Jo, Meg and Amy stated that their life was hard. They stated that their life was hard because they were poor. Another reason was that they didn't get any presents for Christmas that year. Therefore, this is why they stated that their life was hard.
Ali baba had to hide his findings. He had to because robbers could invade and take it for themselves. Another reason was that he wanted to give his brother a piece of his treasure. Therefore, this is why Ali baba had to hide his findings.
The author is using personification in the article. I know this because invisible beings can't talk. Also, paper, ferns, and flax can't talk. Another reason is that paper can't move unless it is moved by a living thing or animal. Therefore, this is how the author is using personification.
Edits:
The author is using personification in the article.
- Great opening!
I know this because invisible beings can't talk.
- This is a great fact! I would change the wording just a little to explain what exactly the author is doing by explaining how personification works.
- Edited for word choice; The author is doing this by turning inanimate objects that typically can't talk into characters.
Also, paper, ferns, and flax can't talk.
- The commas are perfectly placed here, nice work. The only thing I would change is to specify that these objects are the characters in the story.
- Edited for word choice; Paper, ferns, and flax can't talk, and these objects were made into the characters.
Another reason is that paper can't move unless it is moved by a living thing or animal.
- I am changing the wording slightly at the end to say "human or animal", because animals are living things.
- Edited for word choice; Another reason is that paper can't move unless it is moved by a human or animal.
Therefore, this is how the author is using personification.
- Great!
Overall, this paragraph was looking good! Nice work.
Fully Edited Version:
The author is using personification in the article. The author is doing this by turning inanimate objects that typically can't talk into characters. Paper, ferns, and flax can't talk, and these objects were made into the characters. Another reason is that paper can't move unless it is moved by a human or animal. Therefore, this is how the author is using personification.
Edited by Grace Drake
Robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic. They're assisting us by carrying I-Pads and calling the patients so they don't have to have close contact with the patients. Also, the robot dog can disinfect skin surfaces and kill virus particles with a UV-C light attached to their back. There fore, this is how robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic.
Robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic.
- This is a great opening sentence!
They're assisting us by carrying I-Pads and calling the patients so they don't have to have close contact with the patients.
- My only note is to be a bit more specific and mention that doctors are the ones who are being helped by this.
- Edited for word choice; They are assisting doctors and their patients by carrying I-Pads and calling patients, so there is no need for close contact.
Also, the robot dog can disinfect skin surfaces and kill virus particles with a UV-C light attached to their back.
Great! The only thing I would do is pluralize "robot dogs", because it is plural in all other sentences.
There fore, this is how robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic.
- Great conclusion, my only note is that "therefore" is one word.
Overall, this paragraph was excellent. Keep up the good work!
Fully Edited Version:
Robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic. They are assisting doctors and their patients by carrying I-Pads and calling patients, so there is no need for close contact. Also, the robot dogs can disinfect skin surfaces and kill virus particles with a UV-C light attached to their back. Therefore, this is how robot dogs are assisting people during this pandemic.
Edited by Grace Drake
The Maryland Teens are helping out seniors. They're helping by telling college students to give groceries to seniors and other vulnerable people in their neighborhood. In the text it said, in 3 days, the teens have recruited several volunteers from other private and public high schools in Maryland as well as Washington, DC. They are now also recruiting college students to deliver groceries to older Marylanders and other vulnerable people. “This was tremendously helpful,” said Mr. Kraft. “It truly is so amazing that teenagers would spend their time helping one of the most vulnerable populations. I am very grateful for their help and hope that more kids will join them in their efforts.” Therefore, this is how Some teens are helping out seniors and vulnerable people who can't shop for themselves.
Edits:
The Maryland Teens are helping out seniors.
- Great opening!
They're helping by telling college students to give groceries to seniors and other vulnerable people in their neighborhood.
- Nice!
In the text it said, in 3 days, the teens have recruited several volunteers from other private and public high schools in Maryland as well as Washington, DC.
- If this is a direct quote from the article, then it needs quotation marks. If not, then I would just remove the comma between "said" and "in", and replace it with the word "that".
- Edited for punctuation; In the text it said that in 3 days, the teens have recruited several volunteers from other private and public high schools in Maryland as well as Washington, DC.
They are now also recruiting college students to deliver groceries to older Marylanders and other vulnerable people.
- Nice!
“This was tremendously helpful,” said Mr. Kraft. “It truly is so amazing that teenagers would spend their time helping one of the most vulnerable populations. I am very grateful for their help and hope that more kids will join them in their efforts.”
- This is very well done, but just make sure that you always format the quotes in your own words so it does not exactly mimic the article!"
Therefore, this is how Some teens are helping out seniors and vulnerable people who can't shop for themselves.
- Great job, I would only make sure that "some" isn't capitalized.
Overall, it looks great. Just make sure that any directly quoted material from the article is in quotation marks!
Fully Edited Version:
The Maryland Teens are helping out seniors. They're helping by telling college students to give groceries to seniors and other vulnerable people in their neighborhood. In the text it said that in 3 days, the teens have recruited several volunteers from other private and public high schools in Maryland as well as Washington, DC. They are now also recruiting college students to deliver groceries to older Marylanders and other vulnerable people. “This was tremendously helpful,” said Mr. Kraft. “It truly is so amazing that teenagers would spend their time helping one of the most vulnerable populations. I am very grateful for their help and hope that more kids will join them in their efforts.” Therefore, this is how Some teens are helping out seniors and vulnerable people who can't shop for themselves.
Edited by Grace Drake
There are some requirements to become an astronaut in the NASA. You need to have a master's degree in STEM ( Science, Technology, English or Math ). Between March 2 and March 31, 12,000 people applied to become NASA astronauts. That’s almost a record. In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. But this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education. They also gave people half as much time to apply. The hard part is choosing the right people. As children, many people dream of becoming an astronaut. But the number of people who actually make it into space is quite small. Since the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Currently, NASA has 48 astronauts. The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team. NASA will take over a year to choose the 12 Astronaut Candidates. First, they will decide which people who applied are highly qualified. Then they will hold a series of three interviews with the candidates. During the interviews, the candidates will also take part in activities, to see how they perform. In June of 2021, NASA will finally announce the Astronaut Candidate Class of 2021. The 12 Astronaut Candidates will then be put through a two-year training program. They will learn spacewalk skills, robotics skills, and how systems of the International Space Station (ISS) work. They’ll also learn to speak Russian to make it easier to work with astronauts from Russia on the ISS. Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut. There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. The new class of astronauts will be the second under NASA’s new space program, Artemis. The goal of the Artemis program is to put people back on the moon by 2024. NASA hopes to use what it learns during the moon exploration to help with its larger goal of sending people to Mars by 2030. To sum it up, These are the requirements essential to become an astronaut in the NASA.
Edits:
Just wanted to check in to say, make sure you are sticking to the RACE structure, which you did a pretty good job of in the previous entry!
R - restate question
A - answer question
C - cite evidence
E - explain the cited evidence in simple ideas starting with: In conclusion, Therefore, Basically, As a result,
Here is an example of how I would take the information you gave and put it into this structure:
There are many barriers to becoming an astronaut for NASA. Many people apply for the program, so strict requirements need to be in place in order for the best of the best to become astronauts. Just applying for the program is not enough, because potential candidates need to be qualified and interviewed before becoming accepted. The text states that there will be only 12 candidates in June of 2021, and these candidates will need to complete a rigorous two-year program. In conclusion, this is why it is so difficult to become an astronaut for NASA.
If you have any questions about the structure, please type them in and I will get back to you with some answers!
Edited by Grace Drake
Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to close school for the rest of the year but Andrew Cuomo said not so fast. The mayor said this because it said he thinks this can help fight back against the Covid-19 since their is already about 94,410 cases in New York alone. But so far the government has agreed to close the school until April 29 so far. They haven't decided if to or not to close school for the rest of the school year. “There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,” Cuomo said. “But the decision will be coordinated.” Therefore, these are the two opposing views that Andrew Cuomo and Bill de Blasio have about closing the school year.
Edits:
Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to close school for the rest of the year but Andrew Cuomo said not so fast.
- This sentence is a great attention grabber! I am adding a comma to separate the sentence into your two ideas. Also, don't forget the governor's title.
- Edited for grammar; Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to close school for the rest of the year, but Gov. Andrew Cuomo said not so fast.
The mayor said this because it said he thinks this can help fight back against the Covid-19 since their is already about 94,410 cases in New York alone.
- This is a great piece of evidence because you state the number of cases! I am trimming down the wording so the sentence flows more nicely. If the sentence began "he thinks this can help" without the beginning, it would still make perfect sense. Here you would use "there" instead of "their".
- Edited for word choice and grammar; De Blasio thinks this can fight against the spread of COVID-19, since there are already about 94,410 cases in New York alone.
They haven't decided if to or not to close school for the rest of the school year.
- Great job, I would just change "if to or not to" to, "whether or not to".
- Edited for word choice; They haven't decided whether or not to close school for the rest of the school year.
“There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,” Cuomo said. “But the decision will be coordinated.”
- This was a great way to format the quote! The period after "said" should be a comma if you wish to continue the sentence, and "But" should not be capitalized because he is not starting a new sentence.
- Edited for grammar; "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it," Cuomo said, "but the decision will be coordinated".
Therefore, these are the two opposing views that Andrew Cuomo and Bill de Blasio have about closing the school year.
- In this instance, I would use something like "In conclusion" or "Ultimately" instead of "Therefore", because "Therefore" is typically used to connect two ideas.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, these are the two opposing views that Andrew Cuomo and Bill de Blasio have about the school year.
You did a great job selecting good evidence for this paragraph. One thing to work on for next time is examining little details, because your writing style is quite nice, so polishing up the grammar would elevate this to the next level. Nice work!
Fully Edited Version:
Mayor Bill de Blasio wants to close school for the rest of the year, but Gov. Andrew Cuomo said not so fast. De Blasio thinks this can fight against the spread of COVID-19, since there are already about 94,410 cases in New York alone. hey haven't decided whether or not to close school for the rest of the school year. "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it," Cuomo said, "but the decision will be coordinated". In conclusion, these are the two opposing views that Andrew Cuomo and Bill de Blasio have about the school year.
Edited by Grace Drake
Birds are migrating south. This is because they need to escape the cold weather and lack of food during winter. Therefore, this is why birds are migrating south.
Edits:
Birds are migrating south.
- Good job!
This is because they need to escape the cold weather and lack of food during winter.
- This sentence has a concise length with relevant facts. Nice job!
- Edited for word choice; They are migrating to escape the cold weather and lack of food during the winter.
Therefore, this is why birds are migrating south.
- This sentence sounds a bit too close to the first, so I would switch up the wording so it means the same thing but sounds fresh.
- Edited for word choice; Therefore, it is necessary for birds to migrate south every winter.
Overall, there were no grammar issues, and the sentences flowed nicely. The edits I made were just to elevate the writing to the next level and add specificity. Nice job! Next time, add one more sentence to stick to the RACE four sentence structure. If you were to add another sentence, it could perhaps be a piece of evidence with a fact or statistic about the migrating birds, or a sentence that states why the area that they migrate to is better.
Final Edited Version:
Birds are migrating south. They are migrating to escape the cold weather and lack of food during the winter. Therefore, it is necessary for birds to migrate south every winter.
Edited by Grace Drake
Parents can become teachers during the time of the Covid-19. This is because since teachers can't talk to them face to face, the parents have to teach them the things they don't know if they ask them. Also, if they write the wrong thing, the parents have to correct them. To sum it up, this is how parents can become teachers during the time of Covid-19.
Edits:
Parents can become teachers during the time of Covid-19.
- Overall, good job! Just remember that COVID-19 should be capitalized, and I'm just rearranging the wording so COVID-19 is the attention-grabber.
- Edited for word choice; During the COVID-19 pandemic, parents can become teachers.
This is because since teachers can't talk to them face to face, the parents have to teach them the things they don't know if they ask them.
- I am omitting some "filler" words that are unneeded so your point comes across more clearly.
- Edited for word choice and grammar; Since teachers can't talk to students face to face, their parents have to teach them and answer questions that they have.
Also, if they write the wrong thing, the parents have to correct them.
- Great job with comma placement! We only need to adjust "the parents" to "their parents", and use more specific wording because "wrong thing" is a bit too vague.
- Edited for grammar; Also, if they wrongly complete an assignment, their parents have to correct them.
To sum it up, this is how parents can become teachers during the time of Covid-19.
- This ending closes your argument very well! I am only omitting "the time of" because those words are not needed for the reader to understand the sentence.
- Edited for word choice; To sum it up, this is how parents can become teachers during COVID-19.
Nice job! One thing to remember for next time is to be a bit more specific with your wording and try to avoid words such as "things" in descriptions.
Final Edits:
During the COVID-19 pandemic, parents can become teachers. Since teachers can't talk to students face to face, their parents have to teach them and answer questions that they have. Also, if they wrongly complete an assignment, their parents have to correct them. To sum it up, this is how parents can become teachers during COVID-19.
Edited by Grace Drake
