Ice Cream
Ice cream is made by milk, flour, and camphor. The Persians made ice cream by putting grape juice and put snow on top. That was in 500 BC. Now the recipe changed over the years. Europeans found out how to make ice cream in the 16th century while US found it in 1744 when Maryland Governor Thomas Bladen served strawberry ice cream to people. Now there are over 1000 varieties of ice cream flavor. The common flavors are vanilla and chocolate, and adding ingredients such as sprinkles. There also is a thing that if you like a specific type of ice cream. For example, people that like vanilla, they are impulsive risk takers.
https://www.dogonews.com/2019/7/6/national-ice-cream-month-has-begun
Just 1 Hour of Playing A Game
***Good title! Sounds intriguing.
Original Article
Scientists from the University of Electronic Science say that 1 hour of playing games help the brain be active. The scientists got 29 males to play a game called, League Of Legends. Some of the kids have been playing for at least 2 years, the rest of them have been playing fewer than 6 months. The group of 2 years were in the top of the players, this is relevant because this proves that the kids that have more experience are better. And this can help the brain because the brain focuses more. But the people that has less experience only got to the bottom 11%. The reason why they came at the bottom was because they weren't focused. This shows that playing a game in 1 hour can help your attention and help you focus more.
Source: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320943.php
The Edits
Scientists from the University of Electronic Science say that 1 hour of playing games help the brain be active.
***Small edit for word choice: Scientists from the University of Electronic Science say that 1 hour of playing games helps the brain stay active.
The scientists got 29 males to play a game called, League Of Legends.
***You don't need that comma in there. Also, the 'o' in 'of' doesn't need to capitalized.
Some of the kids have been playing for at least 2 years, the rest of them have been playing fewer than 6 months.
***Small edits: Some of the kids have been playing for at least 2 years, while the rest of them have been playing for fewer than 6 months.
The group of 2 years were in the top of the players, this is relevant because this proves that the kids that have more experience are better.
***Edited sentence: The group of individuals who had been playing for two years placed at the top, proving that they have more experience.
And this can help the brain because the brain focuses more.
***Let's just take this sentence out!
But the people that has less experience only got to the bottom 11%.
***Small edits: The people that had less experience were at the bottom 11%.
The reason why they came at the bottom was because they weren't focused.
***Edited sentence: The reason why they placed at the bottom is because they weren't as focused.
This shows that playing a game in 1 hour can help your attention and help you focus more.
***Small edits: This shows that playing a game for 1 hour can help you pay attention and focus more.
Final Edits
Scientists from the University of Electronic Science say that 1 hour of playing games helps the brain stay active. The scientists got 29 males to play a game called League of Legends. Some of the kids have been playing for at least 2 years, while the rest of them have been playing for fewer than 6 months. The group of individuals who had been playing for two years placed at the top, proving that they have more experience. The people that had less experience were at the bottom 11%. The reason why they placed at the bottom is because they weren't as focused. This shows that playing a game for 1 hour can help you pay attention and focus more.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Largest Bee
***This title is very simple; let's spice it up a bit! Edited title: Largest Bee Is The Size Of A Walnut!
Original Article
There’s a bee named Wallace’s giant bee, a size of a walnut. With a wingspan of the size of our thumbs. It lives in the Indonesian jungle and had been discovered in 1981. This bee is like a fictional creation. Being the largest bee and having jaws strong as a stag beetle. It had been placed in the most wanted list in 2015 in the lost species project. “It was more magnificent then I thought, even in death,” said entomologist Eli Wyman.
The Edits
There’s a bee named Wallace’s giant bee, a size of a walnut.
***Edited sentence: There’s a bee named Wallace’s giant bee, which is the size of a walnut.
With a wingspan of the size of our thumbs.
***Edited sentence: Its wingspan is the size of our thumbs!
It lives in the Indonesian jungle and had been discovered in 1981.
***Let's try saying: This bee lives in the Indonesian jungle and was first discovered in 1981.
This bee is like a fictional creation.
***I want to combine this sentence with the next one. Let's say: Being the largest bee and having jaws strong as a stag beetle, it's like a fictional creation.
It had been placed in the most wanted list in 2015 in the lost species project.
***Edited sentence: The Wallace's giant bee was placed on the most wanted list in 2015.
“It was more magnificent then I thought, even in death,” said entomologist Eli Wyman.
***Good quote!
Final Edits
There’s a bee named Wallace’s giant bee, which is the size of a walnut. Its wingspan is the size of our thumbs! This bee lives in the Indonesian jungle and was first discovered in 1981. Being the largest bee and having jaws strong as a stag beetle, it's like a fictional creation. The Wallace's giant bee was placed on the most wanted list in 2015. “It was more magnificent then I thought, even in death,” said entomologist Eli Wyman.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Spiders
***Let's make this title a little more interesting! Maybe the one you had from before: Spiders Can Be Mean
Original Article
Spiders might seem scary, and at first sight, you may want to kill it, but these are some interesting facts that may not want you to kill these arachnids. There are more than 40000 species of spiders in every continent, besides Antarctica. Also, spiders use there silk to make webs, and capture there prey. And also, spiders aren't even that harmful to human kinds, deadly venom spiders are very rare to find, and they don't bite unless they feel endangered, or unsafe. These are some interesting facts about these cool arachnids, spiders.
Sorry about the double, it was just that there was more facts in the article, so i made a second one.
***That's okay!
The Edits
Spiders might seem scary, and at first sight, you may want to kill it, but these are some interesting facts that may not want you to kill these arachnids.
***Let's say: Spiders may seem scary at first sight, but there are some reasons you may not want to kill these arachnids.
There are more than 40000 species of spiders in every continent, besides Antarctica.
***Small edits: There are more than 40,000 species of spiders in every continent, besides Antarctica.
Also, spiders use there silk to make webs, and capture there prey.
***We would want to use 'their' instead of 'their'. Edited sentence: Also, spiders use silk to make their webs and capture their prey.
And also, spiders aren't even that harmful to human kinds, deadly venom spiders are very rare to find, and they don't bite unless they feel endangered, or unsafe.
***Let's try: In addition, spiders aren't even harmful to human kinds, considering that venomous spiders are very rare and don't bit unless they feel threatened.
These are some interesting facts about these cool arachnids, spiders.
***Let's just leave the sentence as: These are some interesting facts about these cool arachnids.
Final Edits
Spiders may seem scary at first sight, but there are some reasons you may not want to kill these arachnids. There are more than 40,000 species of spiders in every continent, besides Antarctica. Also, spiders use silk to make their webs and capture their prey. In addition, spiders aren't even harmful to human kinds, considering that venomous spiders are very rare and don't bit unless they feel threatened. These are some interesting facts about these cool arachnids.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
The Black Rhinos
***Good.
Original Article
The black rhino is a species that is currently about to go extinct, and it is critically endangered. Black rhinos are smaller than other rhinos in Africa. Around the 20th century, that is the time when the rhinos were dramatically decreasing, and the animals had no say in whether they wanted to die or live. Some companies want the black rhinos to make a recovery so animals don't go extinct, and we never see them again, but some people still kill them, for their horns, to sell off of the black market, which won't help at all if you really think about it. But after awhile, the species that was about to die off, tried their best to come back, and they did, and doubled there amount to 5400. But the bad people who are just greedy, might try again to kill the rhinos.
https://www.worldwildlife.org/species/black-rhino
The black rhino is a species that is currently about to go extinct, and it is critically endangered.
***Edited sentence: The black rhino is a species that is critically endangered.
Black rhinos are smaller than other rhinos in Africa.
***Good.
Around the 20th century, that is the time when the rhinos were dramatically decreasing, and the animals had no say in whether they wanted to die or live.
***Around the 20th century, the presence of rhinos was dramatically decreasing, and the animals had no say in whether they wanted to die or live.
Some companies want the black rhinos to make a recovery so animals don't go extinct, and we never see them again, but some people still kill them, for their horns, to sell off of the black market, which won't help at all if you really think about it.
***Edited sentence: Some companies want black rhinos to make a recovery, so they don't go extinct; however, some people still kill them in order to sell their horns on the black market.
But after awhile, the species that was about to die off, tried their best to come back, and they did, and doubled there amount to 5400.
***Edited sentence: After a while, just before the species was about to die off, they doubled their population to 5400.
But the bad people who are just greedy, might try again to kill the rhinos.
***Edited sentence: Unfortunately, there will always been greedy people who want to kill the rhinos.
Final Edits
The black rhino is a species that is critically endangered. Black rhinos are smaller than other rhinos in Africa. Around the 20th century, the presence of rhinos was dramatically decreasing, and the animals had no say in whether they wanted to die or live. Some companies want black rhinos to make a recovery, so they don't go extinct; however, some people still kill them in order to sell their horns on the black market. After a while, just before the species was about to die off, they doubled their population to 5400. Unfortunately, there will always been greedy people who want to kill the rhinos.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Spiders can be mean
***The first letter of each words needs to be capitalized: Spiders Can Be Mean
Original Article
Spiders are really nice, but sometimes they can be really mean. There are deadly spiders in the world that has venom, such as, the Black Widow. If you engage in its nest, they will obviously try there hardest to protect it at all cost, so thats why they fight back with their venom. But if you let them be, they won't fight back because your way bigger than them, but if you do get bitten by one, you need to go to the hospital right away because of the venom spreading through the body. When the spider goes hunting, they will hunt for anything smaller than them, and edible, or they wait for a flying bug to get caught on its nest, and that is how they hunt.
The Edits
Spiders are really nice, but sometimes they can be really mean.
***Small edits: Spiders are really nice, but sometimes they can be mean.
There are deadly spiders in the world that has venom, such as, the Black Widow.
***Edited sentence: There are deadly spiders in the world that have venom, such as the black widow.
If you engage in its nest, they will obviously try there hardest to protect it at all cost, so thats why they fight back with their venom.
***Let's say: If you intrude on its nest, the black widow will fight back with its venom.
But if you let them be, they won't fight back because your way bigger than them, but if you do get bitten by one, you need to go to the hospital right away because of the venom spreading through the body.
***Let's leave the sentence as: If you end up getting bitten by one, you'll need to go to hospital right away because of the venom spreading through your body.
When the spider goes hunting, they will hunt for anything smaller than them, and edible, or they wait for a flying bug to get caught on its nest, and that is how they hunt.
***Edited sentence: When the spider goes hunting, they will hunt for anything smaller than them or wait for a bug to get caught on its nest. In conclusion, this is what I learned from the article.
Final Edits
Spiders are really nice, but sometimes they can be mean. There are deadly spiders in the world that have venom, such as the black widow. If you intrude on its nest, the black widow will fight back with its venom. If you end up getting bitten by one, you'll need to go to hospital right away because of the venom spreading through your body. When the spider goes hunting, they will hunt for anything smaller than them or wait for a bug to get caught on its nest. In conclusion, this is what I learned from the article.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Why the phone is so hot
***Let's try: Why Our Phones Are So Hot
Original Article
A little heat from an electronic device is normal, but just because gadget heat is normal doesn’t mean it’s good. To a person,excessive warmth emanating from a device may be irritating or even alarming. According to the research, a lithium-ion battery stored at 40 percent charge and 104 degrees Fahrenheit realistic temperature for a common phone use will lose 15 percent of its capacity over the course of the year.when the hot rises, the most probable culprits are either the battery, screen.each of those components can generate heat ; chemicals inside your phone body. Well, it is normal if your phone gets warm but if it gets very very hot then it’s a problem.
https://blog.avast.com/why-does-my-phone-get-hot#:~:text=When%20a%20phone%20gets%20hot,the%20first%20place%20to%20look.&text=Modern%20lithium%2Dion%20batteries%20are,much%20heat%20or%20a%20spark.
The Edits
A little heat from an electronic device is normal, but just because gadget heat is normal doesn’t mean it’s good.
***Edited sentence: A little heat from an electronic device is normal; however, just because gadget heat is normal doesn’t mean it’s good.
To a person,excessive warmth emanating from a device may be irritating or even alarming.
***Let's just say: Excessive warmth from a device may be irritating or even alarming.
According to the research, a lithium-ion battery stored at 40 percent charge and 104 degrees Fahrenheit realistic temperature for a common phone use will lose 15 percent of its capacity over the course of the year.
***Edited sentence: According to research, a lithium-ion battery stored at 40 percent charge and 104 degrees Fahrenheit will lose 15 percent of its capacity over the course of the year.
when the hot rises, the most probable culprits are either the battery, screen.
***Make sure to hit the space bar as you start another sentence and the first letter of the first word in your sentence should always be capitalized! Edited sentence: When the heat rises, the most probable culprits are either the battery or screen.
each of those components can generate heat ; chemicals inside your phone body.
***Capitalized the first letter of the sentence and hit the space bar as you start another sentence. Edited sentence: Each of these components can generate heat.
Well, it is normal if your phone gets warm but if it gets very very hot then it’s a problem.
***Edited sentence: To reiterate, it's normal if your phone gets warm; however, if it gets very hot, then it's a problem.
Final Edits
A little heat from an electronic device is normal; however, just because gadget heat is normal doesn’t mean it’s good. Excessive warmth from a device may be irritating or even alarming. According to research, a lithium-ion battery stored at 40 percent charge and 104 degrees Fahrenheit will lose 15 percent of its capacity over the course of the year. When the heat rises, the most probable culprits are either the battery or screen. Each of these components can generate heat. To reiterate, it's normal if your phone gets warm; however, if it gets very hot, then it's a problem.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
The map of America can change the results during the Revolutionary War.
***This title is a bit long and the first letter of each word needs to be capitalized. Edited title: The Map of America Changed the Results of the Revolutionary War
Original Article
During the Revolutionary War, Americans often carried out guerrilla-style attacks. The British were relatively inexperienced with this type of strategy, so accurate maps were needed to bring them to safe areas. However, the only problem was that the United States lacked good maps, so the British had to rely on maps drawn by British troops during the fighting. A good example of how the military could change the results of the campaign was General Budock's planned march to Fort Duxne. General Braddock, with 2,000 troops from Great Britain, expected to travel 45 miles. It was actually actually over 240 miles. Braddock's 2,000 men were defeated by a very small force of French and Indian soldiers who used the Bush War.During the Revolutionary War and the ensuing battle, soldiers had to draw as landscape maps to prevent similar defeats to occur again. The people who made these maps were not on the shore, but on the front line. When making maps, cartographers usually have to handle artillery or fortifications. An example is a map created by Lieutenant Thomas Hyde Page, depicting Master Bunker Hill while they were still fighting. In general, maps were essential parts of a Revolutionary War that could change the outcome of a battle.
Source: https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/01/160117-american-history-revolutionary-war-map/
The Edits
During the Revolutionary War, Americans often carried out guerrilla-style attacks.
***Good!
The British were relatively inexperienced with this type of strategy, so accurate maps were needed to bring them to safe areas.
***Nice!
However, the only problem was that the United States lacked good maps, so the British had to rely on maps drawn by British troops during the fighting.
***Good.
A good example of how the military could change the results of the campaign was General Budock's planned march to Fort Duxne.
***Small edits: An example of how the military could have changed the results of the campaign was General Budock's planned march to Fort Duxne.
General Braddock, with 2,000 troops from Great Britain, expected to travel 45 miles.
***Good, but let's combine this with the next small sentence. Edited sentence: General Braddock, with 2,000 troops from Great Britain, expected to travel 45 miles; it ended up being over 240 miles.
Braddock's 2,000 men were defeated by a very small force of French and Indian soldiers who used the Bush War.
***Let's leave this sentence as: Braddock's 2,000 men were defeated by a very small force of French and Indian soldiers.
During the Revolutionary War and the ensuing battle, soldiers had to draw as landscape maps to prevent similar defeats to occur again.
***Make sure to hit the space bar before you start another sentence. Edited sentence: During the Revolutionary War and the ensuing battle, soldiers had to draw landscape maps to prevent similar defeats to occur again.
The people who made these maps were not on the shore, but on the front line.
***Good.
When making maps, cartographers usually have to handle artillery or fortifications.
***Use 'had' instead of 'have' because we are talking about the past. Edited sentence: When making maps, cartographers had to handle artillery or fortifications.
An example is a map created by Lieutenant Thomas Hyde Page, depicting Master Bunker Hill while they were still fighting.
***Good.
In general, maps were essential parts of a Revolutionary War that could change the outcome of a battle.
***Edited sentence: In general, maps were essential parts of the Revolutionary War changed the outcome of battle.
Final Edits
During the Revolutionary War, Americans often carried out guerrilla-style attacks. The British were relatively inexperienced with this type of strategy, so accurate maps were needed to bring them to safe areas. However, the only problem was that the United States lacked good maps, so the British had to rely on maps drawn by British troops during the fighting. An example of how the military could have changed the results of the campaign was General Budock's planned march to Fort Duxne. General Braddock, with 2,000 troops from Great Britain, expected to travel 45 miles; it ended up being over 240 miles. Braddock's 2,000 men were defeated by a very small force of French and Indian soldiers. During the Revolutionary War and the ensuing battle, soldiers had to draw landscape maps to prevent similar defeats to occur again. The people who made these maps were not on the shore, but on the front line. When making maps, cartographers had to handle artillery or fortifications. An example is a map created by Lieutenant Thomas Hyde Page, depicting Master Bunker Hill while they were still fighting. In general, maps were essential parts of the Revolutionary War changed the outcome of battle.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Is eating late bad for the heart?
***Good title, but let's remember to capitalize the first letter of each word (with a few exceptions, like 'the' for example). Edited title: Is Eating Late Bad For the Heart?
The American Heart association realeased a new scientific statement that seem to suggest eating late in the day is bad for your heart. The website states”allocating more calories earlier in the day might help reduce cardiovascular disease risk”,it read.if someone eats their dinnner at 6pm every night and doesn’t eat again until breakfast they might be feeling clam and fresh right now.eating late can also gain your Weight, But it’s a very small group of people.eating late can affect your body by not realizing it. It happens in our body but we don’t know it. In conclusion eating early is a better way to lose weight.
The Edits
The American Heart association realeased a new scientific statement that seem to suggest eating late in the day is bad for your heart.
***A few small edits: The American Heart Association released a scientific statement which says that eating late in the day is bad for your heart.
The website states”allocating more calories earlier in the day might help reduce cardiovascular disease risk”,it read.
***Edited sentence: The website states that "allocating more calories earlier in the day might help reduce cardiovascular disease risk,”.
if someone eats their dinnner at 6pm every night and doesn’t eat again until breakfast they might be feeling clam and fresh right now.
***Make sure to hit the space bar before starting another sentence. Also, you need to capitalize the first letter of your sentence. 'Dinnner' should be spelled as 'dinner'. Edited sentence: It's better if someone eats their dinner at 6pm and doesn’t eat again until breakfast.
eating late can also gain your Weight, But it’s a very small group of people.
***Make sure to hit the space bar before starting another sentence. Also, you need to capitalize the first letter of your sentence. Furthermore, 'weight' doesn't need to be capitalized. Edited sentence: Eating late can also lead to weight gain, but that's for a very small group of people.
eating late can affect your body by not realizing it.
Make sure to hit the space bar before starting another sentence. Also, you need to capitalize the first letter of your sentence. Edited sentence: Eating late can affect your body without you even realizing it.
It happens in our body but we don’t know it.
***Let's delete this sentence. It's repetitive.
In conclusion eating early is a better way to lose weight.
***You'll need a comma after 'In conclusion'. Edited sentence: In conclusion, eating early is a better way to lose weight and prevent cardiovascular disease.
Final Edits
The American Heart Association released a scientific statement which says that eating late in the day is bad for your heart. The website states that "allocating more calories earlier in the day might help reduce cardiovascular disease risk,”. It's better if someone eats their dinner at 6pm and doesn’t eat again until breakfast. Eating late can also lead to weight gain, but that's for a very small group of people. Eating late can affect your body without you even realizing it. In conclusion, eating early is a better way to lose weight and prevent cardiovascular disease.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Scientist Understand Koalas
***Good title. Tiny adjustment: Scientists Understand Koalas.
Original Article
Koalas have always been weird for example they eat toxic eucalyptus leaves but they are easily susceptible to diseases that usually don't affect animals too much. But scientists have now figured why and how they pull off their feats. For example, koalas smell their eucalyptus leaves before eating them to separate the leaves from other things. Also, koalas are able to eat to toxic eucalyptus leaves because they evolved the ability to flush the toxins out of their body.
But even with all their useful abilities, they are still in trouble. Like I mentioned before they are easily susceptible to disease like chlamydia and it's harder to treat them because of their evolved stomachs that flush out the medicine before it can work. Additionally, the eucalyptus trees they eat from are get cut down to build more buildings and others. Thankfully people are trying to help koalas. For example, Rebecca Johnson was the lady who leads the group of researchers and scientist to find these facts out. Also, there are a lot of diseases koalas suffer from and most of them don't have a cure for the koala but there is a lot of people studying the koala's genes to understand their body so they can give them better medicine. Overall we are learning more about the koala and learning how we can help the koalas survive.
The Edits
Koalas have always been weird for example they eat toxic eucalyptus leaves but they are easily susceptible to diseases that usually don't affect animals too much.
***Too much going on in this sentence. If you want this to stay as one sentence, you'll need a semicolon: Koalas have always been weird; for example, they eat toxic eucalyptus leaves and are easily susceptible to diseases that usually don't affect animals too much.
But scientists have now figured why and how they pull off their feats.
***I've been going through the article and I still cannot figure out what the word 'feats' is supposed to mean. From what I read in the next sentence, I think you mean 'leaves'? If so, this would be my edited sentence: But scientists have figured why and how they can pull off the leaves.
For example, koalas smell their eucalyptus leaves before eating them to separate the leaves from other things.
***Good.
Also, koalas are able to eat to toxic eucalyptus leaves because they evolved the ability to flush the toxins out of their body.
***Good! You've got an extra 'to' after the word 'eat', so let's delete that.
But even with all their useful abilities, they are still in trouble.
***Good.
Like I mentioned before they are easily susceptible to disease like chlamydia and it's harder to treat them because of their evolved stomachs that flush out the medicine before it can work.
***Edited sentence: As previously mentioned, they are easily susceptible to diseases; as a result, it's harder to treat them because of their evolved stomachs that flush out the healing properties of medicine.
Additionally, the eucalyptus trees they eat from are get cut down to build more buildings and others.
***Tiny edit: Additionally, the eucalyptus trees they eat from get cut down to build more buildings.
Thankfully people are trying to help koalas.
***Good!
For example, Rebecca Johnson was the lady who leads the group of researchers and scientist to find these facts out.
***Edited for word choice: For example, Rebecca Johnson helps lead groups of researchers and scientists to learn more facts about koalas.
Also, there are a lot of diseases koalas suffer from and most of them don't have a cure for the koala but there is a lot of people studying the koala's genes to understand their body so they can give them better medicine.
***This is very, very long sentence. Let's try: Also, scientists continue to study the koala's genes in order to understand their body so that they can effectively take medicine.
Overall we are learning more about the koala and learning how we can help the koalas survive.
***Small edit: Overall, we are learning more about koalas and how we can help them survive.
Final Edits
Koalas have always been weird; for example, they eat toxic eucalyptus leaves and are easily susceptible to diseases that usually don't affect animals too much. But scientists have figured why and how they can pull off the leaves. For example, koalas smell their eucalyptus leaves before eating them to separate the leaves from other things. Also, koalas are able to eat toxic eucalyptus leaves because they evolved the ability to flush the toxins out of their body. But even with all their useful abilities, they are still in trouble. As previously mentioned, they are easily susceptible to diseases; as a result, it's harder to treat them because of their evolved stomachs that flush out the healing properties of medicine. Additionally, the eucalyptus trees they eat from get cut down to build more buildings. Thankfully people are trying to help koalas. For example, Rebecca Johnson helps lead groups of researchers and scientists to learn more facts about koalas. Also, scientists continue to study the koala's genes in order to understand their body so that they can effectively take medicine. Overall, we are learning more about koalas and how we can help them survive.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
New Sunscreen from DNA
***Good title!
Original Article
A recent study published in Science Reports shows that a DNA-based sunscreen would not only protect the skin from ultraviolet light but would also become stronger the longer you are exposed to sun rays. Since sunlight causes cancer because it alters the DNA found in our cells, they wondered what would occur if they exposed DNA film to ultraviolet light. Using salmon DNA on film, the researchers exposed the film to UV light to see how much radiation would pass through. Using a spectrophotometer, an instrument to measure the intensity of light in the spectrum, the team discovered that the film stopped 90% of the UVB light from crossing through, and it allowed less light to pass through the longer it was exposed to the sun. The sunscreen can revolutionize the way we protect our skin against the harms of solar radiation.
Source: http://www.popsci.com/dna-sunscreen
The Edits
A recent study published in Science Reports shows that a DNA-based sunscreen would not only protect the skin from ultraviolet light but would also become stronger the longer you are exposed to sun rays.
***Awesome! You just need a comma between 'light' and 'but'.
Since sunlight causes cancer because it alters the DNA found in our cells, they wondered what would occur if they exposed DNA film to ultraviolet light.
***There's a lot going on in this sentence. Let's articulate this in a different way: Because the sun alters our DNA which can lead to cancer, researchers wondered what would occur if they exposed DNA film to ultraviolet light.
Using salmon DNA on film, the researchers exposed the film to UV light to see how much radiation would pass through.
***Good!
Using a spectrophotometer, an instrument to measure the intensity of light in the spectrum, the team discovered that the film stopped 90% of the UVB light from crossing through, and it allowed less light to pass through the longer it was exposed to the sun.
***Let's try: Using a spectrophotometer–an instrument used to measure the intensity of light–the team discovered that the film stopped 90% of the UVB light from crossing through and allowed less light to pass through the longer it was exposed to the sun.
The sunscreen can revolutionize the way we protect our skin against the harms of solar radiation.
***Good!
Final Edits
A recent study published in Science Reports shows that a DNA-based sunscreen would not only protect the skin from ultraviolet light, but would also become stronger the longer you are exposed to sun rays. Because the sun alters our DNA which can lead to cancer, researchers wondered what would occur if they exposed DNA film to ultraviolet light. Using salmon DNA on film, the researchers exposed the film to UV light to see how much radiation would pass through. Using a spectrophotometer–an instrument used to measure the intensity of light–the team discovered that the film stopped 90% of the UVB light from crossing through and allowed less light to pass through the longer it was exposed to the sun. The sunscreen can revolutionize the way we protect our skin against the harms of solar radiation.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Dolphins 6/26/20
Original Article
Dolphins can be really intelligent if taught properly. You can teach them how to do cool tricks, such as catching a fish mid-air. They can also make clicking sounds. They can make up to 1000 of those sounds in a second. Dolphins can eat bottom-dwelling fish, also shrimp and Squids. These are some things to know about dolphins, and what they are capable of.
The Edits
Dolphins can be really intelligent if taught properly.
***Nice!
You can teach them how to do cool tricks, such as catching a fish mid-air.
***You've got an extra space between this sentence and the last one, so just watch out for that. This sentence is perfect otherwise!
They can also make clicking sounds.
***Good!
They can make up to 1000 of those sounds in a second.
***Good!
Dolphins can eat bottom-dwelling fish, also shrimp and Squids.
***Good, but let's take out the 'also' and leave the sentence as: Dolphins can eat bottom-dwelling fish, shrimp, and squids.
These are some things to know about dolphins, and what they are capable of.
***Awesome!
Final Edits
Dolphins can be really intelligent if taught properly. You can teach them how to do cool tricks, such as catching a fish mid-air. They can also make clicking sounds. They can make up to 1000 of those sounds in a second. Dolphins can eat bottom-dwelling fish, shrimp, and squids. These are some things to know about dolphins, and what they are capable of.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Asian Deadly Tick 4/24/20
Original Article
Asian longhorned tick looks like any regular tick. but this tick spreads diseases that are very deadly.
they became an invasive species in the USA and they continue to spread quickly.
no one knows how the tick came to the USA and scientists are trying to find out how with no luck.
some scientists worry what impact the tick could have on them in the future.
The Edits
Asian longhorned tick looks like any regular tick.
***Add 'An' to the beginning of the sentence. Edited sentence: An Asian longhorned tick looks like any regular tick.
but this tick spreads diseases that are very deadly.
***Let's try: What sets this tick apart from regular ticks is that it spreads diseases that very deadly.
they became an invasive species in the USA and they continue to spread quickly.
***It should be: They have become an invasive species in the USA and continue to spread quickly.
no one knows how the tick came to the USA and scientists are trying to find out how with no luck.
***You have to make sure that you're capitalizing the first letter of the first word of your sentence. Edited sentence: Scientists keep trying to find out how the tick came to the USA.
some scientists worry what impact the tick could have on them in the future.
***Capitalize the 's' in 'some'. Edited: Some scientists worry about the impact the tick could have on them in the future.
Final Edits
An Asian longhorned tick looks like any regular tick. What sets this tick apart from regular ticks is that it spreads diseases that very deadly. They have become an invasive species in the USA and continue to spread quickly. Scientists keep trying to find out how the tick came to the USA. Some scientists worry about the impact the tick could have on them in the future.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Original Article
People have been talking about the Death of Geroge Floyd. His name is now very popular. But was his death fated? People protest for his death and the polices that are too brutal. But some say Goerge went to jail for multiple things, like taking drugs or stealing. Some say they even pointed a gun at a woman. But still, no one had died, or no one had to die when the police put there knee on his neck. To be completely honest, I don't like this George Floyd guy because I never heard of him. But seeing the fact that he died because of polices, it still makes me furious.
The Edits
People have been talking about the Death of Geroge Floyd.
***George is misspelled.
His name is now very popular.
***Good.
But was his death fated?
***This sentence doesn't make any sense. I think we should just delete it.
People protest for his death and the polices that are too brutal.
***Police doesn't need to be plural. The sentence should just be: People are protesting his death and believe that the police are too brutal.
But some say Goerge went to jail for multiple things, like taking drugs or stealing.
***George is misspelled again. Edited sentence: Some say George went to jail for multiple things, like taking drugs and stealing.
Some say they even pointed a gun at a woman.
***Okay. But this isn't important. Let's delete this.
But still, no one had died, or no one had to die when the police put there knee on his neck.
***I don't really understand what you're trying to say here. I'm going to interpret it as this: But still, no one had died at the hands of George Floyd, and he did not deserve to die himself.
To be completely honest, I don't like this George Floyd guy because I never heard of him.
***You don't know if you don't like him because you've never met him :). So let's try: I'm still learning about George Floyd because I've never heard of him before.
But seeing the fact that he died because of polices, it still makes me furious.
***Edited: Seeing the fact that he died in the hands of the police makes me furious.
Final Edits
People have been talking about the Death of George Floyd. His name is now very popular. People are protesting his death and believe that the police are too brutal. Some say George went to jail for multiple things, like taking drugs and stealing. But still, no one had died at the hands of George Floyd, and he did not deserve to die himself. I'm still learning about George Floyd because I've never heard of him before. Seeing the fact that he died in the hands of the police makes me furious.
Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
Original:
COVID-19 is very dangerous, But can we withstand it's power? 6/6/20 Coronavirus is known for a flu, by China, people eat raw bat, and they get it, it is also very contagious, but you can prevent that from happening. You can wash your hands every time you go outside, or touch something from outside. Using hand sanitizer also kills 99% of germs. Another way of preventing coronavirus is by staying home, it will ensure you that you won't get the illness. If you also keep a distance from people, there will be a lower possibility of getting it. Schools have been social distancing which is good because no one has to touch one another. If you cough, cover it because most you can give other people a cold, and if your sick, there will be a higher chance of getting the virus. These are tips to prevent coronavirus, please stay healthy and use these common tips.
https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/advice-for-public
Corrections:
COVID-19 is very dangerous, But can we withstand it's power?
- I like this title! However, words start with lower case letters following a comma, so you don't need to capitalize the "B"
- Additionally, "it's" should be changed to "its." An easy way to remember when to use "its" or "it's" is that "it's" is a conjunction, meaning "it is." If "it is" doesn't work in the sentence, then you should use "its."
Coronavirus is known for a flu, by China, people eat raw bat, and they get it, it is also very contagious, but you can prevent that from happening.
- This sentence doesn't quite make sense. Change it to: "COVID- 19 is a dangerous, highly contagious sickness which originated in China when Chinese citizens ate raw
- Since you are referring
Tena, you must write more often if you're going to improve. You should write at least 3 times per week.
Hyena 5/30/20
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The most successful hunter in Africa is not actually the lion, it is the hyena! There are many stories and movies such as "the lion king",of the hyena being evil with its laugh and it has earned a bad reputation. one myth is that hyenas are stupid. but in real life, hyenas help to prevent the spread of diseases by eating dead animals. they also can maintain social bonds and they have to be smart to do that.hyenas also don't laugh. it actually happens when the are upset or distressed. there are many more myths about the hyena and we will have to learn more about them.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2019/06/hyenas-myths-lion-king-africa/
Can A Candidate Curse
- I reworded the title so it captures the reader’s eyes. Also, make sure your spelling is correct.
It is said that people curse, but would a candidate? Well, surveys show that one in every two candidates curse while those who don’t curse are three chances out of two.
- I reworded the first and second sentence as they didn’t make sense grammatically. Also numbers below ten should be written out. Additionally, the lack of a source makes it harder for one to edit as best as they can while sticking to the article.
This is evident that candidates don’t curse as much as the average person would.
- I reworded this for better clarity of the argument being made.
In fact, when candidates curse, they are censored.
- Again, rewording this sentence for better clarity and avoiding vagueness. I also recommended removing the fifth and sixth sentence since it’s extra information that may be unnecessary.
There is actually a betting site on this, where people can bet on certain things if a candidate does curse.
- I merged the first part of the seventh sentence with the eighth sentence to provide fluidity for a singular idea.
This week’s Democratic debates have been going very well.
- I made the latter part of the seventh sentence its own sentence.
There could be a lot of things that could go wrong in this debate, such as a malfunction during a CNN broadcast.
- I rearranged the wording of this sentence and made it go along with the idea of the Democratic debates.
Edits: This needs a source, so whoever is reading or editing this can go back to the original source and make sure it goes along the lines of what the article is talking about.
Will A Cadidate say a curse word?
People say that they curse but when they took surveys. Candidates got 1/2 and the non cursing got 3/2. This is proof that candidates don't curse. When they curse they bleep it out. But other people who got surveyed got 4/2 about getting bleeped. This shows that people curse, even candidates. There is a betting site about this, and this weeks Democratic debates are very good. People can bet on doing lots of stuff if a candidate curse. There can also be a malfunction during the CNN broadcast and people surveyed, yes 6/1 and no 1/12. This can show that candidates curse.
https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/jul/30/will-any-candidate-say-a-curse-word-bookies-take-w/
Pele
Pele was a very good soccer player. He made it in the World Cup when he was just 17 and a half. He said a very popular quote, such as, “When you have the responsibility to carry the name of your country, the World Cup is different." He was born in October 23, 1940. (right now he is 79 years old). What he was famous for is he was the greatest soccer player. He was part of the Brazilian team in the World Cup, and also won three World Cup Championships. One game was a popular match where his team was losing but all of a sudden, he started to catch up and made goals. Then around the end of the game, he made it a tie, he took a single shot and made a goal, and won the match by a measly 4-3.
https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/sports/soccer/06vecsey.html
- Pele was a very good soccer player. He made it in the World Cup when he was just 17 and a half.** **He said a very popular quote, such as, “When you have the responsibility to carry the name of your country, the World Cup is different."** **He was born in October 23, 1940. (right now he is 79 years old).** **What he was famous for is he was the greatest soccer player.** **He was part of the Brazilian team in the World Cup, and also won three World Cup Championships.** **One game was a popular match where his team was losing but all of a sudden, he started to catch up and made goals.** **Then around the end of the game, he made it a tie, he took a single shot and made a goal, and won the match by a measly 4-3.**
Edson Arantes do Nascimento, also known as Pelé, made it to the World Cup when he was just 17 and half years old.
- I combined the first two sentences to change it up a bit, and so you could better introduce who you are talking about! Also, don't forget to put the accent on his name.**
He is known for saying, "When you have the responsibility to carry the name of your country, the World Cup is different."
- I changed the beginning of this sentence to help it flow better.**
Pelé was born on October 23, 1940, and is currently 79 years old.
- I changed the end of this sentence to help it flow better.**
While playing in the World Cup, he was apart of the Brazilian team.
- I got rid of the sentence before this one, changed the way this sentence was worded, and made it shorter.**
Throughout his career, he won three World Cup Championships.
- I changed the way this sentence was worded.**
In one match of his career, Pelé helped the team catch up and made goals. Around the end of the match, the score was tied. Pelé took a single shot, helping his team win 4-3.
- I changed the last few sentences up a bit just to help it flow better! Great job with your piece!**
EDITED VERSION
Edson Arantes do Nascimento, also known as Pelé, made it to the World Cup when he was just 17 and half years old. He is known for saying, "When you have the responsibility to carry the name of your country, the World Cup is different." Pelé was born on October 23, 1940, and is currently 79 years old. While playing in the World Cup, he was apart of the Brazilian team. Throughout his career, he won three World Cup Championships. In one match of his career, Pelé helped the team catch up and made goals. Around the end of the match, the score was tied. Pelé took a single shot, helping his team win 4-3.
Fortnite Article
Kyle won a fortnite competition and he got $3 million dollars. Teenagers get extra cash usually by mowing lawns but Kyle said no to all other teenagers. He went to a competition and he practiced before the world cup. He won it and now he is rich. He said he played games before the world cup and lasted about 23 minutes in each game. He was competing against 99 other players that are really good. Also practice equals success.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/us/fortnite-world-cup-winner-bugha.html
Sharks
Sharks are very interesting, so these are cool fact about sharks. Did you know that sharks aren't actually, sharks? There actually fishes that weigh 2.5 tons or more! Another cool fact about sharks is that they eat humans, only because they think that they are seals. The main reason why that sharks eat seals, is because sharks favorite meal is seals. The last thing that sharks can do is sharks can actually eat other sharks, and when they mate, they let the babies alone to live by themselves! These are some cool interesting facts about sharks.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/fish/g/great-white-shar
China Not Trustworthy on Trade
President Trump says that China is untrustworthy in trade. His top negotiators were in Shanghai trying to make a trade deal. This might mean that we won't have rice, since rice comes from China. Also many other foods we eat from China will not be here since China is untrustworthy. China would prefer to deal with a democratic contender, which is Joseph R. Biden and Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer are in China this week, trying to find out differences about the Asians and find a way trade that doesn't conflict global markets. After the talk in May, they didn't trade but now there going back to where they were before.
https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/jul/30/donald-trump-china-not-trustworthy-trade/
Fortnite Article
Kyle won a fortnite competition and he got $3 million dollars. Teenagers get extra cash usually by mowing lawns but Kyle said no to all other teenagers. He went to a competition and he practiced before the world cup. He won it and now he is rich. He said he played games before the world cup and lasted about 23 minutes in each game. He was competing against 99 other players that are really good. Also practice equals success.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/us/fortnite-world-cup-winner-bugha.html
Chinese Mothers Chinese are superior according to this article. Amy Chua,the article creator, explains why Chinese mothers are superior. Chinese mothers tell there kids to do many math whizzes and music prodigies. Chinese kids are raised so stereotypical and successful because of there mother. Chinese mothers make there kids very smart and they can't attend sleepovers. Also they can't tell there friends to come to there house because of there Chinese parents. This is why Chinese mothers are superior
www.wsg.com
https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/jul/30/will-any-candidate-say-a-curse-word-bookies-take-w/
