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Student's Paragraph:
There are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated. Earth day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.It usually has many outdoor activities that helps our Earth. Some activities are, planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale." Further more,people seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site. Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest. The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet. Those are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.
Edits:
There are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.
*** This sentence can start with “The story reports two ways…”
Edited sentence: The story reports two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated.
Earth day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.
*** Capitalize “day.”
Edited sentence: Earth Day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22.
It usually has many outdoor activities that helps our Earth.
*** Change “It” to “There are.” Remove the “s” at the end of “help.” Avoid first person point of view (“our”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: There are usually many outdoor activities that help the Earth.
Some activities are, planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.
*** Change “are” to “include.” Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.
Edited sentence: Some activities include “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.”
Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale."
*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence.
Edited sentence: According to the article, Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale."
Further more,people seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.
*** Add a space after the comma. “Further more” should be spelled as one word, as in “Furthermore.” Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.
Edited sentence: Furthermore, people “seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.”
Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.
*** Add “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.
Edited sentence: According to the article, “Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.”
The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.
*** Add “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Use quotation marks around phrases from the article.
Edited sentence: The article adds, “The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.”
Those are two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.
*** You can move “that Earth Day is being celebrated” after “Those are the two ways.”
Edited sentence: Those are the two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated, as reported in the story.
*** After quoting from the article, explain what each quote means in your own words. Put quotation marks around phrases that are from the article. Avoid first person point of view (“our”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited paragraph:
The story reports two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated. Earth Day is celebrated tomorrow on April 22. There are usually many outdoor activities that help the Earth. Some activities include “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.” According to the article, Ingmar Rentzhog, the founder and CEO of We Don't Have Time, said, "The current pandemic of coronavirus has harmed lives, livelihoods, and economies. It has also triggered the postponement of the crucial UK-hosted, UN climate conference, where climate action was meant to rise to the next level towards meeting the landmark Paris Agreement. The world must clearly lift the threat of the current pandemic, but we cannot lose sight of the even bigger crisis facing our planet and its people." He hopes the online conference will "inspire everyone to get the climate job done at speed and at scale." Furthermore, people “seeking Earth Day digital events closer to home can check out the interactive map on the Earth Day Network site.” According to the article, “Updated regularly, the comprehensive list, neatly classified in categories ranging from conservation to artists for Earth Day to citizen science, has something to suit every environmentalist's interest.” The article adds, “The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet.” Those are the two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated, as reported in the story.
Edited by Penny Yagake
The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during COVID-19 pandemic. To begin with, the robotic dog "Spot" can let doctors talk to patients without coming close to them. The text states, "In response, the company reconfigured the 3-foot tall, 70-pound robot to operate as a mobile telemedicine platform, enabling healthcare providers to determine a patient's condition remotely. The first four-legged 'medical practitioner' was deployed to the Brigham and Women’s Hospital of Harvard University on April 9, 2020. Equipped with an iPad 'face' and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them." To clarify, Spot is useful to contacting patients without contacting them. To add on, Spot can help get rid of the virus. According to the text it states, "'By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,'the company says." This shows Spot can kill virus particles when the company attaches the UV-C light onto it's back. To sum up, this is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during COVID-19 pandemic.
*** Add “the” before “COVID-19 pandemic.”
Edited sentence: The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
To begin with, the robotic dog "Spot" can let doctors talk to patients without coming close to them.
*** Good.
The text states, "In response, the company reconfigured the 3-foot tall, 70-pound robot to operate as a mobile telemedicine platform, enabling healthcare providers to determine a patient's condition remotely. The first four-legged 'medical practitioner' was deployed to the Brigham and Women’s Hospital of Harvard University on April 9, 2020. Equipped with an iPad 'face' and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them."
*** Good.
To clarify, Spot is useful to contacting patients without contacting them.
*** To make the sentence clearer, “to contacting” can be changed to “for talking to.” Change “contacting them” to “making contact with them.”
Edited sentence: To clarify, Spot is useful for talking to patients without making contact with them.
To add on, Spot can help get rid of the virus.
*** Good.
According to the text it states, "'By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,'the company says."
*** Add a space before “the company says.”
Edited sentence: According to the text it states, "'By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,' the company says."
This shows Spot can kill virus particles when the company attaches the UV-C light onto it's back.
*** Remove the apostrophe in “it’s.” The word “it’s” means “it is” while “its” indicates an object belongs to a person or in this case, the robot.
Edited sentence: This shows Spot can kill virus particles when the company attaches the UV-C light onto its back.
To sum up, this is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
*** Good.
Edited paragraph:
The Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic. To begin with, the robotic dog "Spot" can let doctors talk to patients without coming close to them. The text states, "In response, the company reconfigured the 3-foot tall, 70-pound robot to operate as a mobile telemedicine platform, enabling healthcare providers to determine a patient's condition remotely. The first four-legged 'medical practitioner' was deployed to the Brigham and Women’s Hospital of Harvard University on April 9, 2020. Equipped with an iPad 'face' and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them." To clarify, Spot is useful for talking to patients without making contact with them. To add on, Spot can help get rid of the virus. According to the text it states, "'By attaching a UV-C light to the robot’s back, Spot could use the device to kill virus particles and disinfect surfaces in any unstructured space that needs support in decontamination — be it hospital tents or metro stations,' the company says." This shows Spot can kill virus particles when the company attaches the UV-C light onto its back. To sum up, this is how the Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Edited by Penny Yagake
The burdock was the kindest tree in the story. The text states,”The largest leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost good as an umbrella, it is so broad.” According to the article,”And all this magnificence is food for snails- the great white snails, which grand people say in the olden times use to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say,” H’m how nice!” for they really fancied them delicious.” This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.
The burdock was the kindest tree in the story.
*** Good.
The text states,”The largest leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost good as an umbrella, it is so broad.”
*** Add a space after the comma after “states.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — add “green” after “largest.” Add “as” before “good.”
Edited sentence: The text states, “The largest green leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost as good as an umbrella, it is so broad.”
According to the article,”And all this magnificence is food for snails- the great white snails, which grand people say in the olden times use to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say,” H’m how nice!” for they really fancied them delicious.”
*** Add a space after the comma after “article.” When a character speaks inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say. Add a space after the comma after “say.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — remove “say” after “people.” Remove “the” before “olden.” Add a “d” at the end of “use.”
Edited sentence: According to the article, “And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H’m how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious.”
This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.
*** Good.
*** Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text, including all words. In phrases like “According to the article,” add a space after the comma.
Edited paragraph:
The burdock was the kindest tree in the story. The text states, “The largest green leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost as good as an umbrella, it is so broad.” According to the article, “And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H’m how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious.” This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.
Edited by Penny Yagake
Both De Blasio and cuomo had different ideas about canceling school and not canceling.De Blasio said he wanted to cancel school for a year.For example in the text it says that "Ney York school buildings will not reopen yhis academy year.'This. shows that De Blasio wants the schools closed. Government Andrew Coumo wants the school closed for many reasons.For example in the text Coumo says that the mayor had been premature in saying the city's more than 1 million public schools will continue remote learning for A year.This shows that Cuomondissagrees with De Blasio.
Both De Blasio and cuomo had different ideas about canceling school and not canceling.
*** At the beginning of a paragraph, you can introduce both people by their full names and titles. Change “canceling school and not canceling” to “canceling school or not canceling school.” Capitalize “Cuomo.”
Edited sentence: Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo had different ideas about canceling school or not canceling school.
De Blasio said he wanted to cancel school for a year.
*** Good.
For example in the text it says that "Ney York school buildings will not reopen yhis academy year.'
*** Make sure that quotes are written correctly according to the text. “Ney York” should be spelled as “New York City.” “yhis” should be spelled as “this.” “academy” should be written as “academic.” The end quotation mark should be a double quotation mark (“), not a single quotation mark (‘).
Edited sentence: For example in the text it says that “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year.”
This. shows that De Blasio wants the schools closed.
*** Remove the first period. “De Blasio” should be written as “de Blasio” unless this name is at the beginning of a sentence.
Edited sentence: This shows that de Blasio wants the schools closed.
Government Andrew Coumo wants the school closed for many reasons.
*** Change “Government” to “Governor.” “Coumo” should be spelled as “Cuomo.”
Edited sentence: Governor Andrew Cuomo wants the schools closed for many reasons.
For example in the text Coumo says that the mayor had been premature in saying the city's more than 1 million public schools will continue remote learning for A year.
*** Put quotation marks around a quote. The “A” should not be capitalized.
Edited sentence: For example in the text Cuomo says that “the mayor had been premature in saying the city's more than 1 million public school students” will continue remote learning for a year.
This shows that Cuomondissagrees with De Blasio.
*** Add a space between “Cuomo” and “disagrees.” Remove the “n” and spell “dissagrees” as “disagrees.”
Edited sentence: This shows that Cuomo disagrees with de Blasio.
*** Make sure there is a space between each sentence. Watch out for spelling errors. Make sure quotes are written correctly according to the text.
Edited paragraph:
Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo had different ideas about canceling school or not canceling school. De Blasio said he wanted to cancel school for a year. For example in the text it says that “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year.” This shows that de Blasio wants the schools closed. Governor Andrew Cuomo wants the schools closed for many reasons. For example in the text Cuomo says that “the mayor had been premature in saying the city's more than 1 million public school students” will continue remote learning for a year. This shows that Cuomo disagrees with de Blasio.
Edited by Penny Yagake
This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day. Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S. Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE. Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second. In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S.
*** Good.
One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day.
*** This sentence is okay, but I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.
Edited sentence: Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres of it a day.
Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S.
*** Again, avoid using phrases like “second fact is” because it’s unnecessary here. “reason” does not have to be repeated twice. “italion” should be spelled as “Italian” and it should be capitalized because it is a proper noun.
Edited sentence: Another reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many Italian immigrants in the U.S.
Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE.
*** 600 BCE is in the past so this sentence should be in past tense. “is” should be replaced by “was.”
Edited sentence: Pizza was found around 600 BCE.<b />
Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second.
*** “equals” would be a more accurate word to use than “is.” Since I moved “100 acres” to the beginning of the sentence, “100” would be spelled out as “one hundred.” I would move this sentence after the second sentence since this sentence adds more information to the second sentence.
Edited sentence: One hundred acres a day equals 350 slices of pizza per second.
In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
*** “thats” should be written as “that’s.” “that’s” is the shortened form of “that is.”
Edited sentence: In conclusion, that’s why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
*** Again, I encourage you to try writing these sentences without phrases such as “one fact is” and go straight to the fact. Make sure proper nouns are capitalized and spelled correctly. Also make sure the tense of each sentence is consistent and correct. Watch out for words that are repeated unnecessarily.
Fully edited article:
This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres of it a day. One hundred acres a day equals 350 slices of pizza per second. Another reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many Italian immigrants in the U.S. Pizza was found around 600 BCE. In conclusion, that’s why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
Original article:
This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day. Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S. Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE. Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second. In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
Edited by Penny Yagake
This article is about how productscan make you sleep better.One fact is that there is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air. Another fact is that a sleep mask can block out any light in your room.Third fact is that iEnjoy sheets can make your sheets more soft.Last fact is that a bamboo knee pillow can make your leg s have better circulation.In conclusion there are products that can make you sleep better.
This article is about how productscan make you sleep better.
*** Add a space between “products” and “can.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only - this applies to all the sentences. In this sentence, change “you” to “people.”
Edited sentence: This article is about how products can make people sleep better.
One fact is that there is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air.
*** I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. This sentence can instead start with “There is a product…”
Edited sentence: There is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air.
Another fact is that a sleep mask can block out any light in your room.
*** This sentence can start with “A sleep mask…”
Edited sentence: A sleep mask can block out any light in a person’s room.
Third fact is that iEnjoy sheets can make your sheets more soft.
***This sentence can start with “iEnjoy sheets…” The phrase “more soft” can be replaced with “softer.”
Edited sentence: iEnjoy sheets can make bed sheets softer.
Last fact is that a bamboo knee pillow can make your leg s have better circulation.
*** Remove the extra space in “legs.” This sentence can start with “A bamboo knee pillow…”
Edited sentence: A bamboo knee pillow can make a person’s legs have better circulation.
In conclusion there are products that can make you sleep better.
*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. In this sentence, replace “you” with “people.”
Edited sentence: In conclusion there are products that can make people sleep better.
*** Create a title and include the source. Make sure there is a space between each sentence. Avoid second person point of view - do not use “you” and replace it with third person point of view pronouns only. Note where extra spaces need to be removed and where spaces need to be added.
Fully edited article:
This article is about how products can make people sleep better. There is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air. A sleep mask can block out any light in a person’s room. iEnjoy sheets can make bed sheets softer. A bamboo knee pillow can make a person’s legs have better circulation. In conclusion there are products that can make people sleep better.
Edited by Penny Yagake
There Are Murder Hornet In The World
This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, almost up to 2 inches.Second reason is that the stinger size is about a quarter of an inch long.Third fact is that it only takes a few hornets to inject large amount of venom.Last reason is that they are serious honey bee predators that feed parts to their offspring.In conclusion murder hornets are bees that you really, really don't want to mess with. SOURCE:popsci.com
There Are Murder Hornet In The World
*** Since “Are” indicates that the title has a plural subject, add a “s” at the end of “Hornet.” Words like "in the" do not need to be capitalized.
Edited title: There Are Murder Hornets in the World
This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.
*** Remove “which.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. To do this, change “you” to “people.”
Edited sentence: This article is saying that the murder hornet is actually an Asian giant hornet that people don't want to mess with.
One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, almost up to 2 inches.
*** Spell out numbers from one to ten. Here, write out “2” as “two.” Move “almost” after “to.”
Edited sentence: One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, up to almost two inches.
Second reason is that the stinger size is about a quarter of an inch long.
*** Change “Second” to “Another.” Change “stinger size” to “size of its stinger.”
Edited sentence: Another reason is that the size of its stinger is about a quarter of an inch long.
Third fact is that it only takes a few hornets to inject large amount of venom.
*** This sentence can start with “It only takes…” Add “a” after “inject.”
Edited sentence: It only takes a few hornets to inject a large amount of venom.
Last reason is that they are serious honey bee predators that feed parts to their offspring.
*** This sentence can start with “They are serious…” Add “of the honey bees” after “parts.”
Edited sentence: They are serious honey bee predators that feed parts of the honey bees to their offspring.
In conclusion murder hornets are bees that you really, really don't want to mess with.
*** Hornets are not the same as bees, so replace “bees” with “insects.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. To do this, change “you” to “people.”
Edited sentence: In conclusion murder hornets are insects that people really, really don't want to mess with.
SOURCE:popsci.com
*** Include the full link to the article. Add the other information that comes after "popsci.com."
Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/murder-hornet-bee/
*** Include the full link to the article. Please add another space between articles to separate them. Also remember to add a space after the period at the end of each sentence.
Fully edited article:
There Are Murder Hornets in the World
This article is saying that the murder hornet is actually an Asian giant hornet that people don't want to mess with. One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, up to almost two inches. Another reason is that the size of its stinger is about a quarter of an inch long. It only takes a few hornets to inject a large amount of venom. They are serious honey bee predators that feed parts of the honey bees to their offspring. In conclusion murder hornets are insects that people really, really don't want to mess with.
Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/murder-hornet-bee/
Edited by Penny Yagake
Covid-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.
K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, maybe the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise. The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come. Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.
Covid-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.
*** Capitalize all letters in “Covid-19.”
Edited sentence: COVID-19 might lead to an increase in suicide.
K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, maybe the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.
*** This sentence is the same as the one in this article: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/covid-19-is-likely-to-lead-to-an-increase-in-suicides/. There should be a space between “may” and “be.” Do not just copy sentences from the article. Add a phrase like “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.
Edited sentence: According to the article, “K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, may be the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.”
The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.
*** Add a phrase like “The article also states” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.
Edited sentence: The article also states, “The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.”
Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.
*** Add a phrase like “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article.
Edited sentence: The article adds, “Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.”
*** Do not just copy sentences from the article. Add a phrase like “According to the article” before quotes from the article. Add quotation marks (“) around sentences from the article. Explain each quote with a sentence using your own words.
Fully edited paragraph:
COVID-19 might lead to an increase in suicide. According to the article, “K. Balakrishna, a 50-year-old Indian father-of-three, may be the first suicide victim linked to the coronavirus epidemic. Panic is suspected of precipitating his death. Historically, disease pandemics have been associated with grave psychological consequences. This should not come as a surprise.” The article also states, “The elderly are at particular risk. Following the SARS outbreak in 2003, there was a spike in suicide among older adults, which could be a harbinger of what’s to come.” The article adds, “Even when the epidemic is under control and the isolation measures are lifted, the economic ripple effect will be immense. The looming economic crisis has already claimed its first suicide victim: the German state of Hesse’s finance minister Thomas Schäfer.”
Edited by Penny Yagake
December 21 is the Crossword Puzzle Day
The Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21. It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented. The object of a crossword puzzle is to fill in the white spaces of a grid with the correct words using the clues provided. The clues to more challenging puzzles read like riddles and trivia, making the game more complex. Crossword puzzles may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving and can increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems. These are the reasons that you should celebrate the Crossword Puzzle Day.
Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/crossword-puzzle-day-december-21/
December 21 is the Crossword Puzzle Day
*** Remove “the.”
Edited title: December 21 is Crossword Puzzle Day
The Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21.
*** Remove “The.”
Edited sentence: Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21.
It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented.
*** Good, but remove the extra space after this sentence.
The object of a crossword puzzle is to fill in the white spaces of a grid with the correct words using the clues provided.
*** This sentence is exactly the same as the source. Rewrite this sentence with your own words or quote it.
The clues to more challenging puzzles read like riddles and trivia, making the game more complex.
*** This sentence is almost exactly the same as the source, except that “and trivia” has been added. Please rewrite this sentence or quote it.
Crossword puzzles may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving and can increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.
*** Add quotation marks around quoted phrases.
Edited sentence: Crossword puzzles “may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving” and can “increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.”
These are the reasons that you should celebrate the Crossword Puzzle Day.
*** Avoid second person point of view. Use third person point of view only. Replace “you” with “people.”
Edited sentence: These are reasons that people should celebrate Crossword Puzzle Day.
*** Do not copy exact sentences from the source. You must either create your own sentences or quote the source. Use third person point of view only for these article summaries. Instead of using “you,” use other pronouns such as “people.”
Fully edited article:
December 21 is Crossword Puzzle Day
Crossword Puzzle Day is on December 21. It is celebrated to remember the day that crosswords were invented. Crossword puzzles “may help delay the effects of dementia or sharpen the brain for problem-solving” and can “increase vocabulary and even relieve the mind from the stress of the day by focusing on something other than worldly problems.” These are reasons that people should celebrate Crossword Puzzle Day.
Source: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/crossword-puzzle-day-december-21/
Edited by Penny Yagake
American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China
Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, the U.S. pilots are suing the airlines and most pilots refuse to fly to China. The virus is a public health emergency. Several international carriers have stopped flying to China. The U.S. has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.
Source: https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/jan/30/american-airlines-pilots-sue-over-china-flights/
American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China
*** This title is the same as the source. Please create your own title.
Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, the U.S. pilots are suing the airlines and most pilots refuse to fly to China.
*** “the” is not needed before “U.S. pilots.” Since the source is discussing one airline, “airlines” does not need an “s.”
Edited sentence: Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, U.S. pilots are suing the airline and most pilots refuse to fly to China.
The virus is a public health emergency.
*** This is okay.
Several international carriers have stopped flying to China.
*** Since this comes from a person’s statement, I would include the name of the person who said this.
Edited sentence: According to the Allied Pilots Association President, Eric Ferguson, several international carriers have stopped flying to China.
The U.S. has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.
*** Specifically, American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights, not the whole U.S.
Edited sentence: American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.
*** Remember that the article summary should have six sentences.
Fully edited article:
American Airlines pilots sue to stop flights to China
Ever since the coronavirus outbreak, U.S. pilots are suing the airline and most pilots refuse to fly to China. The virus is a public health emergency. According to the Allied Pilots Association President, Eric Ferguson, several international carriers have stopped flying to China. American Airlines has not canceled any U.S.-China flights.
Source: https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/jan/30/american-airlines-pilots-sue-over-china-flights/
Edited by Penny Yagake
The snails in the story were acting like humans because they were talking like humans.Also because they had a house and adopted a child like a human. It states in the text, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him. " This shows how the snails adopted their own child and acted like a human parents. Another evidence is , ""There are drops, too," said the Mother Snail; "they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond." This evidence shows how the snails are talking like humans do which comes to the conclusion that the snails are acting like humans.
The snails in the story were acting like humans because they were talking like humans.
*** Good. Add a space after the period at the end of this sentence.
Also because they had a house and adopted a child like a human.
*** “Also because they” can be shortened to “They also.”
Edited sentence: They also had a house and adopted a child like a human.
It states in the text, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him. "
*** “It states in the text” can be shortened to “The text states.” Remove the extra space before the quotation mark at the end of this sentence.
Edited sentence: The text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him."
This shows how the snails adopted their own child and acted like a human parents.
*** Remove “a” before “human parents.”
Edited sentence: This shows how the snails adopted their own child and acted like human parents.
Another evidence is , ""There are drops, too," said the Mother Snail; "they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond."
*** Remove the space before the first comma. When there is a quote inside another quote, such as the snails speaking, add single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quotes. Add a space before “There is nothing better.”
Edited sentence: Another evidence is, "’There are drops, too,’ said the Mother Snail; ‘they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.’ ‘There is nothing better than what we have here,’ said the Father Snail. ‘I wish for nothing beyond.’”
This evidence shows how the snails are talking like humans do which comes to the conclusion that the snails are acting like humans.
*** Change “comes” to “leads.”
Edited sentence: This evidence shows how the snails are talking like humans do which leads to the conclusion that the snails are acting like humans.
*** Note where spacing has been corrected. When a character is speaking inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around the words that the character says.
Fully edited paragraph:
The snails in the story were acting like humans because they were talking like humans. They also had a house and adopted a child like a human. The text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child. But the little thing would not grow, for he was only a common snail, though his foster mother pretended to see a great improvement in him." This shows how the snails adopted their own child and acted like human parents. Another evidence is, "’There are drops, too,’ said the Mother Snail; ‘they come trickling down the stalks. We shall presently find it very wet here. I'm glad we have such good houses, and that the youngster has his also. There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond.’ ‘There is nothing better than what we have here,’ said the Father Snail. ‘I wish for nothing beyond.’” This evidence shows how the snails are talking like humans do which leads to the conclusion that the snails are acting like humans.
Edited by Penny Yagake
Sea Turtles Might Be Eating Old Plastic Because It Smells Like Shrimp When ever. you throw out plastic things, it always ends up in the ocean where there are animals living there such as sea turtles . And when you throw away plastic, this can kill many animals such as sea turtles ,you might not know this but the plastic that goes into the water and gets colonized by bacteria and small invertebrates, so when it does get colonized by bacteria and small invertebrate, it starts to smell like sea food or shrimp.This sent is the reason why turtles are eating plastic ,plastics ,as you know has a harmful chemicals, and when the turtles consume it , it can kill them.It's not only plastic bottles but also plastic bag, the reason I mentioned it was also plastic bags is because plastic bags look like jelly fish when in water. This is why turtles eats plastics all the time when they see or smell one.
Sea Turtles Might Be Eating Old Plastic Because It Smells Like Shrimp
*** This title seems to be copied from the source. Please rewrite the title.
When ever. you throw out plastic things, it always ends up in the ocean where there are animals living there such as sea turtles .
*** “When ever” should be written as one word, as in “Whenever.” Remove the extra period at the beginning of the sentence and remove the extra space before “such” and after “turtles.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Change “it” to “they.” Avoid using the word “thing” — name the thing or describe it instead.
Edited sentence: Whenever a person throws out plastic items, they always end up in the ocean where animals, such as sea turtles, are living.
And when you throw away plastic, this can kill many animals such as sea turtles ,you might not know this but the plastic that goes into the water and gets colonized by bacteria and small invertebrates, so when it does get colonized by bacteria and small invertebrate, it starts to smell like sea food or shrimp.
*** This sentence is pretty long, so it can be split into two. Remove “and” after “goes into the water.” Since “bacteria and small invertebrates” is already stated once, it does not need to be mentioned a second time. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Change “it” to “they.”
Edited sentence: And when people throw away plastic, this can kill many animals such as sea turtles. People might not know this, but when the plastic that goes into the water gets colonized by bacteria and small invertebrates, it starts to smell like seafood or shrimp.
This sent is the reason why turtles are eating plastic ,plastics ,as you know has a harmful chemicals, and when the turtles consume it , it can kill them.
*** Spell “sent” as “scent.” Make sure there is a space after a comma, but there should not be a space before a comma. Since “turtles are eating plastic” is already stated, “when the turtles consume it” is not needed. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: This scent is the reason why sea turtles are eating plastic, which has harmful chemicals that can kill them.
It's not only plastic bottles but also plastic bag, the reason I mentioned it was also plastic bags is because plastic bags look like jelly fish when in water.
*** “the reason I mentioned it was also plastic bags” is not needed since it is already understood in the sentence. “jelly fish” should be one word, as in “jellyfish.” Avoid first person point of view (“I”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: Sea turtles not only eat plastic bottles, they also eat plastic bags because plastic bags look like jellyfish when in water.
This is why turtles eats plastics all the time when they see or smell one.
*** Remove the “s” at the end of “eats.”
Edited sentence: This is why sea turtles eat plastics all the time when they see or smell them.
*** Note where two words should be written as one. “When ever” should be written as “Whenever” and “jelly fish” should be written as “jellyfish. Watch out for repeated information. Avoid first person (“I”) and second person (“you”) point of view and use third person point of view only. This means “I” and “you” should be removed and/or replaced by other pronouns like “people,” “they,” or proper nouns depending on the topic. Avoid using the word “thing” — name the thing or describe it instead.
Fully edited paragraph:
Whenever a person throws out plastic items, they always end up in the ocean where animals, such as sea turtles, are living. And when people throw away plastic, this can kill many animals such as sea turtles. People might not know this, but when the plastic that goes into the water gets colonized by bacteria and small invertebrates, it starts to smell like seafood or shrimp. This scent is the reason why sea turtles are eating plastic, which has harmful chemicals that can kill them. Sea turtles not only eat plastic bottles, they also eat plastic bags because plastic bags look like jellyfish when in water. This is why sea turtles eat plastics all the time when they see or smell them.
Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/sea-turtles-might-be-eating-plastic-because-after-weeks-ocean-it-smells-shrimp-180974387/
Edited by Penny Yagake
Why Is Washing Your Hands So Important, Anyway?
Washing your hands is very important because it can kill all the virus on your hands. Washing your hands are like weapons that you can use to kill the virus. If you don't wash your hands, that can lead you into having fever ,cold, and more viruses that are bad for your body. When COVID-19 came from China there were 100,000 confirmed cases worldwide. When ever you touch a person that sneezed or coughed on their hands, you should never touch you face until you washed them, but water and soap aren't the only things that can help you kill the virus, you can also use alcohol-based sanitizer. These alcohol-based sanitizer can also help you kill the virus. These two things can help you prevent getting the virus,SARS-CoV-2 is very easily transmitted to other people, because if you cough or sneeze, on your hands and touch other people, you can give them a virus and make them sick. That is why washing your hands are very important.
source:https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-washing-your-hands-so-important-anyway-180974355/.
Why Is Washing Your Hands So Important, Anyway?
*** This title seems to be copied from the source. Please rewrite this title with your own words.
Washing your hands is very important because it can kill all the virus on your hands.
*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: Washing hands is very important because it can kill all the viruses on a person’s hands.
Washing your hands are like weapons that you can use to kill the virus.
*** Since “washing hands” is a single action, change “are like weapons” to “is like a weapon.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: Washing hands is like a weapon that can be used to kill the virus.
If you don't wash your hands, that can lead you into having fever ,cold, and more viruses that are bad for your body.
*** Make sure there is a space after a comma, but not before a comma. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: If a person doesn’t wash their hands, that can lead them to have a fever, a cold, and more viruses that are bad for the body.
When COVID-19 came from China there were 100,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
*** Change “When” to “Since.” Change “were” to “have been.”
Edited sentence: Since COVID-19 first came from China, there have been 100,000 confirmed cases worldwide.
When ever you touch a person that sneezed or coughed on their hands, you should never touch you face until you washed them, but water and soap aren't the only things that can help you kill the virus, you can also use alcohol-based sanitizer.
*** “When ever” should be one word, as in “Whenever.” Add “has” after “a person that.” To make the sentence clearer, change “until you washed them” to “until their hands are washed.” Add “an” before “alcohol-based sanitizer.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. This sentence can be split into two.
Edited sentence: Whenever a person touches someone that has sneezed or coughed on their hands, that person should never touch their face until their hands are washed. But water and soap aren’t the only tools that can help kill the virus — so can an alcohol-based sanitizer.
These alcohol-based sanitizer can also help you kill the virus.
*** Change “These” to “This.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. This sentence can be combined with the previous sentence.
Edited sentence: But water and soap aren’t the only tools that can help kill the virus — an alcohol-based sanitizer can also help kill the virus.
These two things can help you prevent getting the virus,SARS-CoV-2 is very easily transmitted to other people, because if you cough or sneeze, on your hands and touch other people, you can give them a virus and make them sick.
*** Avoid the word “thing” if you can name the thing or describe it. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.
Edited sentence: These two methods can help prevent people from getting the virus, because SARS-CoV-2 is very easily transmitted to other people. If a person coughs or sneezes on their hands and touches other people, they can give the other people a virus and make them sick.
That is why washing your hands are very important.
*** Since “washing hands” is a single action, change “are” to “is.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. This sentence can be combined with the previous sentence.
Edited sentence: If a person coughs or sneezes on their hands and touches other people, they can give the other people a virus and make them sick, which is why washing hands is very important.
*** Rewrite the title. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Either remove “you” or replace “you” with other pronouns such as “a person,” “people,” “they,” or “them,” depending on the sentence. Avoid the word “thing” if you can name the thing or describe it. Remember the article summary needs six sentences.
Fully edited paragraph:
Washing hands is very important because it can kill all the viruses on a person’s hands. Washing hands is like a weapon that can be used to kill the virus. If a person doesn’t wash their hands, that can lead them to have a fever, a cold, and more viruses that are bad for the body. Since COVID-19 first came from China, there have been 100,000 confirmed cases worldwide. Whenever a person touches someone that has sneezed or coughed on their hands, that person should never touch their face until their hands are washed. But water and soap aren’t the only tools that can help kill the virus — an alcohol-based sanitizer can also help kill the virus. These two methods can help prevent people from getting the virus, because SARS-CoV-2 is very easily transmitted to other people. If a person coughs or sneezes on their hands and touches other people, they can give the other people a virus and make them sick, which is why washing hands is very important.
Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-washing-your-hands-so-important-anyway-180974355/
Edited by Penny Yagake
I think the meaning company is the military. The text states "Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook." This shows that the meaning company is the army/military. Another quote shows " what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor." This shows that he is fighting for his motherland meaning a soldier.
I think the meaning company is the military.
*** Avoid using first person point of view — do not use “I.” Use third person point of view instead. To do this, remove “I think.” Add “of” after “meaning.” Since the word “company” is pointed out, add quotation marks around “company” to make the word stand out.
Edited sentence: The meaning of “company” is the military.
The text states "Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook."
*** The first sentence in this quote is okay, but the second sentence is incomplete. Add a little more from the text.
Edited sentence: The text states "Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed."
This shows that the meaning company is the army/military.
*** Add “of” after “meaning.” Replace the slash (/) with “or.”
Edited sentence: This shows that the meaning of company is the army or military.
Another quote shows " what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor."
*** Remove the space after the first quotation mark (“).
Edited sentence: Another quote shows "what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor."
This shows that he is fighting for his motherland meaning a soldier.
*** Add “he is” after “meaning.”
Edited sentence: This shows that he is fighting for his motherland meaning he is a soldier.
*** Please place new paragraphs at the top of your page, not at the bottom. Older paragraphs should be at the bottom of your page and newer paragraphs should be at the top.
Fully edited paragraph:
The meaning of “company” is the military. The text states "Tom Somers felt that he was now a soldier indeed. While the company remained in Pinchbrook, he had slept every night in his own bed." This shows that the meaning of a company is the army or military. Another quote shows "what hardships and privations he would be called to endure. He had made up his mind to bear all things without a murmur for the blessed land of his birth, which now called upon her sons to defend her from the parricidal blow of the traitor." This shows that he is fighting for his motherland meaning he is a soldier.
Edited by Penny Yagake
