prda's writing page. Who stated that his or her life was hard and why?
the person who said life was hard was Amy because the text
it stated that "I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "
the text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls,
so this is why I think it was Amy.
Original Version:
Who stated that his or her life was hard and why? the person who said life was hard was Amy because the text it stated that "I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "the text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls, so this is why I think it was Amy.
Corrections:
Who stated that his or her life was hard and why?
- Good!
Amy was the one who said that life was hard.
- I reworded the sentence, as the phrasing sounded a bit jumbled. By starting off the sentence with “Amy” it more clearly states your answer. I also placed a period in the end, as it should be separated from the quote that is in the next sentence.
The text stated that “‘I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,’ cried Amy.”
- I corrected the punctuation errors. When quoting something with dialogue, double quotation marks go on the outside of each end of the sentence, and single quotation marks go around the dialogue.
The text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls.”
- This needed to be in a separate sentence. Also, I corrected the placement of quotation marks.
In conclusion, Amy was the one who said that her life was hard.
- I reworded the sentence to strengthen the conclusion. I took out the personal pronouns to make it sound more objective as well.
Final Version:
Who stated that his or her life was hard and why? Amy was the one who said that life was hard. The text stated that “‘I don't believe any of you suffer as I do,’ cried Amy.” The text also stated that "for you don't have to go to school with impertinent girls.” In conclusion, Amy was the one who said that her life was hard.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
How would you describe demi based on the information in the story .
I would describe Demi very quite, quint boy and Demi is bright and beautiful
I know this because in the text it stated that "a quiet, quint boy" the text also
stated that "he was usally bright and buitfull boy". This ecvidance means that
demi is a very quite ,quant boy he also is a bright buitfull boy
Original Version:
How would you describe demi based on the information in the story . I would describe Demi very quite, quint boy and Demi is bright and beautiful I know this because in the text it stated that "a quiet, quint boy" the text also stated that "he was usally bright and buitfull boy". This ecvidance means that demi is a very quite ,quant boy he also is a bright buitfull boy
Corrections:
How would one describe demi based on the information in the story?
- This needs to end in a question mark, and I changed the perspective to the third person to make it sound more objective.
Demi can be described as a very quiet and quaint boy.
- I fixed the spelling of “quiet” and “quaint.” I also moved the explanation of him being “bright and beautiful to go before the next quotation, as it was a run-on sentence before.
According to the text, he is a “quiet, quaint boy.”
- I edited the sentence so it would better introduce the quote and improve the grammar.
Demi is also described as beautiful. The text states that “he was unusually bright and beautiful.”
- I broke up the sentences so it wouldn’t be a run-on sentence. There were multiple spelling errors in the quotation that I fixed. Also, the period is supposed to go inside the quotation mark at the end of the sentence.
In conclusion, Demi is a quiet and bright boy according to the text.
- I corrected the spelling errors and edited the sentence so the grammar would be correct.
Good work. I would suggest proofreading your paragraph for spelling errors after finishing your paragraph, and be careful of spacing issues when typing it out.
Final Version:
How would one describe demi based on the information in the story? Demi can be described as a very quiet and quaint boy. According to the text, he is a “quiet, quaint boy.” Demi is also described as beautiful. The text states that “he was unusually bright and beautiful.” In conclusion, Demi is a quiet and bright boy according to the text.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
Why might have Nat thought that the school he was in was a very nice school?
b Nat thought that it was a nice school because he was laughing and enjoying him self I know that
because in the text it states that. "who lay laughing with all his might". I also know it because he
even said it him self that it was a "nice school" I know that he said this because in the text it states
"What a very nice school this is!". This is how I know Why might have Nat thought that the
school he was in was a very nice school? .
When she meant that "YOU ARE RIGHT TEDDY" she meant that's she agreed with his idea or what he said to make it true I know this because in the text it states that "I agree with your idea teddy and I think its really smart. so I think what Mrs. Bhear truly means by "you are right teddy" is that he agree with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
Original Version:
When she meant that "YOU ARE RIGHT TEDDY" she meant that's she agreed with his idea or what he said to make it true I know this because in the text it states that "I agree with your idea teddy and I think its really smart. so I think what Mrs. Bhear truly means by "you are right teddy" is that he agree with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
Corrections:
What Mrs. Bhaer meant by “you are right Teddy” is that she agreed with his idea.
- The original sentence was a run-on sentence, so I edited the grammar. I also added her name so it would be clear to the reader.
The text states that “I agree with your idea teddy and I think it’s really smart.”
- The quotation was missing a period and quotation mark at the end of it, I also edited the grammar of the sentence. Lastly, I took out the use of the pronoun “I” so the paragraph would be written in the third person.
In conclusion, she agreed with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
- I added a transition sentence to help strengthen the conclusion. Also, I capitalized the name Teddy.
Final Version:
What Mrs. Bhaer meant by “you are right Teddy” is that she agreed with his idea. The text states that “I agree with your idea teddy and I think it’s really smart.” In conclusion, she agreed with teddy's idea or what he has to say.
Good work! Make sure to proofread your sentences for spelling and grammar errors.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
what in the story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person?
I know that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person because she thinks of other's
and not her self like when she said "don't be afraid I will take care of you"
and she is very polite like when . In the text it stated that " Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft
again and she said something merry". And the last reason is that she took care of that boy
because in the text it stated that "“Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”
Original Version:
what in the story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person? I know that Mrs. Bhaer is a thought full person because she thinks of other's and not her self like when she said "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and she is very polite like when . In the text it stated that " Mrs. Bhaer's eyes grew soft again and she said something merry". And the last reason is that she took care of that boy because in the text it stated that "“Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”
Corrections:
What in the story shows that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person?
- The first letter of the sentence needs to be capitalized. Also, “thoughtful” is one word so I corrected this as well.
Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person because she thinks of others and not herself.
- I took out the “I” used in this sentence to put the perspective into the third person. Also, “herself” and “thoughtful” is one word, not two. “Others” does not need to have an apostrophe, as it is not possessing something. I also separated this clause from the quotation, so it wouldn’t be a run-on sentence. Also, I did it so the phrasing would flow better.
In the text, she says "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and acts very politely.
- I reworded the sentence to better introduce the quotation and to correct the grammar.
She also states that “Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.”
- I reworded the beginning of the sentence as it was a bit clunky and repetitive. Also, you need to put the period inside the quotation mark at the end of the sentence. You only need to use two quotes for evidence, and the following quote you used I thought was more applicable then the original, so I replaced it with the quote about “her eyes growing soft.”
In conclusion, Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful character.
- To follow the assigned paragraph structure, you need a conclusion sentence, so I added one.
Final Version:
What in the story shows that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person? Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person because she thinks of others and not herself. In the text, she says "don't be afraid I will take care of you" and acts very politely. She also states that “Don't be afraid; I'll take care of you.” In conclusion, Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful character.
Great work! You did a good job explaining your answer. Make sure to proofread your work for spelling errors.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time
that pea grew,grew,and grew i know this because in the text it states that
" The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again."
"God grant it!" said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so. She took a little stick and propped up the green plant which had given her daughter such pleasure,so this is what that the sick girl, saw out her window.
Original Version:
The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew,grew,and grew i know this because in the text it states that " The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again.""God grant it!" said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so. She took a little stick and propped up the green plant which had given her daughter such pleasure,so this is what that the sick girl, saw out her window.
Corrections:
The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew.
- The first sentence was a run-on sentence, so I put a period after the word “grew.” Also, I deleted “grew, and grew” as it sounded repetitive.
In the text, it states that "The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again. ‘God grant it!’ said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so.”
- I added a comma where one was missing in the introductory clause. I also corrected the quotation mark errors. I also deleted the next sentence, as the quote was a bit too long.
In conclusion, the girl felt better when the pea grew.
- You need a conclusion sentence in order to follow the assigned paragraph structure.
Good work! Remember to work on avoiding run-on sentences, and also to include a conclusion at the end of your paragraph.
Final Version:
The girl saw the little pea on the window and she felt better every time that pea grew. In the text, it states that "The sun has shone in here so bright and warm to-day, and the little pea is growing so fast, that I feel better, too, and think I shall get up and go out into the warm sunshine again. ‘God grant it!’ said the mother, but she did not believe it would be so.” In conclusion, the girl felt better when the pea grew.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
the pedleer took revenge by making him his barron this cause
the text it states that "in the rich man's deller stood a poor man and it
was the baron who had made him the buttler 6 years ago then
the rusty gate's were not rusty more but more better this is how the
peedler took revenge on the barron.
Original Version:
the pedleer took revenge by making him his barron this cause in the text it states that "in the rich man's deller stood a poor man and it was the baron who had made him the buttler 6 years ago then the rusty gate's were not rusty more but more better this is how the peedler took revenge on the barron.
Corrections:
The peddler took revenge by making him his baron.
- I corrected the spelling of the word “peddler” and “baron.” Also, I separated the first sentence from the quote. The original version was a run-on sentence. I edited it to correct the grammar.
The text states that “Six years had not passed away before the noble baron wandered out of the castle gate a poor man, and the mansion was bought by a rich dealer.”
- The quote had incorrect spelling and was not correctly taken from the text. I added the full quote to fix this. I also broke this clause into its own sentence to make the paragraph more readable.
In conclusion, the peddler took revenge by making him his baron.
- I added “in conclusion” to make the conclusion clearer. I also edited it to correct the grammar.
Good work! I suggest checking your paragraph for spelling errors and run-on sentences.
Final Version:
The peddler took revenge by making him his baron. The text states that “Six years had not passed away before the noble baron wandered out of the castle gate a poor man, and the mansion was bought by a rich dealer.” In conclusion, the peddler took revenge by making him his baron.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
he had to hide his findings cause if the thieves knew that there
gold coins and gold bars where gone than they would go and find
and when they find that "Ali" stole it the thieves would go and find
him take there gold coins and gold bars either the thieves will punish
they will do what need's to be right and punisher them there selves cause
if they tell the cops they will get arrested them selves so this is why. Ali
should hide his gold.
Original Version:
he had to hide his findings cause if the thieves knew that there gold coins and gold bars where gone than they would go and find and when they find that "Ali" stole it the thieves would go and find him take there gold coins and gold bars either the thieves will punish they will do what need's to be right and punisher them there selves cause if they tell the cops they will get arrested them selves so this is why. Ali should hide his gold.
Corrections:
Ali Baba had to hide his findings.
- I added a period sooner on in the sentence so it would not be a run-on sentence. I broke up the following clauses into their own sentences as well so it would be easier to read. I also capitalized the first letter of the sentence and added his name so the reader would know who you were talking about.
He hid his findings because if the thieves knew that their gold coins and gold bars were gone, it would endanger him.
- This sentence was a bit wordy and contained redundancies, like “would go and find and when they find that” so I edited it to make it more concise. I also corrected “where” to “were.” I added a comma, and “it would endanger him” at the end so it would better explain why the thieves finding the gold would be problematic. Lastly, it should be “their” not “there” as it is being used to refer to something someone possesses and is not being used to refer to a destination.
If the thieves discovered that Ali Baba had the gold, they would punish him and get him arrested.
- I split up this clause into its own sentence and reworded it for clarity and grammar.
In conclusion, Ali Baba should hide his gold.
- I added a transition phrase to strengthen the conclusion.
Good work. Make sure to avoid run-on sentences by using periods and punctuation. Also, I suggest working on your grammar to help improve your writing.
Final Version:
Ali Baba had to hide his findings. He hid his findings because if the thieves knew that their gold coins and gold bars were gone, it would endanger him. If the thieves discovered that Ali Baba had the gold, they would punish him and get him arrested. In conclusion, Ali Baba should hide his gold.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The "personifications" they are using in the story
are the "flax" because it was a bloom of a flower and the sun shone on
the flower and washed make as feel as if was a baby. I know this because
in the text it states that "the sun shone on it and the showers watered it"
so that is the personification in the story that is used.
Original Version:
The "personifications" they are using in the story are the "flax" because it was a bloom of a flower and the sun shone on the flower and washed make as feel as if was a baby. I know this because in the text it states that "the sun shone on it and the showers watered it" so that is the personification in the story that is used.
Corrections:
The personification used in the story is shown through the flax character.
- I made this into its own sentence. Also, the quotations around the word are unnecessary, so I deleted them. I also reworded it to make it grammatically correct, because the personification in the text is not the flax, but shown through the flax character in the story.
The flax was in full bloom, and the sun shined on the flower.
- I also separated this into its own sentence and added a comma where it was necessary. I also changed the tense of “shone” to “shined.”
The personification of the flower makes it seem like a baby.
- I reworded this clause a little so it would flow better.
In the text, it states that “the sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers.”
- I ended the sentence at the end of the quotation with a period. I also used commas where there was a pause in the sentence. Also, I extended the quote so it showed the personification more, as it compares the flax to children.
In conclusion, this is how the personification was used in the story.
- I separated this into a different sentence. I also added an introductory clause so it would help the transition into the conclusion.
Good work. Remember to avoid run-on sentences by separating your clauses into different sentences.
Final Version:
The personification used in the story is shown through the flax character. The flax was in full bloom, and the sun shined on the flower. The personification of the flower makes it seem like a baby. In the text, it states that “the sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers.” In conclusion, this is how the personification was used in the story.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The main idea is you should love people for who they are not
what the have because like the text states "iam am the tree and I shale
give you every thing and they fell for it and had to deal with the
consaquance there selves. i think that is the main idea i wrote
Original Version:
The main idea is you should love people for who they are not what the have because like the text states "i am am the tree and I shale give you every thing and they fell for it and had to deal with the consaquance there selves. i think that is the main idea i wrote
Corrections:
- The first sentence is a long run-on sentence. Make sure to put your clauses into individual sentences. My edits below create sentences out of your clauses.
The main idea of the story is to love people for who they are, not for what they have.
- I edited this sentence to improve the grammar. I added a period, and also a comma where the original sentence was missing one. Also, the original phrasing of “not what the have” was incorrect, the pronoun “they” should be used instead.
The text states “I am the tree and I shall give you everything.” They fell for this and dealt with the consequences of their selfishness.
- The original sentence contained multiple spelling errors. I corrected the spelling of the words shall, everything, consequences, and themselves. I also fixed the capitalization and deleted the repeated word “am.” The quotation was also missing a quotation mark at the end. I separated the quote from the following sentence with a period as well. I edited the last sentence by correcting spelling and grammar.
In conclusion, the main idea of the story is not to love people based on their possessions.
- The conclusion was lacking a strong closing statement. I edited the sentence to add a transitional clause “in conclusion.” I also provided more of a summary of what the main idea you mention was. Lastly, I took out the use of “I” so the paragraph would sound more objective.
After writing your paragraph, check for spelling errors. I also suggest working on your sentence structure, so the sentences aren’t as long.
Final Version:
The main idea of the story is to love people for who they are, not for what they have. The text states “I am the tree and I shall give you everything.” They fell for this and dealt with the consequences of their selfishness. In conclusion, the main idea of the story is not to love people based on their possessions.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The difference between the grasshopper and the leap frog is
the frog is enggorent because he ask the grasshopper to battle with him
also the flea has more manners than the frog because the text states
"The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners"
but the frog "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more;"
he was type a shy this is the difference bettwen the two.
Original Version:
The difference between the grasshopper and the leap frog is the frog is enggorent because he ask the grasshopper to battle with him also the flea has more manners than the frog because the text states "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners"but the frog "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more;" he was type a shy this is the difference bettwen the two.
Corrections:
The difference between the Grasshopper and the Leapfrog is the Frog is ignorant.
- This was originally a run-on sentence, so I shortened it and corrected the grammar. Also, I capitalized the animal’s names, because, in the case of the story, it is used as a proper noun. I also corrected the spelling of “ignorant.”
The Frog asked the grasshopper to battle with him, showing is arrogance.
- I fixed the capitalization, spelling, and reworded the sentence to correct the grammar.
Also, another reason for their difference is because the flea has more manners than the frog.
- I also put this into its own sentence, as before it was a run-on sentence.
The text states "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners” and, "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more.”
- I corrected the wording of the quotation and put the quotation marks in the right place.
In conclusion, the Grasshopper and Leapfrog are different through their behaviors and personalities.
- I added a transition into the conclusion to improve the flow of the sentence. Also, I edited the sentence to correct the grammar as your conclusion sentence was incomplete.
Final Version:
The difference between the Grasshopper and the Leapfrog is the Frog is ignorant. The Frog asked the grasshopper to battle with him, showing his arrogance. Also, another reason for their difference is because the flea has more manners than the frog. The text states "The Flea was the first to come forward. He had most exquisite manners” and, "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more.” In conclusion, the Grasshopper and Leapfrog are different through their behaviors and personalities.
Great work! Make sure to check your writing for grammar errors, and avoid run-on sentences.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
the a protagonist is the lap land woman because she is helping gread
to defeat the queen and that is how she is a protagonist. And the antaganist
is the queen because why would they are trying to destroy her than and in the the
text it explains what she does and all the things she does is bad so the queen is the
antagonist.
Original Version:
the a protagonist is the lap land woman because she is helping gread to defeat the queen and that is how she is a protagonist. And the antagonist the queen because why would they are trying to destroy her than and in the the text it explains what she does and all the things she does is bad so the queen is the antagonist.
Corrections:
The protagonist of the story is the lap land woman because she helps defeat the queen.
- I edited the sentence to correct grammar and spelling errors, also I capitalized the first word of the sentence.
The antagonist is the queen because the protagonist is trying to destroy her.
- The second sentence was a run-on sentence, so I shortened it and corrected the grammar.
In the text, it explains that the queen is bad through her actions.
- I made this into its own sentence and added a comma to correct the grammar.
In conclusion, the protagonist is the lap land woman and the antagonist is the queen.
- I added a conclusion sentence, as you need one to follow the RACE format.
Good work! Make sure to avoid run-on sentences by splitting up your clauses.
Final Version:
The protagonist of the story is the lap land woman because she helps defeat the queen. The antagonist is the queen because the protagonist is trying to destroy her. In the text, it explains that the queen is bad through her actions. In conclusion, the protagonist is the lap land woman and the antagonist is the queen.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The word company means a small or big grope of someone or something
escorting some one from something or some where like an example like the men
escorted the boy home or like the bodyguard were escorting the president to a meeting
in another state safely with out a scratch . I know this because the text states that
"wich now called up her son to defend her from a mirrical blow of a traitor"
Original Version:
The word company means a small or big grope of someone or something escorting some one from something or some where like an example like the men escorted the boy home or like the bodyguard were escorting the president to a meeting in another state safely with out a scratch . I know this because the text states that "wich now called up her son to defend her from a mirrical blow of a traitor"
Corrections:
- The paragraph needs to have multiple sentences. All my edits below reflect me putting your clauses into their own sentences. The paragraph you submitted is one run-on sentence.
The word company means a small or big group of someone or something.
- I corrected the spelling of the word “group.”
A company also can escort someone somewhere else.
- I edited the clause so it would be less repetitive, and be in its own sentence.
An example of this would be the men escorting the boy home, or the bodyguard escorting the president to a meeting safely.
- This clause was too long, so I reworded the sentence and shortened it to correct the grammar.
According to the text, a person in the company “called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor.”
- I corrected the spelling errors in the quotation and edited the introductory clause to improve the grammar.
In conclusion, a company is a group of people, or a person that escort’s someone to another location.
- You need a conclusion to summarize your ideas, so I added one here.
I would suggest working on splitting up your clauses into separate sentences. Also, proofread the paragraph for spelling errors.
Final Version:
The word company means a small or big group of someone or something. A company also can escort someone somewhere else. An example of this would be the men escorting the boy home, or the bodyguard escorting the president to a meeting safely. According to the text, a person in the company “called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor.” In conclusion, a company is a group of people, or a person that escort’s someone to another location.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
they used the thing difrently the first one he squssed it and
went on his eyes hand and brain 1o years later people called hima great artest
and the boys had different perspective on the things and what they did and
how they used it like one brother used it and squesed
Original Version:
they used the thing difrently the first one he squssed it and went on his eyes hand and brain 1o years later people called hima great artest and the boys had different perspective on the things and what they did andhow they used it like one brother used it and squesed
Corrections:
They two people used the things they found differently.
- This paragraph needs to have multiple sentences. It was a run-on sentence, so I separated the clauses. In the first sentence, I capitalized the first letter of the first word. I also corrected the spelling of “differently.”
One boy gathered flowers and squeezed them, which caused them to fly into his eyes. He became a famous artist.
- The paragraph was a bit difficult to read, so I edited the two sentences to improve the grammar and clarity of the paragraph.
The second boy in the story had a different perspective, holding a ring in his teeth. He became a great composer.
- It wasn’t clear who the other character you were describing was, so I added more detail to make the second boy more distinguishable from the first.
In conclusion, these two boys are different through what they did and who they became in the future.
- I added a concluding sentence, as you need one to summarize your points.
Good work. Make sure to proofread your paragraph for spelling errors. Also, make sure you separate the clauses into multiple sentences.
Final Version:
They two people used the things they found differently. One boy gathered flowers and squeezed them, which caused them to fly into his eyes. He became a famous artist. The second boy in the story had a different perspective, holding a ring in his teeth. He became a great composer. In conclusion, these two boys are different through what they did and who they became in the future.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
How do the snails act like humans. One way they act like humans is they eat food like we do and time to time they need different shells like we need different cloths time to time and they have a family
the snails act like humans by having a family like we
do and they need different sheels like we need different cloths
time to time and they eat drink and have frinds and mates
so this is how I know the snails act like us in not that much ways
Original Version:
How do the snails act like humans. One way they act like humans is they eat food like we do and time to time they need different shells like we need different cloths time to time and they have a family the snails act like humans by having a family like we do and they need different sheels like we need different clothstime to time and they eat drink and have frinds and mates so this is how I know the snails act like us in not that much ways.
Corrections:
How do snails act like humans?
- This is a question, so it needs a question mark.
One way they act like humans is they eat food as we do, and they need different shells like we need different clothes.
- You need to split this paragraph into multiple sentences, as the second sentence is too long. Each sentence should have only one or two clauses. I make this into its own sentences and did the same with the rest of the paragraph. I also corrected the spelling of “clothes.”
A second way snails act like humans is by having friends.
- I edited this from the long sentence and corrected the spelling of “friends.”
In conclusion, snails act like us in a few ways.
- Your conclusion seemed to be saying the opposite of what the rest of the paragraph was saying, as you describe snails as having similar actions to humans. I rephrased the sentence to reflect this.
Good work! Make sure to make your paragraph around 4-5 sentences, and avoid run-on sentences.
Final Version:
How do snails act like humans? One way they act like humans is they eat food as we do, and they need different shells like we need different clothes. A second way snails act like humans is by having friends. In conclusion, snails act like us in a few ways.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The writer is trying to point out that you should not go ahead of yourself because like the Buckwheat he went ahead of him self by not putting his head down when the lighting cam from the sky and then he was burened to a crisp so the other plants did not knowledge his beauty so the author point is not to showoff, actions have consequence, and you should listing to your elders these are the point the writer is trying to make.
Original Version:
The writer is trying to point out that you should not go ahead of yourself because like the Buckwheat he went ahead of him self by not putting his head down when the lighting cam from the sky and then he was burened to a crisp so the other plants did not knowledge his beauty so the author point is not to showoff, actions have consequence, and you should listing to your elders these are the point the writer is trying to make.
Corrections:
In the story, the writer points out how you should not get ahead of yourself.
- I edited this sentence to put it into the third person, and to correct the grammar. Also, this was all stated as one sentence. It should be separated into different sentences, which I do in my corrections.
Buckwheat got ahead of himself by not putting his head down when lightening came and burned him to a crisp.
- “Himself” should be one word. I fixed the spelling of “came,” “lightening,” and “burned,” as well. I also edited this sentence to fix the grammar.
This made it so the other plants didn’t know of his beauty.
- I edited this to be a separate sentence.
The author does this to teach readers not to be a showoff, and that actions have consequences.
- I edited this sentence into its own clause and fixed the grammar.
In conclusion, the point of the story is to listen to your elders.
- I tried to strengthen the paragraph by providing a concluding sentence, with an introductory clause.
Good work! Make sure to check your work for run-on sentences. You accidentally made this all one sentence.
Final Version:
In the story, the writer points out how you should not get ahead of yourself. Buckwheat got ahead of himself by not putting his head down when lightening came and burned him to a crisp. This made it so the other plants didn’t know of his beauty. The author does this to teach readers not to be a showoff, and that actions have consequences. In conclusion, the point of the story is to listen to your elders.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
How are the princess different from each other . one way they are different is they have different hair , different eye color , and different names . I know this because the text sates that "each little mermide has there own little garden also the text states that" she was a curious child than the others . this is how I know each mermaid is different in there own unique ways.
Original Version:
How are the princess different from each other . one way they are different is they have different hair , different eye color , and different names . I know this because the text sates that "each little mermide has there own little garden also the text states that" she was a curious child than the others . this is how I know each mermaid is different in there own unique ways.
Corrections:
How are the princesses different from each other?
- This is stated as a question, so it needs to have a question mark. Also, “princesses” needs to be plural, because there are multiple.
One way they are different is they have different hair, different eye colors, and different names.
- The first word of the sentence needs to be capitalized. "Color" needs to be in the plural form, as you are talking about multiple colors.
The text states that “each little mermaid has their own little garden.” The text also states that "she was a more curious child than the others.”
- I edited the introductory clauses to the quotes to make it be in the third person, and I also fixed spelling errors. Make sure as well to end your quotations with quotation marks.
In conclusion, each mermaid is unique as the text shows their differences.
- I reworded this sentence to make it into the third person. I also fixed the spelling of “their,” as you are referring to people, not a place. I edited the sentence to correct the grammar as well.
Good work! Proofread your paragraph for spelling and punctuation errors.
Final Version:
How are the princesses different from each other? One way they are different is they have different hair, different eye colors, and different names. The text states that “each little mermaid has their own little garden.” The text also states that "she was a more curious child than the others.” In conclusion, each mermaid is unique as the text shows their differences.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
How is the Boston Dynamics assisting against the fight
over COVID-19.One way they are helping is they are covering
the numbers of doctors that they lost in the past half an year. Another
way the robot dogs are helping is they help the world lose less of there populations
I know this because in the text it states that "the robots don't get caught in civid
so people don't have to work.
Original Version:
How is the Boston Dynamics assisting against the fight over COVID-19. One way they are helping is they are covering the numbers of doctors that they lost in the past half an year. Another way the robot dogs are helping is they help the world lose less of there populations I know this because in the text it states that "the robots don't get caught in civid so people don't have to work.
Corrections:
How is the Boston Dynamics assisting against the fight over COVID-19?
- Because it is a question, it needs a question mark.
One way they are helping is by covering for doctor’s hospitals lost this past year and a half.
- I edited this sentence for grammar. Also, “half an year” is incorrect, so I fixed this as well.
Another way the robot dogs are helping is they help decrease the spread of the virus.
- The last sentence was too long, so I split it up into separate sentences and fixed the grammar. “lose less of their populations” sounded a bit odd, so I reworded this as well.
The text states that “robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19.”
- The quote that you used was not a direct quote and did not end with a quotation mark. I added a quote from the text and fixed the punctuation error.
In conclusion, the robots assist hospital workers so they don’t spread the virus through exposure.
- You need a conclusion sentence, so I came up with an example of one you could use.
Good job! Make sure to edit your work for spelling errors, and avoid writing run-on sentences through shortening them.
Final Version:
One way they are helping is by covering for doctor’s hospitals lost this past year and a half. Another way the robot dogs are helping is they help decrease the spread of the virus. The text states that “robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19.” In conclusion, the robots assist hospital workers so they don’t spread the virus through exposure.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
sleeping helps us my giviving us energy and we are lucky to have
the sleep because if we don't have sleep from a tierding day if
its work or school and if we cant sleep than a glass of milk would
work .If we don't sleep we can have a bad headache and wont be
good and focused in school or work this is how sleeping would help
you and your brain.
Original Version:
sleeping helps us my giviving us energy and we are lucky to have the sleep because if we don't have sleep from a tierding day if its work or school and if we cant sleep than a glass of milk would work .If we don't sleep we can have a bad headache and wont be good and focused in school or work this is how sleeping would helpyou and your brain.
Corrections:
Sleeping helps us by giving us energy. After a tiring day of work or school, sleep helps refresh our body.
- The first sentence was too long, making it hard to read. I broke it into two different sentences. I also correct the spelling of “giving” and “tiring.” The words also overall felt I bit jumbled, so I edited it for grammar and clarity. I didn’t understand what you were trying to say about drinking milk, so I deleted that as well. Make sure as well to capitalize the first letter of the first word of the sentence.
If we don’t sleep, we can have a bad headache. Without sleep, it is hard to focus on work or school. In conclusion, these are the reasons why sleep helps your brain function.
- I added a comma and broke the single run-on sentence into three sentences. I also added the phrase “in conclusion” to add a transition into your concluding point.
Good job. Make sure to follow the “RACE” format if you are in the 3rd or 4th grade. Where you restate the question, answer the question, cite evidence, and explain the cited evidence. If you are in the 5th – 7th grade, use the “RACEACE” paragraph structure where you add two details from the text. Also, be wary of run-on sentences.
Final Version:
Sleeping helps us by giving us energy. After a tiring day of work or school, sleep helps refresh our body. If we don’t sleep, we can have a bad headache. Without sleep, it is hard to focus on work or school. In conclusion, these are the reasons why sleep helps your brain function.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
How can we help improve the earth .One way we can help
improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and
grow plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean
and with doing all of this we can avoid dessies and breath
nice air avery day by planting air.
Original Version:
How can we help improve the earth .One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean and with doing all of this we can avoid dessies and breath air avery day by planting air.
Corrections:
How can we help improve the earth?
- This is phrased as a question, so it needs to end with a question mark.
One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food away, and plant things. These are the best ways to keep the earth clean. By doing all of these things, we can avoid diseases every day by having clean air.
- This sentence was originally too long. I edited it so it wasn’t a run-on sentence, splitting it into three sentences. I also corrected the spelling of “wrapped,” as you are talking about the sheathing of something, not “rapped,” which is the action of hitting something or style of singing. Plant what? Make this clear. Because you are talking about multiple strategies to keep the earth clean, “way” should be in the plural form, which is “ways.” I corrected the spelling of “diseases” and “every” as well. “Planting air” didn’t make any sense. I reworded the last half of that sentence to fix the grammar and make it more readable.
Good work! Remember to proofread your writing for spelling errors. Also, try adding a quote from the text to improve your evidence.
Final Version:
How can we help improve the earth? One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food away, and plant things. These are the best ways to keep the earth clean. By doing all of these things, we can avoid diseases every day by having clean air.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
the boys are helping the seniors by going thru a food
drive wich helped the seniours a lot because they need
food to survive . I know this because in the text is states that
the two boys went to the centers and delivered food. Also they
deliverd the food of not thinking about therselevs and helping other
during there time so it was very generious of them.
Original Version:
the boys are helping the seniors by going thru a food drive wich helped the seniours a lot because they need food to survive . I know this because in the text is states that the two boys went to the centers and delivered food. Also they deliverd the food of not thinking about therselevs and helping other during there time so it was very generious of them.
Corrections:
Two teen boys in Maryland are helping seniors survive by delivering food to them during the COVID-19 crisis.
- The sentence lacked specific information, like who the boys are, how they are helping seniors, and why the seniors couldn’t go outside to get food. I elaborated on these different things to give more context to the paragraph. Also, I corrected the spelling of "seniors." Although I didn't use the word in the edited sentence, make sure to spell the word "through" correctly.
The text states that “in the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering.”
- I deleted the word “I” to make the sentence be in the third person. I also made the introduction to the quote shorter to fix the grammar as well as make it more concise. Also, if you are directly quoting the text, you need to make sure you write it down correctly. After visiting the original text, I did not see this exact quote appear. I added a direct quote from the text to fix this issue. If you intended it to be a paraphrased quote, then it doesn’t need to be the same exact words, but you do not use a quotation mark if that is the case. Also, remember that quotation marks go at the beginning and at the end of the quote.
In conclusion, the two boys are very generous, as they are helping the health of seniors during their free time by delivering food.
- I added the phrase “in conclusion” to help your transition from the quote to your conclusion sentence. The spelling of “themselves” was incorrect, but I deleted the word altogether while rewording the sentence to improve the grammar. In this context, you should use “their,” as you are referring to multiple people. I also corrected the spelling of the word “generous.”
Good job! Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and spacing errors.
Final Version:
Two teen boys in Maryland are helping seniors survive by delivering food to them during the COVID-19 crisis. The text states that “in the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering.” In conclusion, the two boys are very generous, as they are helping the health of seniors during their free time by delivering food.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
PRDA- Do NOT put space before or after your sentences, too confusing!
Two ways I know the earth is being celebrated because the text states that." this includes planting trees , cleaning road side ,and cleaning the beach this celebrations is on April 22 most of 100 experts help them clean the earth . the text states that "over a wide rang of 100 experts help the cleaners".
Original Version:
Two ways I know the earth is being celebrated because the text states that." this includes planting trees , cleaning road side, and cleaning the beach this celebrations is on April 22 most of 100 experts help them clean the earth . the text states that "over a wide rang of 100 experts help the cleaners".
Corrections:
There are two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year.
- You need to specify the name of the day that is celebrated, which is “Earth Day,” so the reader knows what event you are referring to. I also removed “I,” to make your sentence into the third person point of view. I also added “this year” to add further detail to make your subject clear to the reader.
The text states that people are celebrating Earth Day by “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.”
- “Because the text states that” doesn’t flow into the quote you are introducing. I rephrased the introduction to the quote to tell the reader how it shows evidence for your point. Also, when using a direct quote from something, you need to make sure you don’t rewrite the words. The quote you used didn’t match exactly with the article. To fix this, I added the complete quote and made it fit in grammatically with the rest of the sentence.
This celebration is on April 22, and experts will come together to help clean the Earth.
- This sentence needs to be separate from the last, as it is a different sentence. To fix this, I added a period at the end of the last sentence and capitalized the first letter of “this” to show that this is a separate sentence. You need a comma after the number “22,” as it is a date that needs a comma proceeding it. I also edited the sentence for grammar. Also, since you mention the number of experts in the next sentence, I deleted here so it would make the paragraph less repetitive.
According to the text, "over a wide range of 100 experts help the cleaners.”
- I corrected the spelling of “range.” Remember as well that periods go inside quotation marks at the end of a sentence. I also rephrased the introduction of the quote to make it more grammatically correct.
In conclusion, the celebration of Earth Day will consist of activities that involve cleaning up the Earth.
- You need a conclusion sentence to sum up the main point of your paragraph. I added an example of one you could use in the sentence above.
Great job! Make sure to separate your sentences by using periods. Also, you need to end your paragraph with a concluding sentence.
Final Version:
There are two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year. The text states that people are celebrating Earth Day by "planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs." This celebration is on April 22, and experts will come together to help clean the Earth. According to the text, "over a wide range of 100 experts help the cleaners." In conclusion, the celebration of Earth Day will consist of activities that involve cleaning up the Earth.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
some thing William achieved are. He ended hunger for the poor. Not only did he end hunger he also started the food drive that helped millions of people even on this day.
I know this because the text states that. the founder of the food drive kids. The text also states that he gave free food to people In need.
Original Version:
some thing William achieved are. He ended hunger for the poor.
not only did he end hunger he also started the food drive that helped
millions of people even on this day. I know this because the text states
that. the founder of the food drive kids. The text also states that he gave free
food to people In need.
Corrections:
William has achieved multiple things in the effort to end childhood hunger.
- The first two sentences are fragmented. I combined the two and edited for grammar and clarity. Also, William did not end hunger but is helping so fewer kids are hungry.
One of these accomplishments was starting a food drive that helps millions of people.
- He is currently still working at the food drive, so make sure to speak in the present tense. I rephrased this for grammar and accuracy.
The text states that William is “the founder of Food Drive Kids.”
- I deleted the use of “I,” to make it into the third person. also, the quotation didn’t make sense and fit grammatically with the rest of the sentence. I rephrased the sentence for readability. Also, capitalize Food Drive Kids as it is the name of an organization.
The text also states that “he gave free food to people in need.”
- Make sure to end and begin your quotations with quotation marks. Also, put periods inside the quotation marks at the end of the sentence.
In conclusion, William has achieved many things through his work with Food Drive Kids.
- I added a concluding sentence, as it is necessary. Make sure to summarize the man ideas of your paragraph in the last sentence.
Overall, great work! Make sure to proofread your writing for capitalization and grammar errors.
Final Version:
William has achieved multiple things in the effort to end childhood hunger. One of these accomplishments was starting a food drive that helps millions of people. The text states that William is “the founder of Food Drive Kids.” The text also states that “he gave free food to people in need.” In conclusion, William has achieved many things through his work with Food Drive Kids.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
If someone want to be astronaut there requirements are not esay.
one way that its not esay is that you will have to study every controls
in the rocket and it is very expencive to learn thoes stuff. NASA now
requires a master degree. The text also states that you will also need
a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape
Original Version:
If someone want to be astronaut there requirements are not esay. one way that its not esay is that you will have to study every controls in the rocket and it is very expencive to learn thoes stuff. NASA now requires a master degree. The text also states that you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape
Corrections:
The requirements to become an astronaut are not easy.
- I rephrased the sentence for clarity. I also fixed the spelling of “easy” as well.
One reason being an astronaut is difficult is that they have to study every control. Training for astronauts is expensive as well.
- Capitalize the first word of the sentence. I corrected the spelling of “easy” and “expensive.” I also rephrased the sentence for grammar. I split the sentence into two as it was a bit hard to follow, making the sentence more concise.
The text states, “'NASA now requires a master degree.”
- To integrate the quote into your paragraph, you need to introduce it with an introductory phrase. Also, make sure you put a quotation mark at the end of the quote after the period.
The text also states that “you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape.”
- Make sure the placement of your quotation marks is correct. I moved it right before the “you” instead of directly after the word “that.” Also, make sure to add a period at the end of the quotation.
In conclusion, becoming an astronaut is difficult as it requires a lot of education and physical training.
- You need a conclusion sentence to wrap up your paragraph. The sentence above is an example.
Great work! Make sure to proofread your paragraph for spelling and punctuation errors.
Final Version:
The requirements to become an astronaut are not easy. One reason being an astronaut is difficult is that they have to study every control. Training for astronauts is expensive as well. The text states, “‘NASA now requires a master degree.” The text also states that “you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape.” In conclusion, becoming an astronaut is difficult as it requires a lot of education and physical training.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland. because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland
also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that
Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states
that what stands out most to me is how they swim through there delavier
bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky
about there habitats that are wetland and pools.
Original Version:
Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states that what stands out most to me is how they swim through their delavier bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky about there habitats that are wetland and pools.
Corrections:
Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has.
- Salamander should be in the plural form, as you are speaking about multiple salamanders, and it matched the plural verb “are.” This sentence was also a run-on sentence, so I split it up into two sentences. I also deleted “are mostly found in Maryland, as you already referred two what state previously in the sentence. I also edited the phrasing of the last sentence, as I thought the wording could be improved. Without needs to be spelled as one word as well.
The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.”
- It should be “their pools,” as there it’s a possessive pronoun, showing that the people have ownership over the pools. Also, make sure to name the text and the writer before introducing the quote. The sentence was too long, so I split it up into two. The next sentence is edited below.
The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”
- I edited this sentence for grammar and spelling. I corrected the spelling of Delaware Bay and capitalized it. Also, “wetlands” should be one word.
Final version:
Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has. The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.” The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”
Good job! Make sure to proofread the sentence for spelling errors, and to use the correct form of “there.” Also, while referencing lines from the text, make sure to use quotation marks.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.
Original Version: I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.
Corrections:
J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home.
- J.K. needs to be capitalized and punctuated with two periods. I removed the “I” so the sentence would be in the third person.
One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television.
- I removed the personal pronouns so the sentence would be written in the third person. I also edited the sentence by rephrasing it and correcting the grammar. I also replaced “that” with “than” as than is used in comparative sentences.
The text states that "reading the stories aloud from the website to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them." This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining.
- Make sure to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of the quote. I also changed the comma into a period, as without it, it'd be a run-on sentence. J.K. Rowling needs to be capitalized and the letters of her initials need to be separated by periods. Her last name should also be punctuated with an apostrophe. The spelling of “interesting” and “entertaining” was spelled wrong as well, so I corrected those words. I also removed the extra space before the period.
This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.
- I changed the phrasing of the sentence to make it more formal. I also fixed the spelling of J.K. Rowling, and made the punctuation possessive, as J.K. Rowling is possessing the website. Also, "there" needs to be changed to "they're" as it should be a contraction of they + are in this context. You used the wrong form of “there” when referring to the house. When you are using it to refer to a person, place, or thing, you use “their.” Also, "house" should be in the plural form, as you're talking about multiple houses.
Final Version:
J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television. The text states that "reading the stories from the website aloud to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them." This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining. This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.
Great work! Remember to proofread your writing for spelling mistakes.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
There are many ways students can learn in online class. like there fingers could be used to typing on there key board and help students that dont know how to type improve them on a higher level then they are.I know this because in the text it says that distractions will not be in the way of ther learing
this piece of text means they wont be distracted by there classmates. This is asking me why and how online class is use full it keeps the didtractions out of the students way. Also in the text it says the students will not forget there schuelds.This means students will not be distracted or they wont forget the shuelds .the right place for students to learn.
Original Version:
There are many ways students can learn in online class. like there fingers could be used to typing on there key board and help students that dont know how to type improve them on a higher level then they are.I know this because in the text it says that distractions will not be in the way of ther learing this piece of text means they wont be distracted by there classmates. This is asking me why and how online class is use full it keeps the didtractions out of the students way. Also in the text it says the students will not forget there schuelds.This means students will not be distracted or they wont forget the shuelds .the right place for students to learn.
Corrections:
There are many ways students can learn in an online class.
- Good! The only thing I changed was adding the determiner "as" to the noun phrase "online class."
One skill students can learn from online classes is typing. If students don’t know how to type, doing their work on a keyboard will improve their abilities.
- I edited this sentence for grammar. When you are referring to a person or group, you use “their” instead of “there.” I also broke the sentence into two, as I felt like it was a bit too wordy.
This is proven in the text, as it states, “that distractions will not be in the way of their learning this piece of text means they won’t be distracted by their classmates.”
- To make the sentence into the third person, I removed the “I” and rephrased the introduction to the quote. When including a quote, it does not need to be in italics. Put quotation marks around the quote instead. I also edited the spelling of “their” and “learning.” Also, “won’t” is a contraction of “will not” so it needs an apostrophe after the letter “n.”
There are other ways that online classes can help prevent students from getting distracted.
- This sentence was edited for spelling and grammar.
The text also states that “the students will not forget their schedules” in online classes.
- I added quotation marks around the quote and removed the italics. I also added “in online classes” at the end of the sentence so the quote was given more context.
In conclusion, online classes will help students not get distracted and they won’t forget their schedules. Online is the right place for students to learn.
- I edited these two sentences for spelling and grammar. I think if you started your ending statement with “in conclusion,” it would help indicate that you are moving on to your conclusion. I also fixed the spelling of “schedules.” In the first version of the sentence, where was the right place to learn was unclear, I added “online” to help give the reader clarity.
Final Version:
There are many ways students can learn in an online class. One skill students can learn from online classes is typing. If students don’t know how to type, doing their work on a keyboard will improve their abilities. This is proven in the text, as it states, “that distractions will not be in the way of their learning this piece of text means they won’t be distracted by their classmates.” There are other ways that online classes can help prevent students from getting distracted. The text also states that “the students will not forget their schedules” in online classes. In conclusion, online classes will help students not get distracted and they won’t forget their schedules. Online is the right place for students to learn.
Overall, you did a great job! Make sure to proofread for spelling errors, and to use quotation marks around quotes.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while your in your house such as like puzzles, indoor basketball ,card games, and board games ,all these options are fine and come in low price about 10.00 to 15.00.Just as the text states at less than 10$ the text also states that puzzles will help inhance the mind. And indoor basketball will keep them exerscized not only is it suitable it helps them get smart, exerscized, and it is in low price
so it is fun and studying at the same a great inviormeant
Original Version:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while your in your house such as like puzzles, indoor basketball ,card games, and board games ,all these options are fine and come in low price about 10.00 to 15.00.Just as the text states at less than 10$ the text also states that puzzles will help inhance the mind. And indoor basketball will keep them exerscized not only is it suitable it helps them get smart, exerscized, and it is in low price so it is fun and studying at the same a great inviormeant
Corrections:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while you’re inside the house such as puzzles, indoor basketball, card games, and board games.
- Use “you’re” when you are saying “you are.” I deleted the third “your” to make it less repetitive. I deleted "like" as "as" is all you need before the list of games. After “board games” I used a period instead of a comma to shorten the sentence.
All these game options are great and cost around $10.00 to $15.00.
- I thought instead of “fine” you could use a stronger word choice like “great.” Also, add a dollar sign in front of a monetary number values.
The text states that puzzles will help enhance the mind.”
- I corrected the spelling to “enhance.” Also, remember that periods go inside quotation marks.
Indoor basketball will keep kids exercised and smart. These indoor games are low priced, fun, and will allow your kids to study and play in the same environment.
- This sentence was long, so I shortened it and rephrased the two sentences to improve the flow of the conclusion. When using the word “them” make sure it is clear that you are referring to the kids. I fixed the spelling of “exercise” as well.
Great work! Just remember to check for spelling errors once you’re done with your paragraph.
Final Version:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while you’re inside the house such as puzzles, indoor basketball, card games, and board games. All these game options are great and cost around $10.00 to $15.00. The text states that puzzles will help enhance the mind.” Indoor basketball will keep kids exercised and smart. These indoor games are low priced, fun, and will allow your kids to study and play in the same environment.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The two ways postponing the Olympics will cause negative actions. I know itbecause I think that people that worked put all there efforts and now they cant use there new skills. Also it will cause a boycotts that will cause a pain for the cops and the citizen in the boycotts .I know this because in the text it states that and for the 11,ooo people that practice for the summer.It also states that it will be comlacated by the boycotts so it will be bad for the ateleats and the citizens that were looking forward to the games.
Original Version:
The two ways postponing the Olympics will cause negative actions. I know itbecause I think that people that worked put all there efforts and now they cant use there new skills. Also it will cause a boycotts that will cause a pain for the cops and the citizen in the boycotts .I know this because in the text it states that and for the 11,ooo people that practice for the summer.It also states that it will be comlacated by the boycotts so it will be bad for the ateleats and the citizens that were looking forward to the games.
Corrections:
Postponing the Olympics will cause negative results in two different ways.
- I edited the sentence for grammar and clarity. I also changed “actions” to “results” as I thought that was a better word choice to fit the context of the sentence.
One negative effect of the postponement is that the people who trained for the Olympics cannot use their new skills at the event.
- I edited this sentence for grammar and word choice. I took out the uses of “I” so it would be in the third person. Also use “their” as you are referring to a person, whereas “there” is used to refer to a place.
Also, the postponement will cause boycotts, causing pain for cops and citizens.
- This sentence seemed a bit repetitive as you used the word “boycott” twice. I rephrased the sentence and shortened it as well. I also fixed the spelling of “citizens” too.
The text stated that “11,000 people practiced for the summer” and that “it will be complicated by boycotts.”
- I put the two quotes into the same sentence to improve the grammar.
The postponement is bad news for the athletes and the citizens that were looking forward to the Olympic Games.
- The subject was missing, so I added “the postponement.” I also fixed the spelling of “athletes.” Lastly, I changed “games” to “Olympic Games” to make sure it was clear to the reader what you were talking about.
Final Version:
Postponing the Olympics will cause negative results in two different ways. One negative result of the postponement is that the people who trained for the Olympics cannot use their new skills at the event. Also, the postponement will cause boycotts, causing pain for cops and citizens. The text stated that “11,000 people practiced for the summer” and that “it will be complicated by boycotts.” The postponement is bad news for the athletes and the citizens that were looking forward to the Olympic Games.
Great job! Make sure to spellcheck your work.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
