Tepa's Writing Page

The story of the fox and the goat is about a fox that fell into a well and was trapped but nearby there was a goat coming to drink water and the fox hid his gloomy face and tricked the goat into jumping in saying that the water was excellent beyond belief and told the goat the water was tasty but they were stuck and the fox lied saying that he would jump off the goat's horns and and find help but he did not know that the fox was lying and he was trapped.


Comments about Atagahi, the Enchanted Lake[edit]

1. Make sure you put separate your sentences out with correct punctuation (periods) and capitalizing the first letter of each sentence. Look below to see how I split up your paragraph into individual sentences so that it is easy to read!

Edits:

The Atagahi lake is a magical purple lake that heals wounds and is well hidden from hunters.
***Make sure to capitalize proper nouns, like Atagahi.

Since it can heal wounds, the animals that are injured go there to heal themselves.

It is said to be so well hidden that people think it is dried up and gone. But people who watch the lake all day see it at daybreak as wide and shallow.
***I split this part into 2 sentences to keep them short and sweet!

In the lake, there are all kinds of fish, reptiles, and birds.
***I added “in the lake” for clarification. I also combined “fish, reptiles, and birds” together so you don’t say “and” twice.

The animals hide the lake since hunters being able to access it would be a danger to themselves.
***I took out the first time you said "so hunters are not able to access" because you repeated that part twice.

In conclusion, the Atagahi lake is mystical and magical in many ways.
***Make sure to put a comma after your concluding phrase like this: “In conclusion,” I added “-al” to mystic, because “mystical” is the adjective form.

Edited paragraph:

The Atagahi lake is a magical purple lake that heals wounds and is well hidden from hunters. Since it can heal wounds, the animals that are injured go there to heal themselves. It is said to be so well hidden that people think it is dried up and gone. But people who watch the lake all day see it at daybreak as wide and shallow. In the lake, there are all kinds of fish, reptiles, and birds. The animals hide the lake since hunters being able to access it would be a danger to themselves. In conclusion, the Atagahi lake is mystical and magical in many ways.

Original paragraph:

The atagahi lake is a magical purple lake that heals wounds and is well hidden from hunters since it can heal wounds the animals that are injured go there to heal themselves it is said to be so well hidden that people think it is dried up and gone but people who watch it all day see it at daybreak as wide and shallow there are all kinds of fish and reptiles there and birds the animals hide the lake so hunters are not able to access since hunters being able to access it would be a disadvantage to themselves. in conclusion the Atagahi lake is mystic and magical in many ways.



Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm going to be editing your writing. Good job on your first essay! Make sure to scroll all the way down to see how I edited your first assignment under the "edits" and "edited essay" sections below. Here's what I would like you to work on for your next essay:

1. Copy a quote directly from the story and put it in quotation marks: "___________" (fill in the blank with the quote from the text)

If you have any questions please write them out for me here!

Original essay:

The boy was able to get out of the fish using his brain. Because the boy got hungry he cut a piece of the fishes liver and the fish vomited the boy out. So the fish vomited the boy out and he was free.

The boy was able to get out of the fish by cutting off a piece of the fishes liver, therefore, the fish vomited up the boy. According to the "text,"... it states that he became very hungry and looking around he saw the fishes liver hanging over his head. Thinking it was dried meat, he tried to cut off a piece with a mussel shell, he had been playing within his hand. The operation sickened the fish and it vomited the boy out. So the boy got hungry and cut a piece of the fishes liver and the fish vomited him out.

In conclusion, the boy was able to get out of the fish because it vomited him out. The boy's hunger made him cut a piece of the fish's liver, this made the fish vomit him out.

Edits:

The boy was able to get out of the fish because of his hunger. 

  The boy thought the fish’s liver was actually dried meat! So he wasn’t using his brain and being clever to get out, he was just hungry.

Because the boy got hungry, he cut off a piece of the fish’s liver to eat, and the fish vomited the boy out. 

  The liver belongs to the fish, so use the singular possessive of fish, which is "fish's". I also added in your sentence that the boy cut off part of the fish's liver to eat, so your reader knows why he cut it!

After the fish vomited the boy out, he was free. 

  I used "after" instead of "so," because it shows the order better.

The boy was able to get out of the fish by cutting off a piece of the fish’s liver, therefore, the fish vomited up the boy. 

 I used "fish's" instead of "fishes." (See the edits under your 2nd sentence for why.)

According to the text, the boy “became very hungry, and on looking around he saw the fish's liver hanging over his head. Thinking it dried meat, he tried to cut off a piece with a mussel shell he had been playing with and still held in his hand.” 

  Make sure to put what you have copied directly from the story in two sets of quotation marks! This is to separate what is someone else's words from what is your words. The word text itself doesn't need to be in quotation marks, but the part from the story does!

This cut made the fish sick, and it vomited the boy out. 

  The quote you chose was very long. Try to copy only the most important parts of the text, and summarize the rest of it in your own words! Here I summarized the last sentence from the quote.

So the boy got hungry and cut off a piece of the fish’s liver, and the fish spit him out. 

  Great end of this paragraph! I used "fish's" instead of "fishes." (See the edits under your 2nd sentence for why.)

In conclusion, the boy was able to get out of the fish because it vomited him out. 

  Great conclusion!

The boy's hunger made him cut a piece of the fish's liver, which made the fish vomit him out. 

  Good job using "hunger"! Using the word “this” in the sentence made it a run-on sentence. You could split the sentence into 2 sentences and begin the second sentence with “this,” but I used “which” instead and kept it as one strong sentence!

Edited essay:

The boy was able to get out of the fish because of his hunger. Because the boy got hungry, he cut off a piece of the fish’s liver to eat, and the fish vomited the boy out. After the fish vomited the boy out, he was free.

The boy was able to get out of the fish by cutting off a piece of the fish’s liver, therefore, the fish vomited up the boy. According to the text, the boy “became very hungry, and on looking around he saw the fish's liver hanging over his head. Thinking it dried meat, he tried to cut off a piece with a mussel shell he had been playing with and still held in his hand.” This cut made the fish sick, and it vomited the boy out. So the boy got hungry and cut off a piece of the fish’s liver, and the fish spit him out.

In conclusion, the boy was able to get out of the fish because it vomited him out. The boy's hunger made him cut a piece of the fish's liver, which made the fish vomit him out.