Original Draft SCHIPPEITARO


The event that allowed the young man think of a plan in "SCHIPPEITARO" was when people talked about the dog schippeitaro. The text says,"' After some time he thought that in the midst of all their shrieks he could make out the words, ‘Do not tell Schippeitaro! Keep it hidden and secret! Do not tell Schippeitaro!’ Then, the midnight hour having passed, they all vanished, and the youth was left alone. " To clarify, When the cats were talking about Schippeitaro the young man heard. In the text it also says," As he listened to this story, the young man was filled with a great longing to rescue the maiden from her dreadful fate. The mention of the chapel set him thinking of the scene of the previous night, and he went over all the details again in his mind. ‘Who is Schippeitaro?’ he suddenly asked; ‘can any of you tell me?’ ‘Schippeitaro is the great dog that belongs to the overseer of our prince,’ said they; ‘and he lives not far away.’ This shows the young man is now looking for the dog so he can save the maiden.

Corrections SCHIPPEITARO
****"'I kept this the same."'

The event that allowed the young man think of a plan in "SCHIPPEITARO" was when people talked about the dog schippeitaro.
****"'Since the actual title of this story is not in all caps in places other than the GoodToKnow website, I capitalized the first letter but had the rest lowercase. I also elaborated on this more to add more context since this is the intro sentence."'
In the story "Schippeitaro", the event that allowed the young man to think of a plan to catch the Cat King was when the people talked about the dog named Schippeitaro.

The text says,"' After some time he thought that in the midst of all their shrieks he could make out the words, ‘Do not tell Schippeitaro! Keep it hidden and secret! Do not tell Schippeitaro!’ Then, the midnight hour having passed, they all vanished, and the youth was left alone. "
****"'All I did here was changed the quotation marks so there wasn't space between them and the actual words inside of them."'
The text says, "After some time he thought that in the midst of all their shrieks he could make out the words, ‘Do not tell Schippeitaro! Keep it hidden and secret! Do not tell Schippeitaro!’ Then, the midnight hour having passed, they all vanished, and the youth was left alone."

To clarify, When the cats were talking about Schippeitaro the young man heard.
****"'All I did here was remove 'To clarify, When'."'
The cats were talking about Schippeitaro at night and the young man heard.

In the text it also says," As he listened to this story, the young man was filled with a great longing to rescue the maiden from her dreadful fate. The mention of the chapel set him thinking of the scene of the previous night, and he went over all the details again in his mind. ‘Who is Schippeitaro?’ he suddenly asked; ‘can any of you tell me?’ ‘Schippeitaro is the great dog that belongs to the overseer of our prince,’ said they; ‘and he lives not far away.’
****"'Again, all I did here was remove the space between the quotation marks and the words inside of them and also added double quotation marks to the very end."'
In the text it also says, "As he listened to this story, the young man was filled with a great longing to rescue the maiden from her dreadful fate. The mention of the chapel set him thinking of the scene of the previous night, and he went over all the details again in his mind. ‘Who is Schippeitaro?’ he suddenly asked; ‘can any of you tell me?’ ‘Schippeitaro is the great dog that belongs to the overseer of our prince,’ said they; ‘and he lives not far away.’"

This shows the young man is now looking for the dog so he can save the maiden.
****"'I only slightly modified this sentence as well to make the sentence flow better."'
After the young man heard about the dog, he wanted to find him so he could save the maiden.


Final Draft SCHIPPEITARO In the story "Schippeitaro", the event that allowed the young man to think of a plan to catch the Cat King was when the people talked about the dog named Schippeitaro. The text says, "After some time he thought that in the midst of all their shrieks he could make out the words, ‘Do not tell Schippeitaro! Keep it hidden and secret! Do not tell Schippeitaro!’ Then, the midnight hour having passed, they all vanished, and the youth was left alone." The cats were talking about Schippeitaro at night and the young man heard. In the text it also says, "As he listened to this story, the young man was filled with a great longing to rescue the maiden from her dreadful fate. The mention of the chapel set him thinking of the scene of the previous night, and he went over all the details again in his mind. ‘Who is Schippeitaro?’ he suddenly asked; ‘can any of you tell me?’ ‘Schippeitaro is the great dog that belongs to the overseer of our prince,’ said they; ‘and he lives not far away.’" After the young man heard about the dog, he wanted to find him so he could save the maiden.

This paragraph was sort of difficult to edit because you didn't add very much to it at all. Please put in some more effort and your own words into your paragaphs. Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Affection

Both Captain Crewe and Sara IN Part 3 of "Little Princess" both show their affection for each other by spending lots of time together and buying stuff. First off, Sara stays with her dad until he leaves. The text says, '" Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India." This shows Sara loves her father very much and stays with him when she can. Additionally, Her father buys sara a lot of stuff. It says, " They went out and visited many big shops together, and bought a great many things. They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven. There were velvet dresses trimmed with costly furs, and lace dresses, and embroidered ones, and hats with great, soft ostrich feathers, and ermine coats and muffs, and boxes of tiny gloves and handkerchiefs and silk stockings in such abundant supplies that the polite young women behind the counters whispered to each other that the odd little girl with the big, solemn eyes must be at least some foreign princess—perhaps the little daughter of an Indian rajah." To enumerate, Sara's dad shows affection to his daughter by buying her things. In conclusion, They both show affection to each other in different ways.

Corrections Affection
****"'I kept this title."'

Both Captain Crewe and Sara IN Part 3 of "Little Princess" both show their affection for each other by spending lots of time together and buying stuff.
****"'For this part, I put the part about the title at the beginning and then added Captain Crewe and Sara (I flipped it). Saying 'buying stuff' makes it sound like Sara also bought her dad stuff, which she didn't. Instead, I changed 'by spending lots of time together and buying stuff' to 'in different ways'. That way, you are able to show the reader that you're going to talk about more than one thing without confusing them or accidentally misleading them. I also changed the title from "Little Princess" to "A Little Princess"."'
In part three of "A Little Princess", both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other in different ways.

First off, Sara stays with her dad until he leaves.
****"'Here, I changed 'stays with her dad until he leaves' to 'stays with her dad in London until he goes home'. Before, the reader could get confused - where did Sara stay with him? Why did he leave? Where did he go? Slightly changing the sentence to add more detail is a good way to go ahead and answer those questions."'
First off, Sara stays with her dad in London until he goes home.

The text says, '" Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India."
****"'All I did here was change the quotation marks in front of the quote from '" to " because it only needs the double (")."'
The text says, "Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India."

This shows Sara loves her father very much and stays with him when she can.
****"'Here, I just added 'how' after 'This shows' to make the sentence read more smoothly. I also changed 'and stays with him when she can' to 'so she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before he left'. Adding 'before he left' emphasizes how spending time with him in this context shows her love for him."'
This shows how Sara loves her father very much, so she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before he left.

Additionally, Her father buys sara a lot of stuff.
****"'Good transition word here! In this part, I changed 'Her' to 'her' since it isn't a proper noun. I ended up taking Sara's name out of this part since we said it in the last sentence, but be sure that you're capitalizing names! I added 'when they're out in London together' to the end of the sentence to be more specific provide the reader with more context."'
Additionally, her father buys her a lot of stuff when they're out in London together.

It says, " They went out and visited many big shops together, and bought a great many things. They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven. There were velvet dresses trimmed with costly furs, and lace dresses, and embroidered ones, and hats with great, soft ostrich feathers, and ermine coats and muffs, and boxes of tiny gloves and handkerchiefs and silk stockings in such abundant supplies that the polite young women behind the counters whispered to each other that the odd little girl with the big, solemn eyes must be at least some foreign princess—perhaps the little daughter of an Indian rajah."
****"'The reader might not know what 'it' is, so I changed that to 'The text', and then I changed 'says' to 'states' since we already said 'The text says,' a little bit earlier. I also removed the space between the first quotation marks (") and the beginning of the quote."'
The text states, "They went out and visited many big shops together, and bought a great many things. They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven. There were velvet dresses trimmed with costly furs, and lace dresses, and embroidered ones, and hats with great, soft ostrich feathers, and ermine coats and muffs, and boxes of tiny gloves and handkerchiefs and silk stockings in such abundant supplies that the polite young women behind the counters whispered to each other that the odd little girl with the big, solemn eyes must be at least some foreign princess—perhaps the little daughter of an Indian rajah."

To enumerate, Sara's dad shows affection to his daughter by buying her things.
****"'Megu, I have told you three times now: enumerate is not the word you're looking for. 'Enumerate' means to mention a number of things one by one, like reading off a list. The word you're thinking of is 'elaborate', which means 'to develop or present in detail'. For example, I could tell you that a book is about a tree and a boy, and then elaborate by adding more details about it. However, you didn't elaborate in this sentence either, you just summarized the quote. I removed the word completely and said 'Here,' at the beginning instead. Then, I changed 'to his daughter' to 'for her'. Saying Sara's name but then saying 'his daughter' makes it seem like you're talking about two different people."'
Here, Sara's dad showed affection for her by buying her things.

In conclusion, They both show affection to each other in different ways.
****"All I did here was change 'They' to 'they' since it isn't a proper noun and 'to each other' to 'for each other'."'
In conclusion, they both show affection for each other in different ways.


Final Draft Affection In part three of "A Little Princess", both Captain Crewe and Sara show their affection for each other in different ways. First off, Sara stays with her dad in London until he goes home. The text says, "Sara stayed with her father at his hotel for several days; in fact, she remained with him until he sailed away again to India." This shows how Sara loves her father very much, so she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could before he left. Additionally, her father buys her a lot of stuff when they're out in London together. The text states, "They went out and visited many big shops together, and bought a great many things. They bought, indeed, a great many more things than Sara needed; but Captain Crewe was a rash, innocent young man and wanted his little girl to have everything she admired and everything he admired himself, so between them, they collected a wardrobe much too grand for a child of seven. There were velvet dresses trimmed with costly furs, and lace dresses, and embroidered ones, and hats with great, soft ostrich feathers, and ermine coats and muffs, and boxes of tiny gloves and handkerchiefs and silk stockings in such abundant supplies that the polite young women behind the counters whispered to each other that the odd little girl with the big, solemn eyes must be at least some foreign princess—perhaps the little daughter of an Indian rajah." Here, Sara's dad showed affection for her by buying her things. In conclusion, they both show affection for each other in different ways.

Megu, I have now had to explain to you why 'enumerate' is not the correct word choice four times now. I've even spoken with your teacher about it, but you continue to use it. It seems like you aren't reading my comments. I can't help you if you don't read my comments and corrections. Other than that, this paragraph was good. Please make sure you're reading my comments, though. Please let me know if you need help. Edited by Lainey Morris


BOOKS The books that sara are into are smart stuff. The text says," She is always starving for new books to gobble, and she wants grown-up books—great, big, fat ones—French and German as well as English—history and biography and poets, and all sorts of things."

This is not enough for me to edit either and I'm not going to write your paragraph for you. Please put in more effort tomorrow, thank you. You got this! - Lainey Morris

The Place The thing that worried Sara was "the place". In the text it states, " During her short life, only one thing had troubled her, and that thing was "the place" she was to be taken to some day. The climate of India was very bad for children, and as soon as possible they were sent away from it—generally to England and to school. She had seen other children go away and had heard their fathers and mothers talk about the letters they received from them. She had known that she would be obliged to go also, and though sometimes her father's stories of the voyage and the new country had attracted her, she had been troubled by the thought that he could not stay with her." This means "the place" has troubled sara throughout most of her life. In short, "The place" gets Sara worried.

Megu, this is not enough for me to edit. You wrote three sentences and the rest was a quote from the story. I don't want to write your paragraph for you, because that's your job. I'm here to edit what you write and explain why I edit how I do, but there isn't enough here for me to do that. Please put in some more effort next time. You can do it! - Lainey Morris

Original Draft The Performance

In part seven of "Little Women", the kids are performing a show. The story states,"' Very clever were some of their productions, pasteboard guitars, antique lamps made of old-fashioned butter boats covered with silver paper, gorgeous robes of old cotton, glittering with tin spangles from a pickle factory, and armor covered with the same useful diamond shaped bits left in sheets when the lids of preserve pots were cut out. The big chamber was the scene of many innocent revels." To clarify, the kids are setting up for the performance. The story continues and says," There was a good deal of rustling and whispering behind the curtain, a trifle of lamp smoke, and an occasional giggle from Amy, who was apt to get hysterical in the excitement of the moment. Presently a bell sounded, the curtains flew apart, and the operatic tragedy began..."Then the curtain fell, and the audience reposed and ate candy while discussing the merits of the play." This shows the performance starting and ending. To conclude, The kids in "Little Women" are performing a show.

Corrections The Performance
****"'I kept this the same."'

In part seven of "Little Women", the kids are performing a show.
****"'I kept this the same as well."'

The story states,"' Very clever were some of their productions, pasteboard guitars, antique lamps made of old-fashioned butter boats covered with silver paper, gorgeous robes of old cotton, glittering with tin spangles from a pickle factory, and armor covered with the same useful diamond shaped bits left in sheets when the lids of preserve pots were cut out. The big chamber was the scene of many innocent revels."
****"'Since this quote doesn't include a character speaking, I took out the single quotation mark you added after the double quotation marks at the very beginning of the quote. I also made sure I had room between 'The story states,' and the quote (so that they aren't touching)."'
The story states, "Very clever were some of their productions, pasteboard guitars, antique lamps made of old-fashioned butter boats covered with silver paper, gorgeous robes of old cotton, glittering with tin spangles from a pickle factory, and armor covered with the same useful diamond shaped bits left in sheets when the lids of preserve pots were cut out. The big chamber was the scene of many innocent revels."

To clarify, the kids are setting up for the performance.
****"'All I did here was add some more clarification about how they were setting up the performance."'
To clarify, the kids were setting up for the performance with the props they made.

The story continues and says," There was a good deal of rustling and whispering behind the curtain, a trifle of lamp smoke, and an occasional giggle from Amy, who was apt to get hysterical in the excitement of the moment. Presently a bell sounded, the curtains flew apart, and the operatic tragedy began..."Then the curtain fell, and the audience reposed and ate candy while discussing the merits of the play."
****"'For this part, I added space between 'The story continues and says,' and the quote (like I did last time) and I took out the quotation marks after 'tragedy began...' because the next part is still from the same quote, so we don't need to add any more quotation marks."'
The story continues and says, "There was a good deal of rustling and whispering behind the curtain, a trifle of lamp smoke, and an occasional giggle from Amy, who was apt to get hysterical in the excitement of the moment. Presently a bell sounded, the curtains flew apart, and the operatic tragedy began...Then the curtain fell, and the audience reposed and ate candy while discussing the merits of the play."

This shows the performance starting and ending.
****"'I changed 'This shows the' to 'This quote tells us about'. This makes the sentence sound clearer and makes the reader feel like they're getting more details than they originally were."'
This quote tells us about the performance starting and ending.

To conclude, The kids in "Little Women" are performing a show.
****"'Here, I removed 'To conclude'. Usually, you can get away without saying something like 'to conclude' or 'in final analysis' just by choosing words that make a good conclusion sentence, which is what I did here. I said something similar to the opening sentence while also inserting how we can tell that the kids were performing a show."'
In this part of "Little Women", the kids are performing a show, which we can tell from the quotes about their props and about the beginning and end of the show.


Final Draft The Performance In part seven of "Little Women", the kids are performing a show. The story states, "Very clever were some of their productions, pasteboard guitars, antique lamps made of old-fashioned butter boats covered with silver paper, gorgeous robes of old cotton, glittering with tin spangles from a pickle factory, and armor covered with the same useful diamond shaped bits left in sheets when the lids of preserve pots were cut out. The big chamber was the scene of many innocent revels." To clarify, the kids were setting up for the performance with the props they made. The story continues and says, "There was a good deal of rustling and whispering behind the curtain, a trifle of lamp smoke, and an occasional giggle from Amy, who was apt to get hysterical in the excitement of the moment. Presently a bell sounded, the curtains flew apart, and the operatic tragedy began...Then the curtain fell, and the audience reposed and ate candy while discussing the merits of the play." This quote tells us about the performance starting and ending. In this part of "Little Women", the kids are performing a show, which we can tell from the quotes about their props and about the beginning and end of the show.


Again in my second quote There was a good deal of rustling and whispering behind the curtain, a trifle of lamp smoke, and an occasional giggle from Amy, who was apt to get hysterical in the excitement of the moment. Presently a bell sounded, the curtains flew apart, and the operatic tragedy began..."Then the curtain fell, and the audience reposed and ate candy while discussing the merits of the play." my teacher told me to put... three dots when you want to put two quotes in so thats why i did that. ^^)-(sideways smile) ok thank you

Yes! That's a really useful tip. All I did was remove the second pair of quotation marks you had in the quote (before 'Then the curtain fell'). Since that whole chunk is all from the same place, we don't need to put any other quotation marks that aren't at the beginning or the end. I hope that makes sense. This was really good! I only had to make a few minor changes. Just work on adding more of your own words to the paragraphs so that what you're saying isn't overshadowed by quotes. You got this! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft The Nice Family 

In part six of"Little Women" the atmosphere gets very helpful and thoughtful when around Mrs. March. According to the story "Little Women Part 6 it states “ "May I go and help carry the things to the poor little children?" asked Beth eagerly."I shall take the cream and the muffins," added Amy, heroically giving up the article she most liked. Meg was already covering the buckwheats, and piling the bread into one big plate."I thought you'd do it," said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. "You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime."The story “Little Women” says “, In a few minutes, it really did seem as if kind spirits had been at work there. Hannah, who had carried wood, made a fire and stopped up the broken panes with old hats and her own cloak. Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. The girls meantime spread the table, set the children round the fire, and fed them like so many hungry birds, laughing, talking, and trying to understand the funny broken English.” To clarify, the atmosphere is very thoughtful because Mrs.March and her daughters were working very hard to help the woman and her children feel comfortable.

Corrections The Nice Family
****"'I kept this title."' 

In part six of"Little Women" the atmosphere gets very helpful and thoughtful when around Mrs. March.


****"'Here, I put a comma after the title and added 'the sisters are' after 'when'."'
In part six of "Little Women", the atmosphere is very helpful and thoughtful when the sisters are around Mrs. March.

According to the story "Little Women Part 6 it states “ "May I go and help carry the things to the poor little children?" asked Beth eagerly."I shall take the cream and the muffins," added Amy, heroically giving up the article she most liked. Meg was already covering the buckwheats, and piling the bread into one big plate."I thought you'd do it," said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. "You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime."
****"'Saying 'According to the story [title] it states' is incorrect. I took this out and added 'The story states' instead. You also need to work on your quotes when there's a character speaking in them. Scroll down to see where I explained this."'
The story states, "'May I go and help carry the things to the poor little children?' asked Beth eagerly. 'I shall take the cream and the muffins,' added Amy, heroically giving up the article she most liked. Meg was already covering the buckwheats, and piling the bread into one big plate. 'I thought you'd do it,' said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. 'You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime.'

The story “Little Women” says “, In a few minutes, it really did seem as if kind spirits had been at work there. Hannah, who had carried wood, made a fire and stopped up the broken panes with old hats and her own cloak. Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. The girls meantime spread the table, set the children round the fire, and fed them like so many hungry birds, laughing, talking, and trying to understand the funny broken English.”
****"'We already know that this is from "Little Women" since we said it at the beginning of the paragraph, so we don't need to say it again. I changed this to 'The story continues and says,'."'
The story continues and says, "In a few minutes, it really did seem as if kind spirits had been at work there. Hannah, who had carried wood, made a fire and stopped up the broken panes with old hats and her own cloak. Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. The girls meantime spread the table, set the children round the fire, and fed them like so many hungry birds, laughing, talking, and trying to understand the funny broken English."

To clarify, the atmosphere is very thoughtful because Mrs.March and her daughters were working very hard to help the woman and her children feel comfortable.
****"'I kept this the same since it was a long quote and clarification could be helpful here."'


Final Draft The Nice Family In part six of "Little Women", the atmosphere is very helpful and thoughtful when the sisters are around Mrs. March. The story states, "'May I go and help carry the things to the poor little children?' asked Beth eagerly. 'I shall take the cream and the muffins,' added Amy, heroically giving up the article she most liked. Meg was already covering the buckwheats, and piling the bread into one big plate. 'I thought you'd do it,' said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. 'You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime.' The story continues and says, "In a few minutes, it really did seem as if kind spirits had been at work there. Hannah, who had carried wood, made a fire and stopped up the broken panes with old hats and her own cloak. Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help, while she dressed the little baby as tenderly as if it had been her own. The girls meantime spread the table, set the children round the fire, and fed them like so many hungry birds, laughing, talking, and trying to understand the funny broken English." To clarify, the atmosphere is very thoughtful because Mrs.March and her daughters were working very hard to help the woman and her children feel comfortable.


"Also I didn't get to o goodtoknow yesterday because i went out hiking but i finished my homework"- Megu Thank you for understanding No worries, that sounds fun!

I have said this a few times already and I even wrote out an extra help part on this for you to explain it and give examples, but you need to work on your quotes. When a character is speaking inside of a quote, their words get single quotation marks (' ') around them. I'm not going to explain it in depth again, scroll down to your "Dream School" paragraph to see where I put the extra help. You also need to stop saying "According to the story/text, it states/says". Saying that is like saying "5 A.M. in the morning". The term "A.M." means that it's in the morning, so you don't need to say "in the morning" after it. So, you can say "According to the story/text," and then the quote or you can say "The story/text states," and then the quote, but you should not say "According to the story/text, it says/states". I didn't correct a lot here, mostly because you did not write very much. Please read my comments and corrections and use them in the future. Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Music

In the evening and night in Part 4 of "Little Women" the kids did things such as singing the tune that best fits them. In the text it says, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” To clarify, they were singing in the tune that they really liked. Additionally, they all sang a familiar lullaby. According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of.To sum up, The girls did stuff with music.

Corrections Music
****"'I kept this title."'

In the evening and night in Part 4 of "Little Women" the kids did things such as singing the tune that best fits them.
****"'Here, I made 'part' all lowercase and I changed '4' to 'four' since four is a smaller number than 10. I also changed the second half of the sentence to talk about the family instead of the kids and I mentioned that they were singing the same tune all together."'
In the evening and night in part four of "Little Women", the family sang a tune together.

In the text it says, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.”
****"'All I did here was remove the quotation marks before 'Amy chirped'."'
In the text it says, "At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.”

To clarify, they were singing in the tune that they really liked.
****"'I reworded this sentence to explain that the sisters and their mother sang while Beth played the piano."'
The sisters and their mother all sang a song while Beth played the piano.

Additionally, they all sang a familiar lullaby.
****"'For this part, I took out 'additionally' and changed the sentence around to clarify that the song they sang was a lullaby."'
The song they all sang was a lullaby.

According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.”
****"'You can say 'According to the text,' and then a quote or you can say 'The text states,' and then a quote, but you can't say 'According to the text it states'. It's repetitive and incorrect. I changed this part to just say 'The text states,'."'
The text states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.”

This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of.To sum up, The girls did stuff with music.
****"'Here, I just wrapped up by saying that every night they all sang the lullaby that they didn't grow out of. It's short and does a good job summarizing the paragraph."'
Every night, the family sang a lullaby that the sisters never grew out of.


Final Draft Music In the evening and night in part four of "Little Women", the family sang a tune together. In the text it says, "At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” The sisters and their mother all sang a song while Beth played the piano. The song they all sang was a lullaby. The text states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” Every night, the family sang a lullaby that the sisters never grew out of.

This was good! Just make sure you aren't saying things like 'According to the text it states' and make sure you really understand what you're reading. Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft The Letter

The thing that made everybody very happy was a letter sent by their father. First off, Everyone got super happy. In the article" Little Women" it states," A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!". This shows everyone smiled and they all cheered. Also, I think Jo was the most happy. The text says"' Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. " To sum up, The letter sent by their father made them all happy.

Corrections The Letter
****"'This is a good title! I kept it.

The thing that made everybody very happy was a letter sent by their father.
****"'Here all I did was add 'in part three of "Little Women"' to give context. You need to start writing context on your own."'
The thing that made everybody happy in part three of "Little Women" was a letter sent by their father.

First off, Everyone got super happy.
****"'Since you already said that everyone was happy, you don't need to say it again immediately after, so I removed this part."'

In the article" Little Women" it states," A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!".
****"'I added the title of the story above, so I took out here. You have to mention the title of the story at the beginning of your paragraph instead of randomly mentioning it when you've already started writing. I changed this part to 'The story states,'. I also changed the speaking quotes to single quotes (' '). You need to start correcting these types of quotes."'
The story states, "A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, 'A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!'"

This shows everyone smiled and they all cheered.
****"'I took out 'This shows' and reworded the sentence to add 'when they heard about the letter'."'
Everyone smiled and cheered when they heard about the letter.

Also, I think Jo was the most happy.
****"'Instead of starting with 'Also,' I changed it to say 'I also'. I also changed 'most happy' to 'happiest' because it makes it sound less choppy."'
I also think Jo was the happiest.

The text says"' Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. "
****"'I did the same thing to the quotes here as I did above. I also put a comma after 'The text says' since you added a quote after it and I kept the quotes touching the words inside of them ("I like to eat pie." instead of " I like to eat pie. ") and made sure they weren't touching the words that came before the quote (The text says, "I like to eat pie.")."'
The text says, "'Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy,' cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat."

To sum up, The letter sent by their father made them all happy.
****"'I made 'The' all lowercase since it isn't a proper noun and changed 'made them all happy' to 'made everybody very happy'."'
To sum up, the letter sent by their father made everybody very happy.


Final Draft The Letter The thing that made everybody happy in part three of "Little Women" was a letter sent by their father. The story states, "A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, 'A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!'" Everyone smiled and cheered when they heard about the letter. I also think Jo was the happiest. The text says, "'Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy,' cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat." To sum up, the letter sent by their father made everybody very happy.

Megu, I've told you many times that you need to correct how you write quotes and that you need to add context to the beginning of your paragraphs. You told me you were confused, so I gave you long explanations on how to do both things, but you still haven't corrected them. I really don't want to sound mean. If you're still confused, you have to tell me. I can't help you if you don't tell me that you need help. Edited by Lainey Morris


Beth's Fear of Fainting. 

According to the story," Little Women"  Beth gets scared when people faint. Starting off, when  were rehearsing with the rest Beth was scared when they pretended to faint. The text states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” To clarify, Beth has experienced fainting at rehearsal and is scared of it . To add on, since Beth got scared of them "Fainting" she asked them if they could do the scene in a different way. According to the article "Little Women" it says, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest." This means Beth is more relaxed when there is no scene that has fainting. In short, Beth gets really really scared when she sees others faint.

I don't want to rewrite this entire thing for you, because then you don't gain anything, but this part didn't mention that Beth had a fear of fainting or seeing others faint; in the play, she has to faint for the part she's playing. She tells us that she does faint sometimes when she says, "'I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do.'" She's saying here that yes, she faints sometimes, but she doesn't try to - it just happens. Next she says that if she can faint naturally for the play, she'll drop, but if not, she'll just fall into a chair. She doesn't say she gets scared when she faints or when she sees anyone else faint; in fact, she says herself that she hasn't ever seen anyone faint: "'I never saw anyone faint,'" This is a time where really reading the story/article and making sure you understand it is really important. Make sure you're doing this in the future! You can do it! - Lainey Morris


Original Draft Jo's hard life

Jo from the story "Little women"stated that his life was hard. To begin with, he states that her life is harder than her sisters. The text says,"You don't have half such a hard time as I do," said Jo. "How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satisfied, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?" To clarify, Jo's life is hard because of an old lady. All in all, I think Jo's life is pretty hard.

Corrections Jo's hard life
****"'All I changed here was the capitalization: I made 'hard' and 'life' capitalized since you made this a title."'
Jo's Hard Life

Jo from the story "Little women"stated that his life was hard.
****"'Here, I capitalized 'women' since it's part of the title. Also, Jo is a girl. 'Jo' is short for 'Josephine' (her sister calls her by this name in the story), which is a girls' name, so I changed 'his' to 'her'."'
Jo from the story "Little Women" stated that her life was hard.

To begin with, he states that her life is harder than her sisters.
****"'I changed the 'he' to 'she' and I added an apostrophe at the end of 'sisters' to show possession (harder than her sisters' lives)."'
To begin with, she says that her life is harder than her sisters'.

The text says,"You don't have half such a hard time as I do," said Jo. "How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satisfied, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?"
****"'I changed the quotes here. I've explained why I do it and how you can do it before, so I won't do it again here. Scroll down to the paragraph about Nat's dream school and read it so that you can correct your quotes in the future."'
The text says, "'You don't have half such a hard time as I do,' said Jo. 'How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satisfied, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?'"

To clarify, Jo's life is hard because of an old lady.
****"'Usually, I don't like using the term 'to clarify' because usually the quote isn't confusing, so we don't need to clarify; however, this quote says a lot, so it's okay to use 'to clarify' here to keep the reader from getting lost. Also, I changed 'hard' to 'difficult' because we've used the word 'hard' a few times already, so it's good to switch it up with a synonym so it doesn't sound so repetitive."'
To clarify, Jo's life is difficult because of an old lady.

All in all, I think Jo's life is pretty hard.
****"'Since you didn't write very much, I took out 'all in all' and changed it to 'after reading this story'. That way, the reader knows that you've read this story and that's why you think Jo's life is hard."'
After reading this story, I think Jo's life is pretty hard.


Final Draft Jo's Hard Life

Jo from the story "Little Women" stated that her life was hard. To begin with, she says that her life is harder than her sisters'. The text says, "'You don't have half such a hard time as I do,' said Jo. 'How would you like to be shut up for hours with a nervous, fussy old lady, who keeps you trotting, is never satisfied, and worries you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?'" To clarify, Jo's life is difficult because of an old lady. After reading this story, I think Jo's life is pretty hard.



PS: I know I didnt put much effort in this its because i had a lot of homework to catch up to because i woke up late.

I understand that struggle, no worries. Just read my comments and corrections and use them in your next paragraph. Don't be afraid to ask me for help! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft

Demi The Perfect Boy

I would describe Demi as a perfect boy because he is loving and intelligent. First off, Demi has a loving heart. The text states, "' The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him;". This shows his mother has cherished her son Demi for these things. Also, Demi has a intelligent mind. In the text it says, "' Very fond of books, and full of lively fancies, born of a strong imagination and a spiritual nature, these traits made his parents anxious to balance them with useful knowledge and healthful society." This means Demi teaches his parents things so that makes Demi smart. In short, Demi is described as perfect because he is good.

Corrections Demi The Perfect Boy
****"'All I changed here was I made 'the' lowercase and I added a comma after 'Demi'. 'The' is an article, and we don't capitalize those in titles (unless they're the first or last word in the title)."'
Demi, the Perfect Boy

I would describe Demi as a perfect boy because he is loving and intelligent.
****"'Again, I would really like you to start putting context at the beginning of your paragraphs. I added that Demi is from "Little Men", but that's all I changed. I need you to start adding context by yourself.
I would describe Demi from "Little Men" as the perfect boy because he is loving and intelligent.

First off, Demi has a loving heart.
****"'I didn't change this at all."'

The text states, "' The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him;".
****"'Here, I took the space between the quotation marks and the words in the quote out. I also changed your quotation marks at the beginning ("') to just double quotation marks ("). I also removed the period after the quote."'
The text states, "The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him;"

This shows his mother has cherished her son Demi for these things.
****"'I understand that the wording of this quote could've been a bit misleading, but what the author meant was that Demi's mother had brought him up to have an innocent and loving heart. The rest of this quote talked about how his father and grandfather also instilled other things in him as he was growing up. I changed this sentence to fit with what I just explained."'
This shows how Demi's life at home taught him to be sweet and how his mother taught him to have a loving heart.

Also, Demi has a intelligent mind.
****"'Any time you have a word that starts with a vowel (a, e, i, o, u, sometimes y) after 'a', you have to change it to 'an'. I changed 'a intelligent' to 'an intelligent'. I also switched 'Also, Demi' to 'Demi also' to make it sound more smooth."'
Demi also has an intelligent mind.

In the text it says, "' Very fond of books, and full of lively fancies, born of a strong imagination and a spiritual nature, these traits made his parents anxious to balance them with useful knowledge and healthful society."
****"'I again changed the quotation marks you used to double quotation marks and removed the space between them and the words inside the quote. Since the quote doesn't begin with a name to make it clear to the reader that this quote is about Demi, I specified that before the quote by saying 'In the text, it says that he was,' and then the quote. That way it flows smoothly and the reader doesn't feel confused."'
In the text, it says that he was "Very fond of books, and full of lively fancies, born of a strong imagination and a spiritual nature, these traits made his parents anxious to balance them with useful knowledge and healthful society,"

This means Demi teaches his parents things so that makes Demi smart.
****"'In this part, the author is talking about how Demi liked to read and had a good imagination, but his parents were afraid to teach him more practical knowledge because they were anxious (worried) that he might "bloom too soon". So Demi isn't teaching his parents anything, but we can still tell that he's intelligent because he had a wonderful imagination. I changed this sentence to fit what I just explained as well."'
Demi was already intelligent on his own, he loved books and had a strong imagination, and it made his parents anxious about teaching him more useful knowledge because they didn't want to make him burn out before he gets into the world.

In short, Demi is described as perfect because he is good.
****"'The word 'good' isn't a very good adjective and doesn't give the reader any real evidence of how Demi was perfect. Instead, I added that he is intelligent and kindhearted."'
In short, Demi is described as perfect because he is intelligent and kindhearted.


Final Draft Demi, the Perfect Boy I would describe Demi from "Little Men" as the perfect boy because he is loving and intelligent. First off, Demi has a loving heart. The text states, "The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him;" This shows how Demi's life at home taught him to be sweet and how his mother taught him to have a loving heart. Demi also has an intelligent mind. In the text, it says that he was "Very fond of books, and full of lively fancies, born of a strong imagination and a spiritual nature, these traits made his parents anxious to balance them with useful knowledge and healthful society," Demi was already intelligent on his own, he loved books and had a strong imagination, and it made his parents anxious about teaching him more useful knowledge because they didn't want to make him burn out before he gets into the world. In short, Demi is described as perfect because he is intelligent and kindhearted.

I really need you to start adding context at the beginning of your paragraphs. If you're confused, please tell me. I want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me that you need help. I also think one of the issues you're having with your paragraphs is that you're not completely understand what you're reading. I could tell that two separate times for this reading you were a bit confused, and that's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of, but I think it would be helpful for you to read the reading twice to make sure you fully understand what you have to write about. If you're still unsure, you can ask whoever you live with to read it as well and tell you what they think it means. You can do it, keep trying your hardest, and don't be afraid to ask for help! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Dream School Nat liked the school he was going to because the school was nice. To begin with, the school would have pillow fights. In the text it states, '“Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,” said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks.“What a very nice school this is!” observed Nat, in a burst of admiration." To clarify, Nat admires his school a lot. Secondly, Nat's school cares for Nat and is makes Nat feel luxurious. According to the article" Little Men Part 4" it says, '"Nursey approved the plan, finished Nat off with a flannel night-gown, a drink of something warm and sweet, and then tucked him into one of the three little beds standing in the room, where he lay looking like a contented mummy and feeling that nothing more in the way of luxury could be offered him. Cleanliness in itself was a new and delightful sensation; flannel gowns were unknown comforts in his world; sips of “good stuff” soothed his cough as pleasantly as kind words did his lonely heart; and the feeling that somebody cared for him made that plain room seem a sort of heaven to the homeless child." This means He likes the school because it is a very fun school. All in all, Nat like his school because this school seems like his dream school.


Corrections Dream School
****"'This is a good title! I kept it like this."'


Nat liked the school he was going to because the school was nice.
****"'I've been telling you for a while now that you need to put context at the beginning of the story, but like I said last time, I'm not going to do that anymore. You need to start writing them on your own so I can correct them and help you get better at writing them. I'm going to add something at the end of this to try to explain how to write an introduction sentence (context) and what it should look like. To correct this sentence, I just elaborated a little bit more on what you said."'
Nat liked the new school he was going to because it was very nice and different than what he was used to.

To begin with, the school would have pillow fights.
****"'Here, I changed 'school' to 'boys' and I put a hyphen ( - ) between 'pillow' and 'fights'."'
To begin with, the boys there got to have pillow-fights.

In the text it states, '“Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,” said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks.“What a very nice school this is!” observed Nat, in a burst of admiration."
****"'For this part, I took out 'In the' from the beginning so I just have 'The text states'. I also changed the quotes: when you quote a passage from the story, it should have double quotation marks (" ") around the entire thing. If somewhere in that passage, someone is speaking, you would put single quotes (' ') around what they're saying. I'll explain this more at the end as well."'
The text states, "'Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,' said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. 'What a very nice school this is!' observed Nat, in a burst of admiration."

To clarify, Nat admires his school a lot.
****"'Here, I took out 'To clarify' (I'll also explain this at the end) and I elaborated some more on why Nat admired his school."'
Nat had never seen a school as fun as this before, so he admired Plumfield a lot.

Secondly, Nat's school cares for Nat and is makes Nat feel luxurious.
****"'Since we already mention Nat's name at the beginning of this sentence, we don't have to say his name two more times. Because of this, I replaced his name the second two times with 'him'. I also added who specifically cares for Nat and how they all make him feel loved."'
Secondly, Nat's school and the women who work there really care for him and it makes him feel loved and luxurious.

According to the article" Little Men Part 4" it says, '"Nursey approved the plan, finished Nat off with a flannel night-gown, a drink of something warm and sweet, and then tucked him into one of the three little beds standing in the room, where he lay looking like a contented mummy and feeling that nothing more in the way of luxury could be offered him. Cleanliness in itself was a new and delightful sensation; flannel gowns were unknown comforts in his world; sips of “good stuff” soothed his cough as pleasantly as kind words did his lonely heart; and the feeling that somebody cared for him made that plain room seem a sort of heaven to the homeless child."
****"'Saying 'According the the article, "Little Men Part 4"' would have been more appropriate if you said it at the beginning of your paragraph. Since we've already had a quote before this, we shouldn't introduce the article now, because that could confuse the reader. I took that part out and also changed the quotes like I did with the part you quoted above."'
The story states, "Nursey approved the plan, finished Nat off with a flannel night-gown, a drink of something warm and sweet, and then tucked him into one of the three little beds standing in the room, where he lay looking like a contented mummy and feeling that nothing more in the way of luxury could be offered him. Cleanliness in itself was a new and delightful sensation; flannel gowns were unknown comforts in his world; sips of “good stuff” soothed his cough as pleasantly as kind words did his lonely heart; and the feeling that somebody cared for him made that plain room seem a sort of heaven to the homeless child."

This means He likes the school because it is a very fun school.
****"'So for the quote that you just added, that doesn't really match up with it being fun. The pillow-fight does, but this part was more about how it made him feel loved. Also, you wouldn't capitalize 'he' here."'
Nat really liked this new school because he finally felt like someone cared for him after years of being homeless.

All in all, Nat like his school because this school seems like his dream school.
****"'I only slightly change this part by shortening it, taking out 'All in all' and adding an exclamation point at the end."'
Plumfield seems to really be Nat's dream school!


Final Draft Dream School Nat liked the new school he was going to because it was very nice and different than what he was used to. To begin with, the boys there got to have pillow-fights. The text states, "'Oh dear, no! We always allow one pillow-fight Saturday night. The cases are changed to-morrow; and it gets up a glow after the boys' baths; so I rather like it myself,' said Mrs. Bhaer, busy again among her dozen pairs of socks. 'What a very nice school this is!' observed Nat, in a burst of admiration." Nat had never seen a school as fun as this before, so he admired Plumfield a lot. Secondly, Nat's school and the women who work there really care for him and it makes him feel loved and luxurious. The story states, "Nursey approved the plan, finished Nat off with a flannel night-gown, a drink of something warm and sweet, and then tucked him into one of the three little beds standing in the room, where he lay looking like a contented mummy and feeling that nothing more in the way of luxury could be offered him. Cleanliness in itself was a new and delightful sensation; flannel gowns were unknown comforts in his world; sips of “good stuff” soothed his cough as pleasantly as kind words did his lonely heart; and the feeling that somebody cared for him made that plain room seem a sort of heaven to the homeless child." Nat really liked this new school because he finally felt like someone cared for him after years of being homeless. Plumfield seems to really be Nat's dream school!

Extra Help: 1. When I say to put context at the beginning of your story, it means to introduce what you're going to be talking about. For example, if I read "The Three Little Pigs" and I had to write about it, my introduction sentence should look something like this:

The story, "The Three Little Pigs", tells the story of three pig brothers who each build their own house to protect them from a wolf.

It's a short sentence, but it tells the person reading my paragraph what story I'm going to be talking about and the characters I'm going to talk about. My introduction sentence should not look something like this:

The first pig brother built his house with straw.

This could be a good second sentence, because it's an important detail to the story, but I can't just start my entire paragraph with it. If you start your paragraph by just talking about the story without telling the person who's reading your paragraph what the story is and what it's about like I did in my first introduction sentence, they might be confused. If the person reading my paragraph had never heard the story of "The Three Little Pigs" before, chances are they'll be confused and have a lot of questions: who is this pig brother? How many more brothers does he have? Why is he building a house? If you write a good introduction sentence, the reader won't have these sort of questions.

2. Many times, you don't need to say 'to clarify'. When you're clarifying something, it's because what you said might be confusing. But in your paragraph, you added a quote from the story, and in that quote it says, "...observed Nat, in a burst of admiration." and then you said, 'To clarify, Nat admires his school a lot.' Since the story itself clearly says that Nat had "a burst of admiration", the reader can tell that Nat admires his school without us saying anything, so we don't need to say 'to clarify' for them. You can summarize the quote instead like this:

"Lily was so excited to go to the farmer's market in the morning that she could hardly sleep! She just kept thinking about all of the delicious fruit she would get to buy when she woke up. She might even make an apple pie when she'd get home!" Lily couldn't fall asleep because she was so excited to go to the farmer's market.

3. Like I said above, when you quote a passage from a story or article, you put double quotes (" ") around the whole thing like this:

"Lily woke up bright and early to go to the farmer's market."

And if I want to add a part where a character is speaking, I have to put double quotes around the whole thing like normal, but I also have to put single quotes (' ') around the speaking part like this:

"Lily walked up to the man selling apples. 'How much for six apples?' she asked."

As you can see, the entire section is quoted from the story, but since a character was also speaking in this part, I had to put single quotes around what she said.

Let me know if any of that is confusing or doesn't make sense.

I would really like for you to start adding introduction sentences like I've been talking about. I also would like for you to work on quoting parts of the text and making sure you're using the right quotation marks. If you need any further explanations or help, don't hesitate to ask! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft Mrs. Bhaer had a meaning when she said,“Teddy is right: there's something in the child." To begin with, Mrs Bhaer could have meant that they was impressed with his skills. The text says," I say, you do that first-rate,” cried Tommy, who considered Nat his protege.“You shall be the first fiddle in my band,” added Franz, with an approving smile." This shows he has some skills. Also, it is because their son did well in playing. In the text it says," And Mr. Bhaer nodded his head emphatically, as he clapped Nat on the shoulder, saying, heartily:“You play well, my son. Come now and play something which we can sing.” This means, that is dad was proud of his son. In short, Mrs Bhaer could have meant that the child was impressive.

Corrections Mrs. Bhaer had a meaning when she said,“Teddy is right: there's something in the child."
****"'I would really like for you to add some more context to the beginning of your paragraphs. Usually, I add my own context to the beginning if y'all leave it off, but I'm going to stop doing that now so that you can learn to start doing it on your own. Instead, I rearranged this sentence and added an extra part at the end."'
When Mrs. Bhaer said, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'" she meant something special.

To begin with, Mrs Bhaer could have meant that they was impressed with his skills.
****"'The only thing I changed here was I changed 'they was to 'they were. Since the word 'they' is plural (more than one person), the word that agrees with it here is 'were'. If you were talking about one person, you would use 'was' instead (example: She was impressed)."'
To begin with, Mrs. Bhaer could have meant that they were all impressed with his skills.

The text says," I say, you do that first-rate,” cried Tommy, who considered Nat his protege.“You shall be the first fiddle in my band,” added Franz, with an approving smile."
****"'I changed the quotes here the same way I did in your last paragraph (scroll down to see)."'
The text says, "'I say, you do that first-rate.' cried Tommy, who considered Nat his protege. 'You shall be the first fiddle in my band,' added Franz, with an approving smile."

This shows he has some skills.
****"'I added some more to this sentence so it wouldn't sound like we were just repeating how he had skills."'
The other boys were also impressed with Nat's playing, so we can tell that he must really have some skills.

Also, it is because their son did well in playing.
****"'I took this sentence out because him doing well in playing is sort of the same thing as him having skills in this story."'

In the text it says," And Mr. Bhaer nodded his head emphatically, as he clapped Nat on the shoulder, saying, heartily:“You play well, my son. Come now and play something which we can sing.”
****"'I changed the quotes here too, and I also slightly changed the introduction to the quote."'
The text also says, "And Mr. Bhaer nodded his head emphatically, as he clapped Nat on the shoulder, saying, heartily: 'You play well, my son. Come now and play something which we can sing.'"

This means, that is dad was proud of his son.
****"'I changed this sentence so that it would put some more emphasis on how impressive Nat's playing was."'
Even Mr. Bhaer was impressed with Nat, his new son.

In short, Mrs Bhaer could have meant that the child was impressive.
****"'I wrote just a little more here to make it feel more like a conclusion sentence."'
When Mrs. Bhaer said that Nat had something in him, she probably meant that he was impressive and gifted.


Final Draft When Mrs. Bhaer said, "'Teddy is right: there's something in the child.'" she meant something special. To begin with, Mrs. Bhaer could have meant that they were all impressed with his skills. The text says, "'I say, you do that first-rate.' cried Tommy, who considered Nat his protege. 'You shall be the first fiddle in my band,' added Franz, with an approving smile." The other boys were also impressed with Nat's playing, so we can tell that he must really have some skills. The text also says, "And Mr. Bhaer nodded his head emphatically, as he clapped Nat on the shoulder, saying, heartily: 'You play well, my son. Come now and play something which we can sing.'" Even Mr. Bhaer was impressed with Nat, his new son. When Mrs. Bhaer said that Nat had something in him, she probably meant that he was impressive and gifted.

Again, I think here that reading closely would help you a lot with writing these. Also take note of what I said about changing your quotes (scroll down to the last paragraph to read how I explained it and let me know if you're still confused) and make sure you start doing that. Please also keep up with adding that context at the beginning of the paragraph so that the reader doesn't feel confused. You've got this! Edited by Lainey Morris


P.S: I don't really understand when you tell me the advice because you sometimes put t in hard words i dont understand Sometimes...and yeah. I'm really sorry about that, I had no idea I was being confusing! If you ever have any questions about what I've said or if there's anything I say that confuses you, don't be afraid to let me know and I'll try my best to explain it better.

Original Draft Thoughtful Mrs Bhaer 

Mrs.Bhaer is a thoughtful person in the story "Little Men Part 2" . To begin with Mrs.Bhaer, told her sons to dry their feet at once." The three wrestlers obeyed at once; and the stout man, with a chubby child on each shoulder, came up to welcome the new boy. Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands, and pointing to a low chair near the fire, said, in a cordial voice.“There is a place all ready for thee, my son; sit down and dry thy wet feet at once.” This shows that she probably doesn't want her sons getting wet. Also, she gets her sons some dry  clothes. "“Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,” cried Mrs. Bhaer, bustling about so energetically that Nat found himself in the cosy little chair, with dry socks and warm slippers on his feet, before he would have had time to say Jack Robinson, if he had wanted to try. He said “Thank you, ma'am,” instead; and said it so gratefully that Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again, and she said something merry, because she felt so tender, which was a way she had." This shows she was thoughtful enough to get some clothes for her children.

Corrections Thoughtful Mrs Bhaer
****"'This is a good title! The only thing I changed was I added a period after 'Mrs'."'
Thoughtful Mrs. Bhaer 

Mrs.Bhaer is a thoughtful person in the story "Little Men Part 2" .


****"'Good opening sentence! I kept it just like this. The only thing I changed was I added a space between 'Mrs.' and 'Bhaer'."'
Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person in the story "Little Men Part 2".

To begin with Mrs.Bhaer, told her sons to dry their feet at once." The three wrestlers obeyed at once; and the stout man, with a chubby child on each shoulder, came up to welcome the new boy. Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands, and pointing to a low chair near the fire, said, in a cordial voice.“There is a place all ready for thee, my son; sit down and dry thy wet feet at once.”
****"'Here, it was actually Mrs. Bhaer's husband, Mr. Bhaer, who told the boys to dry their feet. However, I still kept this quote so that I had some context for when I did talk about Mrs. Bhaer. Also, when you add a section of the story into your paragraph, you add double quotations (" ") around it (example: The text states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy some apples."), but when you add a section from the story that also has someone speaking in it, you have to put single quotations (' ') around the speaking part (example: The text states, "Lily went to the grocery store to buy some apples. 'What kind of apples do you have?' Lily asked the cashier."). Since the part you included in your paragraph has speaking parts in it, we have to add single quotes like in the example I just typed."'
When the new boy, Nat, meets Mrs. Bhaer, his feet are all wet. The text states, "Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands, and pointing to a low chair near the fire, said, in a cordial voice. 'There is a place all ready for thee, my son; sit down and dry thy wet feet at once.'”

This shows that she probably doesn't want her sons getting wet.
****"'Since Mr. Bhaer is who said this quote, I changed this explanation to make it fit with him."'
After Mr. Bhaer sees that Nat's feet are wet, he offers him a place to sit so he can dry them.

Also, she gets her sons some dry clothes.
****"'In the story, Mrs. Bhaer gets Nat some dry socks and slippers, so I wouldn't really say she gets him clothes exactly. Also, she only gets them for Nat, so we wouldn't say she gets her sons socks and slippers (just Nat). I ended up taking this sentence out. 

"“Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,” cried Mrs. Bhaer, bustling about so energetically that Nat found himself in the cosy little chair, with dry socks and warm slippers on his feet, before he would have had time to say Jack Robinson, if he had wanted to try. He said “Thank you, ma'am,” instead; and said it so gratefully that Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again, and she said something merry, because she felt so tender, which was a way she had."


****"'For this part, I changed the thing I was talking about earlier with the quotes. I also included a little transition right before (Next, the story says,)."'
Next, the story says, “'Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,' cried Mrs. Bhaer, bustling about so energetically that Nat found himself in the cosy little chair, with dry socks and warm slippers on his feet, before he would have had time to say Jack Robinson, if he had wanted to try. He said 'Thank you, ma'am,' instead; and said it so gratefully that Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again, and she said something merry, because she felt so tender, which was a way she had."

This shows she was thoughtful enough to get some clothes for her children.
****"'I changed this part a bit to put more emphasis on how she got socks and slippers for the boy who was new there, and then added another conclusion sentence."'
This shows how thoughtful Mrs. Bhaer is because she was kind enough to quickly get the new boy something else to wear on his feet since they were cold and wet. Mrs. Bhaer's kind and loving actions show how thoughtful and nice she is.


Final Draft Thoughtful Mrs. Bhaer Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person in the story "Little Men Part 2". When the new boy, Nat, meets Mrs. Bhaer, his feet are all wet. The text states, "Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands, and pointing to a low chair near the fire, said, in a cordial voice. 'There is a place all ready for thee, my son; sit down and dry thy wet feet at once.'” After Mr. Bhaer sees that Nat's feet are wet, he offers him a place to sit so he can dry them. Next, the story says, “'Wet? So they are! My dear, off with your shoes this minute, and I'll have some dry things ready for you in a jiffy,' cried Mrs. Bhaer, bustling about so energetically that Nat found himself in the cosy little chair, with dry socks and warm slippers on his feet, before he would have had time to say Jack Robinson, if he had wanted to try. He said 'Thank you, ma'am,' instead; and said it so gratefully that Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again, and she said something merry, because she felt so tender, which was a way she had." Once Mrs. Bhaer also noticed that Nat's feet were wet, she quickly got him some socks and warm slippers. This shows how thoughtful Mrs. Bhaer is because she was kind enough to quickly get the new boy something else to wear on his feet since they were cold and wet. Mrs. Bhaer's kind and loving actions show how thoughtful and nice she is.

I think that the biggest thing for you to focus on is reading the prompt and the story more carefully. If you understand what you're reading, it'll make it a lot easier to write your paragraph. If you're ever confused, don't hesitate to ask whoever you live with to help you out! Your introduction sentence was great! I would like to see just a little more context in it, but this was an awesome start! Keep up the hard work! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft

The peddler got revenge on Baron. To start off with, the peddler gives wine to the Baron and makes him lose his property. As stated in the text, "They poured wine into a stocking for him to drink with them—quickly, of course—and this was considered a rare jest and occasioned fresh bursts of laughter. " To clarify Baron lost his property. To add on, the peddler makes fun of the Baron. According to the text it states, "All were feasting and carousing. Wine and strong ale foamed in the jugs and glasses; even the dogs ate and drank with their masters. The peddler was sent for, but only to make fun for them." In short, the peddler got his revenge by making Baron drunk.

Corrections The peddler got revenge on Baron.
****"'Again, it is important that we introduce the story first, even if it is just briefly. I didn't want to add a bunch to your paragraph because I don't need to be writing it for you, so I only slightly modified the first two sentences. Also, 'baron' does not need to be capitalized."'
"Everything in Its Right Place" is a story about a peddler, a rude baron, and a sweet little girl. The baron was cruel to the peddler and the little girl, so the peddler got revenge on the baron.

To start off with, the peddler gives wine to the Baron and makes him lose his property.
****"'This is only partially true - the peddler did make the baron lose his property, but he didn't give him wine in order to do so. The story says that six years later is when the peddler took his property, so him drinking wine at the party has nothing to do with how the peddler took his property."'
he text states, "Six years had not passed away before the noble baron wandered out of the castle gate a poor man, and the mansion was bought by a rich dealer. This dealer was no other than the man of whom he had made fun and for whom he had poured wine in a stocking to drink."

As stated in the text, "They poured wine into a stocking for him to drink with them—quickly, of course—and this was considered a rare jest and occasioned fresh bursts of laughter. " To clarify Baron lost his property. To add on, the peddler makes fun of the Baron.
****"'A few things here: I took this quote out since the wine didn't have anything to do with the peddler's revenge on he baron. Also, the clarification you gave after this quote doesn't relate to the quote you used. The story also says that the baron and his friends are making fun of the peddler, not the other way around. I wrote a different explanation after the quote I added to make them match."'
Years after the baron had bullied the peddler and the little girl, the peddler ended up buying the baron's property and kicking him off.

According to the text it states, "All were feasting and carousing. Wine and strong ale foamed in the jugs and glasses; even the dogs ate and drank with their masters. The peddler was sent for, but only to make fun for them." In short, the peddler got his revenge by making Baron drunk.
****"'The peddler got his revenge by buying the baron's land and house, not by getting him drunk, so I took this part out and wrote a conclusion because I didn't want to write in a chunk of the paragraph for you."'
It's important that you are always kind to everyone you meet, because you never know what might happen later if you've bullied them.


Final Draft "Everything in Its Right Place" is a story about a peddler, a rude baron, and a sweet little girl. The baron was cruel to the peddler and the little girl, so the peddler got revenge on the baron. The text states, "Six years had not passed away before the noble baron wandered out of the castle gate a poor man, and the mansion was bought by a rich dealer. This dealer was no other than the man of whom he had made fun and for whom he had poured wine in a stocking to drink." Years after the baron had bullied the peddler and the little girl, the peddler ended up buying the baron's property and kicking him off. It's important that you are always kind to everyone you meet, because you never know what might happen later if you've bullied them.

I think you might've been confused with what this story was saying; in the story, the baron bullies the peddler at the party by making fun of him and making him drink wine through a sock. Years later, the baron walks out of his home a poor man because the peddler bought it. So we can tell that the peddler got his revenge by buying the baron's house and kicking him out, not by getting him drunk. Some of the stories y'all have had recently have been a bit confusing, so I understand your confusion here. I didn't want to have to write in a bunch of your paragraph for you, so I mostly just tried to correct what I could and explain the parts that you seemed to be confused about. Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft'

"OPEN SESAME"

There were reasons that Ali baba hid his findings. First off, its because It takes to much time counting up the money so they plan to measure the money. The text states,". "Wife," replied Ali Baba, "you do not know what you undertake, when you pretend to count the money; you will never have done. I will dig a hole, and bury it. There is no time to be lost." To enumerate they buried it because of this. All in all, There were reasons that Ali baba hid his findings.


Corrections "OPEN SESAME"
****"'Since this is your title and you aren't mentioning it separately, you don't need to have quotations around it. I also added an exclamation point at the end to add some extra enthusiasm."'
OPEN SESAME!

There were reasons that Ali baba hid his findings.
****"'I've said this many times before, but you need to add some extra context at the beginning of your paragraph so that the reader doesn't feel confused and lost on what you're talking about."'
"The History of Ali Baba, and of the Forty Robbers Killed by One Slave" tells the story of a poor man named Ali Baba living in Persia. One day, Ali Baba saw some robbers go into a secret cave and come out with many riches. Once the robbers had left, he went inside as well and took some gold. When he got back home, he told his wife that they could not tell anyone. The text states, "He then emptied the bags, which raised such a great heap of gold as dazzled his wife's eyes, and then he told her the whole adventure from beginning to end, and, above all, recommended her to keep it secret." There were a couple reasons why Ali Baba hid his findings.

First off, its because It takes to much time counting up the money so they plan to measure the money.
****"'First, a few corrections: you should have 'it's' instead of 'its'. 'Its' is possessive (that toy is its favorite toy) and 'it's' is a contraction of 'it' and 'is' (it's so nice outside). In this case, you would use the contraction, 'it's'. You would also use 'too' here instead of 'to'. 'To' means toward or until, or you can use it when you address someone (we are going to school/I am writing a letter to him) and 'too' means excessively or also (the tree was too tall to climb/I am going to the mall too). In this case, you're saying that counting up the money takes an excessive amount of time, so you would use 'too'. I slightly modified this sentence to include these corrections and also to give it a better flow that is easier for the reader to follow."'
First off, it took too much time to count up all of the money, so they planned to measure it instead.

The text states,". "Wife," replied Ali Baba, "you do not know what you undertake, when you pretend to count the money; you will never have done. I will dig a hole, and bury it. There is no time to be lost."
****"'The only thing I changed here was your quotation use. Since you have a quote within a quote (you're quoting the text which also has quotes in it), you have to give the quotes inside of it single quotes (' '). You'll see what I mean when you read how I rewrite it."'
The text states, "'Wife', replied Ali Baba, you do not know what you undertake, when you pretend to count the money; you will never have done. I will dig a hole, and bury it. There is no time to be lost.'"

To enumerate they buried it because of this.
****"'Megu, I have defined 'enumerate' for you twice already and I'm not going to do it again here. I will explain it again at the bottom. I rewrote this sentence to better summarize what the quote was saying and also explain why it was important."'
Because they didn't want people to know what they had found, they had to quickly measure some of the gold and bury it.

All in all, There were reasons that Ali baba hid his findings.
****"'I rewrote this sentence to better summarize as well."'
Ali Baba was a very poor man, so when he found all of the riches, he had to make sure he hid them for many reasons.


Final Draft OPEN SESAME! "The History of Ali Baba, and of the Forty Robbers Killed by One Slave" tells the story of a poor man named Ali Baba living in Persia. One day, Ali Baba saw some robbers go into a secret cave and come out with many riches. Once the robbers had left, he went inside as well and took some gold. When he got back home, he told his wife that they could not tell anyone. The text states, "He then emptied the bags, which raised such a great heap of gold as dazzled his wife's eyes, and then he told her the whole adventure from beginning to end, and, above all, recommended her to keep it secret." There were a couple reasons why Ali Baba hid his findings. First off, it took too much time to count up all of the money, so they planned to measure it instead. The text states, "'Wife', replied Ali Baba, you do not know what you undertake, when you pretend to count the money; you will never have done. I will dig a hole, and bury it. There is no time to be lost.'" Because they didn't want people to know what they had found, they had to quickly measure some of the gold and bury it. Ali Baba was a very poor man, so when he found all of the riches, he had to make sure he hid them for many reasons.

Megu, I have told you twice already: 'enumerate' means to mention a number of things one by one. The word you should use is 'elaborate', which means to add more detail concerning what has already been said. When you continually do something like this it is very clear that you are not reading my comments or corrections. I can't help you and you can't improve if you aren't reading what I'm explaining. The prompt also asked for two details, not just one. I added in a fair amount for you in this paragraph, but I don't need to be writing in new pieces of evidence for you. Make sure you're reading the prompt and following the directions. Also, the biggest reason why Ali Baba hid his findings was because he didn't want the robbers to come kill him, not because it took a long time to count. I didn't want to rewrite your paragraph for you, so I just edited what you had and am writing this explanation at the bottom for you to read. I hope this helps you understand. Edited by Lainey Morris

THE FLAX

The story, "THE FLAX" is a story about plants doing things that humans can do."' To start off,"' they say that the rain waters the flowers. In the beginning of the story the text says," The sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers." To clarify, this is shown as personification. To add on, the flax was compared to a moths wings. According to the story it says," THE flax was in full bloom; it had pretty little blue flowers, as delicate as the wings of a moth."To enumerate the flower petals are being compared to personification. In short, The flax in the story is being compared to personification.

        • Hey Megu, I can't really edit this one for you because I think you might have gotten a bit confused with what personification is. Personification is when an author gives human-like qualities or characteristics to something that is not human. An example of this is how the flax was speaking in the story - flax is a plant, and plants are not human and can't speak, so flax speaking is personification. Rain watering flowers isn't personification because that is something natural that happens in nature and isn't a human characteristic. When it says "this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers." that isn't personification either, that's the use of simile, which is when an author makes a comparison between two things using 'like' or 'as'. The author is also using simile when they say "it had pretty little blue flowers, as delicate as the wings of a moth." The prompt also wasn't saying to find comparisons to personification, but to find examples of personification. Also, you used the word 'enumerate' here in the wrong context again. Like I said before, 'enumerate' means to establish a number of things one by one or to establish the number of (think enumerate sounds like numbers). I think the word you were looking for is 'elaborate', which means to develop or present something in great detail or add more detail concerning what has already been said. I didn't want to edit this paragraph because I would just be rewriting the whole thing for you, so I hope you read this so that you can understand these literary devices in the future, as well as the difference between 'enumerate' and 'elaborate'. You've got this!

- Lainey Morris

Original Draft

The Beauty Of Nature 

The story was mainly about a branch and a flower and its beauty. To start off the branch is beautiful. The text states," the branch knew how beautiful it was. This shows that the branch knows beauty. Also, the flower has beauty. The text says," Heaven with another kind of beauty." This shows that the flower is pretty in another way. All in all, the branch has beauty.


****I think you might have missed the point here - the story was mainly about how everyone has beauty. The apple branch thought that it was better and more beautiful than the dandelions, but the sun beam said that the dandelion was also beautiful and loved. Even the countess believed the dandelion was beautiful. So the main idea of the story wasn't just how both plants were beautiful, it was trying to say that everyone is different and beautiful in their own way. I don't want to rewrite your paragraph for you though, so I will just edit what you've written. Make sure you're really paying attention to the story and understanding what its message is.

Corrections The Beauty Of Nature
****"'Good title! I kept it."' 

The story was mainly about a branch and a flower and its beauty.


****"'First we need to introduce the story a little bit, then we can get into the main idea of the story. I also reworded this sentence a little bit to give it a better flow and be a little more specific."'
The story, "The Conceited Apple Branch", is a story about an apple branch and how it thinks it is more beautiful than any other plant. Mainly, the story told us about how the branch and a dandelion flower were beautiful.

To start off the branch is beautiful. The text states," the branch knew how beautiful it was. This shows that the branch knows beauty.
****"'A few things here: even though I ended up taking this first sentence out, I wanted to give you some tips. In the sentence 'To start off the branch is beautiful.' there needs to be a comma between 'off' and 'the'. So you would write it like this: 'To start off, the branch is beautiful.' With your quote, you left a part of it out and then forgot to put the closing quotation marks on the end - be careful of that! I rewrote the quote and the sentence following it. I rewrote the sentence following the quote to explain how the branch was beautiful and also aware of it."'
In the beginning of the story, the text says, "The branch well knew how beautiful it was; this knowledge exists as much in the leaf as in the blood." Not only was the branch beautiful, but it also knew how beautiful it was.

Also, the flower has beauty.
****"'Here, I took out 'also' and added 'however' instead. Saying 'however' makes it clear to the reader that you're really explaining how they're different, but still both beautiful."'
However, the dandelion was also beautiful.

The text says," Heaven with another kind of beauty."
****"'This portion of the quote you used doesn't really make sense without the rest of it and would probably be confusing to the reader. I added the rest of the quote and also mentioned who said it."'
The countess who took the apple branch home with her says, "this humble flower has been endowed by Heaven with another kind of loveliness," when she's talking about the dandelion.

This shows that the flower is pretty in another way.
****"'the idea of this sentence is good! I just reworded it a little bit to put emphasis on how the dandelion is beautiful and unique."'
The dandelion is also beautiful in its own unique way different from the apple branch.

All in all, the branch has beauty.
****"'This is true, but since we just talked about how the dandelion is also beautiful, we need to mention that too. Then we need to add a good conclusion sentence to wrap it all up."'
The dandelion is also beautiful in its own unique way different from the apple branch. Even though the branch has beauty, the dandelion has beauty too.


Final Draft The Beauty of Nature The story, "The Conceited Apple Branch", is a story about an apple branch and how it thinks it is more beautiful than any other plant. Mainly, the story told us about how the branch and a dandelion flower were beautiful. In the beginning of the story, the text says, "The branch well knew how beautiful it was; this knowledge exists as much in the leaf as in the blood." Not only was the branch beautiful, but it also knew how beautiful it was. However, the dandelion was also beautiful. The countess who took the apple branch home with her says, "this humble flower has been endowed by Heaven with another kind of loveliness," when she's talking about the dandelion. The dandelion is also beautiful in its own unique way different from the apple branch. Even though the branch has beauty, the dandelion has beauty too.

Your biggest thing to work on here is reading and understanding both the story and the prompt. I can tell that you read the story, but I'm not sure if you understood the actual message of the story (everyone is beautiful in their own way). Reading thoroughly and really understanding the stories you read are really important for when you have to write your paragraph, so just be mindful of that. Great title, keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft

The Frog And The Grasshopper

In this story, the Leapfrog and the Grasshopper do different things. The Grasshopper jumped not as high and jumped right on the Kings face. The story says," The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness." This shows that the Grasshopper jumped right on the kings face. Also, The Frog jumped on the Princess's head. The story states," The treasure is great and all would want it," said the King; "therefore to bound onto her head is the highest jump that can be made. Only one of good understanding would ever have thought of that. Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." This shows, That the frog has jumped onto the Princess head. All in all, the frog was called smart and jumped on the princess's head and the Grasshopper was called rude and jumped on the Kings face.


Corrections The Frog And The Grasshopper
****"'I kept this title, good job!"'

In this story, the Leapfrog and the Grasshopper do different things.
****"'I have brought this up many times before, but we need to introduce the story a little bit to give the reader some context. What story is this? What is going on?"'
In the story, "The Leaping Match", a flea, a grasshopper, and a frog compete to see who can jump the highest so they can win a prize from the King.

The Grasshopper jumped not as high and jumped right on the Kings face. The story says," The Grasshopper jumped only half as high; but he leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness." This shows that the Grasshopper jumped right on the kings face.
****"'In the story, when it says "The Grasshopper jumped only half as high;", it's comparing the Grasshopper to the Flea. Since we don't talk about the flea, we should leave out this part that's comparing the Grasshopper to the flea. We can still say he doesn't jump very high, but then only include the part of the quote that talks about him landing in the King's face."'
When the Grasshopper jumps, he doesn't jump very high and "leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness."

Also, The Frog jumped on the Princess's head. The story states," The treasure is great and all would want it," said the King; "therefore to bound onto her head is the highest jump that can be made. Only one of good understanding would ever have thought of that. Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." This shows, That the frog has jumped onto the Princess head.
****"'So you mentioned twice here that the Frog jumped on the Princess's head and also included the quote that says that. Doing this is repetitive and isn't necessary. So I trimmed it down to get the point across to the reader but do so without including unnecessary details and then added some other details to explain what happened next."'
When the Frog jumps, he jumps on the Princess's head. The King says, "to bound onto her head is the highest jump that can be made. Only one of good understanding would ever have thought of that. Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." Since the Frog was smart and took the time to think, the King rewarded him with the treasure.

All in all, the frog was called smart and jumped on the princess's head and the Grasshopper was called rude and jumped on the Kings face.
****"'Instead of writing like you did here, I wrote a sentence that felt a little more like a conclusion and still sort of summarized the paragraph."'
The Grasshopper was rude and jumped on the King's face, but the Frog's wisdom ended up winning him the treasure.


Final Draft The Frog and the Grasshopper In the story, "The Leaping Match", a flea, a grasshopper, and a frog compete to see who can jump the highest so they can win a prize from the King. When the Grasshopper jumps, he doesn't jump very high and "leaped into the King's face, who was disgusted by his rudeness." When the Frog jumps, he jumps on the Princess's head. The King says, "to bound onto her head is the highest jump that can be made. Only one of good understanding would ever have thought of that. Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." Since the Frog was smart and took the time to think, the King rewarded him with the treasure. The Grasshopper was rude and jumped on the King's face, but the Frog's wisdom ended up winning him the treasure.

The biggest thing here is to watch your repetition. Don't be too repetitive just to take up space - find details that are relevant to add instead of repeating something you've already said. Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft Tom Somers and the accepting to the Company

There is a meaning for Captain In this story. To begin with, The company would teach how to be an abolitionists. In the text it say,"We’ll teach him loyalty and patriotism, and before his time is out, we will make him an abolitionist,' replied Captain Benson." This shows that the Company is a peaceful group. To add on, the Company can also mean that it is Tom Somers father's company. The text says,"But what will your father say?" This shows, the company might be his father's Company. In conclusion, Company can mean the things stated in the paragraph.


Corrections Tom Somers and the accepting to the Company
****"'For reasons you'll understand as you read my comments and what I said at the bottom, I changed this title."'
The Company

There is a meaning for Captain In this story.
****"'I think here you meant to say 'company' instead of 'captain', but there needs to be some more introduction anyway, so I rewrote this sentence."'
In this story, Fred wants to join the military company that his friend Tom is part of.

To begin with, The company would teach how to be an abolitionists. In the text it say,"We’ll teach him loyalty and patriotism, and before his time is out, we will make him an abolitionist,' replied Captain Benson."
****"'For this part, I took out the leading sentence. I removed it because since the quote says "we will make him an abolitionist,", we don't need to say it before the quote too."'
The leader of the company, Captain Benson, says, "We’ll teach him loyalty and patriotism, and before his time is out, we will make him an abolitionist,"

This shows that the Company is a peaceful group.
****"'Since abolitionists are people who supported the end of slavery, I can understand why you would think that they were peaceful; however, in this context the company (lowercase) is a military unit which is fighting for the end of slavery, so 'peaceful' might not be the right word here. I reworded this sentence to better explain what's going on here."'
We can tell from reading this that the company is a group that will fight for the abolition of slavery in the United States.

To add on, the Company can also mean that it is Tom Somers father's company. The text says,"But what will your father say?" This shows, the company might be his father's Company.
****"'First, 'company' is lowercased. Also, the person who says this quote was Tom to Fred, so it wouldn't be Tom's father's company. Even more, the story says that the company is Captain Benson's, so it's actually neither of their fathers' at all. The big thing in this quote is that Tom is worried Fred's dad won't want him to join the company. I reworded this too to clear things up."
However, Tom asks Fred, "But what will your father say?" So this could mean that Fred's dad wouldn't want him to join the company.

In conclusion, Company can mean the things stated in the paragraph.
****"'I rewrote this sentence to clear things up too."'
We can tell from these lines that the company is a military unit in the United States of America that Fred wants to be part of, but his friend Tom worries that Fred's father won't want him to do that.


Final Draft The Company In this story, Fred wants to join the military company that his friend Tom is part of. The leader of the company, Captain Benson, says, "We’ll teach him loyalty and patriotism, and before his time is out, we will make him an abolitionist," We can tell from reading this that the company is a group that will fight for the abolition of slavery in the United States. However, Tom asks Fred, "But what will your father say?" So this could mean that Fred's dad wouldn't want him to join the company. We can tell from these lines that the company is a military unit in the United States of America that Fred wants to be part of, but his friend Tom worries that Fred's father won't want him to do that.

I can tell that this story confused a fair amount of your classmates, which is understandable. But in this context, the word 'company' refers to a military unit that is usually led by a captain or a major. I know it's strange, since we're all used to a company being a group of people who work together, like Microsoft or Publix. It was also difficult at times to know who was saying what in this story because many times, there wasn't anything after the quote to let us know who said it. However, the person who said "But what will your father say?" was actually Tom asking Fred. Since this company was led by Captain Benson, we know that neither Tom's nor Fred's father owned the company. This story was kind of difficult to read, but I thought I'd give you this explanation to clear up the confusion.

I'm not giving you a lot of suggestions and corrections here, mainly because this was a confusing reading for a lot of y'all. Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft

The Boys futures.

I can describe the second and third boys. To begin with, the second child would become an artist because he is good at painting. The text states, "'The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was." To enumerate, the second boy will become a painter in the future. To add on, the third boy would become a singer and composer. According to the text it states, "'The third child held the ring in his teeth, and so tightly that it gave forth sound—the echo of a song in the depth of his heart. Then thoughts and feelings rose in beautiful sounds,—rose like singing swans,—plunged, too, like swans, into the deep, deep sea. He became a great musical composer, a master, of whom every country has the right to say, 'He was mine, for he was the worlds.'" To clarify, the third boy will become a great musical composer. All in all, The third and second boys will have a great future ahead of them

Corrections The Boys futures.
****"'Since the futures belong to the boys, we would say, "Boys'" to make it possessive. However, I changed this title anyway just to make it sound a little more creative and give it a better flow."'
The Futures of the Brothers

I can describe the second and third boys.
****"'Like I've said before, we can't just launch into the paragraph. We have to give at least a little bit of context so that the reader isn't confused."'
In this story, there were four brothers. Three of the brothers had special talents and all grew up to do amazing things.

To begin with, the second child would become an artist because he is good at painting.
****"'Here, I reworded the sentence just a little bit."'
The second brother went on to become an artist because he was a gifted painter.

The text states, "'The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was."
****"'The only thing I changed here was the part you wrote before the quote."'
The story says, "The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was."

To enumerate, the second boy will become a painter in the future.
****"'First, the word 'enumerate' is not the right word here. Enumerate means 'to mention a number of things one by one' or 'to establish the number of'. I think you might've been looking for the word 'elaborate'. Also, since this story was written in past tense and also just tells us that he already became a famous painter, we would have to use the past tense in our sentences too."'
Since the second brother found his talent in painting, he became a famous painter.

To add on, the third boy would become a singer and composer.
****"'The tense here is correct, but I still reworded things just a bit to give a little more space between quotes and then later added that he became a composer. I also took out 'to add on'."'
The third brother had his own gift too - he was gifted in music.

According to the text it states, "'The third child held the ring in his teeth, and so tightly that it gave forth sound—the echo of a song in the depth of his heart. Then thoughts and feelings rose in beautiful sounds,—rose like singing swans,—plunged, too, like swans, into the deep, deep sea. He became a great musical composer, a master, of whom every country has the right to say, 'He was mine, for he was the worlds.'"
****"'I reworded things here too just a little bit right before the quote."'
The story says, "The third child held the ring in his teeth, and so tightly that it gave forth sound—the echo of a song in the depth of his heart. Then thoughts and feelings rose in beautiful sounds,—rose like singing swans,—plunged, too, like swans, into the deep, deep sea. He became a great musical composer, a master, of whom every country has the right to say, 'He was mine, for he was the world's.'"

To clarify, the third boy will become a great musical composer.
****"'Since the story itself straight up says that the boy became a composer, we don't need to say 'to clarify'. I also changed the tense here and added just a little bit more to give a better flow."'
Because the third brother had the gift of music, he went on to become a famous musical composer.


All in all, The third and second boys will have a great future ahead of them
****"'We need to add a period at the end here. Also, I think we can make a better sentence that reads just a little bit better. I changed the tense here as well."'
These two brothers were very talented and they were able to go out and share their talents with the world.


Final Draft The Futures of the Brothers In this story, there were four brothers. Three of the brothers had special talents and all grew up to do amazing things. The second brother went on to become an artist because he was a gifted painter. The story says, "The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was." Since the second brother found his talent in painting, he became a famous painter. The third brother had his own gift too - he was gifted in music. The story says, "The third child held the ring in his teeth, and so tightly that it gave forth sound—the echo of a song in the depth of his heart. Then thoughts and feelings rose in beautiful sounds,—rose like singing swans,—plunged, too, like swans, into the deep, deep sea. He became a great musical composer, a master, of whom every country has the right to say, 'He was mine, for he was the world's.'" Because the third brother had the gift of music, he went on to become a famous musical composer. These two brothers were very talented and they were able to go out and share their talents with the world.

Megu, I feel like you aren't reading what I'm giving you advice about. I've had to remind you about writing an introduction sentence several times now and I feel like you're just ignoring it. I give you this comments to help you, but you can't improve your writing if you don't take my advice and suggestions. Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft Comparing the snails in the story to Humans

The snails in the story were acting like humans. For example, they adopted a child like humans. The text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him." This shows, the snails acted like humans by adopting their own child. To add on they have houses. According to the article it says ,"There are drops, too," said the Mother Snail; "they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond." To clarify, these snails in the story have homes just like us humans. All in all, the snails in the story were very much like us people.

Corrections Comparing the snails in the story to Humans
****"'Coming up with a title for this was a bit difficult, but I came up with one. Also, when I say "vs" in this title, I don't mean it in a fighting way. Instead, I mean it to show that I'm comparing them."'
Snails vs. Humans

The snails in the story were acting like humans.
****"'Before we get into the paragraph, we have to give context for what the story is."'
The story "The Happy Family" is about a family of snails living under a burdock bush. In the story, the snails are very similar to humans.

For example, they adopted a child like humans. The text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him."
****"'In this part, I sort of combined these two sentences; however, I shortened the quote. Because the rest of your paragraph doesn't mention anything about how the common snail wouldn't grow, I took that part out."'
Like humans, an elderly snail couple "had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child."

This shows, the snails acted like humans by adopting their own child.
****"'As you can see in my finished sentence above, I began with "like humans,". Since I did this, we don't need to explain again that this shows how the snails acted like humans, so I took this part out."'

To add on they have houses. According to the article it says ,"There are drops, too," said the Mother Snail; "they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond." To clarify, these snails in the story have homes just like us humans.
****"'This is a really big chunk of quote, and a lot of it isn't really necessary. Look how I shortened it:"'
The snails also had houses, which are the burdock leaves, much like humans do, and the Mother Snail says, "I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also." She also goes on to say, "There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account." Just like humans, the snails see themselves as the superior beings to the other creatures that live near them.
****"'I led with "The snails had houses, which are the burdock leaves, much like humans do," to go ahead and clarify that this is another way that they're like humans. Then, I added part of the quote and also put some of my own words in between that part and the next part to be able to break some of the quote up and also add just a few of my words in there too. I also added at the end how snails think they're the superior beings, just like humans do.

All in all, the snails in the story were very much like us people.
***"'I reworded this so it wouldn't be so similar to your first sentence."'
Although this story is one about snails, they are very similar to humans in many ways.


Final Draft Snails vs. Humans The story "The Happy Family" is about a family of snails living under a burdock bush. In the story, the snails are very similar to humans. Like humans, an elderly snail couple "had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child." The snails also had houses, which are the burdock leaves, much like humans do, and the Mother Snail says, "I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also." She also goes on to say, "There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account." Just like humans, the snails see themselves as the superior beings to the other creatures that live near them. Although this story is one about snails, they are very similar to humans in many ways.

This is just another one of those cases where it's helpful for you to read my comments and corrections. I feel like a lot of my comments are the same ones I'm saying over and over again, but I can't really help you if you don't read them and use them when you write. Edited by Lainey Morris


And also for the aadvice you gave me thank you but if we use both text and our own words do we still put quotation marks because it is both text evidence and your paraphrasing it at the same time??

Good question! Unless you are copying the exact wording of something, you won't put quotations. For example: "I really like Moon Pies," said Harry. "But I don't like the banana Moon Pies, those are nasty!"

If I included an exact quote, I would put quotations, like this: In the interview, Harry said "I really like Moon Pies, but I don't like the banana Moon Pies, those are nasty!"

If I didn't include an exact quote, it would be like this: Harry said that he likes Moon Pies, but not the banana flavored ones.

In both of these, I'm telling you what Harry said, but since the first one is the only one that says his exact words, only that one needs quotations. The second one is just me telling you in my own words what he said. Does that make sense?

Original Draft The Buckwheat And The Storm

There is a message the writer is trying to tell the reader. To begin with the buckwheat thinks he is handsome and he thinks that the willow tree is not. The text says," The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. "I am as valuable as any other corn," said he, "and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree...But the buckwheat spread itself out with pride, and said, "Stupid tree; he is so old that grass grows out of his body." To clarify, the buckwheat thinks he is very handsome and others are not. To add on, the buckwheat wouldn't listen to others and that lead him to death. Based on the article it says,"There arose a very terrible storm. All the field-flowers folded their leaves together, or bowed their little heads, while the storm passed over them, but the buckwheat stood erect in its pride. "Bend your head as we do," said the flowers."I have no occasion to do so," replied the buckwheat."Bend your head as we do," cried the ears of corn; "the angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy.""But I will not bend my head," said the buckwheat."Close your flowers and bend your leaves," said the old willow-tree. "Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind. What then must happen to us, who only grow out of the earth, and are so inferior to them, if we venture to do so"Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. "Now I intend to have a peep into heaven." Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames.When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning. Then the willow told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence." This shows that he had gotten a punishment and died he tried acting brave and cool . In short, the message the reader is trying to tell us is listen for advice and be nice.


Corrections The Buckwheat And The Storm
****"'This is a good title!"'

There is a message the writer is trying to tell the reader.
****"'I used most of this sentence, but I added a little bit more to it to add context about the story."'
Hidden in the story, "The Buckwheat", there's a message that the writer is trying to tell the reader. The story takes place in a field of different types of plants, including a field of buckwheat.

To begin with the buckwheat thinks he is handsome and he thinks that the willow tree is not. The text says," The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. "I am as valuable as any other corn," said he, "and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree...But the buckwheat spread itself out with pride, and said, "Stupid tree; he is so old that grass grows out of his body."
****"'Here, I changed the first sentence. Then, I noticed that you just left out the part about how the willow-tree shook his head, and added that context in."'
The buckwheat is very prideful and arrogant and brags about himself, saying, "I am as valuable as any other corn,...and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?" However, the willow-tree nodded, and the buckwheat got angry and said, "Stupid tree; he is so old that grass grows out of his body."

To clarify, the buckwheat thinks he is very handsome and others are not.
****"'Since we've already talked about how the buckwheat is prideful and arrogant, I took this sentence out."'


To add on, the buckwheat wouldn't listen to others and that lead him to death.
****"'This sentence gives away the ending, so I took it out too."'

Based on the article it says,"There arose a very terrible storm. All the field-flowers folded their leaves together, or bowed their little heads, while the storm passed over them, but the buckwheat stood erect in its pride. "Bend your head as we do," said the flowers."I have no occasion to do so," replied the buckwheat."Bend your head as we do," cried the ears of corn; "the angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy.""But I will not bend my head," said the buckwheat."Close your flowers and bend your leaves," said the old willow-tree. "Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind. What then must happen to us, who only grow out of the earth, and are so inferior to them, if we venture to do so"Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. "Now I intend to have a peep into heaven." Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames.When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning. Then the willow told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence."
****"'All right, here's the huge chunk of text that you used. I added a section at the bottom about how to avoid doing this, and here's what I did:"'
Next, a storm appeared. All of the plants "folded their leaves together, or bowed their little heads," but the buckwheat remained upright. The flowers told him that he should bend his head down like they did, but the buckwheat refused. The ears of corn begged him to bend his head and told him "he angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy." Even the willow-tree told him "Close your flowers and bend your leaves...Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind." Even still, the buckwheat did not listen to the advice that the other plants gave him. So he "Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames." After the storm had passed, the other plants looked up and saw that "the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." Drops of water began to fall off of the willow-tree and made it look like he was weeping. The sparrows asked him why he was weeping, and he "told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence."


This shows that he had gotten a punishment and died he tried acting brave and cool .
****"'I reworded this sentence a little bit."'
Because the buckwheat let his pride get the best of him and didn't listen to the advice from the other plants, he ended up being burnt by lightning.

In short, the message the reader is trying to tell us is listen for advice and be nice.
****"'I also reworded this one to give some more detail and make it more of a conclusion."'
It's important that we all learn from the buckwheat's mistakes so that we remember to be kind and listen to people when they give us advice.


Final Draft The Buckwheat and the Storm Hidden in the story, "The Buckwheat", there's a message that the writer is trying to tell the reader. The story takes place in a field of different types of plants, including a field of buckwheat. The buckwheat is very prideful and arrogant and brags about himself, saying, "I am as valuable as any other corn,...and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?" However, the willow-tree nodded, and the buckwheat got angry and said, "Stupid tree; he is so old that grass grows out of his body." Next, a storm appeared. All of the plants "folded their leaves together, or bowed their little heads," but the buckwheat remained upright. The flowers told him that he should bend his head down like they did, but the buckwheat refused. The ears of corn begged him to bend his head and told him "he angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy." Even the willow-tree told him "Close your flowers and bend your leaves...Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind." Even still, the buckwheat did not listen to the advice that the other plants gave him. So he "Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames." After the storm had passed, the other plants looked up and saw that "the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." Drops of water began to fall off of the willow-tree and made it look like he was weeping. The sparrows asked him why he was weeping, and he "told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence." Because the buckwheat let his pride get the best of him and didn't listen to the advice from the other plants, he ended up being burnt by lightning. It's important that we all learn from the buckwheat's mistakes so that we remember to be kind and listen to people when they give us advice.



BTW I know that my second text is very long so can you give me advice cause i needed all that text how do u make it shorter???

Help With Question About Long Text Great question! If you look back at some of my final drafts here on your page, you'll see how I sometimes take large chunks of the text and break them up into smaller pieces by adding some of my own words in between. When you do this, it shows that you understood what you read while also helping you avoid putting one long quote in your paragraph. Trust me, I know it's difficult. Sometimes you just want to be like, "How am I supposed to write anything else? This whole part has all of the information I need!" but I know you can do it. If you get stuck on what to write for your own words, take part of the passage, read it, then grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Then, without looking back at the passage, write what you remember about the passage. Now you have some of your own words that you can add to your paragraph! If you look at my final version of this paragraph, you'll see how I took that same chunk of text, but broke it up by inserting parts that I had written in my own words. Look at this part from the end of my final version:

After the storm had passed, the other plants looked up and saw that "the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." Drops of water began to fall off of the willow-tree and made it look like he was weeping. The sparrows asked him why he was weeping, and he "told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence." Because the buckwheat let his pride get the best of him and didn't listen to the advice from the other plants, he ended up being burnt by lightning. It's important that we all learn from the buckwheat's mistakes so that we remember to be kind and listen to people when they give us advice.

Instead of entirely quoting the story, I wrote parts like "After the storm had passed, the other plants looked up and saw that" and "Drops of water began to fall off of the willow-tree and made it look like he was weeping. The sparrows asked him why he was weeping, and he" in my own words. I was still able to tell the reader about what happened and I was able to use my own words instead of just the text.

Original Text' While participants that study stay they have experienced unusual things!!!

Many things had happened to research participants during the study. First off, they had to sleep in MRI machines. The text states, " To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside a MRI machine. " To clarify, the MRI machines were used for observing the brain. Also, they had to wear caps. The text also states, "Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." This shows each person had to wear a cap called an EEG. In short, some weird things happened while the study.

Corrections While participants that study stay they have experienced unusual things!!!
****"'I'm not entirely sure what this says, but I went ahead and reworded it anyway because the prompt was more about what happened to the participants' brains."'
Researchers Get a Peek Into the Sleeping Brain

Many things had happened to research participants during the study.
****"'First, we need a better introduction sentence. You do this by introducing why there was a study in the first place. The introduction sentence should be kind of similar to the introduction given in the article (BUT DO NOT COPY IT). I also included the background on the study up to the point of the participants sleeping in MRI machines."'
Sleeping is beneficial for many reasons: "sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, researchers have found that "snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins." Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, and a team of scientists recently conducted a study on how the human brain acts while people sleep.

First off, they had to sleep in MRI machines. The text states, " To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside a MRI machine. " To clarify, the MRI machines were used for observing the brain.
****"'These three sentences could all be smushed into one sentence that includes a quote."'
In order to be able to watch the brain while their participants slept, "the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine."

Also, they had to wear caps. The text also states, "Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." This shows each person had to wear a cap called an EEG.
****"'Like above, these sentences can also be smushed into one sentence that includes a quote."'
The participants were also "required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap."

In short, some weird things happened while the study.
****"'This is the conclusion sentence, but since you didn't write very much at all, I wrote in the rest myself and then included the conclusion."'
The article says that "MRI machines allowed the scientists to measure the brain's blood oxygen and cerebrospinal fluid levels, while the EEG caps enabled them to monitor its electrical currents." The researchers found that "large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle." Furthermore, the EEG readings displayed how "neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." Even more interesting, "William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep." The participants of this study certainly had to go through an uncomfortable situation, but scientists and brain-lovers alike are thankful!


Final Draft Researchers Get a Peek Into the Sleeping Brain Sleeping is beneficial for many reasons: "sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, researchers have found that "snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins." Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, and a team of scientists recently conducted a study on how the human brain acts while people sleep. In order to be able to watch the brain while their participants slept, "the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine." The participants were also "required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." The article says that "MRI machines allowed the scientists to measure the brain's blood oxygen and cerebrospinal fluid levels, while the EEG caps enabled them to monitor its electrical currents." The researchers found that "large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle." Furthermore, the EEG readings displayed how "neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." Even more interesting, "William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep." The participants of this study certainly had to go through an uncomfortable situation, but scientists and brain-lovers alike are thankful!

Megu, this paragraph was very short and provided little detail about what the article was even about. I can tell that you either didn't read or you just didn't put in as much effort as you usually do. I wrote most of this paragraph for you, but I won't do that again. Next time you need to do the reading and writing yourself. If you need help, don't be afraid to email your teacher or ask someone close to you. Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft Things We Can Do To Help Our Earth!!! There are some ways we can help improve our Earth. To begin with, we can conserve water by using less water than usual. The text states, "It might seem like it’s everywhere, but clean, drinkable water is a limited resource. In fact less than one percent of the water on Earth can be used by humans. (The rest is either too salty or too difficult to access.) Turning off the faucet when you brush your teeth can conserve up to eight gallons of water a day. To help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower (but still get clean!)." This shows, you can save water by doing things to use less water. Additionally, we can protect the environment from by not cutting down trees. According to the text it says,"Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe. They also provide shelter and food for animals such as squirrels and owls. Depending on where trees are planted, their shade can even reduce the need for air-conditioning in hotter months."To clarify, we shouldnt be cutting down trees because they are important to humans and animals. All in all, these are some ways we can help improve our Earth.

Corrections There are some ways we can help improve our Earth.
****"'Here, the first thing is that in this context "earth" is not capitalized. I know, sometimes it's confusing for when you capitalize it, but here's how to remember: when Earth is being talked about as a specific planet, it's a proper noun, so it is capitalized. It is not capitalized when it has "the" or "our" or another article (like "a" or "an") or adjective in front of it. Okay! Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about this sentence. First, the reader needs to know the context. Why are you talking about the ways we can help Earth? After you give context, then you can go into the deeper topic of helping the earth."'
Happy Earth Day! Earth Day is a holiday all about raising "awareness about environmental issues." To celebrate, here are some ways that you can help protect our earth!

To begin with, we can save water by using less water than usual.
****"'I just reworded this sentence a little bit in order to stress how easy it is to help the earth. This makes the reader more interested in this topic because they feel like they can do these things being talked about."'
An easy way to start is by using less water than usual.

The text states, "It might seem like it’s everywhere, but clean, drinkable water is a limited resource. In fact less than one percent of the water on Earth can be used by humans. (The rest is either too salty or too difficult to access.) Turning off the faucet when you brush your teeth can conserve up to eight gallons of water a day. To help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower (but still get clean!)."
****"'In this part, I broke it up a bit. I wrote it so it went like "my words + quote + my words + quote + my words + quote + my words + quote." This is an easy way to be able to make your sentence count and also make sure you're not just quoting the entire article. You get to use your own words to show that you read the article and understand it, too."'
An easy way to start is by using less water than usual. We don't usually think about how much water we use, but "clean, drinkable water is a limited resource. In fact less than one percent of the water on Earth can be used by humans. (The rest is either too salty or too difficult to access.)" Luckily, it's easy to conserve water with small actions like "Turning off the faucet when you brush your teeth,". This might not sound like much, but it can actually "conserve up to eight gallons of water a day." You can also "challenge yourself to take a shorter shower (but still get clean!)" to conserve water.


To clarify, you can conserve water by doing things to use less water.
****"'Here, the reader can assume that they can conserve water by using less water, so it isn't necessary to say this. I took this sentence out."'

Also, we can protect the environment from fossil fuels.
****"'This is another sentence I reworded a little bit."'
Another way to protect the environment is to cut down your use of fossil fuels.

According to the text it states, "Does that lamp really need to be on while the sun is out? Electricity doesn’t just happen—it has to be produced from things around us. A lot of times it comes from fossil fuels (such as coal, oil, or natural gas) that contribute to climate change. But electricity can also be made from renewable sources like wind, water, the sun, and even elephant dung! No matter where it’s coming from, try conserving electrical energy by using only what you need."
****"'This is a huge chunk of the article that doesn't leave you with much room to talk yourself if you leave it like this. However, if you do something similar to what I did with a long quote above, it will give you plenty of room to add your own words. You can also just rewrite what you've read in your own words - that also shows that you read the article and understood it."'
The electricity we use every day for our lights and charging our devices doesn't come out of nowhere, and often times "it comes from fossil fuels (such as coal, oil, or natural gas) that contribute to climate change." Conserving electricity by doing things like turning off the lights when you leave the room or when the sun is out can reduce the amount of fossil fuels that are in the environment and contributing to climate change.


This shows we can conserve electricity and stop the fossil fuels from building on to climate change.
****"'Again, I removed this sentence because it's something that the reader can assume based on what you've typed."'

In conclusion, these are some ways we can help improve our Earth.
****"'This conclusion sentence is basically the same as your introduction sentence, so we need to change it up a bit."'
Helping the planet might seem like a big task, but there are small things we can all do every day to help the earth.


Final Draft Happy Earth Day! Earth Day is a holiday all about raising "awareness about environmental issues." To celebrate, here are some ways that you can help protect our earth! An easy way to start is by using less water than usual. We don't usually think about how much water we use, but "clean, drinkable water is a limited resource. In fact less than one percent of the water on Earth can be used by humans. (The rest is either too salty or too difficult to access.)" Luckily, it's easy to conserve water with small actions like "Turning off the faucet when you brush your teeth,". This might not sound like much, but it can actually "conserve up to eight gallons of water a day." You can also "challenge yourself to take a shorter shower (but still get clean!)" to conserve water. Another way to protect the environment is to cut down your use of fossil fuels. The electricity we use every day for our lights and charging our devices doesn't come out of nowhere, and often times "it comes from fossil fuels (such as coal, oil, or natural gas) that contribute to climate change." Conserving electricity by doing things like turning off the lights when you leave the room or when the sun is out can reduce the amount of fossil fuels that are in the environment and contributing to climate change. Helping the planet might seem like a big task, but there are small things we can all do every day to help the earth.

Okay, Megu. The main thing with this paragraph was just how you would put large quotes in your paragraph, because then you didn't have to type anything. But doing that doesn't give you any space to write your own and improve on your skills, so it's important to rewrite things in your own words sometimes, or even just write your own words in between quotes like I did for one of the sentences. Also watch to make sure you intro and conclusion sentences aren't the same. You got this! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears 

These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others so they don't have to go out because of the virus.It states in the text, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."  Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states, " The idea came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area." This evidence shows how they are helping other people like old people around them and other people as well. All in all,These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others.

Corrections 

Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears


Teens Helping Seniors: How Maryland Teenagers Are Helping Their Community 


These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others so they don't have to go out because of the virus.


****"'This isn't a very descriptive introduction sentence. The reader needs some more context, like who the boys are and who they're buying things for."'
Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland, are doing their part to help out their community. Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some members of their neighborhoods have been unable or afraid to go out to get things they need. In response, Casertano and Pai created Teens Helping Seniors, a service project that allows "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need."


It states in the text, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."
****"'Since I named the service project in my new sentence above, we don't have to re-state what it is. But in the future, you need to give that context so the reader knows what you're talking about. I'm also going to use the other details from this quote further down instead of here."'


Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states, " The idea came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area."
****"'I kept this same quote, but I took out the part where you said "Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states,". I also took out a little bit of the beginning of the quote so that I could add some of my own words and still be able to use this quote from the article."'
The idea for this project "came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area."


This evidence shows how they are helping other people like old people around them and other people as well.
****"'Here, I took this sentence out and added the part about how the teenagers are being very careful while they shop for the people they serve. I also added how the project has spread even farther."'
In order to make sure that they don't accidentally infect the people they're helping with the coronavirus, "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." The news of this project has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington, D.C..


All in all,These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others.
****"'An opening like "all in all," sounds like you're going to say something that describes the story without using exactly what happened. For example, if I read a story about a girl's birthday party and all of the fun things she did and the cake she ate, I could say, "All in all, she had a great birthday." instead of, "All in all, she did a lot of fun things and ate cake.". Do you see what I mean? Unfortunately, "all in all" isn't a good phrase to use for this story anyway (it's also a very casual phrase), so I reworded it instead."'
Thanks to just two teen boys, seniors and others are no longer stressed about getting what they need.


Final Draft Teens Helping Seniors: How Maryland Teenagers Are Helping Their Community Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland, are doing their part to help out their community. Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some members of their neighborhoods have been unable or afraid to go out to get things they need. In response, Casertano and Pai created Teens Helping Seniors, a service project that allows "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." The idea for this project "came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area." In order to make sure that they don't accidentally infect the people they're helping with the coronavirus, "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." The news of this project has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington, D.C.. Thanks to just two teen boys, seniors and others are no longer stressed about getting what they need.

For this, mostly focus on the order of your details. In your original draft, it was kind of like you were going up and down the article when you were adding details. Add your quotes and details from the article so that they all flow together in order. Also, watch capitalization. Just keep reading my comments, practice, and you'll get there! Don't be afraid to ask someone for help! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft 

 Celebrating the 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving your Homes

There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated. One way is by telling us the day that it is celebrated , if the text doesn't tell us the day that it is being celebrated , that means that it isn't a real celebrant that people around the world or the USA celebrant's. It states, "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." This shows the day Earth day is being celebrated and shows that it is something that people celebrate. Another reason is that the text tells us that there are things that people do in Earth day, it states, "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. ..The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. " This evidence shows how there are things and activities to do when celebrating Earths day. All in all,There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.

Corrections Celebrating the 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving your Homes
****"'For this, I just edited a few things. also, "your" should be capitalized."'
How You Can Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day from Home


There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.
****"'This sentence isn't really a good introduction, so I added some more context about what Earth Day is (make sure you capitalize both words), when it's celebrated, and why it's being celebrated differently this year."'
This year is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, a holiday on April 22 that is dedicated to the environment. The holiday is "usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." People often will plant trees, pick up litter, or just recycle. Sadly, the coronavirus shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they usually would. Luckily, this story tells of a few great ways to celebrate from home.


One way is by telling us the day that it is celebrated , if the text doesn't tell us the day that it is being celebrated , that means that it isn't a real celebrant that people around the world or the USA celebrant's.
****"'This sentence is kind of confusing and throws the reader off. I removed this sentence because of this. Also, just telling us that Earth Day is celebrated is not a way to celebrate. The article tells us about a few ways to celebrate that you can choose from."'


It states, "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."
****"'This detail is good for the introduction to the story, which is why I included this within the first few sentences. So, I took it out here."'


This shows the day Earth day is being celebrated and shows that it is something that people celebrate.
****"'The prompt for this paragraph is supposed to be about how people can celebrate from home since they can't celebrate like they usually would because of the coronavirus. This year people aren't able to do the things you mentioned in the quote. I took this part out too."'


Another reason is that the text tells us that there are things that people do in Earth day, it states, "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. ..The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. "
****"'Okay, you jumped pretty far with this quote. First, yes, people do all of those outdoor things to celebrate Earth Day, but the point is that they can't do that this year because of the coronavirus. For the second half of this quote, you don't even mention what this collection is. I took out the first part and elaborated on the second part. I also included, from the beginning paragraph, how there are many people who have come up with ways to celebrate online."'
his year, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is releasing "an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." Toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This way, families everywhere can still celebrate and have fun while staying safe at home.


This evidence shows how there are things and activities to do when celebrating Earths day.
****"'Again, this wasn't about what things there are to do while celebrating Earth Day in general, it was about how you can celebrate this year since the coronavirus has caused shutdowns all over the world. I took this sentence out too."'


All in all,There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.
****"'You didn't included two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year, so I included another way for you, but I won't always be doing that. Make sure you read closely to the instructions. I also created a more conclusive sentence."'
In California, the counties of Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento will celebrate with an event called "The Earth Day Sing Out." Residents of these communities "are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020." The submissions that residents send in "will be played on the local radio station at specified times on April 22 for all to hear." These California residents will get to celebrate with their singing from home too! Staying at home all the time might not be very fun, but there are still fun ways to have a good time to celebrate Earth Day!


Final Draft How You Can Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day from Home This year is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, a holiday on April 22 that is dedicated to the environment. The holiday is "usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." People often will plant trees, pick up litter, or just recycle. Sadly, the coronavirus shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they usually would. Luckily, this story tells of a few great ways to celebrate from home. This year, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is releasing "an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." Toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This way, families everywhere can still celebrate and have fun while staying safe at home. In California, the counties of Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento will celebrate with an event called "The Earth Day Sing Out." Residents of these communities "are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020." The submissions that residents send in "will be played on the local radio station at specified times on April 22 for all to hear." These California residents will get to celebrate with their singing from home too! Staying at home all the time might not be very fun, but there are still fun ways to have a good time to celebrate Earth Day!

Mainly, just make sure you're reading closely to what the instructions are. Reading directions is extremely important, because you might miss something really important otherwise. If you get confused, ask someone close to you or a teacher for help. You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft

Ending Childhood Hunger William has accomplished things in life. To begin with, has expanded his mission. In the text it states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission, too." This shows that he was able to collect as much food as he can and was able to expand his mission . Another text evidence is ," Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success. More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks. " This means that he was now able to find a way to stop hunger for kids and now has other kids helping them give food to the poor or the people who are starving. In conclusion, William has stopped Childhood hunger by doing things that are stated in this article.

Corrections Ending Childhood Hunger
****"'This is a good title! I added just a little something to go ahead and clue the reader in on the fact that your paragraph is about a kid. That way, the reader is already interested."'
One Kid's Journey to End Childhood Hunger


William has accomplished things in life.
****"'First, who is William? You can't start a story without introducing the main character, so for this paragraph, you have to first introduce William and give a brief background so the reader knows why this article is about him."'
14 year old William Winslow from North Carolina has a passion for ending childhood hunger. It all started when he was in first grade - William learned "that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." He then convinced his mom to take him to a local Food Lion, where "he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."


To begin with, has expanded his mission.
****"'How did he expand his mission? I added the name of his organization to give more context."'
He founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids, in order to expand his mission and help as many children as he can.


In the text it states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission, too."
****"'I kept most of this quote, but I cut out a little from the beginning so that you have room to add your own words, and I cut off some from the end too."'
It's been seven years since he started, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."


This shows that he was able to collect as much food as he can and was able to expand his mission .
****"'I deleted this part because it wasn't necessary because the reader could tell these things just by reading the paragraph."'


Another text evidence is ," Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success. More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks. "
****"'Instead of "another text evidence is", you would say "another piece of evidence from the text is". However, I took this part out anyway so that I could add more context about who Alexander is and how he helps William. This gave me another opportunity to write in my own words and explain to the reader another piece of information. Then I added the quote about the other kids helping them."'
William even includes his little brother, Alexander, who works as head of advertising. William and Alexander aren't working alone though, "More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks."


This means that he was now able to find a way to stop hunger for kids and now has other kids helping them give food to the poor or the people who are starving.
****"'The reader can tell these things just by reading the paragraph. Instead, I added the quote about why William prefers kid volunteers."'
William says that he prefers to work with kid volunteers "because they don’t think something is impossible. They just want to do it, and it ends up being possible.”


In conclusion, William has stopped Childhood hunger by doing things that are stated in this article.
****"'I just sort of reworded this part to make it flow better."'
William is doing great things throughout his community so that he can help put an end to childhood hunger, and he is an inspiration to us all.


Final Draft One Kid's Journey to End Childhood Hunger 14 year old William Winslow from North Carolina has a passion for ending childhood hunger. It all started when he was in first grade - William learned "that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." He then convinced his mom to take him to a local Food Lion, where "he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." He founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids, in order to expand his mission and help as many children as he can. It's been seven years since he started, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." William even includes his little brother, Alexander, who works as head of advertising. William and Alexander aren't working alone though, "More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks." William says that he prefers to work with kid volunteers "because they don’t think something is impossible. They just want to do it, and it ends up being possible.” William is doing great things throughout his community so that he can help put an end to childhood hunger, and he is an inspiration to us all.


This was some better work. Just make sure you read my comments and notes so that you can really improve! Edited by Lainey Morris


Original Draft 

Requirements you need in order to become an astronaut.

If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are requirements you need to have. One thing that you must need to become an astronaut is a high level college degree which is a masters degree in stem and you need to have experience on flying jet airplanes.Another thing that you need to be an astronaut is that you need to have good eyesight and you have to be in a good physical shape, you also need to be able to get along with your pears. In the text states , "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math). You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." Another evidence is, "The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team." These two text evidence shows how you need a lot of requirements to become an astronaut. It also shows how you need to be perfect to be an astronaut, you need perfect eyesight, you need perfect body, you need to be good at cooperative to each and every one of your pears, and you need to have a perfect education. In short, If you want to be an astronaut you need to have these requirements.


Corrections Requirements you need in order to become an astronaut.
****"'I'm glad you put a title! However, it's a bit long, so I shortened it a little bit."'
How to Become an Astronaut


If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are requirements you need to have.
****"'This is a true statement; however, I thought it would be helpful to put some more context. This article was specifically about NASA's requirements, so I added that in. Also, if you say "If a person wants to be an astronaut," it should be followed by "there are requirements they need to have." If you were going to end it with "there are requirements you need to have, then you would say "If you want to be an astronaut". I took this part out, but I just wanted to clear that part up for you."'
If you have dreams of being an astronaut, you will have to make sure you meet all of NASA's many requirements.


One thing that you must need to become an astronaut is a high level college degree which is a masters degree in stem and you need to have experience on flying jet airplanes.
****"'I rewrote this sentence and added a quote from the article because it could be kind of confusing for the reader since you didn't put any commas. Also, it is a master's degree with an apostrophe, and "STEM" should be in all caps.
First, NASA requires their astronauts to have "a master's degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires that their "Astronaut Candidates" "have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."


Another thing that you need to be an astronaut is that you need to have good eyesight and you have to be in a good physical shape, you also need to be able to get along with your pears.
****"'First, the word you were looking for here was "peers", not "pears". A pear is a yummy green fruit that grows on a tree, and a peer is someone who is your age who you interact with a lot. I also used part of the article as a quote here as well and broke it up into two chunks to create two separate sentences."'
If those two requirements weren't difficult enough, candidates also need "near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape." Although, one of their easier requirements is being "good at working with other people - able to lead, and be able to work as part of a team."


In the text states , "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math). You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."
****"'Since we already mentioned this part above, we don't need to mention it again. So, I took this part out."'


Another evidence is, "The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team."
****"'I took this part out for the same reason as the part before this. Also, you would say "another piece of evidence", not just "another evidence.""'


These two text evidence shows how you need a lot of requirements to become an astronaut.
****"'I kind of incorporated this part into the conclusion sentence and rewrote it."'


It also shows how you need to be perfect to be an astronaut, you need perfect eyesight, you need perfect body, you need to be good at cooperative to each and every one of your pears, and you need to have a perfect education.
****"'To be clear, nobody is perfect! The article said you need near perfect eyesight and that you need to be in good shape. Just because someone's in shape that doesn't mean they have a perfect body! Healthy and in shape look different for everyone, and nobody is perfect. Also, having a master's degree is a huge accomplishment, but that doesn't mean that it's perfect. To get a master's degree, it takes a lot of hard work, and I'm sure those people make mistakes along the way. But you know what? That's okay! Our imperfections are what make us all unique. For example, my pinkies are crooked, but I think they're pretty cool! Being perfect is not possible, we are all only human beings - and that is totally okay! :)"'


In short, If you want to be an astronaut you need to have these requirements.
****"'For this part, I took that part from earlier, reworded it a bit, and added a little bit more to make it more conclusive."'
Becoming an astronaut is no easy task - it requires a lot of hard work and determination. If you put your mind to it though, and work really hard, maybe you could be an astronaut too.


Final Draft How to Become an Astronaut If you have dreams of being an astronaut, you will have to make sure you meet all of NASA's many requirements. First, NASA requires their astronauts to have "a master's degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires that their "Astronaut Candidates" "have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." If those two requirements weren't difficult enough, candidates also need "near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape." Although, one of their easier requirements is being "good at working with other people - able to lead, and be able to work as part of a team." Becoming an astronaut is no easy task - it requires a lot of hard work and determination. If you put your mind to it though, and work really hard, maybe you could be an astronaut too.

This was good! I could tell you read the article, but make sure you're not repeating yourself by saying one thing and then adding the same quote after it. You can get creative sometimes as long as it has to do with your topic! The conclusion sentence I wrote wasn't anything in particular that I pulled from the article, but I got a little creative and wrote a good sentence. You got this! Keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris



De Blasio says NYC school buildings will close for the rest of the year, but Cuomo thinks the opposite thing. One opposing view is that some people thinks that closing the schools is a great idea. It states, "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,” This shows how some people think that closing the schools is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people getting Covid - 19. Others think that closing schools are bad. Another evidence is, "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now making it difficult to gauge how many students may be left behind." This shows that closing schools can be a difficulty for some people.In short, these are the opposing veiws of De Blasio and Cuomo.

De Blasio says NYC school buildings will close for the rest of the year, but Cuomo thinks the opposite thing.

****"'A few things here: first, we need to explain who de Blasio and Cuomo are. This is one of those moments where you just assume that the reader is from Mars and doesn't know the details that you're talking about. Also, just a little more context about this story will be helpful in creating a more well-rounded opening sentence."'
On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools will close for the rest of the academic year; however, Governor Andrew Cuomo isn't so sure, calling the mayor's announcement "premature".

One opposing view is that some people thinks that closing the schools is a great idea. It states, "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,” This shows how some people think that closing the schools is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people getting Covid - 19.
****"'With this little section, I kind of rearranged some things. I brought your quote to the front instead and also added who it was that said it in order to give the reader some more context so they aren't questioning who said what. After, I added how many people agreed and explained why, using what you said in the last sentence of this little section. I also reworded things a little bit to make it more fluid."'
De Blasio says that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many people agree and think schools for the rest of the academic year is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people contracting COVID-19.


Others think that closing schools are bad.
****"'Here, I reworded things a little bit and added "On the other hand," to the front of the sentence to create a better transition to this next thought. I reworded it because the people aren't necessarily believing that closing schools is bad, because they know it will help stamp out the coronavirus, but they are seeing the negative results instead and that's what's making them upset. Also, I changed "are bad" to "is bad" because in this context, what you are describing as bad is the actual closing of the schools, not the schools themselves. So you say "closing is bad", not closing are bad"."'
On the other hand, people are also recognizing the negatives of closing schools.

Another evidence is, "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now making it difficult to gauge how many students may be left behind." This shows that closing schools can be a difficulty for some people.
****"'I thought that some extra information could be useful here. I noticed that this quote is kind of a combination of two separate quotes from the article, one from the mayor and one from the original author of the article. To fix this, I used the mayor's quote and added the other part separately. I also elaborated on that quote and went on to explain why the closing of schools is difficult for some people. I then added the mayor's plan to remedy this issue. Also, instead of saying "another evidence", you would say "another piece of evidence.""'
De Blasio expressed his own concerns, saying "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now,”. De Blasio also described the numbers of attendance in remote classes as "discouraging"; however, the city has not yet released those numbers, which makes it difficult to tell how many students may really be left behind. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some people, because some kids lack access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio has said that every child who does not have a device will receive one by the end of April.

In short, these are the opposing veiws of De Blasio and Cuomo.
I changed this a little bit to give a better wrap up and conclusion. Also, instead of "veiws", the word is spelled "views".

On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools will close for the rest of the academic year; however, Governor Andrew Cuomo isn't so sure, calling the mayor's announcement "premature". De Blasio says that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many people agree and think schools for the rest of the academic year is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people contracting COVID-19. On the other hand, people are also recognizing the negatives of closing schools. De Blasio expressed his own concerns, saying "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now,”. De Blasio also described the numbers of attendance in remote classes as "discouraging"; however, the city has not yet released those numbers, which makes it difficult to tell how many students may really be left behind. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some people, because some kids lack access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio has said that every child who does not have a device will receive one by the end of April. It is more than likely that the mayor's own announcement will be what sticks, but he and Governor Cuomo continue to have opposing views.

This was a pretty good job! I could tell you really read the whole article and understood it. Just work on your spelling and those little grammar issues I mentioned above. Keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris


Reasons why Tiger Salamanders are coming back to Maryland

Tiger salamanders come back to Maryland for many reasons. To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." To clarify, the Eastern tiger salamanders went back to Maryland for this reason. To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore. All in all, Tiger salamanders were gone from Maryland but made a comeback!

Tiger salamanders come back to Maryland for many reasons.
****"'This sentence is really abrupt for an opening sentence, so that's why it's so helpful to add a little extra context for a smoother introduction that will hook your reader. I made some changes to the sentence to achieve this, and then added how there are reasons for the salamanders' return in the following sentence."'
After many years, Eastern tiger salamanders are returning to Maryland.

To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."
****"'This is one of those cases where you can combine sentences to create a shorter, but useful and informative sentence. Here, I combined these sentences."'
One of the reasons for the return of these salamanders is Maryland's Eastern shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."

To clarify, the Eastern tiger salamanders went back to Maryland for this reason.
****"'Since we've already talked about how the details in the previous sentence are a reason for the return of these salamanders to Maryland, we don't have to say that it's a reason again. For this reason, I removed this sentence."'

To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."
****"'Here again is one of those instances where combining sentences is useful. Instead of having these as two separate sentences, I combined them. I also took out the first part of the quote."'
The estimated population of the salamanders is also very large now, at about "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."

To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore.
****"'The sentence before this one wasn't really confusing, so we don't need to say "To clarify". Instead, just explain that these salamanders are primarily seen in the area that you described."'
These salamanders are primarily seen near Maryland's Eastern shore.

All in all, Tiger salamanders were gone from Maryland but made a comeback!
****"'Now this is a great conclusion sentence! It's different from your introduction sentence and it sounds pretty good! I'm really excited that you did this! The only things I changed were the capitalization of "tiger" (it needs to be lowercase because it was lowercase in the article) and I took out the part that said "were gone" and just kind of rearranged the sentence, but still kept the tone you made and the general idea."'
All in all, tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback in Maryland!


After many years, Eastern tiger salamanders are returning to Maryland. One of the reasons for the return of these salamanders is Maryland's Eastern shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." The estimated population of the salamanders is also very large now, at about "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." These salamanders are primarily seen near Maryland's Eastern shore. All in all, tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback in Maryland!

This was a great job! Your paragraphs are definitely improving and I'm so proud! Your conclusion sentence was particularly great and I'm so glad you changed it to be different from your introduction sentence. I think as long as you keep reading my suggestions and explanations, you'll continue to improve! Awesome work! Edited by Lainey Morris

Super moons are different from regular moons that we see. First off, the supermoon is the closest moon in history unlike a regular moon.. In the text it states, "On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history." This shows, that the super moon is more closer than the average moon, and is the closest moon ever in history unlike the regular moon we see every night.Also, super moon is bigger and brighter than an average moon. The text says, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,"This shows that the super moon is more brighter and is larger than the usual moon we see every night. In conclusion, this is how the super moon is different than the regular moon.

****"'Don't forget your title!"'
The 2020 Supermoon

Super moons are different from regular moons that we see.
**** "'This is good, but we still need some more introduction. If you were to go up to someone and say, "Supermoons are different from regular moons that we see." they would be confused and probably ask you why you're telling them that. So it's helpful if you put something else that will add some context to your topic. Also, make sure that you make "Supermoon" one word."'
Tonight, on April 7, 2020, there will be a Supermoon. Supermoons are different from regular moons that we usually see in the night sky.

First off, the supermoon is the closest moon in history unlike a regular moon..
**** "'Here, we need to make sure that Supermoon is capitalized because it is a proper noun. Also make sure you're using only one period (I bet that was probably just an accident though). I also changed this sentence a bit because saying "the supermoon is the closest moon" doesn't really make sense because the reader doesn't know what you mean it's the closest to (is it the closest moon to Mars? To Venus? To McDonald's?)."'
Unlike a regular moon, the Supermoon is closer to Earth.

In the text it states, "On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history."
****"'I edited this sentence just a little bit to give it a smoother flow."'
The text says that this Supermoon "will be about 221, 773 miles (356, 909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Supermoon, which at 221, 524 miles (356, 508 km) was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history."

This shows, that the super moon is more closer than the average moon, and is the closest moon ever in history unlike the regular moon we see every night.Also, super moon is bigger and brighter than an average moon. The text says, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,"This shows that the super moon is more brighter and is larger than the usual moon we see every night.
**** "'I edited a lot of this chunk, just because there was a lot that you could go ahead and get rid of. For the first sentence, the reader knows now after the quote and what you've already said that this moon is a lot closer and unlike the moons we usually see. As far as the next sentence, the quote, and the sentence after that, you can put that all into one smooth sentence. Grammar note: saying "more closer" is incorrect. The word "more" is a modifier, meaning that it kind of changes the meaning of a word. At the same time, the suffix "er" does about the same thing. So I could say that I am "more hungry" or I am "hungrier" - both of those mean the same thing. However, you can only use one at a time. So in this context, you would just say that the moon is CLOSER."'
The Supermoon is also "seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,".

In conclusion, this is how the super moon is different than the regular moon.
****"'This sentence is almost the same as your opening sentence, so we need to change that. It's good to tie the end to the beginning, but they don't have to sound totally the same."'
Supermoons aren't like the moons we usually see, go outside and see it tonight!
****"'Also remember to add your source!"'

The 2020 Supermoon Tonight, on April 7, 2020, there will be a Supermoon. Supermoons are different from regular moons that we usually see in the night sky. Unlike a regular moon, the Supermoon is closer to Earth. The text says that this Supermoon "will be about 221, 773 miles (356, 909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Supermoon, which at 221, 524 miles (356, 508 km) was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history." The Supermoon is also "seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,". Supermoons aren't like the moons we usually see, go outside and see it tonight!

        • "'This was good! Keep up the good work and make sure you're reading my suggestions. If you need to, don't be afraid to read back over your work for errors or things you might have missed! You've got this!"'

Edited by Lainey Morris


Social distancing(cons and pros) 

There are both negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing. One positive reason why you should practice social distancing is so you can limit the spread of COVID-19 According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing".This shows that social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus.  A negative reason why you shouldn't practice social distancing is because even being 6 feet away can also spread germs. According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing. In the text it also states,"Even standing 6 feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. To elaborate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus.All in all, this is why it is negative and positive for practicing social distancing.


Social distancing(cons and pros)
****"'Yay! This is a great title for this paragraph! I'm just going to tweak it a tad and swap "cons and pros" for "pros and cons"; also, always make sure you capitalize the words in your title!"'
Social Distancing: Pros and Cons 

There are both negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.


****"'This is a good sentence about the main topic of your paragraph; however, we still need to introduce it a little bit more. Imagine that you're writing this paragraph for someone who lives on Mars. They have no idea what the coronavirus or social distancing are! Explain what social distancing is first, and then discuss how it has pros and cons."'
Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, people are being advised to practice social distancing. Social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance" in order to keep COVID-19 from spreading even more. This new practice is helpful, but is found to have both positive and negative effects.
One positive reason why you should practice social distancing is so you can limit the spread of COVID-19 According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing".This shows that social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus.
****"'I lumped all three of these sentences together because I think they can all be put into one shorter sentence. All three of these sentences are saying essentially the same thing. Instead, you can summarize all of this in one sentence."'
According to the text, social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus.

A negative reason why you shouldn't practice social distancing is because even being 6 feet away can also spread germs.
****"'One thing here is that instead of "6" you should type out "six". A good rule of thumb is that if the number is between smaller than 10, you will write out the whole word, but if it is 10 or bigger, you just type the digits (six vs. 26). Also, I think you got confused with the message of this article and prompt - you should still socially distance! Doctors and scientists and government leaders still are urging everyone to socially distance. You're just trying to find reasons why social distancing might be negative (for example, you can't go to your friends' houses anymore to hang out)."'

According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing. In the text it also states,"Even standing 6 feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.
****"'In the sentence before this one you say the same thing that you quote in this sentence, so instead, push them both together to make one sentence."'
The text also says that "Even standing fix feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."

To elaborate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus.All in all, this is why it is negative and positive for practicing social distancing.
****"'I didn't write anything else after this part, just because I think you were confused on the assignment."'

Social Distancing: Pros and Cons Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, people are being advised to practice social distancing. Social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance" in order to keep COVID-19 from spreading even more. This new practice is helpful, but is found to have both positive and negative effects. According to the text, social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus. The text also says that "Even standing fix feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes." Luckily, social distancing can limit that from happening.

        • "'Okay, this paragraph was a little on the short side. I didn't want to add in extra to compensate for things you left out, because I want you to be able to write things on your own. I'm only here to help you learn how to polish your writing, not do it for you. I could also tell that you maybe didn't understand the prompt of this assignment; you were supposed to find the positive and negative effects of social distancing, not the positive and negative reasons. You did well in finding a positive, which is limiting the spread of coronavirus, but for your negative, you said that you shouldn't practice social distancing. Instead, you should've been looking for ways that social distancing can be negative; for example, people can't go out and see their friends and family right now because of social distancing, and that's making many people sad. That's a negative effect of social distancing. If you're ever confused on an assignment, don't be afraid to ask someone for help or email your teacher!"'

Edited by Lainey Morris

There are some ways students can learn best while studying online.To begin with they can move distractions away from them.In the text it states"Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa. A clear distinction between where you study and where you take breaks can help you focus."To clarify,moving distractions can help you focus.To add on,friends can help you.The text says" Saying or thinking what you’re going to do may not be enough to complete the work you have set for yourself. Sometimes telling your friends about the h.w., projects, classes, or courses you’re taking help keep you to completing them as well as posting achievements to your social media accounts. Having a community and support network of friends and family to cheer you on makes a difference."To elaborate,its good sharing what you finished.In short,these are some of the ways students can learn best while studying online.


I went ahead and added a title since you didn't have one.
How to Learn Best During Online Studying

There are some ways students can learn best while studying online.
This is a good opener for what you're going to talk about, but you still need a little more of an introduction to the topic.
Studying online can be a challenge for students, but there are many ways to still learn well while working from home.

To begin with they can move distractions away from them.In the text it states"Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa.
Make sure that you're putting space between the end of each sentence (ex. "...away from them. In the text..." instead of "...away from them.In the text.."). Since these two sentences are saying the same thing, go ahead and combine them to make it flow better.
The texts recommends that you "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa."

A clear distinction between where you study and where you take breaks can help you focus."
I took this part of the quotation out so that you could include more of your words and work on summarizing. So, instead of just putting the quote, you can write in your own words what you have read.
Separating the study space from the place where you relax can be helpful in focusing.

To clarify,moving distractions can help you focus.
Since your paragraph is about ways to help students focus and do well in online classes, we can assume that the reader has realized that moving the distractions can help you focus, so you don't need this sentence. Instead of saying things like "to clarify" in a new sentence, you can just add more details in a new sentence in the future.

To add on,friends can help you.The text says" Saying or thinking what you’re going to do may not be enough to complete the work you have set for yourself. Sometimes telling your friends about the h.w., projects, classes, or courses you’re taking help keep you to completing them as well as posting achievements to your social media accounts.
Again, make sure you're separating the ends of your sentences, and watch where you have quotations (make sure it's directly against the first word inside the quotations: "Saying..." instead of " Saying...")! Since this quote is kind of long, I took it out and used that as another opportunity to summarize and combine sentences.
The text also mentions that friends and social media accounts can be helpful, saying that telling them about any sort of school responsibilities you have is useful in holding you accountable and making sure you're completing your tasks.

Having a community and support network of friends and family to cheer you on makes a difference."
Having a strong support network like this can make a big difference in success, and sharing what you've accomplished is a useful way to encourage good work.

To elaborate,its good sharing what you finished.In short,these are some of the ways students can learn best while studying online.
Make sure that you leave space between a comma and the following word ("elaborate, it's..." instead of "elaborate,it's") and still make sure you're keeping sentences separate! You've done a good job elaborating on why friends and social media are useful for doing well in online classes, so the first sentence here isn't necessary. Lastly, good job using transitional phrases! However, your concluding sentence is almost identical to your opening sentence. Make sure your concluding sentence wraps up your paragraph without directly quoting the beginning. If your concluding sentence is good enough, you won't even need a phrase like "in short"!
For students everywhere, studying online is new and maybe challenging, but there are still many steps that we can take to learn well while working online.

How to Learn Best During Online Studying

Studying online can be a challenge for students, but there are many ways to still learn well while working from home. The texts recommends that you "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa." Separating the study space from the place where you relax can be helpful in focusing. The text also mentions that friends and social media accounts can be helpful, saying that telling them about any sort of school responsibilities you have is useful in holding you accountable and making sure you're completing your tasks. Having a strong support network like this can make a big difference in succes. s, and sharing what you've accomplished is a useful way to encourage good work. For students everywhere, studying online is new and maybe challenging, but there are still many steps that we can take to learn well while working online.

I can see you using transitional phrases and using quotes from what you've read - great job! Just make sure you're separating your sentences and be careful of your quotation placement. It can be helpful to read back over what you've written to check for any careless errors. This is a good start, keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris