Nalh's Writing!!

Original Draft i think that he feels bored and feels like his the winner all the TIME. This is because he wins all the time and there is no one he can have an actual race with him. Also because he runs really fast and no one can race like him hes too fast at running it hard to compete with him. he also feels like he wins all the TIME because he does and he thinks like hes the best runner in the whole entire world but no hes not right because there is some people who can run really really fast!!

Corrections i think that he feels bored and feels like his the winner all the TIME.
****"'Before we get into the paragraph, we have to introduce the story that we're talking about, as well as who we're talking about. To do that, I added the title of the story and the name of the main character. Then I added to your original sentence by saying that he's bored by winning against others in running all the time."'
In the story "Johnny-Cake", I think that Johnny-Cake feels bored with winning against others in running because he's the winner all the time.

This is because he wins all the time and there is no one he can have an actual race with him. Also because he runs really fast and no one can race like him hes too fast at running it hard to compete with him.
****"'Since you already said he wins all the time, we shouldn't say 'This is because he wins all the time'. That would be like if you said, 'He wins all the time because he wins all the time', and that wouldn't make sense. Instead, I combined these two sentences to express how he wins all the time because he's so fast that he's too hard to compete with. That way you have all of these details in one sentence."'
He wins all the time because he runs really fast and is too hard to compete with.

he also feels like he wins all the TIME because he does and he thinks like hes the best runner in the whole entire world but no hes not right because there is some people who can run really really fast!!
****"'We don't need to say again that he wins because he wins, so I removed 'he also feels like he wins all the TIME because he does'. This sentence was also really long with punctuation only at the very end, so I added commas to let the reader know where to pause when reading the sentence. I also edited the sentence a little bit to make what you were saying a bit clearer."'
He's also bored because he thinks he's the best runner in the whole entire world, but he's not, because there are some people who can run faster than him!


Final Draft In the story "Johnny-Cake", I think that Johnny-Cake feels bored with winning against others in running because he's the winner all the time. He wins all the time because he runs really fast and is too hard to compete with. He's also bored because he thinks he's the best runner in the whole entire world, but he's not, because there are some people who can run faster than him!

Make sure you're capitalizing the first letters in sentences, adding context (title of the story) at the beginning of your paragraph, and start adding some more details. You got it! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft lazy jack was able to get rich by marring the rich mans daughter. he got married to the rich mans daughter by first,he got a job. second, his mother told him to put the things he carries on his solders. And lastly there was a rich man with his daughter she was deaf, dumb,and she did not laugh in her entire life.the doctors said that she will get healed if she laughed.so she was looking out the window and saw lazy jack caring a donkey on his solders that she laughed and then she was healed and her father was SUPER HAPPY.and then her father said that lazy jack should marry the daughter so then she got married to lazy jack then they lived haply ever after. 

                                                             That's how lazy jack got rich!!

Corrections lazy jack was able to get rich by marring the rich mans daughter.
****"'Before we start writing the paragraph, we need to have a good introduction sentence so that the reader doesn't feel lost. What I did was include the title of the story. That way, I'm not having to write a long introduction sentence, but I'm still able to make the reader feel like they know what's going on."'
In the story "Lazy Jack", Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man's daughter.

he got married to the rich mans daughter by first,he got a job.
****"'Since we already said that Lazy Jack marries the rich man's daughter, we don't need to say it again here. I took that out so I only have the part where he got a job. Also, remember to capitalize the first letter of the first word in a sentence!"'
First, he got a job.

second, his mother told him to put the things he carries on his solders.
****"'Since Lazy Jack had a different job each day, his mother was telling him every day how he should've been carrying each different item home. On the first day, it was a penny, but on the second day, it was some milk. Since each day was different, I said 'his mother told him how to carry the things he gets from work home' instead."'
Second, his mother told him how to carry the things he gets from work home.

And lastly there was a rich man with his daughter she was deaf, dumb,and she did not laugh in her entire life.
****"'This sentence is really short and you try to pack in a lot of information into it, which makes it feel rushed and awkward. Instead, I made it into two sentences to explain that Lazy Jack would pass the rich man and his daughter on his way home from work on Monday in one sentence, and explain how the man's daughter was deaf, dumb, and had never laughed in the second sentence. This way it's more spread out and easier to read."'
Lastly, there was a rich man and his daughter who Lazy Jack was going to pass on his way home from work on Monday. The man's daughter was deaf and dumb and hadn't laughed in her entire life.

the doctors said that she will get healed if she laughed.
****"'Here, I rewrote the sentence to make it flow better by putting the part about laughing before the part about how it would heal her."'
The doctors said that if somebody made the girl laugh, she would be healed.

so she was looking out the window and saw lazy jack caring a donkey on his solders that she laughed and then she was healed and her father was SUPER HAPPY.
****"'I also broke this part into two sentences; in the first sentence, I said how the girl laughed at Lazy Jack. In the second sentence, I said how she was healed and the girl's dad said Lazy Jack could marry her. Also, I changed 'caring' to 'carrying' and 'solders' to 'shoulders'."'
The girl was looking out of the window and saw Lazy Jack carrying a donkey on his shoulders and it made her laugh. She was healed and her father was so happy that he said Lazy Jack could marry her.

and then her father said that lazy jack should marry the daughter so then she got married to lazy jack then they lived haply ever after.
****"'Here, I removed the part about how the rich man said Lazy Jack could marry his daughter since I mentioned it in the previous sentence. Instead, I just included that they got married and Lazy Jack became rich. Then, in a separate sentence, I said that they lived happily ever after. Also, I changed 'haply' to 'happily'."'
Lazy Jack and the rich man's daughter got married, which made Lazy Jack become rich! He and the rich man's daughter lived happily ever after. 

                                                             That's how lazy jack got rich!!


****"'Since I sort of combined this with the last sentence, I took it out here."'


Final Draft In the story "Lazy Jack", Lazy Jack was able to get rich by marrying a rich man's daughter. First, he got a job. Second, his mother told him how to carry the things he gets from work home. Lastly, there was a rich man and his daughter who Lazy Jack was going to pass on his way home from work on Monday. The man's daughter was deaf and dumb and hadn't laughed in her entire life. The doctors said that if somebody made the girl laugh, she would be healed. The girl was looking out of the window and saw Lazy Jack carrying a donkey on his shoulders and it made her laugh. She was healed and her father was so happy that he said Lazy Jack could marry her. Lazy Jack and the rich man's daughter got married, which made Lazy Jack become rich! He and the rich man's daughter lived happily ever after.

Hey Nalh, the biggest things to work on here are your introduction sentences and your spelling. It should underline anything you misspell in red, so make sure that you double check for that. You got this! Edited by Lainey Morris


In the story they were used for a baby egg when they get hatch. And also so the baby wold not get hurt when they are hatched.

This isn't enough for me to edit either:/ I'm sorry, but I can't help you if you aren't writing enough for me to edit. - Lainey Morris

The man in the story got a rich business by doing what was right and by writing books.

Nalh, this isn't enough for me to edit:( - Lainey Morris

Original Draft The difference between wello-tree and buckweat is that buckweat is like lightning but willo-tree i the one which bends forward. according to the text i found thid answer on paragraph 1!!

Corrections The difference between wello-tree and buckweat is that buckweat is like lightning but willo-tree i the one which bends forward. according to the text i found thid answer on paragraph 1!!
****"'First, the name of the tree is "willow-tree". In the story, the buckwheat doesn't like the lightning, but he isn't scared of it and looks up at it after the willow-tree tells him not to. You don't have to cite where you found the quote, I can see when I read the story myself. Also, just watch for small typos like "i" instead of "is" or "thid" when it should be "this". Also, the first word in a sentence should be capitalized so "According" instead of "according".
****"'In my final draft, I tried to show you how I used quotes to explain details in the story. I also included an introduction sentence and a conclusion sentence."'


Final Draft The story, "The Buckwheat", takes place in a field. When a storm comes, the willow-tree tries to warn the buckwheat and tells him to duck his head. The willow-tree says, "Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind." The buckwheat does not listen, and looks up at the lightning. After this, the text says, "When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." The buckwheat didn't listen to the warning from the willow-tree and ended up getting struck by lightning and dying. It's important to listen to advice so that we don't have to face negative consequences!

What I would like for you to work on right now is adding quotes in from the text, but make sure they are the exact quotes! You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft The youngest princess,what she got that was the most pleasure thing she got was a fish tail instead of humans leg!! According to the text it says that "there was three child that was so beautiful,but there was a youngest sibling she was the most beautiful sister in the sibling her skin was soft like a rose leaf,her eyes was blue and surprisingly she had a fish tail and not a human legs."Also i found this answer on paragraph 3 on the end of the 3rd paragraph!!


Corrections The youngest princess,what she got that was the most pleasure thing she got was a fish tail instead of humans leg!!
****"'Before we start talking about the youngest princess, we have to tell the reader why you're talking about her. Imagine a person from Mars is reading your paragraph: they'd be so confused! Who is this princess? Where is she? Why are we talking about her? So we have to answer those kinds of questions first. Also, make sure that you separate the commas from the words that come after them (so you would say "princess, what", not "princess,what"). Since you say "humans" here like it's a possessive, you need an apostrophe so that it says "humans'". It would be like if you said "Nalhs" - that would mean that there are a lot of you! So instead you would say "Nalh's" to show that something is yours (Nalh's book, Nalh's pencil, stuff like that). And usually, in a paragraph for school, you'll only use one exclamation mark instead of two. Two would be appropriate for a message with friends, but not so much in a school assignment."'
In the story, "The Little Mermaid", there are six sisters.

According to the text it says that "there was three child that was so beautiful,but there was a youngest sibling she was the most beautiful sister in the sibling her skin was soft like a rose leaf,her eyes was blue and surprisingly she had a fish tail and not a human legs."Also i found this answer on paragraph 3 on the end of the 3rd paragraph!!
****"'For the parts that you use quotes, make sure you use the exact words from the text! Sometimes it might get confusing if you don't use their words in your quote. Also, you don't need to tell me where you found the quote, I can look on my computer and see where you got it! Since you needed two details, I added another one here, as well as two short conclusion sentences."'
The youngest sister is different from the rest of them, and the text says that, "They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a roseleaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." The text also says that the youngest princess was "a curious child, quiet and thoughtful". The youngest princess was prettier than all of her sisters, but she was also very quiet and kept to herself. She was very unique!


Final Draft In the story, "The Little Mermaid", there are six sisters. The youngest sister is different from the rest of them, and the text says that, "They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a roseleaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." The text also says that the youngest princess was "a curious child, quiet and thoughtful". The youngest princess was prettier than all of her sisters, but she was also very quiet and kept to herself. She was very unique!

Hi miss morrios,i tried my best on the little mermaid story!! T^T Hey Nalh, thank you for trying your best! I just want to help you out here for a moment and explain some things: first, when you said "she got that was the most pleasure thing she got was a fish tail instead of humans leg!!" that made it sound like the youngest sister was the only one with a tail, but they were all mermaids, so all of them had fish tails. Also, you don't need to tell me where you find quotes! As long as you have them in there, I will be able to see on my computer where in the story you found them. Next, just try to add one more detail in your paragraphs! Great improvement, keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris

The Boston dynamics' robot assisting during the covid-19 by "starting in march,Boston dynamics starts receiving inquiries from hospital our robots could help"

Again, Nalh, this isn't enough for me to edit. I can't help you if you don't type enough for me to edit. sorry miss lainey morris!! 

                                                                                                                                                                                                  -NALH

- Lainey Morris

Original Draft when we fall asleep our brain helps with our memory. In the text it says"trough consider a waste of time by some sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humens over years." Another thing the text said was"researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells,get rid of irrelevant memories ad even to help kids grow taller and obtain better grades."

Corrections when we fall asleep our brain helps with our memory.
****"'Here, you need a better introduction sentence. Add context - why are you talking about what happens when our brains fall asleep? Also, the first word of a sentence needs to be capitalized."'
Do you know how important sleep is?

In the text it says"trough consider a waste of time by some sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humens over years."
****"'First, some spelling corrections: "trough" should be "though" and "humens" should be "humans". Also, this quote doesn't relate to what you said about memory. Use a quote that relates to what you said last so that you don't confuse the reader."'
According to this article, "sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humans."

Another thing the text said was"researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells,get rid of irrelevant memories ad even to help kids grow taller and obtain better grades."
****"'You need to make sure that you separate words from quotation marks (it should be "was "reasearchers..." not "was"researchers....") and separate words from commas (it should be "cells, get" not "cells,get"). Also, I think you meant "and" not "ad". I also touched this up to make it more eloquent and added a little extra about getting 8 hours of sleep."'
Furthermore, "researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, they have even found that "it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins."

Final Draft Do you know how important sleep is? According to this article, "sleep is essential for the health and wellbeing of humans." Furthermore, "researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, they have even found that "it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins."

Nalh, I didn't want to write your paragraph for you, but I did add a little bit. You included two details, but you didn't write using "R-A-C-E-A-C-E". Two sentences is not enough. If you're having a difficult time writing, don't be afraid to e-mail your teachers for help. Edited by Lainey Morris

The boys are helping the senors by proctoring there grand parents and loved ones who have halt conditions,by delivering the grceoiesand necessary supplies they need!! 


 ****Nalh, there isn't even enough here for me to edit and I don't want to have to keep writing your paragraphs for you. Please start writing more than one or two sentences with some more effort, otherwise I can't help you."'

Original Draft The earth day will be celebrated because people can play video games and do lots of stuff like traveling or meeting Ur families or helping cleaning up the earth for example if people clean where ever area or country u are in u can help clean like up by picking up garbage that people has been trowing out!!



Corrections The earth day will be celebrated because people can play video games and do lots of stuff like traveling or meeting Ur families or helping cleaning up the earth for example if people clean where ever area or country u are in u can help clean like up by picking up garbage that people has been trowing out!!
****"'Again, this is just one big sentence. There's no real introduction and the lack of punctuation makes what you've written difficult to read because I don't know where one idea ends and the other one begins. I'm also not sure what Earth Day has to do with video games or traveling, but you made a good point on cleaning up the earth. Make sure you expand on that. Also, since Earth Day is a holiday, it's a proper noun and should be capitalized. Remember that "ur" and "u" are appropriate to use when messaging your friends, but not when you're writing a formal paragraph for school. Since this was also very short, I went ahead and added the rest, but you need to start doing this yourself or you won't improve."'


Final Draft Earth Day, a holiday that celebrates the earth, is on April 22. People do many things to celebrate every year, such as planting trees, recycling, and picking up litter. Unfortunately, the outbreak of coronavirus, many events have been canceled. Luckily, there is still a way to celebrate! This year, people won't have to leave their homes to celebrate Earth Day: "From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government." This online event is free and will last for five days. It will be live-streamed to viewers all over the world through the website wedonthavetime.org and "will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon." This way, people everywhere will be able to celebrate Earth Day without having to leave their homes. Additionally, the counties of Davis, Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento in California are holding their own at-home celebration called "Earth Day Sing Out". The citizens of these counties "are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020." Thanks to these fun and safe new options, people everywhere can still celebrate Earth Day!

Nalh, it's very important that you put effort into your paragraphs. Even if you make mistakes, you need to write something more than a sentence or two. I can help you if you write an actual paragraph, but I can't help you if you don't give me something to work with and comment on. I know things are tough right now and our lives are kind of weird and crazy, but please be trying your best with these. Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft two thing that he achieved is that first,he was able to help kids that needed.second detail is that,hes mom helped him.Also that his mom let him do kind things like helping kids that needs food or water.

Corrections two thing that he achieved is that first,he was able to help kids that needed.second detail is that,hes mom helped him.
****"'You need to start including introduction sentences. Also, instead of just saying "he", tell us who he is. Someone reading your two sentences would be confused about who you're talking about. This was also very brief, you can expand on how he helped the kids and how his mom helped him."'
William Winslow, a teenager from North Carolina, has a passion for ending childhood hunger. When he was in first grade, he learned that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for going hungry. William says that this was a "shock" for him and even said that it was "a rude awakening to the real world." With the help of his mom, William went to his local Food Lion, where he talked shoppers into buying 1,400 pounds worth of food that would be sent home in backpacks to kids during their spring break.


Also that his mom let him do kind things like helping kids that needs food or water.
****"'This isn't an accomplishment. An isn't really an accomplishment - his mom did help him, but the accomplishments are what he did after she helped him. Make sure you're adding these details and also adding a conclusion sentence, otherwise it feels like you wrote a snippet of your paragraph and then just randomly stopped. Again, I wrote in the rest, but you really need to start doing this yourself."'
After seven years, William has "collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." He's even founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids. At age 14, William's passion for helping others has led him to some amazing accomplishments and helped many children in his state.

Final Draft William Winslow, a teenager from North Carolina, has a passion for ending childhood hunger. When he was in first grade, he learned that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for going hungry. William says that this was a "shock" for him and even said that it was "a rude awakening to the real world." With the help of his mom, William went to his local Food Lion, where he talked shoppers into buying 1,400 pounds worth of food that would be sent home in backpacks to kids during their spring break. After seven years, William has "collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." He's even founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids. At age 14, William's passion for helping others has led him to some amazing accomplishments and helped many children in his state.

Your paragraph was, again, not even a paragraph; it was just two sentences that didn't really tell the reader anything about the story you read. I don't want to keep writing your stories for you - that's what you need to be doing. I'm only here to help you improve by showing you your mistakes, but I can't do that if you're not writing. I can't help you if you don't give me anything, please put some more effort into your paragraphs. Also, an accomplishment is something you achieve. William didn't achieve getting his mom to help him, he achieved his goal of helping kids by collecting food and raising money. He also achieved recognition as the Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. Like I've said before, don't be afraid to reach out to someone close to you or your teachers for help. Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the governor said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26.The mayor said that he would put the largest school system to the long list of districts.


Corrections The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the governor said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26.
****"'All right, so this is a very long sentence with a lot of loose information. Instead of just blurting this all out in one sentence, try to pull some things from the text to support what you're saying. Also, be sure to include and introduction sentence."'
On Saturday, the mayor of New York City, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools would be closed for the rest of the school year and would continue remotely at least through June 26. However, this seemed to upset Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, who said de Blasio's decision was "premature".

The mayor said that he would put the largest school system to the long list of districts.
****"'I don't think I understand what you were saying with this sentence, but it wasn't conclusive and it seemed like you just stopped in the middle of you paragraph and didn't finish. So, I added the rest myself so that you can see an example."'
De Blasio said that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many citizens of New York City agree with de Blasio because his plan reduces the number of people getting COVID-19. On the other hand, some people are seeing the negatives of keeping schools closed. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some kids, because some of them don't have access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio also said that every child who does not have a device will get one by the end of April. The mayor's announcement will probably be what sticks, but he and Governor Cuomo still have different opinions.


Final Draft On Saturday, the mayor of New York City, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools would be closed for the rest of the school year and would continue remotely at least through June 26. However, this seemed to upset Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, who said de Blasio's decision was "premature". De Blasio said that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many citizens of New York City agree with de Blasio because his plan reduces the number of people getting COVID-19. On the other hand, some people are seeing the negatives of keeping schools closed. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some kids, because some of them don't have access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio also said that every child who does not have a device will get one by the end of April. The mayor's announcement will probably be what sticks, but he and Governor Cuomo still have different opinions.

Okay Nalh, you really have to start using R-A-C-E to write your paragraphs. Just like the one before this, this paragraph was very short, so it barely gave me anything to edit and help you with. I can't help you improve your writing if you aren't giving me enough to help you with. Please read my comments and ask someone close with you or your teachers if you need help. Edited by Lainey Morris

The mainidea of the story is that animals are coming out because of the Coronavirus.One detail is that”


The first animals to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward”so this means animals are coming out by taking advantage of Humans.

Nalh, you need to be adding titles to your entries.
Having Fun Without Humans

The mainidea of the story is that animals are coming out because of the Coronavirus.One detail is that” The first animals to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward”so this means animals are coming out by taking advantage of Humans.
****"'Since this is so short, I'm just going to edit it all right here and explain in one whack. First, "main idea" is not one word. I'm sure you just made a typo, but reading back over what you've written can help prevent errors like that from showing up when you're finished. Second, "coronavirus" is not capitalized. You also need to remember not to combine your sentences by leaving a space between them (it should go "Sentence. New sentence." instead of "Sentence.New sentence."). I'm also not sure why you randomly made a new paragraph after "One detail is that"", but I will assume that was also a typo. Also, the word "humans" is not capitalized, and the text said that the animals were taking advantage of human absence, not the actual humans.



****"'Nalh, you did not use R-A-C-E in this paragraph. It's only two sentences long, which is not enough. I don't think you're reading my suggestions or comments and I feel like you're not really trying anymore. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask whoever you're living with or email your teacher. I'm sure these people would be more than happy to help you, but you have to start reading my comments and suggestions and putting in some effort! Come on, you can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

J.K rolling helps kids by first, he makes story books to keep them entertained during the Coronavirus.Another reason is that he made a book called “Harry Potter at home”and a.s because he help them stay educated wile they are at home because of the Coronavirus!!


Seriously Nalh, you have to start making titles!
Staying Home with Harry Potter

Jk rolling helps kids by first, he makes story books to keep them entertained during the Coronavirus.
A few things here: first, you still need a more introductory sentence. The author's name is also typed "J.K. Rowling", not "Jk rolling"; the "J.K." part are the initials of her first and middle name, so they need to be capitalized. The first letter of her last name needs to be capitalized too since it's a proper noun, and make sure you're spelling it correctly. Also, J.K. Rowling is a woman, not a man, so make sure you're saying "she" and not "he". The article also said that she made a website hub for kids during the quarantine and she released the first book in her series for free download, but she has not written any actual books for this time. Make sure you're paying attention to details in what you're reading.
J.K. Rowling, the author of the "Harry Potter" series, has made a new website to keep kids entertained during the Coronavirus quarantine.

Another reason is that he made a book called “Harry Potter at home”and a.s because he help them stay educated wile they are at home because of the Coronavirus!!
Again, she has not written any new books, "Harry Potter at Home" is a website that has articles, videos, and puzzles on it as well as the first book in her series. Watch your spelling as well ("while" not "wile" and "also" not "a.s"). I rewrote this sentence entirely to explain the website instead.
The website is called "Harry Potter at Home" and has articles, videos, and puzzles for kids.


Remember to add your source!
http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

Staying Home with Harry Potter J.K. Rowling, the author of the "Harry Potter" series, has made a new website to keep kids entertained during the Coronavirus quarantine. The website is called "Harry Potter at Home" and has articles, videos, and puzzles for kids. http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

I really feel like you're not reading any of the edits or suggestions I'm making for you - these are important because they can help you become a better writer and student! Like I said in the edits, you need to watch for details in the readings; sometimes, reading out loud can help you notice things easier. Make sure you're adding a space between the period at the end of a sentence and the beginning of a new sentence. Watch for spelling mistakes as well and be sure to capitalize proper nouns. Also, remember to add your source! This paragraph you wrote was really short, but I didn't think I should write the rest of it for you. I know you can do better. You've got this! Edited by Lainey Morris

The reason the 2020 summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because one detail is that the Games are postponed because of the Coronavirus.If u do go then u will get the coronavirus, if u get the Coronavirus u will get sick and then u might DIE!! Also because the Coronavirus is striding everywhere!!



I added a title again for you - make sure you're coming up with titles!
2020 Summer Olympic Games: Postponed The reason the 2020 summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because one detail is that the Games are postponed because of the Coronavirus.
This first sentence has a lot going on that can make the reader get lost. To fix this, I broke the sentence up. I also added some more introduction at the beginning and I capitalized "Summer" since that is part of the title.
This year, the 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Japan will be postponed. The Games have been postponed due to the Coronavirus outbreak that has spread around the world.

If u do go then u will get the coronavirus, if u get the Coronavirus u will get sick and then u might DIE!!
Whenever you're writing a paragraph for school or another assignment, you should be writing out the word "you" instead of just using the letter "u" like you might when you're messaging your friends. In this sentence, you should explain why it's possible for people to get sick and why they might die. I also edited this sentence for word choice and capitalization (Coronavirus).
The virus is very contagious and it's easy to catch in big crowds, like at the Olympics. The Coronavirus is very serious and may cause death for some people.

Also because the Coronavirus is striding everywhere!!
Since we've already mentioned how Coronavirus is spreading across the world, add a different detail about why postponing the Games may help to explain a little more why they were postponed.
The Games being postponed was an effort to enforce social distancing to try to contain the virus.


I also added a concluding sentence since you did not.
Many people around the world are sad that the Games are postponed, but it is a good way to keep people healthy and safe.

2020 Summer Olympic Games: Postponed This year, the 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Japan will be postponed. The Games have been postponed due to the Coronavirus outbreak that has spread around the world. The virus is very contagious and it's easy to catch in big crowds, like at the Olympics. The Coronavirus is very serious and may cause death for some people. The Games being postponed was an effort to enforce social distancing to try to contain the virus. Many people around the world are sad that the Games are postponed, but it is a good way to keep people healthy and safe.

Nalh, this paragraph had enthusiasm like the last one did, but it didn't have as much information. Make sure you're including a good amount of details to help your reader out, and be sure to include a title and a conclusion sentence. Also remember to write out the word "you" instead of "u" when you're writing something for school. Keep trying your best, you can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris


Two activities that I think that seems most fun is the indoor basket ball and Lego.indoor basket ball is fun because it is my favorite sports to play.Its my favorite sports because it keeps me active when I am bored. Lego is also my favorite because I didn’t know how to build anything with Lego before but now I do so it’s my favorite now.MOST of the things that I like about this is that we can build anything We imagine to build!!


Two Activities for Fun Indoors
I added a title again since you didn't have one.

Two activities that I think that seems most fun is the indoor basket ball and Lego.
This is a good sentence to introduce us to your two activities; however, you still need some more introduction. Also, note that "basketball" is one word. Since you mention two activities instead of one, you should put "that seem the most fun are" instead of "that seems the most fun is".
Being stuck indoors isn't fun, but here are two activities that I think seem really fun!

indoor basket ball is fun because it is my favorite sports to play.
Since "indoor" is the first word of this sentence, make sure it's capitalized. "Basketball" is a single noun, so it's only one sport, not "sports". This is a good sentence that explains why you like indoor basketball, but you need to introduce it to use first.
The first one is indoor basketball.

Its my favorite sports because it keeps me active when I am bored.
The word "its" is possessive, but in this case, you should use "it's", which means "it is". So, you would say "it is my favorite sport". I also edited this sentence to give it a better flow.
I like this activity because it is my favorite sport and it keeps me active when I am bored.

Lego is also my favorite because I didn’t know how to build anything with Lego before but now I do so it’s my favorite now.
This sentence really shows me how much you like Legos and does a good job of telling me why! You just need to make things a little more broken up so they don't get jumbled. Instead, introduce Legos first and then go into why you like them in two separate sentences.
The second activity is building with Legos. I also like Legos a lot because it has helped me learn how to build things.

MOST of the things that I like about this is that we can build anything We imagine to build!!
This is another good sentence that makes the reader get excited about Legos, but I edited it for wording.
I really like how I can build things I imagine with Legos.


You didn't have a concluding sentence, so I added one. Make sure you remember a conclusion next time!
Staying inside a lot can be a lot more fun with these two activities.


Two Activities for Fun Indoors Being stuck indoors isn't fun, but here are two activities that I think seem really fun! The first one is indoor basketball. I like this activity because it is my favorite sport and it keeps me active when I am bored. The second activity is building with Legos. I also like Legos a lot because it has helped me learn how to build things. I really like how I can build things I imagine with Legos. Staying inside a lot can be a lot more fun with these two activities.

This paragraph was great! I loved your enthusiasm, I could really tell how much you enjoy indoor basketball and Legos. It's important to still make sure that you are separating your sentences so that they aren't touching after the period (so "I like basketball. I also like Legos." instead of something like "I like basketball.I also like Legos."). Also make sure that you add a title next time and are also putting conclusion sentences, and watch your capitalization (the first word in a sentence should be capitalized and improper nouns like "we" in the middle of a sentence should be lowercase). This paragraph was an improvement from the last one, I loved how much you were into this topic. Keep up the great work! Edited by Lainey Morris

I added a title since you didn't have one; COVID-19: The Facts The Coronavirus is just like the flu. - The article says that Coronavirus is *sort of* like the flu, not just like it. I edited this sentence for wording and to explain how COVID-19 is similar to the flu; The Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, is a contagious virus that is similar to the flu. Like the flu, COVID-19 causes respiratory illness and affects the nose, throat, and lungs.

The Coronavirus is a virus that is also known as COVID-19. - I combined this sentence with the first sentence above.

It was found in China,and then it got spread in China. - I edited this sentence for word repetition ("China" twice in the same sentence sounds choppy), flow, and specificity; The virus was first found in Wuhan, China, and then spread around the rest of the country.

Then it spread through other contries. - Edited for spelling and flow; The virus made its way through other countries soon after.

Only the USA didn’t have the virus because people was traveling with the sickness. - Edited for word choice and clarity; The virus was eventually spread to the U.S. by people who were traveling into the country with the sickness.


Parents can be teachers when students are home because of the Coronavirus by 1st detail is that, our moms or dads can teach us something new like we do in school. - I added before this sentence a sentence explaining why students are home. I then edited the sentence for wordiness. I also took out "1st detail" because you don't need that in your actual work (only to help you identify your details before you submit); Because of the outbreak, schools have been shut down. While students are home, parents can be teachers and teach their kids something new, as well as allow them to study and assist with homework if they need any help.

2nd detail is that they can let us study and help us if we need help, like our teachers do. - Edited this sentence to take out "2nd detail" and for wordiness. I also combined it with the previous sentence.


COVID-19: The Facts The Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, is a contagious virus that is similar to the flu. Like the flu, COVID-19 causes respiratory illness and affects the nose, throat, and lungs. The virus was first found in Wuhan, China, and then spread around the rest of the country. The virus made its way through other countries soon after. The virus was eventually spread to the U.S. by people who were traveling into the country with the sickness. Because of the outbreak, schools have been shut down. While students are at home, parents can be teachers and teach their kids something new, as well as allow them to study and assist them with homework if they need any help.


Make sure you check for spelling in your drafts and give explanations for details you add - the more you elaborate, the more sentences you'll have! Also remember to add a title! Good work! Edited by Lainey Morris