes you taller and larger

According to Gaston, from "Beauty and the Beast", as a child, he ate four dozen eggs every morning to get large.

      • It would be beneficial to use "According to" at the beginning of the sentence to give the sentence more sophistication. By doing that, you will also have to add commas after "Gaston" and the second quotation marks. Plus, "said that" can be omitted and add a comma behind "child".; Gaston from, "Beauty and the Beast" said that as a child he ate four dozen eggs every morning to get large.

However, just eating one egg a day can do the same.


Eggs are high in protein, vitamin B12, riboflavin, choline, and other vitamins and minerals.

      • "Amounts of" should be removed, it is not needed.; Eggs are high in protein, vitamin B12, riboflavin, choline, and other amounts of vitamins and minerals.

A team of public health researchers from the United States and Ecuador tested this in an impoverished country like Ecuador.

      • It is helpful to the reader if you completely spell out the United States instead of using the abbreviation.; A team of public health researchers from the US and Ecuador tested this in an impoverished country like Ecuador.

The group gathered up mother-infant pairs, separating one group with eggs and the other without eggs.

      • You can remove "up" and use "gathered" by itself. I recommend removing "and separated", add a comma, then add "separating." The second "group" can be removed as well.; The group gathered up mother-infant pairs and separated one group with eggs and the other group without eggs.

After the six-month process, the kids who ate eggs were much taller and larger than the ones that didn't eat eggs.

      • You should add a hyphen between six and month. The phrase "a lot" should be replaced with "much."; After the six month process, the kids who ate eggs were a lot taller and larger than the ones that didn't eat eggs.

Therefore, if this experiment worked on children, then having an egg-based diet will have many health benefits for adults as well.

      • It would better if you use "therefore" instead of "hence", it's much more known rather than hence.; Hence, if this experiment worked on children, then having an egg-based diet will have many health benefits for adults as well.

Source: http://www.popsci.com/eggs-help-babies-grow Edited by Michael Morrow

An Egg a Day Keeps you Big in Many A Way According to Gaston, from "Beauty and the Beast", as a child, he ate four dozen eggs every morning to get large. However, just eating one egg a day can do the same. Eggs are high in protein, vitamin B12, riboflavin, choline, and other vitamins and minerals. A team of public health researchers from the United States and Ecuador tested this in an impoverished country like Ecuador. The group gathered up mother-infant pairs, separating one group with eggs and the other without eggs. After the six-month process, the kids who ate eggs were much taller and larger than the ones that didn't eat eggs. Therefore, if this experiment worked on children, then having an egg-based diet will have many health benefits for adults as well.

oooThere are significant problems with this article summary.ooo

Applying and playing for the NBA are 2 different things. You were supposed to read 3-4 articles and create a summary article on how to PLAY FOR THE NBA. Remember our discussion that night? You were saying that you want to play for the NBA and I said write a summary article on how you can go from where you are today to playing for the NBA. YOU DID NOT DO THIS.


How you can apply for the NBA

Many people think it is tough to get into the NBA, but they're wrong.

Big headliners, like Ben Simmons and Brandon Ingram, are a lot better than the average player, but that doesn't mean the average Joe is unqualified.

      • When interjecting with examples or names, you must use 2 commas. Do not use pronouns so much especially "YOU", it's not advanced writing;Big headliners, like Ben Simmons and Brandon Ingram, are a lot better than you, but that doesn't mean you're unqualified.


In order to apply for the NBA draft, you must be at least 19 years old and it's best to send a letter to the NBA informing it of your desire and eligibility for the draft months in advance.

      • Do not use a quote without citing its source ( So I paraphrased the quote into the sentence);In order to apply for the NBA draft, you must be at least 19 years old and it is best to "send a letter to the league a couple months before the draft informing them of your desire to be eligible for the draft."

For example, a man named Zachary Feinstein wrote a letter and received a letter with the application forms.

Another player, an unnamed 25-year old, declared himself as an entrant for the draft, but he graduated years before he tried to sign with any team; which means no draft for him.

In conclusion, these examples of basketball players tried to go into the NBA Draft, some succeeded; yet some have at least tried to apply for the NBA.

This means you should try to apply for the NBA; you never know.

Mind Riot Evergreen State College, a small, public liberal arts institution, planned its annual "Day of Absence", but with a twist to it: white people are told to leave the campus.

      • Make the topic sentence interesting, shock value is good here because it is a shocking story.

The "Day of Absence" is a "symbolic" act based on the Douglas Turner Ward play in which all black people of a Southern town don't show up one morning.

Unfortunately, this was reversed and the non-white students wanted all white students, staff, and faculty to leave the premises of the college.

      • "Colored students" colored is an offensive term. Such people prefer the term "Non-white" when being written about b/c it puts it on the people they do not like, the white people.; Unfortunately, this was reversed and the colored students wanted all white students, staff, and faculty to leave the premises of the college.

One teacher, Prof.Weinstein, objected in an email to all staff and faculty saying,"On a college campus, one's right to speak -or to be- must never be based on skin color."

        • Use correct appellations (honorific titles for people). Also if you start a quote with a quotation mark, you must close it with a quotation mark.; One teacher, Mr.Weinstein, objected in an email to all staff and faculty saying,"On a college campus, one's right to speak or to be- must never be based on skin color.

A month later, student mobs formed on the campus chanting "Black Power","Racist", and demanded the teacher resign.

      • Formed where? on the campus. Also "teacher to resign" should be " teacher resign"; A month later, student mobs formed chanting "Black Power","Racist", and demanded (omit "for") the teacher to (omit "to")resign.

A college is an institution of higher learning, not a cauldron of racism, hate, and discord; these types of demonstrations are meant for the streets and political rallies. Colleges and universities are places of study, not racist riots, try to give a bit of your own ideas in the conclusion - everything you stated in the conclusion was already stated in the article summary you wrote, so give some wisdom as to why this is bad, what would happen if all schools were like this, how this affects the students themselves, etc...(Redo the whole sentence). Also, do not start the sentence with "In conclusion," This is a 3rd grade way of writing. One more thing, there is no subject to the sentence " Branded", who is branded? ; In conclusion, branded the teachers racist after not accepting the "Day of Absence", and struck fear into all of them.


Trump Helps Homeless Woman


For eight years, a black homeless woman had lived in Trump Tower with Trump's generosity.


The woman had been treated spectacularly, had three meals a day, had her own room, and got fresh flowers every week.

Unfortunately, all of the mainstream media make trump into a racist bigot; they don't include the good deeds that Trump had done.

The homeless woman is very displeased with the way that the media is not telling the truth of Trump's good deeds.

She also said that if trump evicted her, she would be on the streets homeless, or dead.

The homeless woman concludes that Trump is not the bad person many think he is, he's a wonderful man.


http://www.naturalnews.com/2016-12-13-trump-allowed-black-homeless-woman-to-live-in-trump-tower-for-8-years-rent-free.html

T-shirts! They're Alive!

Researchers from MIT have created a shirt that vents itself automatically in response to sweat and gives out a nice aroma.


Wen Wang, a bio-engineer and former scientist at MIT's Media Lab, experimented with two structures, latex and bacteria (B subtilis).


The two layered shirt, bacteria in the inside and latex on the outside, can absorb moisture and relax, which creates a little ventilation flap.


Unfortunately, Wang hasn't found a way to wash the clothes without killing the bacteria.


On the other hand, Wen said that there is no reason to wash the clothes because the bacteria will "eat" the remains and give out a redolent smell.

In conclusion, Wen and other researchers will perfect the bacteria t-shirt to give people a nice aroma when they work out.

      • Boring concluding sentenece and concluding transitional phrase "In conclusion". Read this article and ask me questions about it:

https://www.thebalance.com/how-to-write-a-conclusion-news-article-magazine-and-more-1360734

Sources:

http://www.popsci.com/bacteria-on-this-wearable-allow-it-to-open-vents-automatically-when-you-sweat

The World's First Robot Policeman

The first operational "robot cop" was revealed in Dubai as part of the United Arab Emirates' planned robot police force.

      • Unless the robot's name is Robot Cop, you should not use capital letters. Use " ", parentheses instead. You cannot just write part of a country's name, you must use its full name: United Arab Emirates; The first operational Robot Cop was revealed in Dubai as part of the emirate's

planned robot police force.***

The robot, 5ft 5in tall and weighing 100kg, can speak six different languages and can read facial expressions.

      • You cannot use the indefinite article "a" without having it refer to the noun it is modifying ;The robot, a 5ft 5in tall and weighing 100kg, can speak six different languages and can read facial expressions.


This new officer of the law also comes with a built-in tablet so people can pay fines or report crimes.

      • "It" is boring, liven things up with nouns and adjectives, but don't use too many; It also has built-in tablet so people can pay fines or report crimes.***


Now the robot is tech eye-candy at the Gulf Information Security Expo and Conference, but the robot will go into the real world of law enforcement and do what it's programmed to do; it will fight crime, keep the city safe, and improve happiness.

      • Don't copy the words in a sentence, especially the first word or phrase, shows you have little creativity when you talk about something that something will do in the future/near future, talk about what it did in the past or in the present, it gives more info to the readers so they get a fuller understanding of the topic.;Right after the Gulf Information Security Expo and Conference, the robot will go into the world and what it's programmed to do; it will help us fight crime, keep the city safe, and improve happiness.***


A high ranking officer said, "The launch of the world's first operational Robocop is a significant milestone for the Emirates and a step towards realizing Dubai's vision to be a global leader in smart cities technology adoption."

      • This guys title is too long, truncate it by writing "A high ranking officer said"; A high ranking officer said

Brigadier-General Khalid Nasser Al Razzouqi, Director-General of Smart Services with the Dubai Police said***

Surely, Robocop is a milestone for the Emirate in Dubai, but with robots on the verge of eliminating many jobs in areas such as taxis, trucking, agriculture, and many other industries, robots may be more of a problem than they are worth.

      • Link this story to other stories that are happening about robotics so people will be left thinking about robots taking away jobs, enforcing law, and the scary aspect of that as well; Surely, Robocop is a milestone for the Emirate in Dubai, but it is a great leap forward for robot police forces all around the world.***

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/worlds-first-operational-robocop-hits-10474646?service=responsive

The Deadliest Fat We Eat

The movement of a single hydrogen atom from one side of a molecule to the other can create a potentially deadly substance when continuously absorbed into the body.

The transformed ingredient is called Trans Fatty Acid(trans fats), which causes heart attacks, strokes, and sudden cardiac deaths.

About 30,000 to 100,000 Americans die from excessive amounts of trans fats.

A study in some New York counties that ban Trans Fats shows in contrast to counties that do not have the ban that death rates and medical costs decrease when Trans Fats are not taken into the body.

      • I can't even fix this " Many scientists and healthy and less "deadly"; Many scientists and healthy and less "deadly", which will help the premature deaths in America to decrease. ***

Based on the limited evidence, getting rid of trans fats in human diet may help people live longer and healthier.

      • Don't just use Thus and Therefore, kind of boring. Use transitional phrases like "All in all, Based on..., In summation, To sum up" YOU SHOULD USE THOSE TRANSITIONAL WORDS AND PHRASES FROM THE SAT SHEETS TO WRITE THESE ARTICLE SUMMARIES***


https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/05/22/well/the-worst-fat-in-the-food-supply.html