Laurel Copes Editor's Page

The Right Time to Drink Coffee

      • Good job, you're good at choosing titles!

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that makes personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes.

      • Edited for word choice; In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that produces personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes daily.

This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent.

      • Edited for formatting (extra space); This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent.

It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained.

      • Good!

The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of army workers.

      • Edited for grammar (capitalize Army or change to soldiers); The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of soldiers.

They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test.

      • Nice!

At the same time, there're other ways to increase you awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

      • Edited for grammar and spelling; At the same time, there are other ways to increase your awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

The Right Time to Drink Coffee

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that makes personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes. This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent. It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained. The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of army workers. They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test. At the same time, there're other ways to increase you awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

The Right Time to Drink Coffee

In the United States Army, an algorithm was created by researchers that produces personal suggestions for timing the amount of caffeine a person consumes daily. This would help the person to drink the minimum amount of coffee while improving their maximum level of awareness by up to 64 percent. It was concluded that the right schedule for caffeine consumption could also lower the amount being consumed by up to 65 percent, but their high alertness would still be maintained. The researchers' findings will be used to help raise the alertness of soldiers. They will also be useful to others, though, like students who would want to be wide awake during a test. At the same time, there are other ways to increase your awareness, which includes exercising and eating healthy.

      • Make sure you pay attention to grammar and spelling when you proofread; overall, you did a great job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a21099963/best-time-to-drink-coffee-alertness/





Sleeping In to Live Longer

      • Good!

You might have parents and other adults advise you to not sleep in during the weekend.

      • Edited for fluidity (established a teenage audience); Parents and other adults often advise teenagers not to sleep in during the weekend.

A recent study has results that go against this advice.

      • Edited for fluidity; However, a recent study has results that go against this advice.

At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got 5 hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death.

      • Edited for fluidity (higher than what?); At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got five hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death than people who got more than five hours a night.

However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend.

      • Good!

It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep everyday.

      • Edited for grammar; It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep every day.

Sleeping In to Live Longer

You might have parents and other adults advise you to not sleep in during the weekend. A recent study has results that go against this advice. At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got 5 hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death. However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend. It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep everyday.

Sleeping In to Live Longer

Parents and other adults often advise teenagers not to sleep in during the weekend. However, a recent study has results that go against this advice. At Stockholm University, researchers found that people who got five hours of sleep every night had a higher risk of death than people who got more than five hours a night. However, people who got 5 hours of sleep every night but made it up by sleeping for 9 hours each weekend night did not increase their risk of death. This basically shows that short hours of sleep in the weekdays can be balanced out by long hours of sleep in the weekend. It's still recommended, though, to get a consistent amount of sleep every day.

      • You need to work on the fluidity of your paragraph. All of the essential ideas are here, just make sure you think about how each sentence flows with the ones around it.

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a20889979/sleeping-in-on-weekend-help-you-live-longer-prevent-early-death/





The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

      • Good job!

Many people have a great fear of spiders or at least they try to kill the ones they see.

      • Edited for fluidity; Many people have a great fear of spiders or they at least try to kill the ones they see.

However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways.

      • Good!

They are often found indoors in our homes, and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders.

      • Edited for fluidity; They are often found indoors and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders.

A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much.

      • Good!

They crawl around with 8 legs and they all have venom, but in most species the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans.

      • Edited for spelling and comma use; They crawl around with eight legs and they all have venom, but in most species, the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans.

As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

      • Nice!

The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

Many people have a great fear of spiders or at least they try to kill the ones they see. However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways. They are often found indoors in our homes, and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders. A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much. They crawl around with 8 legs and they all have venom, but in most species the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans. As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

The Benefit of Having a Spider Living With You

Many people have a great fear of spiders or they at least try to kill the ones they see. However, spiders actually help us and the environment in many ways. They are often found indoors and they can help us by consuming pests and even other spiders. A survey in North Carolina showed that the cobweb spider and the cellar spider were the most common types to live under our roofs. Spiders regularly capture annoying or harmful pests and insects in their webs, like mosquitoes. It's understandable why we fear spiders so much. They crawl around with eight legs and they all have venom, but in most species, the venom isn't strong enough to be a danger to humans. As a matter of fact, spiders try to avoid contact with humans at all costs unless they feel threatened. Therefore, it's best to just let spiders thrive in your home or let them go into the outside world if you really can't stand them.

      • You need to work on spelling, comma use, and fluidity. You brought a lot of personality to this and I really enjoyed it!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.popsci.com/killing-spiders#page-4





The Effects of Mosquito Bites

      • Good job!

When you get a mosquito bite, some your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions.

      • Missing a word; When you get a mosquito bite, some of your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions.

This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the blood stream.

      • Bloodstream is one word; This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the bloodstream.

A virologist and her team set up a study with mice to find out how exactly mosquitoes mess with our immune system and possible spread diseases.

      • Good!

Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice's immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal.

      • Changed "mice's" to "mice'" because mice is a plural word; Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice' immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal.

This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.

      • Nice!

The Effects of Mosquito Bites

When you get a mosquito bite, some your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions. This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the blood stream. A virologist and her team set up a study with mice to find out how exactly mosquitoes mess with our immune system and possible spread diseases. Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice's immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal. This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.


The Effects of Mosquito Bites

When you get a mosquito bite, some of your blood is taken by the mosquito in exchange for its salivary secretions. This mosquito spit has been found to irritate the human immune system after entering the bloodstream. Their study showed that after being bitten, the mice' immune cells disappeared for a couple of days and came back in bone marrow, which was not normal. This might mean that viruses from mosquito saliva are entering through the skin to a place away from the immune system where they can multiply so that they won't be attacked. Using this research, vaccines can be made to safeguard us from the impacts of mosquito saliva and to eventually stop the transmission of diseases by vectors.

      • You need to be careful in your proofreading. The structure of this was good, but you misspelled some words and made some errors grammatically. Overall, great job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2018/05/17/mosquito-bite-immune-system/#.WwNLFi-ZNmA




Why Onions Make You Cry

      • Good!

When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere.

      • Edited for fluidity, you want this sentence to hook people into reading the rest of your paragraph; It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying?

The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil.

      • Edited for fluidity; According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew.

Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated.

      • Edited for grammar, you started in present tense so you need to stay in that tense; Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice.

The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

      • Edited for grammar; The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body.

      • Good!

As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.

      • Edited for clarity; In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.

Why Onions Make You Cry

When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere. The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil. Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated. The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.

Fully Edited Article: Why Onions Make You Cry

It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying? According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew. Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice. The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.

      • You need to work on: grammar and making sure you think about the reader. Are you providing all the information they need to understand your purpose for writing? Are you presenting the information in an interesting way?

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-onions-make-you-cry





Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk

      • Edited for clarity; How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it.

      • Edited for grammar; Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them.

However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body.

      • Edited for fluidity and quotation marks added for a direct quote; After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture."

Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt.

He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail.

      • Edited for fluidity; He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail.

The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk.

      • Edited for grammar; The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk.

In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

      • Edited for grammar; In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it. However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body. Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk. He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail. The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

Fully Edited Article: How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them. After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture." Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt. He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail. The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

      • You need to work on: grammar (make sure you pay attention to subject-verb agreement when your subject is plural).

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/lizards-learn-a-silly-walk-after-losing-their-tails/






How the Flu Causes A Death

      • Edited for clarity; How the Flu Can Cause Death

A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia.

      • Edited for paragraph structure, if you are going to give an example like this it is important to use as many specific details as possible and to make sure that it ties in with the rest of your information; The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia.

The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself.

      • Edited for paragraph structure; Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself.

When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die.

      • Edited for fluidity; For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death.

In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection.

      • Edited for grammar; In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection.

Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming of the immune system and death.

      • Edited for fluidity; In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death.

Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

      • Edited for fluidity; The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

How the Flu Causes A Death

A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself. When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection. Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming of the immune system and death. Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

Fully Edited Article: How the Flu Can Cause Death

The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands of people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia. Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself. For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection. In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death. The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

      • You need to work on paragraph structure and grammar.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-does-the-flu-actually-kill-people/





How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure

      • Edited from original source title; Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors

The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for.

      • Edited for clarity; Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys.

However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.

      • Edited for clarity and grammar; However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.

The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow.

      • Edited for fluidity; The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure.

However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job.

There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger.

Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.

      • Edited for grammar; Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.

How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure

The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for. However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow. However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs. There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow. Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.

Fully Edited Article: Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors

Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys. However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure. The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job. There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger. Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.

      • You need to work on making sure each of your sentences make sense in the context of your entire paragraph.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-bacteria-may-help-regulate-blood-pressure/





Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

      • Nice title!

The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future.

      • Edited for clarity; A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future.

Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes.

Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in.

      • Edited for grammar; Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear.

The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.

      • Edited for fluidity; The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.

They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids.

In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.

      • Edited for grammar; In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.

Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future. Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in. The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.

Fully Edited Article: Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future. The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear. The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.

      • You need to work on: grammar and paragraph structure. Good job on your title!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/electric-eel-inspired-devices-could-power-artificial-human-organs/





Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer

      • Edited for clarity; Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate

Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms.

      • Edited for fluidity; Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms.

However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species.

      • Edited for clarity; Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species.

Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs.

      • Edited for clarity; Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs.

This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.

      • Edited for fluidity; This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.


Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms. However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs. This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.

Fully Edited Article: Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms. Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs. This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.

      • You need to work on: paragraph structure. Make sure to include your source!

Edited by Laurel Copes





Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?

      • Edited for clarity; Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness?

Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy.

      • Edited for fluidity; Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy.

Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes.

      • Edited for fluidity and clarity; According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three.

However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord.

      • Edited for clarity; However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords.

In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not.

      • Edited for grammar; Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions.

Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.

      • Edited for clarity; Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.

Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?

Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy. Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes. However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord. In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not. Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.

Fully Edited Article: Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness? Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy. According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three. However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords. Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions. Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.

      • You need to work on: grammar, being specific with the information you're providing, and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/have-scientists-found-a-secret-chord-for-happy-songs/





Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains

      • This is good! You summarize the original title without excluding important information!

1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life.

2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.

      • Edited for fluidity; You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes.

3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.

      • Edited for grammar; Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult.

4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.

      • Edited for grammar; In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times.

5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.

      • Edited for clarity; Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted.

6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.

      • Edited for fluidity; Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.


Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains

1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.

2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.

3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.

4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.

5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.

6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.

Fully Edited Article: Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life. You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes. Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult. In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times. Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted. Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.

      • You need to work on: grammar, providing all important information, and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pogue-6-reasons-why-smartphones-wont-replace-our-brains/





Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind

      • Edited for clarity; Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind

Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world.

      • Edited for word choice and sentence structure; Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food.

To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths.

      • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops.

The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths.

      • Edited for fluidity; The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths.

They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce.

      • Edited for fluidity; The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops.

The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct.

      • Edited for clarity and sentence structure; Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction.

This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.

      • Edited for grammar; However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.

Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.

      • Edited for grammar; Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.


Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind

Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world. To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths. The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths. They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce. The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct. This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.

Fully Edited Article: Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind. Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food. To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops. The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths. The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops. Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction. However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.

      • You need to work on: sentence structure, grammar, and word choice.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-battle-in-the-sky-genetically-modified-moths-to-take-flight-in-new-york/





Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools

      • Edited for fluidity; Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools

People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds.

      • You could reorder this sentence to make it more fluid, you also need to be sure to include all relevant information; for example, People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year.

About half of that stays in landfills.

      • Sentence would be more effective if it was longer and you used different wording; About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans.

However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic.

      • This sentence is good, just add a bit more information for clarity; However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of.

Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.

      • Corrected for grammar; Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.

The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.

      • Either move this sentence above the first one, or reword it to connect it to the previous sentence topic; The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.

In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

      • Corrected for clarity; In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/plastic-eating-worms-could-inspire-waste-degrading-tools1/


Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools

People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds. About half of that stays in landfills. However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.


Fully Edited Article: Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year. About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans. However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

      • You need to work on: making sentences more fluid and including all relevant details.

Edited by Laurel Copes



How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol

      • Edited for article (the, a, an) use; How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol

During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride.

      • Edited for clarity, since the flag is for all people who identify as LGBT, I changed the nouns to be more inclusive; During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride.

The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.

      • Edited for fluidity, your opening here is a little wordy so I condensed it; The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.

Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow.

      • Edited for inclusivity; Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky.

The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.

      • Nice!

The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.

      • Corrected spelling; The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.

Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

      • Edited for fluidity; The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol

During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride. The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978 during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

Edited Paragraph: How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol

During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride. The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.


      • You need to work on being more precise in your summary. Think about how you can convey the most amount of information to your readers and make sure each sentence is working toward your ultimate conclusion. Also work on your use of punctuation, there were a few grammatical errors. Overall, good job!

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-did-the-rainbow-flag-become-a-symbol-of-lgbt-pride

Edited by Laurel Copes





Why Are Oceans Salty?

      • Edited for clarity; The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty

Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.

      • Edited for clarity and grammar (Comma use and sentence structure); Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.

The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land.

      • Edited for fluidity; The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land.

When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.

      • Edited for fluidity; When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.

When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind.

      • Edited for clarity; When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind.

In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.

      • Edited for fluidity; In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.

Why Are Oceans Salty? Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.


Fully Edited Article: The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.

      • You need to work on: phrasing in sentence structure and using commas.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-the-ocean-salty





Chilean Miners Rescued in 2010

      • Good!

In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.

      • Edited for grammar (word choice); On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.

Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010.

      • Edited for fluidity; Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010.

On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.

      • Edited for grammar (comma use); On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.

After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish.

      • Edited for fluidity; After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish.

The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring.

      • Edited for fluidty; The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring.

By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts.

      • Edited for grammar (comma use); By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts.

Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located.

      • Edited for grammar (tense use); Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located.

Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

      • Edited for fluidity; Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring. By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located. Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Fully Edited Article: On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring. By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located. Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

      • You need to work on comma and tense use.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/event/Chile-mine-rescue-of-2010





Death By Apple Seeds

      • Edited for fluidity; Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans.

      • Nice!

Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal.

However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.

      • Edited for grammar: However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.

2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning.

      • Good!

As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.

      • Edited for grammar; As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.


Death By Apple Seeds

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.

Fully Edited Article: Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.

      • You need to work on grammar and to focus on fluidity.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-apple-seeds-kill-you





Human Skin Bacteria Have Caner-Fighting Powers

      • Edited for spelling, do not copy the title of the original article; Human Skin Bacteria Have Cancer-Fighting Powers

Certain skin-dwelling microbes may lead to drugs that treat or prevent skin cancer.

      • Don't copy the sentences directly from the article, you need to restate the sentences in your own words.

Chemical makes compound that stops DNA formation in tumor cells.

      • This is not a complete sentence, you do not explain what chemical you are referring to; The bacteria make a chemical compound that stops DNA formation in tumor cells.

Mice slathered with one strain of Staphylococcus epidermidis that makes the compound developed fewer tumors after exposure to damaging ultraviolet radiation compared with those treated with a strain lacking the compound.

      • Again, this is plagiarism, you need to rewrite the information without copying directly from the article.

Staphylococcal species have many bacteria that live on human skin.

      • Good!

A strain of S. epidermidis that made a compound-6-N-hydroxyamninopourine (6-HAP) was discovered from antimicrobial powers of bacteria.

      • Edited for comma and article use; A strain of S. epidermidis that made a compound, 6-N-hydroxyamninopourine (6-HAP), was discovered from the antimicrobial powers of bacteria.

The researchers estimated that 20 percent of the human population have S. epidermidis strains that make 6-HAP on their skin which may prevent skin caner cells, block DNA synthesis in lymphomas cells, and cancerous immune system cells.

      • Edited for spelling; The researchers estimated that 20 percent of the human population have S. epidermidis strains that make 6-HAP on their skin which may prevent skin cancer cells, block DNA synthesis in lymphomas cells, and cancerous immune system cells.


Human Skin Bacteria Have Caner-Fighting Powers

Certain skin-dwelling microbes may lead to drugs that treat or prevent skin cancer. Chemical makes compound that stops DNA formation in tumor cells. Mice slathered with one strain of Staphylococcus epidermidis that makes the compound developed fewer tumors after exposure to damaging ultraviolet radiation compared with those treated with a strain lacking the compound. Staphylococcal species have many bacteria that live on human skin. A strain of S. epidermidis that made a compound-6-N-hydroxyamninopourine (6-HAP) was discovered from antimicrobial powers of bacteria. The researchers estimated that 20 percent of the human population have S. epidermidis strains that make 6-HAP on their skin which may prevent skin caner cells, block DNA synthesis in lymphomas cells, and cancerous immune system cells.

Human Skin Bacteria Have Cancer-Fighting Powers

Certain skin-dwelling microbes may lead to drugs that treat or prevent skin cancer. The bacteria make a chemical compound that stops DNA formation in tumor cells. Mice slathered with one strain of Staphylococcus epidermidis that makes the compound developed fewer tumors after exposure to damaging ultraviolet radiation compared with those treated with a strain lacking the compound. Staphylococcal species have many bacteria that live on human skin. A strain of S. epidermidis that made a compound, 6-N-hydroxyamninopourine (6-HAP), was discovered from the antimicrobial powers of bacteria. The researchers estimated that 20 percent of the human population have S. epidermidis strains that make 6-HAP on their skin which may prevent skin cancer cells, block DNA synthesis in lymphomas cells, and cancerous immune system cells.

      • You need to make sure that you do not copy directly from the article that you are summarizing. Try to work on spelling and using articles.

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/human-skin-bacteria-have-cancer-fighting-powers





Choosing To Amplify

      • Edited for clarity; Do Tree Crickets Choose to Amplify Their Calls?

Male crickets are known for their calls to attract females especially the tree crickets.

      • Edited for comma use; Male crickets are known for their calls to attract females, especially the tree crickets.

Tree crickets are known for using leaves to amplify their calls.

      • Edited for fluidity, I changed "are known for" since you used that phrase in the sentence before; These tree crickets use leaves as a baffle to amplify their calls.

However, in recent years only very few of these crickets use these leaves to baffle their calls.

      • Edited for fluidity; However, in recent years very few of these crickets have been using this technique.

Scientist have found that when using leaves to maximize their calls, crickets use the perfect size leaves and revamp it to make the perfect call.

      • Edited for subject-verb agreement; Scientists have found that when using leaves to maximize their calls, crickets use the perfect size leaf and revamp it to make the perfect call.

Researchers have discovered that whether to baffle their calls with leaves or not is strictly inherited.

      • Good!

Although tree crickets have the ability to baffle their calls they rarely do so because their pay be a price to pay.

      • Used the wrong form of "there" and edited for spelling; Although tree crickets have the ability to baffle their calls they rarely do so because there may be a price to pay.

Choosing To Amplify

Male crickets are known for their calls to attract females especially the tree crickets. Tree crickets are known for using leaves to amplify their calls. However, in recent years only very few of these crickets use these leaves to baffle their calls. Scientist have found that when using leaves to maximize their calls, crickets use the perfect size leaves and revamp it to make the perfect call. Researchers have discovered that whether to baffle their calls with leaves or not is strictly inherited. Although tree crickets have the ability to baffle their calls they rarely do so because their pay be a price to pay.

Do Tree Crickets Choose to Amplify Their Calls?

Male crickets are known for their calls to attract females, especially the tree crickets. These tree crickets use leaves as a baffle to amplify their calls. However, in recent years very few of these crickets have been using this technique. Scientists have found that when using leaves to maximize their calls, crickets use the perfect size leaf and revamp it to make the perfect call. Researchers have discovered that whether to baffle their calls with leaves or not is strictly inherited. Although tree crickets have the ability to baffle their calls they rarely do so because there may be a price to pay.

      • You need to work on word choice and paragraph structure; think about how you can communicate the information in the most direct, logical way and try not to repeat phrases or information.

Edited by Laurel Copes

http://science.sciencemag.org/content/358/6370/twil





Long Sleeves on Doctors' White Coats May Spread Germs

      • Good!

Doctors' should wear short sleeve coat in order to avoid contamination with viruses which can be transmitted to patients.

      • Edited for punctuation and subject-verb agreement; Doctors should wear short sleeve coats in order to avoid contamination with viruses which can be transmitted to patients.

Researcher had 34 health care workers wear either long or short sleeve white coats while they examined a mannequin that had been contaminated with DNA from the cauliflower mosaic virus.

      • Edited for subject-verb agreement and spelling; Researchers had 34 healthcare workers wear either long or short sleeve white coats while they examined a mannequin that had been contaminated with DNA from the cauliflower mosaic virus.

Health care workers with long sleeve coats had 25% of contamination in their sleeves or on their wrist. Health care workers with short sleeve coats had 0% of contamination with the virus DNA.

      • Edited for spelling; Healthcare workers with long sleeve coats had 25% of contamination in their sleeves or on their wrist. Healthcare workers with short sleeve coats had 0% of contamination with the virus DNA.

In 2007, the United Kingdom made a policy for hospitals which recommended that health care personal wear short sleeves.

      • Edited for spelling; In 2007, the United Kingdom made a policy for hospitals which recommended that healthcare personnel wear short sleeves.

Overall, the study shows that the doctors and health care workers should wear short sleeve coats or roll up the sleeves above the elbows to reduce the infections that can be spread in the hospital.

      • Edited for spelling and fluidity; Overall, the study shows that doctors and healthcare workers should wear short sleeve coats or roll up the sleeves above the elbows to reduce infections that can be spread in the hospital.

Long Sleeves on Doctors' White Coats May Spread Germs

Doctors' should wear short sleeve coat in order to avoid contamination with viruses which can be transmitted to patients. Researcher had 34 health care workers wear either long or short sleeve white coats while they examined a mannequin that had been contaminated with DNA from the cauliflower mosaic virus. Health care workers with long sleeve coats had 25% of contamination in their sleeves or on their wrist. Health care workers with short sleeve coats had 0% of contamination with the virus DNA. In 2007, the United Kingdom made a policy for hospitals which recommended that health care personal wear short sleeves. Overall, the study shows that the doctors and health care workers should wear short sleeve coats or roll up the sleeves above the elbows to reduce the infections that can be spread in the hospital.

Long Sleeves on Doctors' White Coats May Spread Germs

Doctors should wear short sleeve coats in order to avoid contamination with viruses which can be transmitted to patients. Researchers had 34 healthcare workers wear either long or short sleeve white coats while they examined a mannequin that had been contaminated with DNA from the cauliflower mosaic virus. Healthcare workers with long sleeve coats had 25% of contamination in their sleeves or on their wrist. Healthcare workers with short sleeve coats had 0% of contamination with the virus DNA. In 2007, the United Kingdom made a policy for hospitals which recommended that healthcare personnel wear short sleeves. Overall, the study shows that doctors and healthcare workers should wear short sleeve coats or roll up the sleeves above the elbows to reduce infections that can be spread in the hospital.

      • You need to work on spelling and subject-verb agreement.

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/long-sleeves-on-doctors-white-coats-may-spread-germs/




Winter Solstice Thanks

      • Edited for clarity; Why We Should Give Thanks for the Winter Solstice

Today marks the first day of Winter in North America and the first day of Summer in South America.

      • You do not need to capitalize the seasons; Today marks the first day of winter in North America and the first day of summer in South America.

The Winter Solstice and the summer Solstice are the longest and shortest days of the year.

      • Edited for capitalization; I would also specify which solstice is the longest and which is the shortest; The winter solstice and the summer solstice are the longest and shortest days of the year.

This is a good opportunity to imagine what a day would look like if we lived on another planet because most planets like Venus can't see the Solstice.

      • Edited for clarity and comma usage; This is a good opportunity to imagine what a day would look like from another planet, because most planets, like Venus, cannot see the solstices.

If the Artic Cirlce didn't begin 66 degrees North of the equator it would effect how much light the Northern hemisphere would recieve during the Winter months.

      • Edited for spelling, word choice, and capitalization; If the Arctic Circle didn't begin 66 degrees north of the Equator it would affect how much light the Northern Hemisphere would receive during the winter months.

Also if the Earth wasn't tilted the Northern hemisphere would have complete darkness during the Winter season.

      • Edited for comma usage; Also, if the Earth wasn't tilted, the Northern Hemisphere would have complete darkness during the winter season.

Since the Earth is tilted we have proper sun light that keeps us warm and alive.

      • Edited for fluidity and spelling; However, because the Earth is tilted, we have proper sunlight that keeps us warm and alive.

Winter Solstice Thanks

Today marks the first day of Winter in North America and the first day of Summer in South America. The Winter Solstice and the summer Solstice are the longest and shortest days of the year. This is a good opportunity to imagine what a day would look like if we lived on another planet because most planets like Venus can't see the Solstice. If the Artic Cirlce didn't begin 66 degrees North of the equator it would effect how much light the Northern hemisphere would recieve during the Winter months. Also if the Earth wasn't tilted the Northern hemisphere would have complete darkness during the Winter season. Since the Earth is tilted we have proper sun light that keeps us warm and alive.

Why We Should Give Thanks for the Winter Solstice

Today marks the first day of winter in North America and the first day of summer in South America. The winter solstice and the summer solstice are the longest and shortest days of the year. This is a good opportunity to imagine what a day would look like from another planet, because most planets, like Venus, cannot see the solstices. If the Arctic Circle didn't begin 66 degrees north of the Equator it would affect how much light the Northern Hemisphere would receive during the winter months. Also, if the Earth wasn't tilted, the Northern Hemisphere would have complete darkness during the winter season. However, because the Earth is tilted, we have proper sunlight that keeps us warm and alive.

      • You need to work on using commas and capitalization.

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/20/science/winter-solstice-december-21.html


Cloud Storage Concerns

      • Consider being a bit more specific- What concerns? Have they been solved? etc.

Increasingly, individuals are cloud storage services like Google Drive, Dropbox, and Microsoft OneDrive.

      • You need a verb between "are" and "cloud;" Increasingly, individuals are using cloud storage services like Google Drive, Dropbox, and Microsoft OneDrive.

These systems encode each user’s date with a specific encryption key, and most systems keep the key.

      • "Data" not "date;" These systems encode each user’s data with a specific encryption key, and most systems keep the key.

This may seem much more convenient than having users keep the keys themselves, but it is also less secure because these keys may be stolen from the systems and misused without the owners realizing.

      • Good!

The best way to maximize cloud storage activity would be to use authenticated encryption.

      • It would be helpful to explain what authenticated encryption is here.

However, this may limit users from taking advantage of some cloud features such as editing shared documents and searching cloud stored files.

      • Edited for grammar (added a hyphen); However, this may limit users from taking advantage of some cloud features such as editing shared documents and searching cloud-stored files.

For people who don’t want to learn how to program their own tools though, they can try to find a cloud storage service with trustworthy software or use trusted open-source encryption software to encrypt their data before uploading it to cloud.

      • Nice!

Cloud Storage Concerns

Increasingly, individuals are cloud storage services like Google Drive, Dropbox, and Microsoft OneDrive. These systems encode each user’s date with a specific encryption key, and most systems keep the key. This may seem much more convenient than having users keep the keys themselves, but it is also less secure because these keys may be stolen from the systems and misused without the owners realizing. The best way to maximize cloud storage activity would be to use authenticated encryption. However, this may limit users from taking advantage of some cloud features such as editing shared documents and searching cloud stored files. For people who don’t want to learn how to program their own tools though, they can try to find a cloud storage service with trustworthy software or use trusted open-source encryption software to encrypt their data before uploading it to cloud.


Cloud Storage Concerns

Increasingly, individuals are using cloud storage services like Google Drive, Dropbox, and Microsoft OneDrive. These systems encode each user’s data with a specific encryption key, and most systems keep the key. This may seem much more convenient than having users keep the keys themselves, but it is also less secure because these keys may be stolen from the systems and misused without the owners realizing. The best way to maximize cloud storage activity would be to use authenticated encryption. However, this may limit users from taking advantage of some cloud features such as editing shared documents and searching cloud-stored files. For people who don’t want to learn how to program their own tools though, they can try to find a cloud storage service with trustworthy software or use trusted open-source encryption software to encrypt their data before uploading it to cloud.

      • You need to pay attention to spelling and word choice errors. Good job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-secure-is-your-data-when-it-rsquo-s-stored-in-the-cloud/

Satellites to Predict Cholera Outbreak

      • Edited for fluidity; Satellites Predicted Cholera Outbreak in Yemen

A team of scientists successfully predicted a cholera outburst in Yemen through the use of satellite information.

      • Good! The only thing I would add is the date of this event!

Cholera is a waterborne infection that targets intestines and can progress rapidly within hours or days; it mostly occurs in developing countries that suffer from poor sanitation. Collecting ground data for cholera outbreaks can be challenging in chaotic locations such as Yemen, where there’s political instability and people are constantly moving around.

      • Nice!

However, satellites can help scientists collect this date and assess the Cholera risk in Yemen without actually being in the country.

      • Edited for capitalization and spelling; However, satellites can help scientists collect this data and assess the cholera risk in Yemen without actually being in the country.

In conclusion, a team’s successful prediction of a cholera outburst in Yemen made scientists realize that satellite data can accurately determine infectious outbursts.

      • Good!

Satellites to Predict Cholera Outbreak

A team of scientists successfully predicted a cholera outburst in Yemen through the use of satellite information. Cholera is a waterborne infection that targets intestines and can progress rapidly within hours or days; it mostly occurs in developing countries that suffer from poor sanitation. Collecting ground data for cholera outbreaks can be challenging in chaotic locations such as Yemen, where there’s political instability and people are constantly moving around. However, satellites can help scientists collect this date and assess the Cholera risk in Yemen without actually being in the country. In conclusion, a team’s successful prediction of a cholera outburst in Yemen made scientists realize that satellite data can accurately determine infectious outbursts.

Satellites Predicted Cholera Outbreak in Yemen

A team of scientists successfully predicted a cholera outburst in Yemen through the use of satellite information. Cholera is a waterborne infection that targets intestines and can progress rapidly within hours or days; it mostly occurs in developing countries that suffer from poor sanitation. Collecting ground data for cholera outbreaks can be challenging in chaotic locations such as Yemen, where there’s political instability and people are constantly moving around. However, satellites can help scientists collect this data and assess the cholera risk in Yemen without actually being in the country. In conclusion, a team’s successful prediction of a cholera outburst in Yemen made scientists realize that satellite data can accurately determine infectious outbursts.

      • You need to work on proofreading for spelling mistakes and making sure you include all relevant information in your summary. Great work!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/satellites-predict-a-cholera-outbreak-weeks-in-advance/

Cancer-Sniffing Canines

      • Good; I like the alliteration too!

Recent studies have shown that dogs can use their sensitive noses to detect cancer cells by sniffing a person’s breath or urine.

      • Nice!

Cells in general give off volatile organic compounds (VOCs); cancer cells in particular give off a distinct VOC from regular cells, and dogs are able to detect this scent.

      • Edited for comma use; Cells, in general, give off volatile organic compounds (VOCs); cancer cells, in particular, give off a distinct VOC from regular cells, and dogs are able to detect this scent.

For this reason, researchers purposed that dogs can be trained to be cancer-sniffing wizards.

      • Edited for word choice and tense; For this reason, researchers proposed that dogs could be trained to be cancer-sniffing wizards.

However, there are many complications with this because dogs do well in engaging situations such as helping law enforcement and guiding search terms in disaster zones, not in sniffing thousands of biological samples. So instead, it has been suggested that dogs can be used to help researchers identify the specific compounds responsible for the distinct VOC from cancer cells.

      • Good!

Nevertheless, researchers are currently deciding on how to put dogs, which are able to sniff cancer cells, into medical use.

      • Edited for word choice; Nevertheless, researchers are currently deciding on how to put dogs, who are able to sniff cancer cells, into medical use.

Cancer-Sniffing Canines

Recent studies have shown that dogs can use their sensitive noses to detect cancer cells by sniffing a person’s breath or urine. Cells in general give off volatile organic compounds (VOCs); cancer cells in particular give off a distinct VOC from regular cells, and dogs are able to detect this scent. For this reason, researchers purposed that dogs can be trained to be cancer-sniffing wizards. However, there are many complications with this because dogs do well in engaging situations such as helping law enforcement and guiding search terms in disaster zones, not in sniffing thousands of biological samples. So instead, it has been suggested that dogs can be used to help researchers identify the specific compounds responsible for the distinct VOC from cancer cells. Nevertheless, researchers are currently deciding on how to put dogs, which are able to sniff cancer cells, into medical use.

Cancer-Sniffing Canines

Recent studies have shown that dogs can use their sensitive noses to detect cancer cells by sniffing a person’s breath or urine. Cells, in general, give off volatile organic compounds (VOCs); cancer cells, in particular, give off a distinct VOC from regular cells, and dogs are able to detect this scent. For this reason, researchers proposed that dogs could be trained to be cancer-sniffing wizards. However, there are many complications with this because dogs do well in engaging situations such as helping law enforcement and guiding search terms in disaster zones, not in sniffing thousands of biological samples. So instead, it has been suggested that dogs can be used to help researchers identify the specific compounds responsible for the distinct VOC from cancer cells. Nevertheless, researchers are currently deciding on how to put dogs, who are able to sniff cancer cells, into medical use.

      • You need to work on using commas and word choice, but you did a great job of summarizing and structuring your paragraph!

Edited by Laurel Copes

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/if-dogs-can-smell-cancer-why-dont-they-screen-people/

DNA Techniques for Facial Recognition Technology

      • Nice!

Early tests in vide-omics, or the use of genomic (DNA sequence) analysis to in videos, have demonstrated potential for better facial recognition technology.

      • Deleted extra word and added an article; Early tests in vide-omics, or the use of genomic (DNA sequence) analysis in videos, have demonstrated the potential for better facial recognition technology.

Despite its purpose to develop a safer and more secure society, today’s facial recognition system continues to make false matches between suspects of crimes and members of crowds.

      • Good!

Furthermore, they continue to remain limited to specific tasks in relatively controlled environments such as detecting trespass on a given property.

      • Edited to reflect the earlier reference to a "recognition system" as a singular subject and comma use; Furthermore, it continues to remain limited to specific tasks in relatively controlled environments, such as detecting trespass on a given property.

However, researchers have discovered a similarity between genomic analysis and visual surveillance: both require the study of the evolution of a setting over time through the investigations of changes that have occurred in that setting. Researcher Jean-Christophe Nebel suggests that bio techniques used for genomic analysis can be applied to videos. Overall, if DNA techniques are applied to videos, engineers can develop better facial recognition technologies.

      • Good!

Early tests in vide-omics, or the use of genomic (DNA sequence) analysis to in videos, have demonstrated potential for better facial recognition technology. Despite its purpose to develop a safer and more secure society, today’s facial recognition system continues to make false matches between suspects of crimes and members of crowds. Furthermore, they continue to remain limited to specific tasks in relatively controlled environments such as detecting trespass on a given property. However, researchers have discovered a similarity between genomic analysis and visual surveillance: both require the study of the evolution of a setting over time through the investigations of changes that have occurred in that setting. Researcher Jean-Christophe Nebel suggests that bio techniques used for genomic analysis can be applied to videos. Overall, if DNA techniques are applied to videos, engineers can develop better facial recognition technologies.

DNA Techniques for Facial Recognition Technology

Early tests in vide-omics, or the use of genomic (DNA sequence) analysis in videos, have demonstrated the potential for better facial recognition technology. Despite its purpose to develop a safer and more secure society, today’s facial recognition system continues to make false matches between suspects of crimes and members of crowds. Furthermore, it continues to remain limited to specific tasks in relatively controlled environments, such as detecting trespass on a given property. However, researchers have discovered a similarity between genomic analysis and visual surveillance: both require the study of the evolution of a setting over time through the investigations of changes that have occurred in that setting. However, researchers have discovered a similarity between genomic analysis and visual surveillance: both require the study of the evolution of a setting over time through the investigations of changes that have occurred in that setting. Researcher Jean-Christophe Nebel suggests that bio techniques used for genomic analysis can be applied to videos. Overall, if DNA techniques are applied to videos, engineers can develop better facial recognition technologies.

      • Make sure you proofread your submissions as most of the corrections I made were simple errors (extra or missing words; etc.). Overall, great job!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/dna-techniques-could-transform-facial-recognition-technology/



Bonobos and the Bad Guys

      • Good!

We as humans are more inclined to communicate and interact with those that are nicer, forgiving, and supportive.

      • Edited for word choice; We as humans are more inclined to communicate and interact with those that are nice, forgiving, and supportive.

But how do our close relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos, decide who to “hang out” with?

      • I would consider combining these sentences, but other than that this looks good!

Duke University anthropologists Christopher Krupenye and Brian Hare conducted a study that tested whether bonobos could distinguish between individuals based on their behaviors.

      • Edited for comma use and fluidity; To answer this question Duke University anthropologists, Christopher Krupenye and Brian Hare, conducted a study that tested whether bonobos could distinguish between individuals based on their behaviors.

A series of experiments tested whether bonobos would prefer the “good guys” or the “bad guys.”

      • Good!

The results were surprising; it seemed that they preferred those who showed more dominant and selfish over those that were more reserved and inferior.

      • Edited for word choice; The results were surprising; it seemed that they preferred those who showed more dominant and selfish behaviors over those that were more reserved and inferior.

However, this does provide an interesting insight on the bonobos' preference of dominance over altruism.

      • Nice!


Bonobos and the Bad Guys


We as humans are more inclined to communicate and interact with those that are nicer, forgiving, and supportive. But how do our close relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos, decide who to “hang out” with? Duke University anthropologists Christopher Krupenye and Brian Hare conducted a study that tested whether bonobos could distinguish between individuals based on their behaviors. A series of experiments tested whether bonobos would prefer the “good guys” or the “bad guys.” The results were surprising; it seemed that they preferred those who showed more dominant and selfish over those that were more reserved and inferior. However, this does provide an interesting insight on the bonobos' preference of dominance over altruism.


Bonobos and the Bad Guys


We as humans are more inclined to communicate and interact with those that are nice, forgiving, and supportive. But how do our close relatives, chimpanzees and bonobos, decide who to “hang out” with? To answer this question Duke University anthropologists, Christopher Krupenye and Brian Hare, conducted a study that tested whether bonobos could distinguish between individuals based on their behaviors. A series of experiments tested whether bonobos would prefer the “good guys” or the “bad guys.” The results were surprising; it seemed that they preferred those who showed more dominant and selfish behaviors over those that were more reserved and inferior. However, this does provide an interesting insight on the bonobos' preference of dominance over altruism.

      • You need to work on word choice and using commas.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bonobos-might-not-be-so-laid-back-after-all/



Are You Getting Cryptojacked?

      • Good!

In this era of technology, cryptocurrencies are becoming more and more popular.

      • This is good, but I would consider adding an example to make it clear to your audience what you are talking about.

Websites and applications that are so-called “free” to use may now be “cryptojacking” users’ devices. This is an alternative way for these companies to make revenue without bombarding the site or application with advertisements or collecting data.

      • Nice!

This “cryptojacking” involves using a device to generate virtual currencies like Bitcoins.

      • Edited for fluidity; "Cryptojacking" involves using a device to generate virtual currencies like Bitcoins.

This crytpojacking involves “mining” for the currency through the process of solving complex equations and using a device’s energy to do so.

      • Edited for fluidity (try not to repeat phrases); To do so, it uses a device's energy to mine for the currency through the process of solving complex equations.

However, although this may prevent a user to avoid seeing advertisements or having his data collected, “cryptojacking” can drain battery life.

      • Edited for fluidity (it is redundant to have both "however" and "although") and word choice; Although this may allow a user to avoid seeing advertisements or having their data collected, “cryptojacking” can drain battery life.

What’ll be the next new currency?

      • This does not make sense in the context of the rest of the paragraph; I would suggest posing a question about the consequences of cryptojacking.


Are You Getting Cryptojacked?


In this era of technology, cryptocurrencies are becoming more and more popular. Websites and applications that are so-called “free” to use may now be “cryptojacking” users’ devices. This is an alternative way for these companies to make revenue without bombarding the site or application with advertisements or collecting data. This “cryptojacking” involves using a device to generate virtual currencies like Bitcoins. This crytpojacking involves “mining” for the currency through the process of solving complex equations and using a device’s energy to do so. However, although this may prevent a user to avoid seeing advertisements or having his data collected, “cryptojacking” can drain battery life. What’ll be the next new currency?


Are You Getting Cryptojacked?

In this era of technology, cryptocurrencies are becoming more and more popular. Websites and applications that are so-called “free” to use may now be “cryptojacking” users’ devices. This is an alternative way for these companies to make revenue without bombarding the site or application with advertisements or collecting data. "Cryptojacking" involves using a device to generate virtual currencies like Bitcoins. To do so, it uses a device's energy to mine for the currency through the process of solving complex equations. Although this may allow a user to avoid seeing advertisements or having their data collected, “cryptojacking” can drain battery life. What’ll be the next new currency?

      • You need to work on word choice and phrasing. You did a good job with the grammar!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-your-computer-secretly-mining-bitcoin-alternatives-a-guide-to-ldquo-cryptojacking-rdquo/



Excited for Excitonium!

      • This is good!

Excitonium, a new form of matter, has been finally proven to exist after 50 years of research and experiments.

      • Edited for word order; Excitonium, a new form of matter, has finally been proven to exist after 50 years of research and experiments.

It was first proposed by Harvard theoretical physicist Bert Halperin, who is now excited to hear the discovery, in the 1960s.

      • Edited for fluidity; It was first proposed in the 1960s by Harvard theoretical physicist Bert Halperin, who is now excited to hear about the discovery.

However, the physicist responsible for the discovery is Peter Abbamonte, a physics professor at the University of Illinois, who worked with graduate students Anshul Kogar and Mindy Rak.

      • Good!

What they discovered was a condensate, meaning that it was a solid, but it is made up of particles called excitons.

      • I think you need to add some information here about how they discovered this because you need that context to understand what it means for them to have discovered a condensate.

These exciton particles are made up of an electron and the space that is left behind when it escapes, which in turn allows the space to act like a particle and attract the electron back. Now that excitonium has been discovered, there is much more research to be done to determine its properties, which may allow researchers to find applications for it.

      • Nice!


Excited for Excitonium!


Excitonium, a new form of matter, has been finally proven to exist after 50 years of research and experiments. It was first proposed by Harvard theoretical physicist Bert Halperin, who is now excited to hear the discovery, in the 1960s. However, the physicist responsible for the discovery is Peter Abbamonte, a physics professor at the University of Illinois, who worked with graduate students Anshul Kogar and Mindy Rak. What they discovered was a condensate, meaning that it was a solid, but it is made up of particles called excitons. These exciton particles are made up of an electron and the space that is left behind when it escapes, which in turn allows the space to act like a particle and attract the electron back. Now that excitonium has been discovered, there is much more research to be done to determine its properties, which may allow researchers to find applications for it.


Excited for Excitonium!

Excitonium, a new form of matter, has finally been proven to exist after 50 years of research and experiments. It was first proposed in the 1960s by Harvard theoretical physicist Bert Halperin, who is now excited to hear about the discovery. However, the physicist responsible for the discovery is Peter Abbamonte, a physics professor at the University of Illinois, who worked with graduate students Anshul Kogar and Mindy Rak. What they discovered was a condensate, meaning that it was a solid, but it is made up of particles called excitons. These exciton particles are made up of an electron and the space that is left behind when it escapes, which in turn allows the space to act like a particle and attract the electron back. Now that excitonium has been discovered, there is much more research to be done to determine its properties, which may allow researchers to find applications for it.

      • With this kind of topic you need to be careful to include all the information the reader needs to understand each element of your summary. Overall, you did a good job of this, but there were some areas where you introduced concepts without explaining them. Nice job on your grammar and spelling!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.yahoo.com/news/physics-breakthrough-form-matter-excitonium-183206794.html



Supermalaria: A new Super Villian

      • Edited for capitalization; Supermalaria: A New Super Villian

Malaria has been one of the most infamous and harmful diseases that has affected people, and hopefully, it will be eradicated in the future. However, what scientists call a “supermalaria” parasite has been spreading across Southeast Asia and is resistant to artemisinin, a treatment for the disease.

      • Good!

In recent years, death by malaria has been falling with help from the President’s Malaria initiative (PMI) funding, but there may be a 44 percent cut if Congress does pass it.

      • Edited for capitalization and clarity; In recent years, death by malaria has been falling with help from the President's Malaria Initiative (PMI) funding, but there may be a 44 percent cut to the funding if Congress passes a proposed change to the program.

Although this “supermalaria” may have developed, this should not be a surprise due to the fact that diseases do change and mutate.

      • Edited for clarity; The development of this "supermalaria" should not be a surprise due to the fact that diseases do change and mutate over time.

It’s varying form will always force scientists and researchers to find a new treatment as well as help communities protect themselves from this disease.

      • Edited for comma use; It's varying form will always force scientists and researchers to find a new treatment, as well as help communities protect themselves from this disease.

If malaria and its future strains are to be eradicated, more research, finding, and a cumulative effort are required to help achieve this.

      • Good!

Supermalaria: A new Super Villian

Malaria has been one of the most infamous and harmful diseases that has affected people, and hopefully, it will be eradicated in the future. However, what scientists call a “supermalaria” parasite has been spreading across Southeast Asia and is resistant to artemisinin, a treatment for the disease. In recent years, death by malaria has been falling with help from the President’s Malaria initiative (PMI) funding, but there may be a 44 percent cut if Congress does pass it. Although this “supermalaria” may have developed, this should not be a surprise due to the fact that diseases do change and mutate. It’s varying form will always force scientists and researchers to find a new treatment as well as help communities protect themselves from this disease. If malaria and its future strains are to be eradicated, more research, finding, and a cumulative effort are required to help achieve this.

Supermalaria: A New Super Villian

Malaria has been one of the most infamous and harmful diseases that has affected people, and hopefully, it will be eradicated in the future. However, what scientists call a “supermalaria” parasite has been spreading across Southeast Asia and is resistant to artemisinin, a treatment for the disease. In recent years, death by malaria has been falling with help from the President's Malaria Initiative (PMI) funding, but there may be a 44 percent cut to the funding if Congress passes a proposed change to the program. The development of this "supermalaria" should not be a surprise due to the fact that diseases do change and mutate over time. It's varying form will always force scientists and researchers to find a new treatment, as well as help communities protect themselves from this disease. If malaria and its future strains are to be eradicated, more research, finding, and a cumulative effort are required to help achieve this.

      • You did a great job with this! Work on how you phrase your sentences and make sure to pay attention to capitalization, but overall, nice work!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/supermalaria-is-on-the-way/



To the Moon and Beyond!

      • Edited to be more specific; Proposed Space Outpost to Allow New Exploration

NASA and the ESA are holding conferences to discuss plans about a future project that will create an outpost that will succeed the current International Space Station.

      • Edited for vocabulary- changed "about" to "for" and "that" to "which"; NASA and the ESA are holding conferences to discuss plans for a future project that will create an outpost which will succeed the current International Space Station.

It will be called the Deep Space Gateway and is planned to be planned and built in 2020s although no concrete fundings have been provided yet.

      • Edited for word choice and comma use; It will be called the Deep Space Gateway and is planned to be built in the 2020s, although no concrete funding has been provided yet.

However, there have been many proposed outlines and possible experiments that may take place in the new space station.

      • Good!

Scientists nd researchers are working on a plan to allow the satellite to orbit the moon and hope to use it to help future explorations to Mars as well as further the development of science.

      • Edited for spelling and comma use; Scientists and researchers are working on a plan to allow the satellite to orbit the moon and hope to use it to help future explorations to Mars, as well as further the development of science.

The array of experiments that could be carried out seem endless from learning about Earth’s magnetic field to seeing how space affect a human’s physiology to planetary studies.

      • Edited for comma use and subject-verb agreement; The array of experiments that could be carried out seem endless, from learning about Earth's magnetic field to seeing how space affects a human's physiology, to planetary studies.

Overall, one profound impact would be the easy-access of the Moon; scientists on the space station can easily retrieve rock samples as well as learn more about the known water sources found on the Moon. Who knows what lies ahead of us.

      • Edited for tense use and punctuation: Overall, one profound impact would be the easy-access of the Moon; scientists on the space station would be able to easily retrieve rock samples, as well as learn more about the known water sources found on the Moon. Who knows what lies ahead of us?


NASA and the ESA are holding conferences to discuss plans about a future project that will create an outpost that will succeed the current International Space Station. It will be called the Deep Space Gateway and is planned to be planned and built in 2020s although no concrete fundings have been provided yet. However, there have been many proposed outlines and possible experiments that may take place in the new space station. Scientists nd researchers are working on a plan to allow the satellite to orbit the moon and hope to use it to help future explorations to Mars as well as further the development of science. The array of experiments that could be carried out seem endless from learning about Earth’s magnetic field to seeing how space affect a human’s physiology to planetary studies. Overall, one profound impact would be the easy-access of the Moon; scientists on the space station can easily retrieve rock samples as well as learn more about the known water sources found on the Moon. Who knows what lies ahead of us.

Proposed Space Outpost to Allow New Exploration

NASA and the ESA are holding conferences to discuss plans for a future project that will create an outpost which will succeed the current International Space Station. It will be called the Deep Space Gateway and is planned to be built in the 2020s, although no concrete funding has been provided yet. However, there have been many proposed outlines and possible experiments that may take place in the new space station. Scientists and researchers are working on a plan to allow the satellite to orbit the moon and hope to use it to help future explorations to Mars, as well as further the development of science. The array of experiments that could be carried out seem endless, from learning about Earth's magnetic field to seeing how space affects a human's physiology, to planetary studies. Overall, one profound impact would be the easy-access of the Moon; scientists on the space station would be able to easily retrieve rock samples, as well as learn more about the known water sources found on the Moon. Who knows what lies ahead of us?

      • You need to work on using the right vocabulary and commas, but great job on structuring the paragraph as a whole!


Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-want-in-on-humanity-rsquo-s-next-big-space-station/



Taking Control of Our Lives

      • You need to be as specific as possible in your headline so I added "what" is taking over our lives; Social Media is Taking Control of Our Lives

Social media have recently become a seemingly essential part of our lives: to communicate, to gather and plan events, to look for the next headline, to promote businesses, to use for the greater good of mankind.

      • Work on subject-verb agreement- social media is a singular noun; Social media has recently become a seemingly essential part of our lives: necessary to communicate, to gather and plan events, to look for the next headline, to promote businesses, and to use for the greater good of mankind.

Although it seems we may know ourselves, in this day and age, it seems that the people around us know who we are, but machines that use data points and information about our personal lives know us best.

      • This sentence is a little confusing, I streamlined your point and cut down on the comma usage; Although we may think we know ourselves, or in this day and age that the people around us know who we are, it is actually machines that use data points and information about our personal lives that know us the best.

So what are the causes? Humans have vulnerabilities such as a desire to have a high social status. This is why when we receive a like or a comment froma Facebook post, our brains unconsciously tells us that this is a reward, causing us to be addicted and even be controlled by social networks.

      • I like the question- that's a good rhetorical device. I spaced out "froma" and changed the subject-verb agreement in "brains...tells;" So what are the causes? Humans have vulnerabilities such as a desire to have a high social status. This is why when we receive a like or a comment from a Facebook post, our brains unconsciously tell us that this is a reward, causing us to be addicted and even be controlled by social networks.

These companies such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram realized this desire to fit in and to be respected by our peers because we are in a sense self-centered whether we like to be or not.

      • I think this is a good point, I just reworded it to make it flow a bit more naturally; Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram realized that humans have this desire to fit in and be respected by our peers due to our self-centered natures.

This is why we notice our names being called even when we are situated in a noisy environment. But if we truly want to understand ourselves and not be manipulated by social networks, we have to be self-conscious about the effects they have on our lives and outlook of ourselves.

      • I changed the last sentence because "outlook of ourselves" reads a bit awkwardly; This is why we notice our names being called even when we are situated in a noisy environment. But if we truly want to understand ourselves and not be manipulated by social networks, we have to be self-conscious about the effects they have on our lives and on how we view ourselves.


Taking Control of Our Lives


Social media have recently become a seemingly essential part of our lives: to communicate, to gather and plan events, to look for the next headline, to promote businesses, to use for the greater good of mankind. Although it seems we may know ourselves, in this day and age, it seems that the people around us know who we are, but machines that use data points and information about our personal lives know us best. So what are the causes? Humans have vulnerabilities such as a desire to have a high social status. This is why when we receive a like or a comment froma Facebook post, our brains unconsciously tells us that this is a reward, causing us to be addicted and even be controlled by social networks. These companies such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram realized this desire to fit in and to be respected by our peers because we are in a sense self-centered whether we like to be or not. This is why we notice our names being called even when we are situated in a noisy environment. But if we truly want to understand ourselves and not be manipulated by social networks, we have to be self-conscious about the effects they have on our lives and outlook of ourselves.


Social Media is Taking Control of Our Lives


Social media has recently become a seemingly essential part of our lives: necessary to communicate, to gather and plan events, to look for the next headline, to promote businesses, and to use for the greater good of mankind. Although we may think we know ourselves, or in this day and age that the people around us know who we are, it is actually machines that use data points and information about our personal lives that know us the best. So what are the causes? Humans have vulnerabilities such as a desire to have a high social status. This is why when we receive a like or a comment from a Facebook post, our brains unconsciously tell us that this is a reward, causing us to be addicted and even be controlled by social networks. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram realized that humans have this desire to fit in and be respected by our peers due to our self-centered natures. This is why we notice our names being called even when we are situated in a noisy environment. But if we truly want to understand ourselves and not be manipulated by social networks, we have to be self-conscious about the effects they have on our lives and on how we view ourselves.


      • You need to work on subject-verb agreement and word choice; otherwise, this was great! Good job!

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-social-networking-sites-controlling-your-mind/

Edited by Laurel Copes



Our Biological Clocks Helping Our Hearts

      • This title implies that our biological help our hearts in general, but since the paragraph focuses on open-heart surgery patients, I would include that in the title; Our Biological Clocks Help Open-Heart Surgery Patients

Our bodies have internal clocks, which regulate the circadian rhythm that helps us to function properly, know when to sleep, eat certain foods, and behave in particular ways.

      • It might be helpful here to define "circadian rhythm" to give your readers a more specific understanding of what it means to have an internal clock.

Recently, researchers have discovered that patients who had open-heart surgery in the afternoon were better off than those who had operations in the morning; they had half the risk of a major cardiac event than their morning counterparts.

These findings have been the latest supporting evidence that our biological clocks in play with the time of the day play an important role not only in our daily lives and activities, but also in the effectiveness of various medical treatments.

      • The use of "in play" is a bit confusing and redundant with the later use of "play;" also watch out for excess commas; These findings have been the latest supporting evidence that our biological clocks, along with the time of day, play an important role not only in our daily lives and activities but also in the effectiveness of various medical treatments.

As for the reason behind the better outcomes, gene expression varies throughout the day, causing different outcomes, such as causing a person’s heart to heal quicker and refill it with blood, as well as tissue changes in the body.

      • This is great, but I think you could push your vocabulary a little bit here instead of repeating "causing" and "outcomes;" As for the reason behind the better results, gene expression varies throughout the day, causing different outcomes, such as a person's heart healing quicker and refilling it with blood, as well as tissue changing in the body.

Now, scientists are attempting to test whether this gene expression can be controlled and activated no matter the time of day by manipulating a gene that appears a lot or less during the day.

      • Try and specify what you mean by "a lot or less during the day;" what does the frequency of the gene occurrence have to do with how they will manipulate it?

Hopefully, developing such a process may help open-heart surgery patients.


Our Biological Clocks Helping Our Hearts

Our bodies have internal clocks, which regulate the circadian rhythm that helps us to function properly, know when to sleep, eat certain foods, and behave in particular ways. Recently, researchers have discovered that patients who had open-heart surgery in the afternoon were better off than those who had operations in the morning; they had half the risk of a major cardiac event than their morning counterparts. These findings have been the latest supporting evidence that our biological clocks in play with the time of the day play an important role not only in our daily lives and activities, but also in the effectiveness of various medical treatments. As for the reason behind the better outcomes, gene expression varies throughout the day, causing different outcomes, such as causing a person’s heart to heal quicker and refill it with blood, as well as tissue changes in the body. Now, scientists are attempting to test whether this gene expression can be controlled and activated no matter the time of day by manipulating a gene that appears a lot or less during the day. Hopefully, developing such a process may help open-heart surgery patients.

Our Biological Clocks Help Open-Heart Surgery Patients

Our bodies have internal clocks, which regulate the circadian rhythm that helps us to function properly, know when to sleep, eat certain foods, and behave in particular ways. Recently, researchers have discovered that patients who had open-heart surgery in the afternoon were better off than those who had operations in the morning; they had half the risk of a major cardiac event than their morning counterparts. These findings have been the latest supporting evidence that our biological clocks, along with the time of day, play an important role not only in our daily lives and activities but also in the effectiveness of various medical treatments. As for the reason behind the better results, gene expression varies throughout the day, causing different outcomes, such as a person's heart healing quicker and refilling it with blood, as well as tissue changing in the body. Now, scientists are attempting to test whether this gene expression can be controlled and activated no matter the time of day by manipulating a gene that appears a lot or less during the day. Hopefully, developing such a process may help open-heart surgery patients.


      • Pay attention to comma use and try to vary your word choice in sentences where you have to use the same word more than once. Great job!


Edited by Laurel Copes


Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-heart-surgery-may-be-better-in-the-afternoon/



Trumps ex member Mike Flynn has been offered by Turkey. As written in the article, "Ex-trump aide Mike Flynn offered 15 million by Turkey for Gulen". Mike flynn has been offered $15 million.

      • These sentences repeat information that could be condensed into one sentence; Donald Trump's ex-aide Mike Flynn has been offered $15 million by Turkey "for Gulen."

As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report.The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling.Mr Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy".

      • You should discuss here what "plot" is referenced in the sentence, also edited for proper punctuation; As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report. The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling. Mr. Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy."

In other words they discussed the 15 million dollars!

      • The quote does not indicate that they discussed the money, I would suggest using a different quote or using this sentence to expand on why the quoted material is important to your reader. For example, "The discovery of this meeting comes after months of speculation about Russian involvement in U.S. elections."

In article it also states, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration.He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr Woolsey, a board member for Mr Flynn's consultancy.Mr Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen".NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser.Mr Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC".

      • You are using too many quotes instead of your own words. Try to find a short sentence and then summarize in your own way what it tells the reader, corrected punctuation (the period goes inside the quotation mark) and tense use; In article it is also stated, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration. He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr. Woolsey, a board member for Mr. Flynn's consultancy. Mr. Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen." NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr. Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr. Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser. Mr. Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC."

It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent".His lawyer later said Mr Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official.Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group".

      • Corrected punctuation; It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent." His lawyer later said Mr. Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official. Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group."

Trumps ex member Mike Flynn has been offered by Turkey. As written in the article, "Ex-trump aide Mike Flynn offered 15 million by Turkey for Gulen". Mike flynn has been offered $15 million. As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report.The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling.Mr Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy". In other words they discussed the 15 million dollars! In article it also states, "Mr Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration.He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr Woolsey, a board member for Mr Flynn's consultancy.Mr Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen".NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser.Mr Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC". It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent".His lawyer later said Mr Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official.Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group".

Edited Article: No title

Donald Trump's ex-aide Mike Flynn has been offered $15 million by Turkey "for Gulen." As stated in the article, "Ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son discussed the alleged plot with Turkish representatives, NBC News and Wall Street Journal report. The matter is said to be under scrutiny in the wider Justice Department probe into alleged Russian election meddling. Mr. Flynn quit after misleading the White House about meeting an envoy." The discovery of this meeting comes after months of speculation about Russian involvement in U.S. elections. In the article it is also stated, "Mr. Flynn was serving on the White House transition team during the reported meeting, which came a month before he joined the Trump administration. He also met Turkish representatives in September last year, according to Mr. Woolsey, a board member for Mr. Flynn's consultancy. Mr. Woolsey has previously told CNN that in September, "there was at least some strong suggestion by one or more of the Americans present at the meeting that we would be able, the United States would be able, through them, to be able to get hold of Gulen." NBC reported that federal investigators are also looking into whether Mr. Flynn tried to push for the return of Mr. Gulen to Turkey during his time as White House national security adviser. Mr. Flynn's attorney did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the BBC." It also states, "In 2016, his consultancy Flynn Intel Group was paid $530,000 for lobbying on behalf of the Turkish government - work which required him to register as "a foreign agent." His lawyer later said Mr. Flynn did not register because he was working for a Turkish businessman, rather than a government official. Investigators are also looking into the actions of his son, Michel Flynn Jr, who worked closely with him at Flynn Intel Group."


      • Make sure to include your source and re-write the title. You need to work on how to use quotes, both grammatically (punctuation, citing, etc.) and in terms of content (engaging with the quote to support your own argument).

Edited by Laurel Copes





Chinese new drone

      • Edited for clarity; Chinese Unveil New Drone

At Global Fortune Forum event, the chinese government presented largest drone swarm ever deployed.

      • Edited for grammar; At the Global Fortune Forum event in 2017, the Chinese government presented the largest drone swarm ever deployed.

Swarming drones, also known as distributed collaborative systems, are flocks of small unmanned aerial vehicles that can move and act as a group with only limited human intervention.

This is very important for future of aviation. Because these drone can be used in spaced and it can be also used in arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes and high-altitude airships.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; This is very important for the future of aviation because these drones can be used in space and in an arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes, and high-altitude airships.

This is important because this can help china in aviation technology and it improve there military.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; These advances will help China in their aviation technology and will improve their military.

Thus, why United State should improve our aviation and drone technology.

      • Edited for grammar; Thus, why the United States should improve their own aviation and drone technology.

Chinese new drone At Global Fortune Forum event, the chinese government presented largest drone swarm ever deployed. Swarming drones, also known as distributed collaborative systems, are flocks of small unmanned aerial vehicles that can move and act as a group with only limited human intervention. This is very important for future of aviation. Because these drone can be used in spaced and it can be also used in arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes and high-altitude airships. This is important because this can help china in aviation technology and it improve there military. Thus, why United State should improve our aviation and drone technology.

Fully Edited Article: Chinese Unveil New Drone At the Global Fortune Forum event in 2017, the Chinese government presented the largest drone swarm ever deployed. This is very important for the future of aviation because these drones can be used in space and in an arsenal of anti-stealth drones, hypersonic spy planes, and high-altitude airships. These advances will help China in their aviation technology and will improve their military. Thus, why the United States should improve their own aviation and drone technology.

      • Do not continue to copy work from other articles. You must write your own sentences and give credit when you use any source material. Watch out for article use, you often miss writing in "a, an, or the."

source:https://www.popsci.com/china-drone-swarms#page-3



Climate change effecting everything

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Climate Change Affects Everything

Climate changes have started cause certain fish spices to be suffocating.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Climate changes have started to cause certain fish species to suffocate.

A billfish expert says that he saw blue marlin off the Ivory Coast and Ghana, Jamaica and Brazil, and he’d never seen anything like it. But it turns out were trying to avoid suffocation.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; A billfish expert states that he observed blue marlin off of the Ivory Coast, Ghana, Jamaica, and Brazil and that he had never seen anything like it. However, it turns out they were trying to avoid suffocation.

Marlin near Guatemala and Costa Rica wouldn't plunge into the murky depths because they were avoiding a deep, gigantic and expanding swath of water that contained too little oxygen.

      • This is plagiarism, you MUST restate this in your own words or quote it directly with credit to the writer.

As they research marine waters, even far out in the high seas, are losing oxygen thanks to climate change, upending where and how sea creatures live.

      • ^^ This is plagiarism.

This is important because it shows how important climate change is and how much its affecting the ecosystem and creature around the world.

      • Edited for grammar; This is important because it demonstrates how important climate change is and how much it affects various ecosystems and creatures around the world.

Thus why we should take climate change more seriously to community.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; Thus, we must take climate change more seriously in our communities.

Climate change effecting everything Climate changes have started cause certain fish spices to be suffocating. A billfish expert says that he saw blue marlin off the Ivory Coast and Ghana, Jamaica and Brazil, and he’d never seen anything like it. But it turns out were trying to avoid suffocation. Marlin near Guatemala and Costa Rica wouldn't plunge into the murky depths because they were avoiding a deep, gigantic and expanding swath of water that contained too little oxygen. As they research marine waters, even far out in the high seas, are losing oxygen thanks to climate change, upending where and how sea creatures live. This is important because it shows how important climate change is and how much its affecting the ecosystem and creature around the world. Thus why we should take climate change more seriously to community.

Fully Edited Article: Climate Change Affects Everything

Climate changes have started to cause certain fish species to suffocate. A billfish expert states that he observed blue marlin off of the Ivory Coast, Ghana, Jamaica, and Brazil and that he had never seen anything like it. However, it turns out they were trying to avoid suffocation. This is important because it demonstrates how important climate change is and how much it affects various ecosystems and creatures around the world. Thus, we must take climate change more seriously in our communities.

      • I included the edited sentences above, but you need to rework the ones where I indicated plagiarism. For the edited ones, focus on grammar.

Edited by Laurel Copes

source:https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/climate-change-suffocating-low-oxygen-zones-ocean/



Cybertic evolution

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; The Impact of Cybernetics on Human Evolution

As robotics prosthetics and medical technology gets improved humans are getting closer to becoming a cybernetic organism.

      • Edited for grammar; As robotic prosthetics and medical technologies are improved, humans are getting closer to becoming cybernetic organisms.

Due to the rapid evolution of our technology it allowed Neil Harbisson, to be one of the those cybernetic organism or also known as cyborg.

      • Edited for grammar; Due to the rapid evolution of our technology, Neil Harbisson has been able to become one of these cybernetic organisms, also known as a cyborg.

He was a artist was born with achromatopsia, or complete color-blindness.

      • Edited for grammar; He is an artist that was born with achromatopsia or complete color-blindness.

He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that could translates different wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to percive the colors.

      • Edited for grammar; He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that can translate various wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to perceive colors.

According to some scientist they stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real".

      • Edited for grammar; Some scientists have stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real."

This means that more human with disablilty might become more cyborg.

      • Edited for paragraph structure; According to this, more humans with disabilities might become cyborgs.

source:https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/evolution-genetics-medicine-brain-technology-cyborg/

As robotics prosthetics and medical technology gets improved humans are getting closer to becoming a cybernetic organism. Due to rapid evolution of our technology it allowed Neil Harbisson, to be one of the those cybernetic organism or also known as cyborg. He was a artist was born with achromatopsia, or complete color-blindness. He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that could translates different wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to percive the colors. According to some scientist they stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real". This means that more human with disablilty might become more cyborg. source:https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/04/evolution-genetics-medicine-brain-technology-cyborg/

Fully Edited Article: The Impact of Cybernetics on Human Evolution

As robotic prosthetics and medical technologies are improved, humans are getting closer to becoming cybernetic organisms. Due to the rapid evolution of our technology, Neil Harbisson has been able to become one of these cybernetic organisms, also known as a cyborg. He is an artist that was born with achromatopsia or complete color-blindness. He has an antenna-like sensor implanted in his head that can translate various wavelengths into vibrations on his skull. This allows him to perceive colors. Some scientists have stated that "we start printing our own sense organs, implanted with DNA instead of using chips, the possibility of having children born with these senses is real." According to this, more humans with disabilities might become cyborgs.

      • You need to work on subject-verb agreement and using plural subjects.

Edited by Laurel Copes


      • Don't forget to include a title.

War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader", a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon.

      • Edited for clarity and grammar; War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader," a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon.

As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr Hariri against his will.He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon.The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tension in Lebanon and the region".

      • Edited for grammar, you need to use your own words to explain why this quote is important- don't assume that the quotes you use speak for themselves; As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr. Hariri against his will. He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon. The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tensions in Lebanon and the region."

In other words he himself is accusing the saudis of doing terrible things. In the article it also states, "In a televised speech on Friday, Mr Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was trying to provoke fighting amongst the Lebanese. "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon," he said.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; In other words, he himself is accusing the Saudis of doing terrible things. The article also refers to a speech delivered by Mr. Nasrallah in which he says, "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon."

Mr Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing".

      • Edited for grammar; Mr. Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing."

In the same article it also states, "t the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt".Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement, he said.

      • Edited for grammar; you are using two quotes here it seems, but I am unsure of how they relate or if they are both coming directly from the article; It is also stated that "at the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr. Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt." Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr. Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement."

BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says Mr Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

      • Edited for grammar; BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says, "Mr. Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader", a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon. As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr Hariri against his will.He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon.The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tension in Lebanon and the region". In other words he himself is accusing the saudis of doing terrible things. In the article it also states, "In a televised speech on Friday, Mr Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was trying to provoke fighting amongst the Lebanese. "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon," he said.Mr Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing". In the same article it also states, "t the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt".Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement, he said.BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says Mr Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

Fully Edited Article: War has always been a problem throughout human history. As written in the article, "Saudis declared war on Lebanon- Hezbollah leader," a war was just declared between the Saudis and the leader of Lebanon. As stated in the article, "Hassan Nasrallah said Saudi Arabia was holding Mr. Hariri against his will. He also accused the Saudis of inciting Israel against Lebanon. The powerful Hezbollah Shia movement is an ally of Iran, which has been trading accusations with the Saudis of fuelling tensions in Lebanon and the region." In other words, he himself is accusing the Saudis of doing terrible things. The article also refers to a speech delivered by Mr. Nasrallah in which he says, "In short, it is clear that Saudi Arabia and Saudi officials have declared war on Lebanon and on Hezbollah in Lebanon, but I have to say this is a war on Lebanon." Mr. Nasrallah also accused Saudi Arabia of being prepared to pay "billions" to Israel for a military strike against Lebanon, describing this as the "most dangerous thing." It is also stated that "at the weekend the Hezbollah leader had said that Mr. Hariri had been forced to resign by the Saudis, but he repeated the allegations on Friday, saying that this was now "beyond any doubt." Saudi Arabia was attempting to remove Mr. Hariri as prime minister and impose a new leadership on his political movement." BBC Middle East editor Sebastian Usher says, "Mr. Nasrallah's words were delivered as calmly as ever - but they will inevitably raise the temperature further as a growing number of countries outside the region try to calm the crisis."

      • You need to work on using quotation marks and punctuation properly. You also need to work on HOW you use quotes. They cannot make up the entire text of your summary, they are only there to bolster your own argument. Make sure to use your own words and only use quotes when they specifically add something to what you have to say. Please include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes





Real Railgun in US military

      • Edited for clarity; US Military Installs Efficiency-Boosting Railguns on Battleships
Railgun might become an actual military weapon.
      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; A railgun might be installed on a US battleship, allowing this technology to be used in warfare for the first time.
If a railgun is installed on US battleship this can change the warfare that US is fighting.
      • Edited for fluidity; If a railgun is installed, it could change the way that the United States fights during times of war.
Railgun is better because railguns are a clean break from that method, as they use a powerful electrical pulse to drag a projectile at high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target far away.
      • Edited for fluidity; This is because railguns can achieve greater speeds and range than gunpowder due to their use of a powerful electrical pulse that drags a projectile at a high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target.
If successful, railguns could give naval guns new speed and reach, making big ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they haven't been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power.
      • Edited for fluidity; This would make big, ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they have not been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power.
This is important because this can help US military fight wars more efficiently.
      • Edited for grammar; This is important because this can help the US military fight wars more efficiently.
Also this railgun will allow US Navy ship threatening other ships with sudden destruction and providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.
source:https://www.popsci.com/china-electromagnetic-railgun-catapults
      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; In addition, railguns will allow US Navy ships to threaten other ships with sudden destruction and will aid in providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.

Real Railgun in US military

Railgun might become an actual military weapon. If a railgun is installed on US battleship this can change the warfare that US is fighting. Railgun is better because railguns are a clean break from that method, as they use a powerful electrical pulse to drag a projectile at high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target far away. If successful, railguns could give naval guns new speed and reach, making big ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they haven't been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power. This is important because this can help US military fight wars more efficiently. Also this railgun will allow US Navy ship threatening other ships with sudden destruction and providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.
source:https://www.popsci.com/china-electromagnetic-railgun-catapults

Fully Edited article: US Military Installs Efficiency-Boosting Railguns on Battleships

A railgun might be installed on a US battleship, allowing this technology to be used in warfare for the first time. If a railgun is installed, it could change the way that the United States fights during times of war. This is because railguns can achieve greater speeds and range than gunpowder due to their use of a powerful electrical pulse that drags a projectile at a high speed down a long track before shooting it at a target. This would make big, ship-borne guns relevant in a way that they have not been since aircraft carriers and the planes they launch eclipsed battleships in range and striking power. This is important because this can help the US military fight wars more efficiently. In addition, railguns will allow US Navy ships to threaten other ships with sudden destruction and will aid in providing artillery support to Marines as they venture onto beaches.

      • You need to work on grammar and paragraph structure. You've got all the important information here, you just need to think about how to order it so the summary makes the most sense to the reader.

Edited by Laurel Copes





Laser Weapon on helicopters

      • Edited for clarity; Mounted Laser Weapons Developed By US Military

US military successfully installed a laser weapon on helicopter after successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; After the successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target, the United States military has installed a weapon of this kind on other helicopters.

The test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 Helicopter. This laser will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters.

      • Edited for grammar; This test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 helicopter. The newly mounted weapons will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters.

Unlike one time bomb the laser are cheap in long-term since is expected to be very low, around $1 a shot.

      • Edited for fluidity; Unlike expensive bombs that can only be used one time, the cost of the lasers is expected to very low in the long-term, around $1 a shot.

This is important because this can increase the power of US military and help soldiers fight the war with less risk. But it might take awhile until is actually use in war since that laser needs clear air to operate which make this laser weapon usless in desert area.

      • Edited for grammar; In addition to the low cost, the lasers can also increase the power of the U.S. military and help soldiers fight with less risk. However, they might not be immediately used in combat because they need clean air to operate in, which renders them useless in desert areas.

Laser Weapon on helicopters US military successfully installed a laser weapon on helicopter after successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target. The test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 Helicopter. This laser will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters. Unlike one time bomb the laser are cheap in long-term since is expected to be very low, around $1 a shot. This is important because this can increase the power of US military and help soldiers fight the war with less risk. But it might take awhile until is actually use in war since that laser needs clear air to operate which make this laser weapon usless in desert area.

Fully Edited Article: Mounted Laser Weapons Developed By US Military

After the successful test of a laser weapon mounted on a helicopter against an unmanned target, the United States military has installed a weapon of this kind on other helicopters. This test took place at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico, with the laser mounted on an Apache AH-64 helicopter. The newly mounted weapons will help increase the accuracy of the Army helicopters. Unlike expensive bombs that can only be used one time, the cost of the lasers is expected to very low in the long-term, around $1 a shot. In addition to the low cost, the lasers can also increase the power of the U.S. military and help soldiers fight with less risk. However, they might not be immediately used in combat because they need clean air to operate in, which renders them useless in desert areas.

      • You need to work on: grammar and sentence structure. Please include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes





Stronger Chinese military

      • Edited for clarity; Advances in Electromagnetic Technology Strengthen Chinese Military

As United State take more approach to use electromagnetic technologies in military, China has taken similar steps to compete with US.

      • Edited for grammar; As the United States has taken steps to increase the use of electromagnetic technologies in the military, China has taken similar steps to compete with the US.

But as united states has decline it's effort in electromagnetic technologies, China is now taking a bigger step. That most notable weapon of all the electromagnetic technology is railgun.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity; However, the United States' efforts have declined, and China is now bypassing the US in terms of electromagnetic technology with their development of the railgun.

Railgun is weapon that repeals object by using an electromagnetic force. But it seems that difficulty lies in scaling them up, as well as making the barrel durable enough for multiple firings.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity; A railgun is a weapon that repels objects by using an electromagnetic force. They are not easy to manufacture as it is difficult to scale them and make the barrel durable enough for multiple firings.

According to general Mao weapon like railgun could decrease use of gun or canon.

      • Edited for grammar; According to General Mao, a weapon like the railgun could decrease the use of guns and canons.

Later China has made breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults.

      • Edited for fluidity; China is also working on other breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults.

It likely that Chinese aircraft carrier, the CV-18, will have MALS catapult is equip. This will allow China Navy to be more capable of hoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; It is likely that the Chinese aircraft carrier CV-18 will be equipped with EMALS catapults. This will allow China's Navy to more capably shoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

Stronger Chinese military

As United State take more approach to use electromagnetic technologies in military, China has taken similar steps to compete with US. But as united states has decline it's effort in electromagnetic technologies, China is now taking a bigger step. That most notable weapon of all the electromagnetic technology is railgun. Railgun is weapon that repeals object by using an electromagnetic force. But it seems that difficulty lies in scaling them up, as well as making the barrel durable enough for multiple firings. According to general Mao weapon like railgun could decrease use of gun or canon. Later China has made breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults. It likely that Chinese aircraft carrier, the CV-18, will have MALS catapult is equip. This will allow China Navy to be more capable of hoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

Fully Edited Article: Advances in Electromagnetic Technology Strengthen Chinese Military

As the United States has taken steps to increase the use of electromagnetic technologies in the military, China has taken similar steps to compete with the US. However, the United States' efforts have declined, and China is now bypassing the US in terms of electromagnetic technology with their development of the railgun. A railgun is a weapon that repels objects by using an electromagnetic force. They are not easy to manufacture as it is difficult to scale them and make the barrel durable enough for multiple firings. According to General Mao, a weapon like the railgun could decrease the use of guns and canons. China is also working on other breakthroughs in key areas of electromagnetic applications like electromagnetic-assisted launch system (EMALS) catapults. It is likely that the Chinese aircraft carrier CV-18 will be equipped with EMALS catapults. This will allow China's Navy to more capably shoot down stealth aircraft and ballistic missiles, or bombard enemy ships and land targets from hundreds of miles away.

      • You need to work on: using articles (the, a, and an) and paragraph structure (think about how each sentence works together to build the main idea). Make sure to include your source so I can better review your summary.

Edited by Laurel Copes





New AI naval replace soliders

      • Edited for clarity; New AI Naval Ship May Replace Soldiers

Navy christened Sea Hunter or the AI naval ship has came back from its test patrol to find submarine.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity; An AI naval ship christened the Sea Hunter by the Navy, has returned from its test patrol to find submarines.

This test has been successful which mean that these AI might replace the navy soliders in future.

      • Edited for grammar; This test patrol was successful, which means that these AI ships might replace Navy soldiers in the future.

One of the biggest promises of autonomy for navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew or, for a modest enough ship, without needing a crew entirely.

      • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; One of the biggest things that autonomy promises for Navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew; or for a modestly sized ship, without needing a crew entirely.

This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers.

      • This sentence is good!

But this ship can operate without any soliders which mean it save many space and need for making ship cpmfortable for sailor.

      • Edited for fluidity; The Zumwalt can operate without any soldiers, which means that it saves space and makes the ship more comfortable for sailors.

So as these AI technology progress more people may lose there job.

      • Edited for grammar; Despite these benefits for some soldiers, as AI technology progresses more people may lose their jobs.

New AI naval replace soliders Navy christened Sea Hunter or the AI naval ship has came back from its test patrol to find submarine.This test has been successful which mean that these AI might replace the navy soliders in future.One of the biggest promises of autonomy for navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew or, for a modest enough ship, without needing a crew entirely. This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers. But this ship can operate without any soliders which mean it save many space and need for making ship cpmfortable for sailor.So as these AI technology progress more people may lose there job.

Fully Edited Article: New AI Naval Ship May Replace Soldiers An AI naval ship christened the Sea Hunter by the Navy, has returned from its test patrol to find submarines. This test patrol was successful, which means that these AI ships might replace Navy soldiers in the future. One of the biggest things that autonomy promises for Navy ships is the ability to do the same mission as an existing vessel, but with a greatly reduced crew; or for a modestly sized ship, without needing a crew entirely. This is part of the philosophy behind the Navy’s new Zumwalt destroyer, a highly automated ship designed to operate at full capacity with half as many sailors on board as other destroyers. The Zumwalt can operate without any soldiers, which means that it saves space and makes the ship more comfortable for sailors. Despite these benefits for some soldiers, as AI technology progresses more people may lose their jobs.

      • You need to work on: grammar and sentence structure. Make sure you include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes





Robots working together

      • Edited for clarity; Programmers Invent Way for Robots to Work Together

People have been trying to achieve robots to communicate but it has been unsuccessful but now programmers have found the way to make robots coordinate each other.

      • Edited for grammar and sentence structure; People have been attempting to build robots that can communicate, but they have been unsuccessful until now. Programmers have developed a way to make the robots coordinate with each other.

Any autonomous robot needs a "brain" in the form of its Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls its actions.

      • Edited for fluidity; For the robots to be autonomous, they need a "brain" in the form of a Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls their actions.

It also needs the robotic equivalent of a nervous system connecting the CPU to censors and actuators.

      • Edited for fluidity; They also need the robotic equivalent of a nervous system to connect the CPU to censors and actuators.

When two of Dorigo and his team's bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other.

      • Edited for clarity; The programmer heading up the project, Dorigo, and his team demonstrate how these bots can communicate. When two of their bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other.

Which means robots are controlling each other base on situation which there place in.

      • Edited for grammar; This means that their robots are controlling each other based on the situation in which they are placed.

SO this means that robots can work coordinately which means they will apble to do bigger tasks.

      • Edited for grammar and sentence structure; Through this type of communication, the robots will be able to work coordinately and accomplish bigger tasks together.

Robots working together People have been trying to achieve robots to communicate but it has been unsuccessful but now programmers have found the way to make robots coordinate each other.Any autonomous robot needs a "brain" in the form of its Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls its actions. It also needs the robotic equivalent of a nervous system connecting the CPU to censors and actuators. When two of Dorigo and his team's bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other. Which means robots are controlling each other base on situation which there place in. SO this means that robots can work coordinately which means they will apble to do bigger tasks.

Fully Edited Article: Programmers Invent Way for Robots to Work Together People have been attempting to build robots that can communicate, but they have been unsuccessful until now. Programmers have developed a way to make the robots coordinate with each other. For the robots to be autonomous, they need a "brain" in the form of a Central Processing Unit (CPU), which controls their actions. They also need the robotic equivalent of a nervous system to connect the CPU to censors and actuators. The programmer heading up the project, Dorigo, and his team demonstrate how these bots can communicate. When two of their bots come together, an automatic mechanism forces one to cede authority to the other. This means that their robots are controlling each other based on the situation in which they are placed. Through this type of communication, the robots will be able to work coordinately and accomplish bigger tasks together.

      • You need to work on: grammar, sentence structure (make sure you focus on how the various parts of your sentence are connected, grammatically and contextually), and including all important information (for example, you mention Dorigo, but give the reader no explanation of who he is). Make sure to always include your source in your summaries.

Edited by Laurel Copes





China's new fighter jet could be threat to US

      • Edited for clarity and grammar; China's New Fighter Jet Could Be Threat To United States

China has become world's second nation to have slealt fleet.

      • Edited for grammar and spelling (You need to include the source so we can double check your facts, I'm assuming you mean "stealth fleet" here); China has become the world's second nation to have a stealth fleet.

Chinese aerospace in general: a reliance on foreign engines. That's looks to be changing, quickly.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; In general, Chinese aerospace relies on foreign engines; however, that is quickly changing.

Once these new J-20s enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, including radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines.

      • Edited for grammar; Once these new J-20's enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, which includes radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines.

This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means it can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.

      • Edited for fluidity, the sentence is confusing because you never specify what "may be enough power," who owns the Eurofightet Typhoon, and how this relates to China and the US; This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means both fighter jets can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.

This means that China is about to catch up to US when it comes to Aerospace technology.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar; These advances mean that China is about to catch up with the United States when it comes to aerospace technology.

China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighterengines, but also quickly research more capable, higher tech models. So this china's innovation can be threat to US.

      • Edited for fluidity and grammar (You need to mention the rhenium superalloy before this final sentence, don't assume your reader knows why that is relevant to the topic); China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighter engines, but also quickly research more capable, higher-tech models, which will ultimately increase the threat they pose to the United States.

China's new fighter jet could be threat to US China has become world's second nation to have slealt fleet.Chinese aerospace in general: a reliance on foreign engines. That's looks to be changing, quickly. Once these new J-20s enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, including radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines. This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means it can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners.This means that China is about to catch up to US when it comes to Aerospace technology.China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighterengines, but also quickly research more capable, higher tech models. So this china's innovation can be threat to US.

Fully Edited Article: China's New Fighter Jet Could Be Threat To United States China has become the world's second nation to have a stealth fleet. In general, Chinese aerospace relies on foreign engines; however, that is quickly changing. Once these new J-20's enter service, China will have comprehensively mastered the major parts of fighter technology, which includes radars, stealthy fuselage, missiles, computers, and engines. This may be enough power to allow the J-20 to engage in low supersonic supercruise at Mach 1-1.2 speeds. The Eurofighter Typhoon has a similar low supercruise capability, which means both fighter jets can hit supersonic speeds without using fuel-thirsty afterburners. These advances mean that China is about to catch up with the United States when it comes to aerospace technology. China's mastery of the rhenium superalloy won't just help China build current fighter engines, but also quickly research more capable, higher-tech models, which will ultimately increase the threat they pose to the United States.

      • You need to work on: grammar, spelling, and paragraph structure. Make sure to include your source.

Edited by Laurel Copes





China achieving hyperloop

      • Edited for clarity; China Working To Achieve Intercontinental Hyperloop Train

China's company may acheive hyperloop system before Ellon Mask does.

      • Edited for clarity, spelling, and grammar; China's Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) may achieve the creation of a hyperloop system before Ellon Musk does.

The China Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) has announced on August 30 its plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train with a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour, or Mach For comparison, Elon Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connect Los Angeles to San Francisco.

      • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; CASIC announced on August 30th their plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train that could reach a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour. Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connected Los Angeles and San Francisco.

And the current fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-215 miles per hour.

      • Edited for grammar; Currently, the fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-250 miles per hour.

WHich means that china may possibly have ability to hyperloop.

      • Edited for fluidity and spelling; This means that China may possibly have the ability to achieve hyperloop.

This china's advances in power generation, magnetic technology, propulsion technology, and material sciences needed to build the T Flight would be enabled by, or enable, new Chinese advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military tech.

      • Edited for clarity; China's advances in power generation, magnetic and propulsion technology, and material sciences should enable them to make further advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military technology.

So it means that China might be holding hands on technology that US haven't achieve.

      • Edited for fluidity; The Chinese might be working toward the creation of technology that the United States has not even attempted to achieve.

China achieving hyperloop China's company may acheive hyperloop system before Ellon Mask does. The China Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) has announced on August 30 its plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train with a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour, or Mach For comparison, Elon Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connect Los Angeles to San Francisco. And the current fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-215 miles per hour. WHich means that china may possibly have ability to hyperloop. This china's advances in power generation, magnetic technology, propulsion technology, and material sciences needed to build the T Flight would be enabled by, or enable, new Chinese advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military tech. So it means that China might be holding hands on technology that US haven't achieve.

Fully Edited Article:China Working To Achieve Intercontinental Hyperloop Train China's Aerospace Science and Industrial Corporation (CASIC) may achieve the creation of a hyperloop system before Ellon Musk does. CASIC announced on August 30th their plans for an intercontinental hyperloop train that could reach a top speed of over 2,300 miles per hour. Musk's initial proposal called for a 745 miles per hour hyperloop to connected Los Angeles and San Francisco. Currently, the fastest bullet trains, in Germany and China, have top speeds in the range of 180-250 miles per hour. This means that China may possibly have the ability to achieve hyperloop. China's advances in power generation, magnetic and propulsion technology, and material sciences should enable them to make further advances in superconductors, energy efficiency, civil aviation, and military technology. The Chinese might be working toward the creation of technology that the United States has not even attempted to achieve.

      • You need to work on: grammar, spelling, and conveying all important information. You should also include a source for every summary you write.

Edited by Laurel Copes